


A Holiday of Unexpected Surprises

by cjmoliere, GoldsJRZGirl



Series: Unexpected series [9]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Family, Gen, Holidays, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-24 14:24:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 87,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2584547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmoliere/pseuds/cjmoliere, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldsJRZGirl/pseuds/GoldsJRZGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas time in Storybrooke and Rumple, Belle, and their huge extended family is going to make this a holiday to remember, though of course a series of unexpected, sometimes unfortunate, amusing, and magical events occur throughout it. Unexpected verse AU! Pairings include-Rumbelle, OutlawQueen, MadSwan, Snowing, Archie/Marie, and Bae/OC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Gingerbread Rebellion

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after Chills, Thrills, Tricks, and Treats, and we'll celebrate the holidays with the Golds, Hoppers, Charmings, Hatters, and Hoods and their friends. Hope you all like!

1

~ The Gingerbread Rebellion ~

 

Gold's Victorian:

It was only four weeks till Christmas, and Rumple decided he'd better start baking all the various cookie doughs he'd made during November and frozen. He decided that day to make gingerbread men.

He defrosted the dough and started rolling them out and cutting several men. He decorated them with gumdrop eyes and piped white icing around the gingerbread body and put a mouth and a row of colorful M & M buttons down the men's front. He put little squiggles on the arms for cuffs.

Then he popped them into the oven to bake.

Soon the kitchen smelled heavenly, of sugar, spice, and mouthwatering gingerbread.

Rumple's mouth watered and he could hardly wait to eat one. He got himself a glass of milk and put it on the counter, ready to dunk a cookie in when they were cool.

He cleaned up while the cookies were baking, then slid the first batch out of the oven and onto the racks, and put the second in. All in all he had made three batches of cookies. He put some of the cooled cookies away for Christmas in colorful tins with reindeer, ornaments, and candy canes on them. He would give them as gifts to friends, family, and carolers who came to the door to sing the week before Christmas. Some he would take to his shop to leave out for customers to eat, for little children were always less cranky and inclined to touch things if they had a cookie to munch on.

The last batch of gingerbread men were cooling on the racks, their gumdrop eyes winking at him, when his little daughter walked into the kitchen.

"Papa, what you makin'?" she sniffed. "Mmm!"

"It smells good, doesn't it?" he chuckled. "I made some gingerbread men to eat. You can have one when they're cool with some milk."

Now Adriana had just watched Shrek on TV and when she saw the gingerbread men, she immediately associated them with the movie where Gingy was about to be eaten. Thinking these gingerbread men were like the one in the movie, she yelled, "NO! I ain't eating them!"

"Why?" Rumple asked, astonished. "They taste wonderful."

He brushed some flour off his green apron, which he wore over his white button down shirt and a pair of relaxed fit jeans.

"M'not gonna eat Gingy...you're MEAN! Papa, MEAN!"

"Adriana, everybody eats gingerbread men at Christmas, dearie! They're cookies, that's what you do-eat them!" Rumple tried to explain the tradition to her.

"NO IT'S NOT! You's killing them…that's murder an' ya could go to jail!"

"Dearie, I'm not murdering anybody! They're not alive, they're cookies, mo astor! See?" He picked up a cooling gingerbread man from the rack, dunked it into a glass of milk he had on the counter and took a bite. "Mmm!"

"YOU KILLED IT!"

Her mother's broom flew out of the closet and delivered a hard blow to her father's backside.

"Now, don't be a drama queen, dearie-OWW!" a shocked Rumple yelped.

Adriana waved her hands at the cookies and they all came to life. "You gots to go be free Gingies before he eats more of ya!"

"Adriana Isabelle Gold!" Rumple cried, regaining his equilibrium. "You stop this right now! You don't hit your papa!"

"You not 'sposta eat Gingy!" Adriana wailed and sent the broom after him again.

The gingerbread men starting jumping on the counters and grabbed items out of the cupboards and threw them across the room.

Rumple was forced to duck behind the chair in order to avoid another whack. He gestured and the broom was sent back into the closet. "Young lady, no setting that broom on me, I don't care what you don't like!"

Several others started taking dishes out and smashed them on the floor and threw the rest.

"What the HELL!" Bae cried, coming into the kitchen to get a cookie and almost getting brained in the head with a dish.

Another gingerbread man opened the refrigerator and tossed items out of it. A chocolate cake Rumple baked the day before flew at Bae.

The boy tried to move out of the way but the cake zoomed at him and hit him right in the face!

The gingerbread men started laughing and blew raspberries at him.

"My God! I've been cake bombed!" Bae cried, wiping cake off his face. "Papa, what is this-the gingerbread man rebellion?"

"He ATE a Gingy Bae, He ATE HIM!" Adriana screamed.

Bae gaped at his small sister. "Whoa! You caused all this . . .cause Papa ate a cookie?!" He ducked as a fork almost speared him in the thigh. "Rumplette, you're wrecking the kitchen, now knock it off!"

"Rumple, is everything all right in here...oh my God!" Belle cried at the disaster before her eyes.

Three of the gingerbreads escaped into the living room and crashes could be heard as they threw items at the Hoppers.

"What in the hell?" Archie exclaimed, using his umbrella to protect his wife and children from flying photo frames and DVDs out of the entertainment center.

"The cookies are possessed, Daddy!" Gisella screamed.

"Driana's reaallllly mad..." Jonny singsonged.

"This is NOT funny, John Wayne Hopper!" his father yelled.

"Archie, look out!" Marie yelped as the DVD of The Alamo soared towards his head.

"Dammit, I almost lost my head in The Alamo...Rumple, whatever the hell is going on in there will you please make it stop!" he shouted.

One of the gingerbread men snatched his umbrella out of his hands and smacked his backside with it.

"Why you little...when I get my hands on you I'm going to drown you in a chocolate milkshake!" Archie threatened and chased the cookie all over the living room.

Rumple stood up, angry now. "Adriana, STOP!" he shouted. Several forks, butterknives, and skewers flew at him, thrown by the gingerbread men. Luckily they all missed, impaling themselves into the wall behind him in a Rumple-shaped decoration.

"ENOUGH!" Rumple thundered, and suddenly all the gingerbread men went limp, the spell animating them cancelled by the elder sorcerer's greater magic.

"You killed them!" Adriana bawled.

"No, I dinna kill anything, dearie! They're cookies, meant to be baked and eaten. Now look at the mess ye've made o' my house! This is . . .a disaster!" Rumple scolded. "Is this how ye behave, Adriana Isabelle Gold? Throwin' a fit wi' yer magic an' hittin' me with a broom?"

Bae's mouth fell open. "She hit you with a broom, Papa?" Even he hadn't dared to do that when he was small, scamp that he was.

"Adriana! You do NOT hit your father!" scolded Belle.

"You 'served it!" Adriana yelled back giving him an angry Look. "Gingies are 'sposta be free not eaten. Cannibal!"

Rumple threw up his hands. "Never ye mind! Ye don't tell me what to eat an' not to eat in my own house. And ye dinna hit me, for any reason." He felt his stubborn daughter attempt to use her magic again, and he locked it down firmly.

"You don't havta eat Gingies!"

"An ye dinna have t' mess up my kitchen 'cause ye're havin'a tantrum!" Rumple snapped. "Somebody coulda gotten hurt-like ye're brother!" he pointed at Bae who still wore cake all over him. "Or yer uncle, or cousins! Those cookies came alive cause o' you, young lady an' they almost skewered me!" He pointed to the Rumple-shaped space outlined on the wall. "Is that what ye want? T' hurt yer papa?"

He made his countenance stern and forbidding, almost like the Dark One again. For this was the danger of magic awakening in children . . .this loss of control and emotions.

"I...just...didn't want ya ...to eat...no more Gingies..." she sobbed."I didn't wanna hurt you, Papa...m'sorry!"

Rumple felt his heart melt at his baby's sincere apology . . .and he took her in his arms and hugged her. But at the same time he knew there must be consequences for this tantrum . . .and very unpleasant ones at that. "Sorry's all well n'good, dearie, but all magic comes with a price an' so do yer actions. An' now ye're in serious trouble! Come wi' me." He picked her up and teleported with her to his office, his face a mask of disappointment and anger.

Bae winced. "Your butt's grass an' Papa's the lawn mower, Rumplette!" He knew full well what was going to happen, having been on the receiving end of that lecture and punishment many times.

In his office, Rumple locked the door and set his child down in front of him while he sat in his desk chair. He wore one of his Very Disappointed Looks.

"You gonna spank me..." she cried, covering her bottom.

Inwardly, Rumple cringed, but he forced himself to remain firm. Now was not the time to be soft. "Yes, I am. For three reasons." He held up three fingers. "Throwin' a tantrum with magic is never allowed here, dearie. You could have hurt me or someone else in this house." He put a finger down. "Two, you hit me with your mama's broom an' that you must never do, for whatever reason. No child should ever hit her parent." He put another finger down. "Three, ye made a huge mess outta the kitchen and the den, which ye'll be helpin' to clean afterwards." He put his last finger down. "And that, dearie, is why you'll be getting four swats, one for each year of your age and one for remembrance."

"I won't do it again...I promise...!"

"I hope not . . .for both our sakes," her father sighed. Gritting his teeth, he removed her hand from her bottom, saying, "I'm very disappointed in you, now remember this an' don't make me do it again, y' hear?"

Then he pulled her across his knees and gave her four firm spanks. He winced when she cried, feeling like a monster, even though he knew it was deserved.

"I won't," Adriana sobbed. "M'sorry Papa!"

Rumple cuddled her against his shoulder. "Yes, I know, and I'm sorry too that I had to do that. It hurts me more than you, dearie, now please learn your lesson, or else your behind's gonna regret it." He knew he hadn't spanked her terribly hard, just enough to sting for a short time, yet he hated doing so, and only used that punishment when his children had done something truly naughty.

"I won't do it again," she vowed.

"Dinna be like yer brother, lass," he warned. Then he kissed her forehead. "I love you, now be good."

"Love you too, Papa."

He sat with her for a few more moments, before saying, "Now let's go and help your mama clean up the big mess. An' no magic either, little imp."

"Okay..."

Then father and daughter left his study and entered the still wrecked kitchen. Bae and Marie were helping Belle clean up.

Archie and Gisella were working on cleaning up the mess in the den.

Belle saw Rumple standing there and looking rather saddened and she came and gave him a hug. He smiled at her and said, "Shouldn't you be doing that to our daughter?"

"You need a hug too. I know how you don't like punishing her that way. But you were right and now she knows better, so stop feeling guilty."

"I'll try, dearie. Now let me help clean some of this," he gestured and the items that had been stuck in the wall were put back into their proper drawers and the wall was fixed. "There! That's better! Reminded me of a dartboard, and I was the target."

"Thank goodness you didn't get hurt!" Belle said in relief.

"Yes, it's a good thing gingerbread cookies have terrible aim," he said, and summoned a mop and a broom to clean the floor near the counter where various syrups had been smeared all over.

"Cool, Uncle Rumple!" Jonny exclaimed, pointing at the self-cleaning mop. "It's like them mops in Fantasia with Mickey n' the magic hat!"

"You know, you're right," Rumple chuckled, and then he gestured and a second mop appeared and began cleaning.

Belle giggled, thinking that at times her husband could forget he was an adult and act very much like a mischievous child again . . .which was, she thought, a good thing, and one of the things she loved best about him. She supposed it was one reason why he was good with children.

Adriana clapped her hands and giggled too, sounding almost like her father. "Funny, Papa! Swish swish!"

Rumple half-knelt and pointed to the mops cleaning. "D'you see, dearie, how I use my magic to help clean the floor? That's what you need to do."

"Yeah, listen to Papa, Rumplette," Bae advised. "Or else you're gonna always be in trouble, like me."

Adriana shook her little head. "Nuh uh, Bae! I be good. No more spankings!"

"You're smart, Rumplette," Bae said. Unlike me, who's always been a trouble magnet, and always will be, he thought ruefully. But he was lucky, because his parents loved him anyway.

After kitchen and the den were sparkling clean, and the formerly animated gingerbread cookies thrown away, Rumple made simple gingerbread cookies, ones that were round and not like men. Some he put in Christmas tins for Christmas and the other half he had on a plate for everyone to eat.

The smell of gingerbread filled the house and all of his family ate the delicious cookies, and so ended the Gingerbread Rebellion, the first of the holiday mishaps.


	2. Early Christmas Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle and Marie have an early Christmas gift for their beloved husbands and children.

2

~ Early Christmas Gifts ~

Keeping a secret from their husbands was not easy for Belle and Marie to do in a small town like Storybrooke but somehow they managed it. Giving the men the excuse that they were doing some 'special Christmas shopping' the two women set off in Belle's van at eight-thirty in the morning and walked into the offices of Ob/Gyn Dr. Jo Farrar twenty minutes before Belle's appointment was scheduled. Marie would be seen after her.

They, along with their friends Snow White, Emma and Regina all wanted to have another baby and shortly before Halloween, they set aside one of their date nights to work on it, every Saturday night after that…and other days of the week if they could find the time. So far none of the women made the joyous announcement but Belle and Marie were both hoping they would be the first.

Until three years ago, Belle was terrified having children would not be possible for her. She suffered from endometriosis most of her life and had been told at one point she could not have a child but fate along with true love's magic made her dream come true and she gave birth to her precious Adriana. She and Rumple had been convinced Adriana would be the last of their children until the naiad Ninia blessed them with the ability to have more children…whenever they wished. Now that Adriana was three they were ready to have another child and this time they longed for another son.

Marie and Archie had also been blessed that day, with the lifespan of a mage that lasted centuries so that the family could have a long, happy life together. The naiad also bestowed the same fertility blessing upon them even though Marie was pregnant with Jonny at the time. They were hoping for a girl but had names picked out for either sex.

"Mrs. Gold?" the nurse called out.

"Good luck," Marie whispered and squeezed her hand.

"You too."

Belle made the appointment telling the staff she had concerns her endometriosis was reoccurring and since her husband was showing no signs of Couvade syndrome, she worried they would have to keep trying for a baby.

Dr. Jo walked into the exam room and smiled at her patient. "It's good to see you again, Belle. Is Adriana doing well?"

"Yes, although she caused a bit of a ruckus yesterday when she launched a gingerbread man protest," Belle answered with a laugh.

"She did…what?"

"Brought Rumple's gingerbread cookies to life and threw an unholy tantrum and made quite a mess too."

"Sounds like something one of MY kids would do," the doctor chuckled.

"Well she learned her lesson, thank goodness but I don't think that'll be the last of the magical mayhem we'll see from her."

"You mentioned that you've missed your menstral cycle and that you had concerns the endometriosis may have returned."

"I'm worried it has, yes...but...I'm hoping that it's because I'm pregnant again. We've been trying."

"Then why don't we find out if you're right or not."

The hopeful young mother prayed to every deity she knew while the doctor examined her that she would be able to go home and give her husband the wonderful news that they might have another son on the way.

When the doctor finished she smiled at her patient. "Congratuatlions, Belle. You are indeed pregnant."

"I am? I am!" she cried. "H...How long?"

"You said your last period was before your 'date night' and your next period was due after that, which was the one you missed. It looks like Operation: Let's Make a Baby was a success in your case."

"Oh gods...thank you! Thank you so much! I was afraid Ninia's blessing wouldn't work and..."

The doctor's eyebrow arched curiously. "You were given a fertility blessing by Ninia herself?"

"Yes...so was my sister."

"Oh my..." Dr. Jo whispered.

"Dr. Jo, what's wrong?"

"Well ahh...a fertility blessing is about the same as a fertility drug here...Belle...dear...there is the possibility you could be carrying more than one child."

"Twins?"

"Or triplets...or more. Every woman I've known who has been given Ninia's blessing has had multiple births, the most being six at one time."

"Six!" Belle gasped. "We...ahhh...weren't planning on having THAT large of a family..."

"In a few weeks we should know more but I want you to be prepared."

"Rumple's going to be a bit...shocked..."

Then again the sorcerer was learning how to expect the unexpected with his family.

"At first but he loves children and he'll be just as excited as you'll be for their arrival."

Belle hugged the physician. "I can't wait to tell him!"

"Then you'd better get going."

"Not until my sister's appointment is over."

Dr. Jo laughed. "May as well send her in."

Marie was reading a book in the waiting room when her sister came out.

"Well...?" she asked anxiously.

"I'm pregnant!" Belle announced.

Marie jumped up and threw her arms around her sister. "That's wonderful, Belle!"

"There's ahhh….something else that you need to know too."

"What?"

"Dr. Jo thinks I may be carrying twins...triplets or more."

Marie's eyes widened. "T...twins? Triplets?!"

"She said that Ninia's blessing is like a fertility drug so that means..."

"Oh my God...that means that I might..!"

"We won't know until you find out. Now get in there!"

Marie was thinking about what her sister said and how her own husband would react if he found out she was carrying more than one child this time. Like Rumple, Archie loved children..and they did discuss having at least two more.

When she finished examining Marie, Dr. Jo smiled at her. "Well Marie, congratulations are in order for you too and it looks like you conceived around the same time Belle did."

"That was the plan...but we worked on it a bit more after that...just in case..." Marie said with a grin.

"Well now you can go home and tell Archie he's going to be a father again...but you'd better warn him there's going to be more than one this time."

"You're sure?"

"I'm surprised Rumple didn't remember that about Ninia's blessing. He must've forgotten it."

Marie hugged her. "I'm still happy even if I do end up having a dozen kids."

"I'll see you all back here soon."

When Marie stepped out into the waiting room, Belle knew just by the expression on her face that she was going to be giving Archie the same wonderful news Rumple would soon be hearing.

Back at the Hopper house Gisella was watching a DVD of the Powerpuff Girls while Jonny sat on the floor building a little old west town with his Legos. His pet garter snake Zach slept beside him and his cricket Mickey sat on his shoulder.

"Can't we watch somethin else?" he complained.

"You're not watchin it. You're playing with your Legos so knock it off!" Gisella grouched.

"Yeah but the Powerpuff Girls are dumb. The Lone Ranger's cool."

"He can't fly, shoot stuff outta his eyes or have ice breath."

"So what if he can't. He can still beat the crap outta any bad guy too!"

"You'd better not be fighting in here," their father said from the doorway.

The two children glanced over at him and started laughing when they saw the flour stains on his apron.

"Daddy, what'd ya do, spill the whole bag on ya?"

"Almost," he chuckled.

"Wha'cha making Daddy?" inquired Jonny.

"Cake rolls."

"Oooh, do a creamsicle one, pleeeaaaase!"

Rumple was sought after for his cookies, Archie for his cake rolls. He made several kinds: red velvet, pumpkin, chocolate, carrot, lemon and creamsickle, popular with the children.

"I did but it's not quite ready yet so hands off."

"You gonna do a gob cake too?"

"Now that your uncle showed me how to make them right, yes."

"Yeah cause your last one was roadkill," teased Gisella.

"That and it had so much sugar in it you two were practically bouncing off the walls and your mother almost put me in the corner!"

"Nah...she just kicks ya outta bed like she did when Zach scared her in the shower, huh Zach?" Jonny asked his pet.

The snake lifted its head for a second or two then went back to sleep. Mickey chirped in Jonny's ear.

"Nah, Zach's not sick, Mickey, just tired."

"He doesn't do anything all day!" Gisella exclaimed.

"Yeah he does!"

"Sella, Jonny...don't start or you know where you're ending up."

"Sorry, Daddy."

"So if Mommy kicked you of bed, Daddy, why was she sleeping down here with you?" Gisella inquired.

Archie grinned. "She called it a compromise."

He went back into the kitchen to see several messages on his phone from Rumple. They'd been talking back and forth all morning about everything they were baking for the upcoming celebrations the family was having both in Storybrooke and back in the Enchanted Forest.

One of the messages included a recipe not for a baked item but Italian style meatballs. He couldn't decipher what one of the instructions was because there random numbers and letters included in it. He laughed and dialed the sorcerer's number.

"Did Adriana steal your phone?" he joked when Rumple answered.

"The little minx is always touching something," his brother-in-law replied. "The other day I found she was playing Cafeland on my phone. I'm lucky she hasn't figured out how to buy cash on it yet."

"She put a bunch of jargon on the meatball recipe."

"Oh dear gods! I'm going to have to put a password on my phone now."

"I had to after Jonny tried to use it to call Sheriff Woody and he ended up calling Regina."

Rumple started laughing. "You're lucky they haven't tried to call Santa yet and ended up calling 911."

"No, but he's anxious to see Santa."

"So is Adriana, and to get her picture taken with him."

"I need to get my rear end down to the mall to pick up Marie's Christmas gift."

"Gods and hells, Hopper! You mean you haven't yet?"

"I want to do something special but I have no idea what. I'm just wondering what she and Belle are doing on this little shopping trip they're on today."

"Oh I tried coaxing it out of Belle but she won't budge an inch."

"Maybe I can get it out of my wife."

"Good luck with that, Archie. Marie's as bad as Belle at keeping her mouth shut."

"She may change her mind...if I tempt her with my red velvet cake roll."

Rumple giggled mischievously. "You have been taking lessons off me...appeal to her sweet tooth...it does work."

"And I have a mini cake roll set aside for it..."

"I've had my eye on a new cookware set but I don't dare buy it in case Belle already did or she'll be taking the broom to my arse!"

"There's a new recliner I was looking at for my office but I don't dare buy it or I'll have a date with the couch...again."

"You never did tell me what happened with that, just why you got put there."

"Oh after I got Zach out of the shower and gave my son a talking to about being responsible when owning a pet she had the blanket and pillow in her hands..."

"...You, Archibald Hopper, have a date with the couch tonight!"

"What?! What did I do?"

"You were the one who talked me into letting that…that…thing in our house. Where is it going to end up next? In our bed!?"

"I had a talk with him about that and he's promised me it won't get loose again."

"You're still going on the couch tonight, mister. That damned thing scared me half to death."

"Marie darling, be reasonable."

"Out! Or it's a week, cricket!"

"Damned stubborn woman! I'll give you half the night…half the night and you'll want me back in bed," he challenged.

She crossed her arms over her breasts and glared at him. "Oh, is that so? I slept alone a long time before you came along so don't think I can do it again!"

"You hate going to bed angry as much as I do," he argued. "All right my goddess, if that's the way you want to play it, fine. But you'll want me back in bed before the night's over…"

"And...did she?" Rumple inquired.

"I was already asleep when she came downstairs and told me she missed me."

Rumple laughed. "So you got back in bed after all."

"No, she slept down here with me...called it a compromise."

"Oh I doubt Belle would compromise...when I'm on the couch...it'll be for the whole night and if she's in quite a snit...longer."

Archie's phone beeped.

"Was that you resending the recipe?"

"Yes...and my wife just walked in the door. Let's see if one of my Golden Delights can tempt her into giving me some hints about what she's been shopping for."

Archie laughed. "Good luck!"

Rumple pulled his apron off and hung it on the hook in the closet. "Did your shopping trip go well, dearie? I don't see any bags or did you hide them in the car."

Belle smiled. "I didn't go shopping today, Rumple."

"Oh? Then why did you tell me…"

She pressed her fingers to his lips. "I hated not telling you the real reason but I had to…in case…in case I was wrong."

Wrong about what? he thought.

"Then where did you go?" he inquired softly.

"Dr. Jo's office."

"Belle….sweetheart…." he whispered, praying she was about to give him the news he'd been waiting to hear since their date night. She was having none of the signs of pregnancy and neither was he which was odd considering they were bonded but Dr. Jo did tell them every pregnancy was different when she was carrying Adriana.

She wrapped her arms around him, her eyes meeting his. "Rumple, darling….you're going to be a father….again."

He picked her up and spun her around. "Ah, mo chroi this is the best news ye coulda given me! We're gonna have our little lad or our bonnie lass!"

"Ummm..Rumple…Dr. Jo told me that when a couple is given Ninia's blessing….there's a chance we could have more than one child this time."

His eyes widened with shock. "Twins? Are ye carrying twins, sweetheart?"

"We'll know more soon. I know we talked about having one more."

"It doesna matter how many ye're giving me my sweetheart. Ye could give me a dozen lads an' lasses and I'd still be the happiest man in all the realms!" he exclaimed and kissed her.

"I love you, Rumple."

"And I love you, mo chroi! How long? I didn't sense anything."

She smiled. "Looks like our little relaxation time in the hot tub worked a little magic of its own, darling."

"Ye've suspected all this time and didn't tell me?"

"I wanted to believe it was true…but we were disappointed so many times before Adriana…"

"Aye, we were."

To him, this was the best Christmas gift she could give him, even if the announcement was before the holiday and their babies wouldn't arrive until sometime after. He placed his hand on her still flat abdomen until it glowed with a bright white light.

"Can you feel them, Rumple?"

His eyes brimmed with tears. "Aye, I can…three, my sweetheart."

"T…Three? I'm carrying triplets?"

And he suspected they would all be as powerful as their sister, a true love baby herself but their abilities would be unique. Their home was going to be quite chaotic with four magical children in it but he could handle that. The life he had now was far better than the one he lived while he was under the curse of the Dark One: unloved, feared and the only child he believed he would ever have was Bae. At the time Bae was pulling away from him thinking his father never had time for him anymore. The beautiful woman who came into their lives at its darkest time brought with her the hope that they could be a family again and now they were and he never wasted a moment with them.

His arm around her shoulders, they went into the den to tell their son and daughter the good news.

Bae was on the floor playing with Major and Adriana was watching Beauty and the Beast, the Enchanted Christmas, trying to sing "As Long As There's Christmas' with Belle on the screen.

Rumple picked up the remote and paused the movie. Adriana turned to him and gave him a Look.

"Now, now, don't start pouting mo astor," Rumple said gently.

"I was watchin' that!" she protested.

"Ye can watch it in a bit. Mommy an I have somethin we need to talk to ye about."

Bae frowned. "Is something wrong?"

No, Belle thought. Everything couldn't be more right.

"Remember how we talked about Papa and me trying to have another brother or sister for you?" Belle asked them.

Bae's eyes lit up. "Mama, are you...?"

"Yes."

"That's great!" he cried, jumping to his feet and throwing his arms around her.

"So where is it?" Adriana demanded. "I don't see it."

"Well...ahhh dearie, we have to wait for them to be born..."

"Wait...whoa...THEM?" Bae gasped.

"You heard yer mama right, lad...we're gonna have three o' them...lads, lassies or a bit o' both."

"Holy shi...crap!"

"M'gonna have three sisters or brothers, Mama?"

"Yes sweetie, you could have three brothers like papa said, three sisters or some could be brothers and some could be sisters."

Adriana beamed. "HAPPY ARMY! Front n' center!" she called out.

The stuffed bears raced down the steps and lined up in front of their excited mistress. "We gonna have a party! I'm gonna have new brothers and sisters!"

The bears jumped up and down and clapped their hands.

"We can't party just yet, Adriana. There's more."

"More, dearie?' Rumple was puzzled. Belle smiled.

"Your aunt Marie is going to be giving you a new cousin...or two."

"Gods and hells! Does Archie know yet?" Rumple exclaimed.

"She should be telling him now."

"Oh man...Uncle Archie's gonna pass out he when finds out Aunt Marie's gonna have a whole brood too!" Bae joked.

"So let's go ta Unca Archie's an we'll have a big party," suggested his sister.

"They'll need some time alone first, dearie...now dinna gie me that look imp. We can party later." Rumple said firmly.

"So...Papa...you ready for this?" Bae teased.

"Aye...it's going to be a bit...hectic with more wee ones in the house so we'll need you and Adriana to help out a bit."

"I can help, Papa!" Adriana cried excitedly.

Rumple and Belle smiled at each other thinking how blessed they were to have two wonderful children. They had their moments when they drove their parents insane but they would never stop loving them and they would love their three new additions just as much.

Twins….or triplets….Marie thought when she pulled into the driveway. She was still reeling from the shock of it but she wasn't as shocked as her husband was going to be or Rumple would be when Belle gave him her news. She walked around the house to the patio door and as soon as she opened it she could hear Chicago's Christmas album playing. Her husband stood at the counter wrapping up the extra cake rolls he baked so that he could freeze them.

There was a small red velvet cake roll set aside on one of the dishes.

"Is that for me?" she murmured.

"That depends…if you tell me what you went shopping for," he proposed with a smile.

"I didn't go shopping. I went to Dr. Jo's office."

The spatula he was holding slipped out of his hand and dropped to the floor.

"Marie….darling…are you…?" he asked hopefully.

She nodded. "I'm pregnant, Archie."

He stepped out from behind the counter and took her in his arms. "I love you," he whispered as he kissed her. "This is the best Christmas gift I could've asked for…"

"I thought I was because I missed….after our date night but we've been so busy getting ready for Christmas that I kept putting going to see her off and I didn't tell you because I didn't want to get your hopes up…"

"And she's sure?"

"Yes…but she's not sure I'm only having one."

"W…what?" he gasped.

"Ninia's blessing…..every couple who's been given it…has had more than one child at a time."

"She thinks you might be having twins?"

"Or more….does that bother you?"

"I don't care how many we have!" he cried joyfully. "Wait til we tell Sella and Jonny…and Belle and Rumple."

"Belle's giving Rumple the same news right about now."

"You mean…..both of you are expecting?"

"Well…that was the idea of date night….we called it Operation: Let's Make a Baby…"

"We'd better go tell Sella and Jonny."

They went into the living room and turned off the TV.

"Sella, Jonny...you're going to have new brothers...or sisters...or both," Archie announced.

"Yay! Bout time cause if we didn't I was gonna tie the stork to a tree!" Jonny declared.

"Jonny!" his parents exclaimed.

"The stork doesn't bring babies Jonny. Mommy has em in her tummy," Gisella explained.

"Huh? How you gonna fit all of em in there?"

"Well...ahhhh...they're a bit smaller..." Marie stammered, not wanting to know how her daughter found out where babies actually came from. If she were to guess it was probably from that tart Zelena when she used to work at the Foxtrot.

"You're having twins, Mommy?" Gisella asked.

"Maybe more. We're not sure yet, honey...and Auntie Belle is having more babies too."

"Cool! Driana's gonna be happy cause she wants 'nother brother or sister," said Jonny. "So when's ours comin?"

"Not for a while yet, Jonny," his father answered.

"Awwww!"

"Daddy, you're gonna get all pukey again," his daughter reminded him.

"It's worth it," he said softly, meeting his wife's eyes.

Rumple called an hour later to congratulate his in-laws and suggested they all get together to celebrate. Archie invited them over for dinner and when they arrived Rumple announced that Belle was indeed carrying triplets.

"We won't know of what until later," Rumple added then placed his hand on Marie's abdomen. It glowed briefly then vanished. "You're having twins, dearie."

"And we have a lot to celebrate," Belle said softly. Rumple conjured a bottle of grape juice and some glasses and together the Golds and the Hoppers celebrated the anticipated arrivals of their little bundles of joy...all five of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses on what Belle and Marie are gonna have? What do you think?


	3. Wreck The Malls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men have to take their kids to the mall where chaos ensues, Maggie, Ellie and Neal's special abilities are at last revealed and Rumple and Archie's wives give them a little TLC after a VERY stressful day!

3

~ Wreck The Malls ~

Rumple was looking in the paper and spotted a flyer for a huge Christmas sale in a mall in Portland and decided to go there to purchase the rest of his Christmas gifts.

He texted Archie and Jeff about it to see if they wanted to come along, and Jeff texted David and Robin also.

All the men agreed, needing to buy some last minute gifts themselves but they would have to take the kids with them.

"...Darling, I'll only be gone a few hours..."

"He's going with you and if you keep fighting me on it, you have a..."

"I know...a date with the couch...again!" Archie grumbled at his wife. "Never works for long, my goddess, so I don't understand why you insist on threatening me with it."

Marie crossed her arms over her breasts and glared at her husband. "Archie I'm tired, it's Mary's day off and he's been running around here like crazy while you've been at the office all morning!"

"All right, I'll take Jonny with me so you can sleep and maybe when I come home you won't bite my head off!" he snapped.

Marie had mood swings when she was pregnant with their son but this time they were much worse...and so were his.

She lowered her head. "I'm sorry Archie...we've been doing this a lot lately, haven't we?"

"Worse than the last time," he agreed. "Everything is worse than last time..."

"But it'll be worth it...when we have them."

He leaned down and kissed her. "I'll be back in a little while...Jonny, get...what is that?"

The toddler was wearing a black leather jacket with a picture of a hand holding puppet strings with a heart dangling from it.

"Somethin' Driana made for me to wear," he answered.

"True Love...Mafia?!" his father exclaimed.

Marie giggled from the sofa.

"Uh-uh. We's all gotta wear em cause we's the True Love Mafia." He smirked at his father. "Gotta go. I's huntin Indians!"

"What...get back here!"

The toddler ran into the kitchen and stole another piece of cake roll from the refrigerator while his father tried to keep up with him. "Hey Indians...ready or not...here I coooommmmeee!"

"Jonny, get back here! Right now!"

Jonny ran outside and over to the tree in the backyard. "John Wayne Hopper, don't you dare go up that tree again!" Archie shouted.

He'd done it several times before and every time they had to call the fire department to get him down because he climbed up higher that his father's ladder could reach and Archie always had it sitting outside ready to grab…just in case.

"Archie, what's going on...not again!" Marie moaned when she saw her son climbing up the tree with his father in pursuit on the ladder. "Archie, be careful! Jonny, come down!"

"Daddy, you can't come up here. They'll scalp ya!"

"Why...in gods...name...do you...keep doing this?"

"I wanna tree house."

"No!"

"If I had a tree house, I can come up here without havin to climb up and you can come up too!"

"I'll put a tree house in when you're older!"

"But I want one now!"

Archie lost his footing and fell to the ground."Dammit! Marie...you better call the fire department because he's not gonna come out of there!" She got on the phone and frantically dialed the number for the fire station.

"M'not comin out til I get a tree house!" he threatened.

"John Wayne Hopper if I have to have the fire department here again you are NOT getting a tree house for the next century...AND Zach and Mickey will be staying downstairs. Do I make myself clear?"

"But Daddy!"

"Jonny, you could fall out of that tree and break your neck. Now come down to where Daddy can reach you with the ladder!" Marie pleaded.

"No!"

The toddler climbed higher.

His parents breathed a sigh of relief when they heard the fire engine. "Hey guys...the Hopper kid's in the tree again!" one of the fireman laughed.

His parents glared at them.

They all thought it was a joke that the three old could climb a tree better than a monkey. His parents were not amused.

"Just get him down!" Archie snapped.

"You come up an get me!" Jonny challenged his father.

"What!?"

"Your kid just challenged you, Hopper. Better get the lift, Mitch."

"I don't know why he's being so difficult today but we're going to have a little talk about it."

Marie decided it was better not to tell her husband just where his son got his tree climbing skill from...

And thankfully no one else in the family knew her secret...

They connected the lift onto the ladder and carefully navigated it over to the spot in the tall tree where the toddler was hiding so that his father could reach him and thankfully he didn't put up any more of a fuss.

Once they were back on the ground, Archie gave his son a You're In Major Trouble Now Mister Look.

Jonny's hand covered his backside. He gave his father the puppy dog look.

"First, you have a date with the corner!" Marie said angrily.

"Mommy!"

"Now...march!"

Archie glanced over at his wife. Neither of them wanted to give the boy a spanking but they knew it had to be done.

"I'll do it this time, Archie. He scared me half to death!"

They followed their son into the house and timed him in the corner then Marie gave him three swats and one for remembrance.

"This is the last time we want to catch you climbing trees, understand?"

"Yes, Mommy..."

"Not only could you have gotten, hurt, so could Daddy trying to go up there after you!"

"Won't do it again."

"Zach and Mickey will be down here for a week...and there'll be no treehouse...until you're older." his father added.

"Okay..." he sniffled.

His parents hugged him.

"Now come on...we have to go to the mall with Uncle Rumple and Adriana...and promise me you'll behave!" his father begged.

"I will!"

Gold's Victorian:

Adriana stood in the middle of the living room wailing loudly. "But I wanna take the Happy Army shopping!"

Belle felt like her head was going to explode. "Rumple, YOU deal with her. I have a headache!" She went upstairs leaving her husband to deal with their little terror.

"THE HAPPY ARMY WANTS TO GO SHOPPING!" the child screamed.

Rumple cringed, almost going deaf. Adriana had a screech like a banshee when she got in a snit.

The bears were all pouting and scowling.

"Adriana Isabelle Gold!" he snapped, not in the mood to deal with infant histrionics, as Belle's mood swings were making him cranky. "Ye quit howling like a wind demon an' throwin' a fit or the only shopping you're gonna be doing is in the corner!"

"No!" She glared at him. "You're just being MEAN 'cause Mommy's being MEAN!"

He gave her a Look right back. "Listen to me, young miss! Ye cannae bring the bears with us today, because we're not goin' to a place where people understand about them. We're goin' outside of Storybrooke an' people in Portland dinna understand about magic, and throwin' a tantrum is no' gonna get ye anything but a sore backside, ye ken?" He unconsciously slipped back into his old speech patterns from his village.

"You mean they'd take 'em away?"

Her father told her often that places outside their small town were not comfortable seeing magic. In fact, they feared it.

"An' ...they'd take us away too...?" she sniffled.

Rumple knelt down and said, "Yes, an' they'd lock me up in the funny farm too, so unless y'want them t'come an' take me away, mo astor, ye'll leave the bears here."

"Don't wanna see 'em take you away!" She hugged his knees. "Happy Army you stay here, kay?"

While they were at the mall she was going look for a kitty. She loved Major but she always wanted a kitty too.

Rumple smiled. His daughter could usually be reasoned with. Usually.

"Now you behave and remember, Santa's watching in the magic snowglobe an' you don't want your name on the Naughty List now do you?"

"Noooo!"

She wouldn't get a kitty that way!

"I didn't think so." He hugged the little imp and handed her his handkerchief. "Blow your nose, dearie, and go potty. You uncle and Jonny will be here soon an' we don't want any frownies, right?"

She gave him her brightest smile. "No frownies."

Rumple kissed her cheek.

He counted it a blessing every day to have his miracle child in his life-even when the miracle gave him headaches and made him want to run away to Alaska!

Raising a magical child was never easy, but like Bae Adriana was worth every bit of trouble . . . and gray hairs.

Minutes later Archie and Jonny arrived. "Sorry I'm late, Rumple but...the fire department was at my house...again!" Archie said with a sigh.

Rumple hid a smirk. Jonny's penchant for climbing trees was well known by the family. "Let me guess . . .your son was playing Tarzan again, right?"

"I don't understand where he gets it from!" he cried.

"I wanna tree house but Daddy says I can't have one till m'older," Jonny mumbled.

"Maybe it's Marie's side of the family," Rumple mused. "Belle did tell me that one time as girls she and Marie climbed out her bedroom window."

"If I have my way you won't have one at all..." Archie muttered under his breath. "And yes I remember the window incident. God only knows what else my wife was up to as a girl."

"Papa says I can have a clubhouse when I'm four," Adriana told him. "Like the one that Goldilocks found n' the three bears lived in."

"Oooh...we can have it in a tree too!" Jonny exclaimed

"Her and Belle were probably mischief incarnate," Rumple giggled. "My wife only looks innocent!"

Adriana shrugged. "Dunno. But maybe it can be like a secret one, where only us True Love Mafias can go?"

"Yup!" her cousin agreed.

"First I have my wife threatening me with a date with the couch...again...because she's been in a snit all morning...and most of the week...then my son decides he wants to be Tarzan and chase Indians in trees." Archie raked a hand through his hair. "I'm going to need a long session with Mina and Jack before too long!"

"Sounds like you had as rough a morning as I did," Rumple commiserated. "Belle woke up with a headache she can't seem to get rid of, has been having mood swings continuously, and my little imp here was throwing a fit because she couldn't bring the Happy Army shopping with us to the mall! And now I need the bathroom . . .again!"

He hurried off to the bathroom off the kitchen, for some reason this time he was continually having to pee like a racehorse.

"You havta go, Daddy?" Jonny asked his father.

"No, but give it time."

David arrived while Rumple was still in the bathroom and laughed at Archie as soon as he saw him. Archie glared at him.

"Yes, the fire department was at my house...and I bet you all had a good laugh around the police scanner."

"Wanted to bring Gru, Driana but Daddy said m'not 'llowed." Neal complained.

"That's 'cause Papa's bringin' us to a place where they's magicless an' they're all scared stupid of things like that. So gotta leave the Majors home so's they don't arrest Papa n' take him away to the funny farm."

"Oh...kay. An' some a those people are mean n'nasty too but I can tell ya who so's we can avoid em."

Neal's ability, which only recently begun to manifest itself was that he could look into the hearts and souls of others to see who was good and who was wicked.

Adriana could feel others emotions and use her powers to affect them and also project hers to others around her when she was particularly emotional. Rumple had to keep himself shielded from her to avoid being affected when she threw tantrums or got upset.

He emerged from the bathroom and said hello to David and Neal. "Are you all ready to go to the mall?" He showed David the flier.

"Got some good bargains in here and if those other two would hurry up we can get 'em before they sell out."

A portal appeared in the center of the room and Jeff popped out holding Maggie.

"Sorry about using the hat in the house, Rumple but it was faster. We were halfway 'cross town, right Maggie?"

"Uh-huh cause Daddy got one of those 'lerts 'bout a missing kid an' I was helpin' him look."

Rumple raised an eyebrow. "Helping him how, dearie?"

"Ummm...been seeing some stuff...an' Daddy says some a the stuff I saw was when the kid got 'napped an' prolly where he is..."

"Like a picture in your mind?" Rumple clarified.

"Uh-huh."

"And did you hear or see anything else besides that?"

"Jus dark...an' smells..."

"Did you feel anything, Maggie? Like how the boy felt?"

"Uh-huh he's scared an' wants his mommy an' daddy."

Rumple looked at the detective. "Jeff, looks like you've got a clairvoyant on your hands. A very strong one too."

"I know but I haven't contacted the Portland PD because I don't want all the craziness around Maggie."

"A child's life is at stake Jeff," Archie pointed out

"You could send them an anonymous tip to get them looking in the right direction," Rumple suggested.

"Daddy...we can find him...he's in a store!"

"Find who?" asked Robin with his three children behind him.

"A missing kid," Maggie replied.

"That's cool. You can find lost kids n' Ellie is Miss Pyro!" Jason smirked at his sister.

"What?" Rumple exclaimed.

"Didnja know, Papa? Ellie can make fireballs like you, huh Ellie?" Adriana asked her.

"Uh-huh but Mommy says m'not 'llowed cause I could burn stuff down."

"Can ya shoot 'em out your eyeballs like the Powderpuff Girls?" Jonny asked.

Ellie scowled at him. "Theys the PowerPUFF Girls, dummy!"

"Ellie, enough!" Robin scolded.

"You can summon fire, Eleanor?" Rumple asked softly.

"Uh-huh an I can touch it and it don't burn me!"

"Irony is a bitch, Rumple. Not long after Regina and I watched Firestarter, Ellie started showing her ability," Robin explained.

"She's a fire elementalist, dearie. Her power's not psionic," Rumple remarked. "And with Regina teaching her and myself she won't go out of control like that poor child. But be aware, she might also summon an elemental to her as her familiar."

"Huh? Like a dog or kitty?" asked Ellie.

"No, dearie. An Elemental from the Plane of Fire, your affinity," Rumple said. "Umm . . maybe it'll make more sense if you read her this book, Robin. It talks about the Elemental Mages and the Elemental creatures affiliated with each type of affinity." He summoned an old book with embossed pictures of fire, water, air, earth, and spirit (the fifth element) upon it.

"Prolly a dragon, Ellie," said Maggie.

"Are all our kids elementals?" inquired David.

"Well, there are small fire dragons," Rumple allowed. "About the size of your arm. But also salamanders, firefoxes, jinn, phoenixes, and imps."

"Yous an imp so's you can be my familiar," Ellie said with a grin.

Then he held up a finger. "However, you should NEVER summon an imp or a jinn unless you can be certain you can control it . . . they're smart and tricky and often they don't have your best interests at heart." Rumple chuckled. "I'm no longer cursed, dearie, so I can't." He tickled her under the chin.

"Aww crap."

He looked at David. "All mages are elementalists in a way. But some have a much greater affinity for an element than another. Like Ellie."

"How is my son one...he talks to animals and insects?" Archie asked.

"And climbs trees like a monkey!" Jeff teased.

Rumple gestured to the other True Love children. "Most of their gifts lie in the realm of Spirit, though they can also wield some of the other elements as well. Maggie, Neal, and Adriana's powers are all Spirit, while Adriana also has Earth, Fire, and Water for healing and animation. Archie, Jonny has a major Earth elemental attachment since talking to beasts falls under that mastery."

"Yep we's all different an' that's cool!" piped up Adriana.

"It is indeed, dearie. For variety is the spice of life," Rumple quoted. "And it makes everyone unique."

"Okay True Love Mafia...ready to wreck t'mall?" Adriana asked her friends and cousin.

Rumple facepalmed himself. "Dearie, you didn't just call yourself that did you?"

"Uh-huh. Cause that's what we are...right?"

"Yup!" Neal exclaimed.

"An she's Don Rumplette an' I'm Jonny the Snake!"

"M'Mad Maggie!"

"Oh the gods help us all!" groaned Rumple.

"M'Neal Brasi an' I'll make bad people go live in igloos with penguins."

"An' I'm Ellie the Enforcer!" put in Ellie.

"What am I?" asked Jason.

"Ya can drive the getaway Power Wheels," said Jonny.

"I wanna be the underboss!"

"These kids watch too much TV!" moaned Jeff.

"I'll be con...what's that guy who gives the boss advice?" Roland asked.

"The consigliere," Adriana chimed in.

"Yeah I can do that."

"Then it's settled," Adriana said happily.

"How the hell did these kids see The Godfather?" David mused.

"Blame my son and his friends," Rumple admitted. "They're always quoting it and once they had movie night in the basement and this little sneak went downstairs and hid under the pingpong table and watched some before I caught her."

"M'not gonna talk like I got cotton balls in my mouth. Yuck!"

They all started laughing at that statement.

The group got into their vehicles and drove off to the mall. The fathers each held a copy of the flyer and all around them were other men and women rushing around to all the sales.

It was just as hectic as a Black Friday sale.

Rumple cast protection spells on all of them as he did on Halloween to protect them from bargain crazy shoppers who sometimes resorted to physical violence to get that special item. All of them were grateful their wives stayed home that day and on the dreaded Black Friday.

Most people would hesitate about being violent or pushy towards a man, even a small one like Rumple, whereas they wouldn't to a woman.

Emma and Jeff had to arrest a dozen people on Black Friday for brawling.

Rumple had thrown several obnoxious shoppers from his shop on their backsides into the street for starting quarrels with each other and with him left and right.

"Hey Daddy can I gets a BB gun like in Christmas Story so's I can get Black Bart?" Jonny asked his father.

"No, no NO!"

"I want one too!" said Roland.

"Not yet, Roland." said his father.

"Aww!" Roland sulked.

The first store having a sale was Victoria's Secret. "I am NOT going in there!" Jeff said firmly.

"Worse than being sent to buy feminine hygiene products!" David cringed.

Robin grimaced. "Share in my humiliation, brother..."

"Regina sent you to..."

The former outlaw nodded.

They all winced. Rumple didn't even want to tell them about the time Belle had sent him to get some pill for feminine dryness or whatever.

"That damn dwarf STILL laughs at me over the time I had to go in there for...tampons!" Archie groaned.

"You get the couch threat if you didn't go? I did." asked David.

"That's an undies store, Daddy. Mom doesn't need new undies does she?" Roland asked Robin.

Robin looked like he wanted to fall into a black hole. "Umm . . no . . ."

"Please tell me none of us have to go in there!" Jeff pleaded.

The men looked at each other.

Three of them suspected Rumple was the victim.

Poor Rumple looked like he was going to his own execution when he said, "I . . .ahh . . .promised Belle I'd . . .get her something . .. intimate for Christmas Eve night"

"We may not come out alive but we're going in there!" Archie declared, quoting the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz.

The others bowed their heads in sympathy.

"No, you don't have to," Rumple protested. "I'll be right out, honest."

"Ummm... you're not the only one who made that promise," Archie told him. And if he wanted to avoid a couch date, he had to deliver.

"Oh, okay. Umm . . .Adriana, let's go in here and you can help Papa pick out a pretty nightgown for Mama."

"Jonny, you want to go in?" Archie asked his son.

"Uh-uh! Not going in a undies shop!"

"C'mon, Papa! Let's pick out somethin' with roses!" his daughter sang.

Dozens of female eyes were on the two men and little girl when they entered the shop.

"I'll help ya pick out something for Auntie Marie too, Unca Archie!"

"Don't see that every day," one woman remarked.

"No. Most men wouldn't be caught dead in here," another agreed.

Rumple was looking through the nightgowns, none of the ones he'd seen so far anything his wife would wear since they were too revealing and reminded him of something a certain perverted minded fairy would wear.

In a way he was grateful to his son and his friends for exposing Merriweather Blue for the hypocrite that she was, having the nerve to make snide comments about all of them especially his wife and sister-in-law when she was the one living a decadent lifestyle.

Adriana was getting impatient. She wanted to go to the pet store and find a kitty to take home but had to wait for her father first.

"Why doncha just make Mama a nightie? I don't see any rose stuff, Papa."

"I don't either, dearie. Let's keep looking."

One of the clerks approached him. "May I help you find something?" she asked with a gleam in her eye.

The man was old enough to be her father but he had a charm about him that made her think she could go for him...if he wasn't married and had a kid with him.

Adriana looked up at the clerk and frowned. She had that expression on her face that other women in their town had when they saw her papa and uncle and it made Mommy and Auntie Marie mad enough to bring out the broom. She wanted one right now but her papa made it quite clear she was not to use magic.

She had to find a way to make this lady keep her hands off her papa!

"No, no...I'm fine," Rumple insisted. The toddler breathed a sigh of relief...for the moment because now the woman was after her uncle.

Yech...she's one of those...hos Bae calls em! she thought.

"Dearie, I think Mama would look good in this," Rumple said holding out a white satin nightgown with roses and black lace side and trim and straps that crossed in the back.

The little girl looked at it and nodded. "Kay, let's get it."

He also bought her several bottles of Vanilla Lace body spray and lotion and put them in the basket.

Archie came over to them with his basket full of items.

"What'd you get Auntie Marie?" Adriana asked.

"A few things," he said evasively. He bought his wife bottles of Endless Love body spray and lotion and a red satin and lace cami and short set for their Christmas Eve.

The two men paid for their purchases and rejoined the rest of the group out in the lobby.

"'Bout damned time!" Jeff grouched. "What'd you do, buy out the whole place?"

"No!" Rumple protested. "Come on, let's get moving."

Maggie hung back. "Daddy..."

"Maggie, what's wrong?"

"Feel like I gotta stay 'round here."

"Maybe you'd better, Hatter," Rumple suggested. "She's sensing something and you may be close to where that missing child is."

He took his daughter to Bath and Body Works to pick up some gifts for Emma and Gracie while the rest of the group walked over to the escalator to go to the second floor.

"Last one up's a rotten egg!" Jonny yelled and started running up the steps.

"John Wayne Hopper, you stop that right now!" his father yelled. The other children hurried after him.

"Adriana! Get back here, dearie!" Rumple said firmly.

"Ellie, Jason...Roland...this is NOT a racetrack!" Robin scolded.

"Neal Leopold Nolan...you've got to the count of three to come back down here!" David warned.

The children came back down the steps to where their fathers stood giving them Disappointed Looks that had all of them bowing their heads in shame.

Several mothers turned their heads in their direction.

"Wish MY husband would learn how to actually do the correcting for once instead of saying, Marilyn can you deal with that!" one of them said angrily.

Her friend snorted. "Mine thought once he made him, his work was done!"

"Would you mind keeping an eye on these guys for me?" Robin asked the others. "I have to go in there and…well….they DON'T need to go in with me."

He was standing in front of a Spencer's store that was known to sell naughty gifts for adults and it was the LAST place a group of toddlers belonged in.

"Make it quick, Hood!" Rumple growled. "And make sure they put it a bag where you can't see what it is!"

"I don't think I want to know what he's buying in there..." Archie mumbled.

It was tradition that Robin, Regina, Jeff, and Emma bought the adults gag gifts from this particular store online and they opened them on Christmas Eve...after the kids went to bed.

The first year they bought them all edible body paints, the second year it was naughty coupons for him and her. This year it was ugly Christmas sweaters. Robin could barely contain his laughter as he picked them out.

The running gag in their inner circle was that Archie wore some of the worst looking sweaters before he started dating Marie so they decided they were going to turn the tables and give Rumple, the doctor's makeover expert, the worst of the ugly Christmas sweaters just to see the former spinner and weaver launch into a tirade about just how hideous it was.

Robin took pictures of the sweaters and sent them to Jeff for his approval.

Jeff had just finished paying for his purchases at Bath and Body Works when his phone buzzed with a message. He opened it up and started laughing.

"What's so funny, Daddy?" Maggie inquired.

"Nothing...just something Robin sent me."

I'm sending these to Emma. We have GOT to give Rumple the one with the fruit cake on it. It's the worst one!

I sent them to Regina too...she's going to laugh her ass off.

I cannot WAIT to see the look on his face.

Yeah especially when he finds out he has to pose for a picture in it.

Another message popped up, this one from Emma.

You jerk! I almost ruined the laptop spitting out my coffee!

Sorry hun. What do you think? The fruit cake one for Rumple?

Definitely.

As Robin walked up to the counter, he reached into his pocket for his wallet and to his horror it wasn't there!

"Shit!" he cried. There was also a large hole in his coat pocket.

He got his phone out again and sent a message to Regina asking her if she'd seen his wallet.

No, it's not here, she sent back.

Nothing was worse than being in a store with arms full of gifts and a missing wallet.

"I'm supposed to be the one robbing from the rich and giving to the poor...not getting robbed!" he grumbled.

He sent another message to Jeff telling him what happened. Minutes later Jeff approached the others out in the lobby with Maggie in tow.

"What's taking so long in there?" Rumple demanded.

"Robin lost his wallet."

"Well...that's a bit of a crisis, isn't it, dearie? At least he won't be buying us anything we have to hide this year."

"That's what you think!" the deputy hooted and ran into the store.

"I don't know what's worse? My son's pranks...or theirs!" Rumple exclaimed.

The two men came out of the store grinning like Cheshire cats with bags full of the most hideous sweaters known to man, chuckling as they pictured them being worn by their victims.

While they were walking, Adriana spotted the pet store. "Papa, I wanna go in an' see the kitties!" she cried.

"In a bit, mo astor. We still have some other gifts to get yet."

"Daddy, where's the toy store? I wanna get a Maleficent doll," demanded Ellie.

"Ummm...they don't have one."

"They don't gots a toy store? What kinda mall is this anyhow?" Neal asked angrily.

"A sucky one!" said Jason.

"Daaaa-ddyyyy I wanna Maleficent doll!"

"You can't get one here."

"Ya mean they don't gots a Disney store neither? Our mall's got that," said Roland.

"THIS PLACE SUCKS! I WANNA GO HOME TA A REAL MALL AN GET A MALEFICENT DOLL!" Ellie screamed.

"Hooo boy...here we go," Jason sighed.

"Eleanor May, you stop that screaming immediately or you're not getting anything for Christmas!" her father threatened.

"WHY'D WE HAVTA COME TO THIS STUPID PLACE ANYHOW!? WE COULDA WENT TA THE REAL MALL!"

Robin groaned. If he thought losing his wallet was bad, his daughter having a royal fit was worse and his wife could get her to stop better than he could.

Ellie ran over to one of the garbage cans and started kicking it. "I hate this place...I wanna go home...should burn it down!"

Wisps of smoke began curling up from the garbage can.

"Oh my God!" Robin exclaimed.

"Oh no you don't, dearie," Rumple concentrated and locked down the young mage's powers before she could use them.

Robin picked up his screaming daughter. "Excuse me. God, I hate doing this but dammit, she knows not to carry on like this!"

"Uh-oh...Ellie's gonna have a sore butt," Maggie muttered and she and the others covered their bottoms.

Robin took his daughter outside to give her a scolding and a swat. Ellie was quiet when they returned.

"Papa! Lookit! It's a bear shop!" Adriana exclaimed. Indeed there was a shop that sold stuffed bears and other items. The group went inside, Adriana more excited than the others at first since she could possibly get more bears for the Happy Army.

The other items were accessories for the bears, hence the name Build A Bear Workshop.

The fathers all bought clothing and accessories for their childrens' stuffed bears, Robin having to buy his with a loan from Jeff. He couldn't imagine where he lost his wallet and he didn't think he put it in the pocket of his coat that had the hole in it.

The fathers had one more stop to make before they took the kids for lunch and Adriana was disappointed when they still passed up the pet store. They were all getting bored.

"Ellie's right...this place really sucks. Don't got no place to play or nothin!" Neal complained.

He leaned up against a table where some glasses were stacked into an elaborate display and sent them all crashing to the floor.

"Neal!" David cried.

Ummmm...ummm...m'sorry..." he mumbled.

His friends were all smiling at him for providing them with a few seconds of entertainment.

"Oh wow...Granpa's gotta pay for all that Neal. Ya better hope he has 'nough money on him or they'll underarrest ya," Maggie said.

"They will?" he asked fearfully.

"Uh-uh. Didn'cha ever hear of ya break it, ya buy it?"

"Daaaaaddyyy...Maggie says m'gonna go ta jail if you gotta buy all this stuff an' you don't got the money!"

The toddler ran away from the group and knocked over another display of dishes as he did so.

"Neal, get back here! Jeff, dammit, will you please tell my granddaughter to STOP scaring her uncle!"

"I don't wanna go to jail!" Neal bawled. He crawled under a clothes rack.

"Neal...you're not going to jail...come out of there, son..." David coaxed.

"No...they're gonna underarrest me. Maggie said so!"

"Maggie was just teasing, now come on..."

He crawled out the other side and took off running again, this time knocking over a display of cookware as he ran.

"Ummm...Rumple...maybe you could use a little...before the kid destroys the place..." Jeff suggested.

"It's too risky," Rumple muttered.

"Not bored now!" Jason said with a smirk. The rest of the children were laughing until their fathers gave them a Look.

Finally David was able to catch up to his son and grabbed him before he could crawl under another clothes rack.

"I'd better go...see what they want me to do about all the damage. Can you watch him a bit?" he asked.

"I'll take care of it," Rumple said.

"You don't have to..."

The sorcerer walked over to the checkout counter and asked to speak to the manager on duty and clever dealmaker that he was, he asked the cashier to give him the grand total of everything that was broken and charged it to his Black AmEx.

When they did the closeout for the day, the total sales was the highest in the store's history and everyone got a thousand dollar bonus.

"Well let's see...what the day's brought us so far," David sighed. "My kid almost destroyed Bon-Ton, Ellie wanted to burn the whole mall down, Robin lost his wallet..."

"My daughter nearly screamed my walls down because I wouldn't let her bring the Happy Army shopping," Rumple added.

"Then we had Tarzan Hopper over there!" Jeff teased.

"Oh knock it off!" Archie grouched. "He has to have gotten it from his mother because I sure as hell didn't climb trees when I was his age!"

They took the kids to Applebees for lunch but three of them were unusually quiet. Adriana and Jonny wanted to go to the pet store while Maggie kept seeing and hearing things. The missing little boy was close by but she needed her daddy to take her to find him. Finally she stood up. "Daddy…we gotta go find him. He's here an' if we don't hurry he's gonna get 'napped again!"

"Go on, Jeff. I'll call the police for you," Rumple offered.

"You think she can find him, Daddy?" Ellie asked her father.

"She will," Adriana said confidently. "We's the True Love Mafia an' we can use our gifts to help people, right Papa?"

"You can, mo astor, but you also have to be careful like I've been telling you."

"Cause people might try to take 'vantage of us, Driana," said Ellie.

"Yeah an' they would lock ya up in the Shop, Ellie, an' make ya burn stuff to see how good you are at it," Roland added.

"Roland, I take it you were hiding somewhere while we watched Firestarter?" Robin asked his son.

The boy looked away.

"Don't do it again!"

After lunch, David and Robin took their children to Foot Locker while Rumple and Archie took theirs to the pet store.

"Papa, can we get a kitty?"

"Adriana, dearie...I'll have to think about it...okay?"

"Daddy, can we get a playmate for Zach?"

"Jonny, I don't think that'll be a good idea..."

"We were gonna get a Perdy for Pongo. Why don't we get a girl for Zach?"

Rumple burst out laughing. "He wants a mate for his snake?"

"Yes. The next thing he'll be telling me is he wants to find Mickey one too."

"Marie would have a fit."

"And I would lose my nice warm bed."

While the fathers were talking the kids studied the animals in the cages, sensing they were all unhappy. Jonny walked up to the cage holding another garter snake.

"They're not happy Jonny. Ask 'im if it's 'cause they're not 'dopted."

"We gotta be careful, Driana. Don't want anyone to see."

"Unca Archie and Papa are 'stractin the guy who works here but you better hurry up."

"Kay."

Adriana kept watch while her cousin spoke to the snake in the cage. She could only hear it hissing but to her cousin those sounds were words.

Jonny listened attentively as the snake spoke not liking one bit what he was hearing. Most of the pets in the shop were in poor health from poor diets and improper care or outright neglect.

"Driana we gotta get em outta here. They's not being taken care of good. That's why they're not happy!"

She could sense it too and when she approached a cage with some kittens in it she could see it with her own eyes. Her mama and papa raised her to believe that animals deserved to be treated with as much respect as humans but some people still treated them like they were dumb animals. It was horrifying to the child.

"We gotta get the keys since I'm not 'llowed to use magic."

"I can do it," Jonny said.

The keys were hanging on a peg high on the wall. Jonny pushed a chair over to the wall and Adriana threw a box on top of it. "Can ya make it?" Adriana asked him when he climbed up onto the chair.

"Yep! I got em!"

"Kay, let's get em outta here!"

Out on the sales floor Rumple and Archie were both noticing the same thing their children did. The pets for sale appeared to be miserable and poorly cared for and the clerk on duty seemed more interested in the cellphone buzzing on his desk than answering their questions. Archie was asking if he knew of any Dalmatian breeders in town and Rumple was considering buying a kitten after Belle sent him a message that she wanted a cat too.

Wanting to get the two old men and their kids out of the shop fast so that he could play a game on his cellphone, the clerk started searching for Dalmatian owners on the shop's computer and while the three of them were distracted by reading the screen, a mob of animals being led by two toddlers raced out of the shop.

"SNAKES!" a woman in the lobby screamed.

All hell broke loose then. People were screaming and running everywhere to get away from a group of snakes slithering on the floor in front of Jonny. A salamander jumped onto a woman's back and she chased it with her purse. A frog jumped into another's low cut blouse and she ran around screaming as she tried to get it out and a group of dogs and cats ran down the escalator to the first floor.

"What the hell is going on out there... oh my gods!" Rumple exclaimed when he limped over to the shop entrance.

Cats jumped onto the potted trees and railings in the mall and ran through the legs of the shoppers, meowing. People tripped trying to avoid them and some even fell, their purchases spilling all over the floor.

Puppies ran amok, jumping all over people, barking, and peeing on the floor. They ran into the stores and knocked over displays and chewed clothes and shoes.

"Holy crap! Daddy, lookit! There's doggies everywhere!" Neal cried, pointing at a group of puppies.

"I want one!" demanded Ellie.

One or two excited males were mounting poles and some unfortunate customers' legs.

"Ewww gross!" Jason groaned.

Upstairs two fathers wished they had Calgon to take them away knowing THEIR children were responsible for the anarchy in the mall.

As Archie approached his son he slipped on a puddle of dog urine and fell to the floor.

"Who let the dogs out?" someone cried.

"Yippee!" screamed a hyper child. "It's like Wild Kingdom!"

He laughed as a woman in a short skirt attempted to climb a potted palm to get away from the snake inching along on the floor by her foot. "Hey, lady! I can see your undies!"

"Me too!" Ellie shouted. "And boy, are they UG-LEE!"

"Eleanor May!" Robin growled.

"I found a real Kermit!" exclaimed Jason, picking up a frog. "Daddy, I wanna keep him!"

Adriana stood still. Her father didn't just have a frownie on his face as he stalked over to her. He had the You Are In Serious Trouble Look and she knew her bottom was going to be sore.

Archie, drenched in urine and his back and shoulder hurting like hell, approached his own son.

"John Wayne Hopper, what in the gods name have you done!?" he cried.

"We hadta do it, Daddy!" the toddler protested.

"And ye'll be explainin' yerself too, Adriana Isabelle Gold!"

"But . . .but Papa, they was bein' mean to all the kitties and puppies! They was hurtin' them and I had to set 'em free!" Adriana defended. "Look! Now they's happy!"

"An they were being mean to these guys too, right?" Jonny asked a snake at his feet. It hissed in agreement.

"And ye caused quite a ruckus, dearie! If ye thought the animals were being mistreated ye should have told me and I would have taken care of it properly."

Her lower lip trembled. "But you was busy talkin' to that dumb man. You wasn't payin' attention."

"I was tryin' to help Uncle Archie find a Dalmatian breeder, and you didn't even come and tell me about what you were upset about! I'm not a mind reader, dearie, and now look at the shenanigans ye've caused!"

"M'not lettin em go back in that bad place!"

"Me neither!" Jonny said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at his father and uncle defiantly.

"We'll deal with that later, John Wayne Hopper! We had this talk before, didn't we about letting animals loose and scaring people? Someone could have gotten seriously injured because you weren't thinking!" Archie snapped.

Rumple looked at Archie. He knew the animals had been mistreated there and probably obtained illegally. "Perhaps we need to call Animal Control," he muttered. Then he recalled that he still had to deal with his daughter and said abruptly, "Adriana, ye know better than to do something like that! Look at all the people who tripped and fell and got hurt running away from the snakes and puppies."

"I didn't think anyone would get hurt, Papa..." she wailed.

Archie took his son's hand and limped over to a bench.

"Daddy, why you walkin funny?"

"Because I slipped in a mess one of the dogs made as I'm sure someone else did, Jonny, and that is why I keep at you to be more responsible with pets."

Adriana looked up at her father, her eyes filled with tears. "M'sorry Papa!"

Rumple sighed, reminding himself that he couldn't be taken in by those big tear-filled eyes. "Sorry doesna fix the damage ye and Jonny caused by letting the pets out." He gave her a Disappointed Look.

"I'm gonna have a sore butt now?"

"You should, you crazy brat!" yelled the woman Ellie had been poking fun at.

"Awww shuddup, ugly undies!" Ellie yelled back and stuck her tongue out.

Rumple frowned. He didn't want a law suit on his hands. Or several of them. So he used his magic to make the woman forget she had ever heard anything of what had been said, replacing the conversation with one about respecting animals instead.

"This is one helluva mess, Rumple," David mumbled.

"Aye, I know," the sorcerer agreed. He fixed his daughter with a stern Look. "Ye'll be payin' a visit with me to my study when we get home, young lady."

"I know..." she said sadly.

"And you and I will be having a talk in my office, Jonny, after I get a shower," Archie informed his son.

"Yeah...no offense, Archie but you smell bad," Robin said, trying to make the best of the situation.

If looks could kill, the former outlaw would've been dead on the spot.

"I think I have some new gray hairs," muttered Rumple. He hated having to punish his children, but that was one of the down sides of being a good parent.

"At least you still have all your hair. Look at mine," Archie grumbled, pointing to his receding hairline.

"I see it. Being a parent is the hardest job there is," Rumple remarked.

"Yes but we're hopefully better at it than the ones we had. My father wouldn't have cared if I did something like this but I got the worst beating of my life when I had a hole in my shirt pocket and lost all the money I lifted from people at a fair once."

"What're we gonna do about this?" David inquired.

"I can make a few phone calls," Rumple allowed, thinking that Malcolm had done just as bad to him just for asking for supper once.

"Better make 'em quick, Rumple, before we all end up in jail."

Rumple got on his phone and called several people, including the ASPCA and cited them several observations of cruelty and neglect. He also told them of the negligence of the employee working there who left his keys where anyone could take them and let animals out. He implied that letting the animals out had been an accident on the part of the children because they wanted to see the snakes and kittens. And he offered to pay for any damages the mall had incurred as well as setting up a fund for those people who were injured when the animals escaped.

"I'll get some money out of the bank and help you out with this, Rumple since my son was involved too," Archie said.

"We'll figure it out," the attorney said, and thanked God that he had some very deep pockets. And that no one had been seriously injured just minor bumps and bruises.

Never a dull moment with these children! he thought wryly.

"Can we go home now, Daddy?" Neal asked.

"I still have something to pick up yet."

"So do I," Robin admitted.

"I wanna see if Maggie an' Jeff caught that 'napper and found the missing kid!" Ellie cried.

"All right, then let's finish up and get out of here," Rumple said, taking his daughter by the hand. "You stay right by me, Adriana. No more wandering off anywhere."

"I think I'd better go home and get a shower, Rumple..." Archie said.

"Yeah you realllly stink!" Jason said, holding his nose.

"Okay . . .and I'm finished here too," Rumple agreed, thinking maybe he'd better get Adriana out of there before something else happened.

Bidding a goodbye to the others, Rumple, Archie and their children went out to the parking lot to Rumple's car. Before they got in the sorcerer conjured a seat cover over the front passenger seat.

"I'm sorry, Archie, but I don't want that smell in my car."

"Well if it's any consolation I'm not fond of having it on my clothes and in my hair!"

"Papa, why don't you just magic it away?" Adriana inquired.

"No, no...he's done enough today. I'll just take a long hot shower."

They headed back to Rumple's Victorian so that Archie could drive himself and Jonny back to their house in his own vehicle.

Meanwhile, Maggie and her father were searching the mall for the terrified boy she was seeing in her visions. She stopped at the entrance to JC Penny's.

"We gotta hurry, Daddy! They's lookin for him too!"

"Okay, Mags, where is he?"

"This way!" She took his hand and led him to the men's department of the store. They approached a rack holding a collection of Izod shirts. Maggie pointed to the soles of a pair of sneakers sticking out from underneath the rack.

She crawled under the rack. The other boy backed away from her.

"S'okay. We're not gonna hurt ya," she assured him.

"Who're you?' he asked.

"M'Maggie Hatter. Ya don't havta be scared. Me an' my daddy ain't gonna let those 'nappers get ya. We're gonna have em underarrested!" she whispered.

"You are?" he asked hopefully.

"Uh-huh. She pointed to her father's legs. "My daddy's right out there bein lookout, he's a cop."

"Everything okay in there, Mags?" Jeff whispered.

"Yep...ya call the cops yet, Daddy?"

"They're on their way," he assured her. "You stay there with him until I tell you to come out."

"Kay, Daddy."

Jeff pretended to be texting someone on his cellphone as people passed him by. Then a man approached him.

The little boy under the shirt rack whimpered. Maggie pressed a finger to her lips.

"Mags...there's a pants rack a few feet in front of you...under there...go!" Jeff ordered.

Maggie and the boy crawled on their bellies over to the other rack and hid when the man walked up to Jeff.

"You seem my kid around here? He took off!" he said angrily.

"What's he look like?" Jeff asked.

The man gave the boy's description. "Haven't seen him," Jeff lied, wishing he had his hat with him so that Maggie could take the boy somewhere safe with it.

"Thanks for nothing!" the man yelled and was about to run off when Jeff tackled him to the ground.

"What the hell...?" he demanded.

"Mags...go!" he shouted.

The little girl was terrified the kidnapper would hurt her father but she also knew they had to get the boy to safety. She crawled out from under the pants rack with the boy's hand in hers and they ran out of the store in search of her grandfather.

"Where we goin?"

"We gotta get my daddy some help till the cops come an underarrest that 'napper. My pappy n' Robin can help an' so can Mister Rumple an' Archie.

They found the others at LIDS Locker room. "Granpa...we found 'im but you gotta hurry. Daddy's got the 'napper on the ground an' the cops ain't here yet!"

"Awight, Maggie...Ya got 'im!" cheered Ellie.

"Who're you guys?" the little boy inquired.

"We's the True Love Mafia. M'Ellie and these are my brothers, Roland an' Jason...an' that's Neal."

"Neal's my uncle," Maggie added.

The little boy looked confused. "How comes your uncle's the same age as you? Your mom really young or what?"

"Ummmm...kinda."

"What's your name?" Ellie asked him.

"M'Matt."

David picked Matt up. "Let's go!"

By the time they got to JC Penny's officers from the Portland Police department had Matt's abductor in custody and were thanking Jeff for helping him apprehend him.

Reporters were already on the scene reporting on the Great Pet Shop escape and wanted to interview Maggie and Jeff but father and daughter refused all requests for interviews to resume shopping with the rest of the family.

Their final stop was Best Buy. Robin and David were looking for the surround sound system that was being advertised and so were a lot of other people. The kids went over to the movie section and looked through the titles the store had to offer. Roland picked up Thor on BlueRay. He was going to ask his father to buy it for them.

David grabbed the last of the systems off the shelf when someone else yanked it out of his hands.

"Excuse me, I'm buying that!" David protested.

A taller man dressed in camouflage glared down at him. "No you're not. I am."

He shoved the former prince aside.

"Are you crazy?" David asked. The man lunged at him and as he was about to strike him Robin tapped him on the shoulder.

When the man spun around, Robin slugged him.

"You wanna fight asshole? C'mon!" Robin challenged.

The man lunged at Robin next and knocked him to the ground.

David jumped on the man's back.

"Get him, Daddy! Get him!" cheered Neal.

"Beat him up good, Daddy!" yelled Robin and Jason.

"Kick him in the balls!" shouted Ellie.

Robin wanted to laugh because that was something her mother would've said but he was too busy trying to get the giant off him while David was defending himself against the man's friend who joined in the brawl.

"Daddy, we gotta underarrest those guys. They hit Granpa an' Mister Robin!" Maggie cried.

Jeff attempted to separate the brawlers and was shoved into a DVD display. Two security guards came over and managed to pull the men apart.

"Yous underarrest! Up against t' wall an' spread em!" yelled Maggie.

"Up yours, half pint!" one of the men snarled at her.

"Watch what you say to my kid or you'll be missing a few teeth," Jeff threatened.

"Uh oh...the cops are comin'!" Jason groaned when he spotted two police officers walking into the store.

The officers questioned everyone and the man who started the fight blamed everything on David until Jeff showed the officers his badge and gave his version of events that supported David's.

"Even if you pull the security camera recordings you'll see Mr. Nolan was assaulted first and Mr. Hood was merely coming to his defense."

"You tell em, Daddy!" Maggie encouraged. She stuck her tongue out at the man who started the fight. "Yous gonna go to jail!"

The officers took the other two men into custody and Jeff, David and Robin's information to file the charges. As they were all walking out of the store, the security monitor beeped at them.

"What the hell...?" Jeff groaned.

The clerk approached Robin. "Sir, your son has something in his pocket."

"What?" he cried and scowled at his sons.

"Uh oh..." Roland muttered and brought out the BluRay.

"Roland, what are you doing with that? This isn't Sherwood Forest," he whispered.

"Ummm...ummm...I forgot to give it to you..." he said nervously.

"Yous underarrest, Roland. Ya gotta face t'wall and spread em," said Maggie.

"Mags, enough!" Jeff snapped.

"I didn't mean to do it, Daddy!" he cried fearfully. "I don't wanna go to jail!"

They paid for the BluRay, apologized to the clerk and quickly left the mall before they could get into any more trouble.

Rumple had just managed to avoid the worst part of a holiday traffic jam going home and was turning off the highway to the road which led home when the Caddy shuddered ominously. "What the hell?" he muttered, and tried to give it more gas.

Suddenly it just died, right in the middle of his turn.

"Papa...why we stopped?" Adriana asked.

"Umm . . .I don't know," a worried Rumple said. "Something happened to my car! And Tillman just serviced it a month ago." He put the hazards on, for the car was quite immovable. "I cannae believe this!"

The Cadillac was a vintage model, which he kept in great condition and he had never had a problem with it before.

"Rumple...I hate to say this but it sounds like the transmission...that's what happened to my old Chevy," Archie said.

"Can we fix it, Papa?" Adriana inquired.

"What?" the pawnbroker cried. "But . . .the idiots down at the garage said everything was fine!" He got out of the car, his great coat flapping, to see if he could notice anything from the outside. He was very upset, since the car was his baby, and no one drove it except him.

"Daddy, can we go home yet?" Jonny asked.

"In a little bit, Jonny."

He rolled down the window. "You see anything leaking under it Rumple?" he called out.

"Yes . . . there's a red stain," the attorney called.

"That's transmission fluid. Better call the tow truck."

"Eww!" Adriana cried. "Like blood!" she was actually glad they were delayed knowing what waited for her when they did get home.

Jonny just wanted to get his punishment over with.

Rumple groaned. "My poor baby!" he rested his hand on the hood of the car.

He patted the Caddy lovingly. "Dinna worry, sweetheart. We'll get ye fixed." He pulled out his cell and dialed roadside assistance, which was Tillman's Garage.

"Sounds like you did when your old car died, Daddy."

"Except there was a lot more wrong with it, Jonny, and it was too small for all of us to fit in so I had to junk it."

Adriana frowned. "Papa, I'M your baby . . .not this old heap of scrap metal!" she had heard someone on TV refer to a broken down car like that.

"Hey! Don't ye call her that!" Rumple cried. "She's no ready for the junkyard yet, mo astor."

Archie frowned. That was the problem with women. They just didn't understand that men and cars had a special bond too.

"Mommy thought you were nuts when you got upset your old car hadta be junked," Jonny said to his father.

"Well...I had it a long time..."

"It's not a SHE Papa, it's an IT and it's not human!" Adriana corrected.

Rumple got back in the car as it was too cold to stay outside. "Yes, and I've had mine longer than you've been alive, Adriana."

"Oh so ya love this ole hunka junk more'n me, is that it?"

"Dearie, she's special to me just like you're special," Rumple attempted to explain. "We've been together a long time."

"Papa, it's a CAR so what?"

Archie chuckled in spite of himself. "She sounds just like Marie and Gisella."

"I don't get it, Daddy."

"Trust me Jonny, when you're older and have your own car, you will."

"Adriana, it's like .. .lemme see if I can put it so's ye understand . . .." Rumple thought for a moment. "Remember when ye used to carry around that baby blanket I made ye, and you took it everywhere? And one day it got unravelled from Bae putting it in the washing machine by mistake? And ye had the world's worst fit and I had to make ye a new one? Well, it's kinda like that."

"So this car's kinda like my old blankie? But you can't sleep with it."

"No . . . but once or twice I fell asleep in it," her father chuckled. "Back when I worked insane hours at my shop."

While they waited for Tillman's tow truck to show up, Archie and Rumple let the kids play some games on their phones. Jonny played Minecraft while Adriana played Cafeland, since she liked to cook.

Finally the towtruck arrived with Tillman himself at the wheel. "Don't worry, Mr. Gold. We'll take her back to the shop and fix her up in a jiffy," he assured the attorney while he attached the tow cables.

"You'd better, Michael," Gold warned.

"Yeah, or else Papa's gonna sue your sorry ass!" Adriana put in, wearing a scowl reminiscent of Rumple's.

"Adriana!" Rumple reprimanded. "You want to get Ivory too when we get home?"

She covered her mouth with a hand. "Nooo! M'sorry! I forgot 'cause you was mad about your baby!"

"Well, I'll be sure to take good care of her," Tillman reassured again, chuckling. "You've got your hands full there, Mr. Gold."

"Yes, I know," he agreed. "And by the time she's old enough to date my head's gonna be white as snow."

"Why, Papa? You're not that old," his little moppet said ingenuously.

Rumple smothered a laugh. "Because, dearie, you're gonna turn my hair white with your antics," he answered, his mouth quirking in a trademark smirk. Then they all got in the truck with Michael.

Tillman wrinkled his nose. "Uh . . .what's that SMELL?"

"Daddy fell in dog pee," Jonny piped up helpfully.

"The puppies had a accident at the mall," Adriana added.

"It's a LONG story," groaned Archie. "And I really need a shower. Let's go home, please."

"Sure thing. Sounds like the shopping trip to hell and back."

"You aren't kidding!" Archie said feelingly.

Belle was waiting outside for them when the truck pulled into the driveway of the Victorian. The incident at the mall had already been on the news and she was upset with her daughter for being so reckless.

She also knew her husband would have to give her a spanking, something he despised doing but it was necessary. The chaos she'd seen was unbelievable and there was no doubt in her mind her husband had to put all his deal making skills to work to fix it.

And now to make matters worse, Rumple's car was broken down. He'd had quite the stressful day and was going to be in need of some TLC and she had just the thing in mind...

"I'm not even going to ask how everything went, Rumple. I saw it all," she said.

She gave her daughter a Disappointed Look.

Adriana started sniffling. "M'sorry, Mama . . .I was jus' tryin' to help the kitties and puppies."

Rumple rubbed his eyes and limped into the house. He'd had the day from hell and it wasn't over yet.

"And I'm sure your father told why what you've done was wrong and now you have to accept the consequences of your actions and learn from them."

Adriana hung her head, ashamed. She hated getting spanked, but she hated even more that she'd made her parents upset at her.

"Now go on...to the study and talk to Papa."

Why me? Rumple thought mournfully as he led his daughter into his study.

"Rumple...come up to our room when...when you're finished," Belle said to him.

"Okay, sweetheart," he replied, then he shut the door behind him.

He picked up his daughter and sat down in his chair, saying quietly, "Now, you know what you did is wrong, dearie, but let me go over it again, so I'm sure you understand not to do that again," he lectured. When he was finished, he gave her the promised spanking, and then he hugged her and whispered, "Please, mo astor, don't make me do that again. It hurts me worse than it does you."

"You ain't the one with a sore butt!" his treasure sobbed, rubbing it.

"No, but I've got a sore heart from doin' it," he replied, knowing she would sense his sincere regret and sorrow. "But ye've learned your lesson, haven't ye?"

"Yes, Papa..."

She threw her arms around him. "No more frownies...please...I hate it when you have frownies cause of me..."

"Then please stop doin' things that make me sad," he reiterated. He kissed her forehead. "I love you, Rumplette. Even when ye cost me the moon with yer shenanigans. Then again, I oughta be used to it by now considering what Bae put me through."

"Did he let a buncha animals loose and they made people go crazy?"

"No, but he did let my neighbor's goats out and they caused an awful ruckus running through people's yards and eatin' their laundry and flowers before they were caught."

"Didja spank him like me and tell him not to do it again 'cause it hurts you more?"

"Aye, I did," her father said. "And I made him help my neighbor take care o' them for a few days too."

"Papa, what's gonna happen to all those animals we let loose...are they gonna be taken care of...and be happy again?"

"I hope so. The people from the ASPCA will see to that."

He tapped her nose. "And next time you want a kitten, we'll go pick one out from the shelter or something."

"Kay. I really do wanna kitten an' so does Mama."

"Perhaps you can put that on your list for Santa to bring you."

"I can do that." She hugged him again. "I love you bunches Papa."

Her love was like a golden glow that warmed him from the inside out and he hugged her back, thinking that there was no greater love than this, and there never would be.

"See...no more frownies. I chase 'em away."

"You do . . .for the most part," he agreed. "Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for awhile, till I tell you to come out. I want you to think about your behavior an' what you could've done differently, okay?"

"Kay, Papa."

She gave him another kiss and retreated to her bedroom, already deep in thought.

Michael Tillman breathed a sigh of relief as he brought the truck to a stop in the driveway of the Hopper Dutch Colonial. The strong scent of dog urine was turning his stomach.

Marie was also waiting outside, having been alerted to the disaster at the mall by Belle. She scowled at her son.

"John Wayne Hopper, I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am with you right now."

Jonny looked at his shoes, unable to meet her eyes. "Sorry, Mommy."

"Honey, sorry is not going to be enough...you know that and you know Daddy doesn't like having to spank you." She didn't either. "Do you think I wanted to this morning when you crawled up that tree?"

She glanced over at her husband. He looked tired and his clothes and hair reeked of dog urine. "Darling, why don't you take a shower and I'll handle this."

"No...it's my turn," he sighed.

Marie took her son's hand and led him into his father's office.

"Archie...I'll handle this...go on."

"All right."

She sat down on the sofa and picked her son up. "Now how many swats do I usually give you and why?"

"Three an' one, is four," recited her son.

"And do you remember why?"

"Uh huh. Three for how old I am an' one so's I 'member to be good."

"Right. And what you did was wrong sweetie. Your heart was in the right place...but when you knew what was wrong with the animals in the shop you should have told your father and Uncle, not let them run loose and scare everyone. And a lot of people got hurt, including Daddy. Understand?"

"Uh huh. I jus' wanted the snakes to get away from the bad people. But I didn't mean for Daddy to fall down. Or Uncle Rumple." Then he put a hand over his mouth. "Oops! That was suppost to be a secret."

"Uncle Rumple got hurt too? Jonny!"

"He tripped when a snake slithered up his cane n' scared him. But he said he was okay an' not to say nothin'. He didn't want nobody to worry, an' he put the snake in a shopping bag and gave him to the animal people."

"Now do you see what I mean? A lot of people are frightened of snakes. Remember how terrified I was when you left the lid off Zach's cage and he got in the shower?"

"Uh huh. You screamed like you was in a horror show."

"Right...but what if it was an elderly person. It could have literally scared them to death!"

"Like they woulda died?"

"Yes."

The child was horrified. "I don't want anybody to die!"

"The next time you need to think more before you act, honey and if your father were the one talking to you, he'd say the same thing."

"Okay, Mommy."

"Now please don't make me have to do this again," she pleaded as she had that morning. She gave him three firm swats and one more for remembrance.

"I won't!" Jonny promised, crying into her shoulder afterwards. He imagined Adriana was saying the same thing to Rumple. "I'm sorry I'm always in trouble. Does that mean I'm gonna get nuttin' for Christmas?"

"Of course you're getting something for Christmas! Jonny, if you want the truth...I was like this when I was your age...and older...and your pappy always made sure I had gifts for Christmas."

"You were? Did Granpappy spank you too?" he asked wide-eyed.

"Oh, many times but he didn't know I was a tree climber...and neither does your father but I think it's time I told him."

"I thought so!" Archie exclaimed from the doorway.

"You climbed trees like me?" her son was impressed.

""Don't think that means you can still do it, John Wayne Hopper!" his father said firmly.

"I did...but I had to stop doing it after something bad happened..."

"Like what? You fell?"

"Yes...and I broke my arm...but I lied and told my father I fell down the steps in our castle."

"You're lucky you didn't break your neck, Marie. Now why did you climb trees...hmmm?"

Two pairs of inquiring blue eyes stared back at her.

"Yeah why?"

"Well...your Aunt Belle and I...were a lot like your grandmas...we wanted to do more than just sit around and look pretty and I wanted to prove I could do things boys could do...like ride horses and climb trees." She smiled at the memory. "Now your Aunt Belle can ride a horse...but she wasn't good at climbing trees."

Archie smirked. "I wonder if Rumple knows that little tidbit..."

"Jonny, the lesson you need to learn from all this is that taking risks can be dangerous and what you did in that mall was dangerous for the reasons I gave you."

"I'll remember," he vowed. Then he asked, "Mommy can we get a girl snake for Zach?"

"What! Ummm...I thought we were going to try to find a mate for Pongo first..."

"What 'bout after that?"

"Ummm...I don't know..."

"Why...would you want Zach to have a mate?"

"So's he not lonely."

"Then...then they'd want to have babies..." she cringed. "Jonny do you know how many babies a snake can have...it's much more than a dog...or even I can have at one time!"

"Whoa!"

"Some of them can have three but...most of them can have 80 or more!"

Jonny's eyes bulged. "Really? Umm . . .maybe we'd better wait then."

"Yes. For now you have something to say to your father."

"Daddy, I'm sorry you got hurt when I let the snakes out an' I won't do it again."

Archie hugged his son. "Please don't, Jonny. Like your mother said, they could've scared someone to death."

"I know. Not everybody unnerstands snakes like I do."

"The next time you feel an animal is being mistreated, you come to me and we'll take care of it properly, understand?"

"Okay. I will."

"You're going to be grounded for a week. That means no playing outside whatsoever. You need to think about what you did and the best way to handle it if it happens again."

"And Jonny...no trying to sneak out like last time," his mother added.

He sighed. "Okay."

"Okay pardner let's get you to your room and ahhhhh..." Archie tried to pick his son up and hissed in pain.

"Daddy!"

"Archie, honey, are you all right?"

"Back's still a bit sore."

"You'd better lie down."

"I have to make dinner..."

"Not tonight. I'll call in a delivery order from Granny's. Jonny, what do you want?"

"Pizza!"

Archie made a face. "Her pizza is terrible! That's it...I'm cooking. My son is not eating roadkill!"

"We can order from Tony's," Jonny said.

"They burned it that last time!"

Marie rolled her eyes. "I don't know who's the worst food critic..your daddy..or your sister."

"We can go over Uncle Rumple's. He's makin' barbequed pork an' cheeseburgers!"

"I don't know if he's up to company, Marie...you can ask though..."

"Now that's NOT roadkill," Gisella declared from the doorway. "Hey Jonny...heard about your little adventure at the mall in school."

"How, Sella?"

"They were watchin it in the teacher's lounge."

"Does everybody know?" asked her brother.

"Yup!"

"Do they know Maggie found a missing kid too?"

"Yep."

"And Robin, David and Jeff got in a fight in Best Buy."

"What?" their parents exclaimed.

"I don't think you guys should be let out of town without a keeper!" Marie frowned.

"Well, darling, need I remind you, YOU didn't want to go."

"Next time I'm going . . .or else the mall might blow up."

"I don't think they'll let us anywhere near the place again."

"So . . . we gonna eat at Aunt Belle's?" asked Sella hopefully. Eating there was as good as eating when her daddy cooked at home.

"I'll give Rumple a call and ask," Archie offered.

"Yay!"

While her husband called the Gold house, Marie called Belle's cellphone. She'd taken a peek into the bag her husband brought home from Victoria's Secret and a plan formed in her mind. The question was how soon she would be able to put it into action.

"Belle, the kids want to eat at your house tonight but...our boys need a little TLC after the day they've had. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I was going to get Rumple in the hot tub and give him a massage . . among other things," she replied. "And we wouldn't mind if you came over. Rumple cooks enough for half the homeless people in the Enchanted Forest."

Marie giggled. "I'm going to have to talk Archie into installing one...or an indoor pool. And...if he's feeling up to it...he's going to get his Christmas present a bit early..."

Belle chuckled wickedly. "Sounds like someone's planning something a little . . .racy."

"You should see what he bought me to wear Christmas Eve, sweetie."

"I wonder if Rumple got me something?"

"He did but I'm not supposed to tell..." Marie taunted.

"Let's make a deal, Marie." Belle bargained.

"I'm listening..."

"Okay. If you tell me what Rumple bought me . . .I'll make you your favorite dessert tonight."

"Hmmmm...tempting..."

"I got the recipe from our chef," Belle wheedled, having traded Rumple's Golden Delights for it last time they were in Avonlea.

"I'll tell you what...if Rumple takes care of my baby's little back problem so I can let him enjoy his Christmas gift...AND I get my favorite dessert...you have a deal."

"The deal is struck," Belle said, knowing she didn't even have to ask Rumple to heal Archie.

"Sooner later...you ARE going to let us borrow that hot tub...just till we get one."

"We'll make it a night when we're out at the movies with the family," Belle said.

Now she had to go to the store and buy some things to make red velvet cheesecake tarts with chocolate sauce, but it was worth it.

"We'd better enjoy it while we can, sweetie, because later on none of us will be in the mood for it."

"Yeah I know. And Rumple really went through the wringer today."

"So did Archie. He was in so much pain trying to pick Jonny up that I was worried."

"Aww! Rumple can fix it. And he was hurting more emotionally-first his car broke down and then he had to spank Adriana and when he came out of his study he looked like he'd been battling demons . . .his own, I'm betting."

"I know every time Archie has to spank either of the kids he thinks about how his parents used to hit him...and what Gaston used to do to me...but we're not like them...we don't WANT to do that to the ones we love."

"No, and sometimes I offer to discipline in Rumple's place, but he insists the parent who Adriana misbehaves for is the one who needs to punish her. And I know Rumple detests doing so because of what his father did to him."

"I punished Jonny both times today because Archie already fell once today getting our son out of that damned tree and just now because he was tired and needed a shower."

"Sounds like you could use a rest too," Belle said sympathetically. "But at least our kids know they're loved and forgiven when they do something wrong . . .like Papa taught us."

"What I need is to cuddle with my husband..." Marie murmured.

"Hey, why don't I send Rumple over with the food and he can heal Archie while he's there and you don't have to go anywhere tonight?" Belle suggested.

"He won't mind?"

"No . . .not when I tell him what I have in mind for later," her sister smirked sassily.

"Ooooh I see. Going to make a deal with him, sister dear?"

"My husband loves his deals," Belle giggled.

"And he taught you well!" Marie laughed. "I owe you, Belle."

"Family doesn't owe family, Marie."

"But...he got you a very sexy nightie with roses, satin, and a bit of lace..." Marie whispered.

Belle sighed dreamily. "Ohh! I can't wait to unwrap it!"

"Like I said...my husband is going to unwrap me in the little red satin cami and short set he got me tonight..."

"Have fun!"

"Ohhhh I will!"

Belle hung up and went to tell Rumple the terms of her deal, and then went to the store to buy everything needed to make the red velvet tarts. Rumple was going to make them, of course. But it didn't matter who did so, just that they were made.

While her husband rested on the sofa, Marie went upstairs to change.

"Papa, why don't you let me drive you over to Uncle Archie's?" Bae offered. Now that the Dark Curse was broken Bae's aging process had resumed again and he'd just turned seventeen and passed his driver's test.

At first Rumple feared he would once again turn into an old man from Rasputin's spell but his own magic combined with the love a father had for his son allowed him to age as a normal person like everyone else in the town now did.

Rumple was planning on surprising him with his own car as a Christmas gift but the boy would have to get a job to pay for its upkeep.

Belle handed her son her car keys. "Yes, you can drive. Just be careful, honey."

"I will, Mama."

"And...I'll see you in the spa when you get home..." Belle whispered in her husband's ear.

"Aye, an I'll be lookin forward t' it my sweetheart..." he murmured.

"Papa, gimme kiss 'nite fore you go, please?" Adriana begged.

Rumple scooped his daughter up and kissed her nose then both of her cheeks. "Good night, mo astor and..."

"Don't let the bad fairies bite!" she recited, recalling watching Labyrinth with her father where the fairies actually did bite people.

Bae ruffled his sister's hair. "Night, Rumplette."

Then Belle took Adriana up to bed while father and son got in her Mini Cooper.

Bae was nervous driving his father around, Rumple had a tendency to be a backseat driver.

"Bae...you need to start slowing down a bit earlier before you reach the stop signs...and the traffic lights," he advised. "That's why you failed your test six times."

"M'workin on it."

"And ease up on the lead foot before you get a speeding ticket."

"You wanna drive?" his son demanded crossly.

"Curb the attitude lad an' listen t'what I tell ye!"

"Okay, okay..." Bae grumbled.

"Ye wanna let t'other cars know ye're turning or do ye wanna wait 'til one o' them hits the back end of yer mama's car?"

"Papa...never mind!"

He was relieved when they turned into the Hoppers driveway. Jonny greeted them at the door. "Mommy, Daddy! Unca Rumple n'Bae are here!"

"In the living room!" Marie called out.

Archie lay face down on the sofa sleeping with his shirt off, a large bruise on his back near his old cricket wing burn scar. "Archie...wake up..." Rumple said gently.

"What...? Oh...Rumple...probably gonna have to sleep on the couch tonight...too sore..." his brother-in-law said groggily.

"No you won't, dearie." Rumple called on his healing magic and placed his hand over the bruise.

"Rumple, you don't have to..."

"Just relax, darling," Marie soothed.

"Hurts..." he moaned.

She leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "Picture this in your mind...our bedroom...and me wearing that little red satin number you bought me with a bow on my head...a Christmas gift you can unwrap early..."

"Marie! That...was for Christmas Eve!"

"Well...there are twelve days of Christmas and I'm the gift that keeps on giving..." she purred.

Rumple had no idea what his sister-in-law was saying to Archie nor did he need to. The heated looks they were giving each other spoke volumes and while his brother-in-law was going to be spending the rest of his evening in bed...he had a warm spa and an even warmer wife waiting for him at home.

"How do you feel now?" he asked.

"Much better. Thank you, Rumple. You didn't have to do this."

"We're family, Hopper, and you'd better not forget it." the sorcerer said with a grin. "Now enjoy your dinner...and your early Christmas gift," he added with a wink.

"What Christmas gift?" asked Jonny.

"Ummm...ummm...it was a joke, honey," Marie said quickly.

Rumple giggled. "Well, I'd better get going...have my own...ahhh….gift waiting at home."

"Rumple!" Marie cried. "Must I get the broom!?"

"Not the broom!"

"Better you than me...dearie!" Archie chuckled.

It was close to Jonny and Gisella's bedtime when they finished dinner. After they tucked their children in and returned to their bedroom Marie locked the door and smiled at her husband.

"Make yourself comfortable...I'll be right back."

Archie found himself nodding off several times while Marie was in the bathroom. Then the door opened and all thoughts of sleeping deserted him when he caught sight of his goddess in the doorway striking a seductive pose in the red satin cami and short set with a red Christmas ribbon on her head.

"Do you know how they have those cards that say don't open until Christmas Eve?" she asked softly.

"Yes..."

He suspected she was paying him back a bit for date night when he did a little teasing of his own with her.

"And you did say this was for Christmas Eve, didn't you?"

"Marie..."

She crawled into bed and pulled him into her arms. "Let's celebrate Christmas Eve a little early..."

His fingers paused on the straps on her camisole.

"I like to take my time unwrapping my gifts..." he murmured.

"We have all night darling..."

"Have we learned a bit of patience since that date night...?"

"Don't make me wait too long..." she pleaded.

They would not have many more nights like that one as her pregnancy progressed and even after the twins were born but they would always find ways to make time for each other. While some other couples made the mistake of focusing far too much on the physical aspects of their relationships and resorted to strange and sometimes dangerous ways to rekindle the flame, couples like the Hoppers and their close circle of friends and family never had to fear the flames of their love burning out...just the slightest touch or even a look could make it burn again, brighter and hotter than ever.

Archie smiled as he recalled the lines from Romeo and Juliet that he'd whispered to his wife on their first official date: that she taught the torches to burn bright. Before he met her, he was a torch without a flame and the day he was reunited with her in this land, the flame of his love for her began to burn again.

There was nothing better than coming home to his goddess, her kisses and her touch the perfect therapy for what had been an incredibly stressful day.

Gold's Victorian:

"A little lower, Belle . .ahh . . .right there, dearie!" Rumple moaned in pleasure as his wife's fingers found all the tense knots in his lame leg and worked them out.

Her skillful fingers eased all the soreness from his leg, better than a trained masseause in his opinion, and he lounged on the couch in the spa room and let her work her own brand of magic.

Upon returning from Archie's house, Rumple had come straight to the spa room and met Belle here, already in her soft blue and rose print kimono, ready and waiting with the honey-milk massage oil.

She had helped him take off his jeans and light green and white striped shirt, leaving him only in his gold Speedos. Then she had begun her massage, working on his leg first.

"Does that feel better, dearheart?"

"Mmm . . .ye know it does," he crooned, closing his eyes in bliss.

Belle walked her fingers up his leg, and paused in the middle of his thigh. "Rumple, dearheart . . .wake up . . .!" she singsonged.

He opened his eyes lazily. "Oh, I'm awake, dearie. Kinda hard to sleep when ye're touching me like that." He smiled lasciviously at her, his chocolate brown eyes lidding in a seductive beckoning look.

Some people would say that only a woman had "bedroom eyes" or could give a "come-hither" look. But Belle knew Rumple was living proof that was false, for he could conjure desire in her with one glance from his.

Belle's fingers stilled and she gave her husband an arch look. "Rum . . .you keep looking at me like that . . .and we won't be getting in the hot tub tonight . . and I know how it relaxes you . . ."

"You bein' here with me is plenty of relaxation, sweetheart," he purred, rolling his R's in that sexy burr she adored. He reached out and pulled her onto his lap. "Now, m'darlin' Belle, I do believe ye were givin' me a massage . . .and now I need you to focus a bit higher . . .I've got a crick in m'spine . . . "

She put her arms around him and massaged his back, and he let out a soft growl and captured her mouth with his.

His kisses created a bonfire within her that started at her feet and climbed upwards with wildfire intensity. "Ahh, Rumple . . ." she whimpered, wriggling on his lap.

Her movements made him almost insane with desire, and he kissed her even more passionately, while letting his hands roam down her back. "Belle . . .ye little witch . . ."

Her cerulean eyes lit with a deep glow, and she mock-growled, "A witch, am I?"

"Aye, a witch that ensorcells me with her bonny eyes and hands. Ye are magic, beloved mine."

She arched her back against his hands, those fine boned spinner hands, the hands of a poet and weaver, that made her blood sing by the merest brush of them against her skin. "Only for you, Rumple. Only ever for you."

He stopped kissing her and gently untied her kimono to reveal a white bikini with a blue willow design on one breast and on the bottom. "Ye're wearin' our chipped cup!" he giggled.

"What else would I wear?" she queried sultrily.

"Mayhap nothin' at all," he smirked.

"Later, my beast."

"As ye wish, my beauty," then he removed her kimono and said, "The hot tub awaits, dearie."

Together they mounted the stairs and soaked themselves until their bones melted and they were almost too sleepy to get out.

But at last they forced themselves to move and Rumple took a thick monogrammed towel and dried off Belle while she did the same to him, and in so doing they once again ignited their age-old fiery passion for each other.

Belle soon discovered that their discarded towels and the chaise lounge made a very comfortable trysting place, and allowed her husband to work his own special brand of magic, which was a marvel in and of itself, and took her to the heights of ecstasy over and over.

Rumple made love to her skillfully, gentle and tempestuous by turns, until both lay drowsily in each other's embrace, sated and satisfied, the afterglow of lovemaking turning their skin a golden rose and he kissed Belle's nose and murmured whimsically, "Ye've got me under your spell, mo chroi, now an' for all eternity."

"And you, Rumplestiltskin, have me forever, dearie. I love you, you are my life, my heart, my soul . . .my chipped cup."

Then she kissed him senseless, and made him forget all the trials and tribulations of that day, and it was the perfect end to their evening.


	4. Waking Up The Neighbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hoppers get new neighbors from hell--the Phillips from Toy Story, and they cause mischief of one kind and another, until Rumple shows them why nobody crosses Mr. Gold!

4

~ Waking Up The Neighbors ~

At first the Hoppers were excited that they were getting new neighbors. Jonny and Gisella were hoping there was another child to play with, Pongo was hoping they had a Dalmatian so that he would at last find his Perdy and Archie and Marie were looking forward to hosting neighbor picnics.

When the U-Haul pulled into the driveway next door followed by two cars, one that was made to look like the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazard and the other Kit from Knight Rider, they should have known some kind of chaos was bound to ensue.

The family was having their Sunday dinner with the Golds and Bae stepped out of the Dutch Colonial to let Major and Pongo do their business, his mouth agape when he saw the cars.

"What the heck!?" he exclaimed.

A man in his early forties climbed out of the General Lee car and a woman around the same age dressed all in leather stepped out of the Kit car along with two children. The boy was leading a Rottweiler on a leash and the little girl held a doll that was missing a head. Pongo and Major took one look at them and the dog and started growling.

"Easy boys," Bae soothed though he had a bad feeling about his uncle's new neighbors too. "Ummm….hello," he greeted them, remembering the manners his father drilled into him since childhood.

"You live over there?" the man asked.

"Umm…no, this is my uncle's house. I'm Baelfire Gold," he said.

"What kinda stupid name is that?" asked the boy with a smirk.

Bae glared over at the boy. He reminded him a lot of himself during his Scorpion days, dressed all in black with a bad ass attitude to match but the kid was more of a poser than anything in his opinion.

"Probably better than yours, smartass!" Bae retorted. "It means Wildfire ya punk!"

The Rottie started barking up a storm.

"What's going on out there?" Belle asked from the dining room.

"Better watch it, or else my dog here's gonna eat yours for breakfast," the kid boasted.

"Yeah right! My dog used to work for the police department. What'd yours do...run from them?"

"Baelfire, what is going on out here?" Belle demanded from the porch.

The boy and his father leered at her and whistled.

"Whoa, check out the knockers on that, Dad!" the boy hooted.

Belle gasped. "Why you filthy little pervert!"

"Watch your mouth around my mama, you punk!"

The woman smacked her husband. "You even think about it and I'll kick your balls up into your throat," she snarled.

"What's all the shouting about?" Archie demanded when he came out of the house with Marie beside him.

"Whooooaaaa another babe!" crowed the boy.

"Kid, somebody needs to teach you some manners," Bae growled. "And you're lucky my papa isn't here otherwise he would!"

"I'd like to teach him some manners," Archie growled, not liking the looks the boy and his father were giving his goddess.

"Oh yeah? Who's your daddy? Some old fart?" the boy sneered.

Bae smirked. "Oooh wouldn't you like to know!"

"Are you talking about ME, dearie?" demanded Rumple, coming out of the house. He was using his cane and though he radiated an air of distinguished gentleman from GQ magazine, there was also an undeniable aura of danger as well.

Bae couldn't wait to see the idiots wet themselves in fear of the former Dark One.

Rumple leveled a glare at the boy. "Well? Do you know who I am? What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" He rested his hands on his cane of doom, as it was known around Storybrooke.

The Rottweiler cringed and rolled over on his back on the ground.

"Look like a crip old fart to me!" the boy taunted.

"Sid, shut up!" his father hissed.

The parents knew exactly who the man was. There wasn't anyone in the Enchanted Forest who didn't know the former Dark One when they saw him, with or without his scales.

Now that the doorway between the worlds was open people from the Enchanted Forest were crossing over into this one and finding they liked it better. Most of them came over peacefully but this particular family promised nothing but trouble.

Belle did not envy her sister and brother-in-law one bit. They were going to have their hands full with their new neighbors.

Rumple gave the boy a Look. "Dearie, might I suggest you find whatever manners you have very quickly?"

"Why don'cha learn how to walk right...gimp!"

His mother cuffed him. "Sid! Shut up and apologize...now! That's the former Dark One!"

Archie glared at the husband. "I'm only going to say this once: You keep your eyes and your mouth off my wife...or you're going to find out just how un-neighborly I can be!"

"And he's going to get his ass blistered with my broom!" added Marie.

Bae laughed hysterically. "That's right boys: my aunt and my mama are the famous Bordreaux and you KNOW what happens when they get brooms in their hands!"

Sid sneered at the sorcerer. "You? The Dark One? Don't make me laugh old man. You probably can't even magic your way outta your underwear!"

"Sid!" screamed his mother.

Bae sniggered. The kid was digging himself in deeper.

Jonny and Adriana came out of the house and Adriana, seeing that her relatives had frownies, was determined to do something about it.

"Hey you, metal mouth, you watch what you say to my papa!" The miniature cane she used as part of her Halloween costume appeared in her hand. "Or we'll give you a beatdown with our canes a doom!"

Bae lost it then. He leaned against the side of the house clutching his belly as he laughed hysterically.

"You and what army, little snot nose?"

The toddler smirked. "You wants an army? Kay, I give ya one! HAPPY ARMY! Front n'center!"

Rumple crossed his arms over his chest and wore a rather smug pleased smirk on his face. "Be careful what you wish for, dearie," he called to the boy. "Because you just might get it!"

"Yeah right? Happy Army? Gimme a break!"

Majors Tom, Duke, Archie, Bae and Rumple marched out of the house as full sized bears.

Major Rumple stopped in front of his mistress and saluted her.

"What's yer wish, dearie?" he asked in a voice exactly like her father's.

She pointed over at Sid. "He's bein' mean to everybody and makin' em have frownies. You take care of it!"

Sid's parents stared at the living stuffed animal, their mouths agape. "Oh...my...God!" the mother whispered fearfully.

"The toys are alive!" Sid screeched.

"So play nice, ya jerk!" yelled Jonny imitating Woody from Toy Story.

Adriana crossed her arms over her chest and grinned. "How you like THAT army, you meanie? An' there's more where THEY came from!"

"Sounding more and more like you every day isn't she, Rumple?" Belle teased her husband. "And don't tell me you're not damned proud of it!"

"Do you hear me complaining, sweetheart?" he queried. He eyed Sid frostily. "So, are you going to behave now, mister? I may not be the Dark One here, but that doesn't mean I can't tan your hide if necessary. Clear?"

He made a twirling motion with a hand and the infamous broom and another cane appeared beside him. The broom "walked" like in the Sorcerer's Apprentice and the cane had "feet" as well.

"Yeah, kid. My papa's badass Mr. Gold now," Bae said. "So watch it, or he's gonna adjust your attitude for ya."

The front of the boy's khaki pants now had a large stain and there was a puddle of urine in the snow at his feet.

Adriana and Jonny looked at each other and grinned.

He spun around and ran into the house.

"Yellow snow, yellow snow, yellow snow!" Bae sang.

The little girl, Hannah, who was just a year older than Adriana walked up to Rumple and showed him the headless doll.

"Can you make my Janie have a head again?" she asked hopefully.

"Hannah, get back here!" her father commanded.

"You don't make deals with the Dark One!" her mother yelped. "Magic always comes with a price with him!"

"Mommy I want my Janie to have a head again cause Sid killed her!"

"It's Mr. Gold now, dearie," he called to the parents. "And any deals I make with children are non-detrimental." He looked at Hannah. "If I give your doll a head, will you agree to take care of her and love her?"

"Uh-huh. She's my favorite dolly but Sid took her head an' made it go boom!"

Rumple sighed. "That's a shame, dearie." Then he knelt to take the doll in his hand and whispered so only Hannah and those closest to her could hear him, "You know, dearie, sometimes if you love a toy enough, it becomes real, like in The Velveteen Rabbit."

"It does? I really want it to cause nobody else wants to be my friend...cause Sid scares 'em away..."

"Then Janie can be your friend, and perhaps you can play with Gisella, Jonny, and Adriana too." He said, and he gestured and the doll had a new head with a brand new face with eyes that blinked and it opened its mouth and said, "I love you, Mama!"

"Janie!" the little girl cried and hugged the doll to her chest. "Thank you, Mr. Gold!"

She hugged his legs.

Rumple smiled down at her, and put a hand on her head. "Now remember our deal, dearie. And if you do what you promised, someday you might wake up and find something wonderful has happened."

"I will!"

"Come on Hannah...in the house...now!" her mother said sharply.

"But Mommy..."

"Now!"

She glanced over the other children. "Maybe I can come play with you?"

"If you wanna," Jonny offered. "Can she, Daddy?"

"She's allowed." He glared at her parents. "But you keep that boy of yours on that side of the yard, do I make myself clear?" Archie asked coldly.

"We're not letting either of our kids within a mile of you crazy people!"

"That's the pot calling the kettle black!" Bae retorted.

"C'mon Scud!" the father said to the Rottie. It ran into the house after him.

Marie shook her head. "This is not good at all Archie...we have the crazy family from Toy Story next door!"

"Yeah but wasn't Scud a different doggie?" asked Jonny.

"Yes...a Bull Terrier," his father answered.

"What difference does it make?" Marie asked. "This is going to be hell!"

"No it won't, dearie. They give you any trouble, you come to me," Rumple told her.

"There won't be any trouble if they stay on their side of the yard, except for the little girl. I'll let her come over and play. If the rest of them can't learn to be neighborly, they're going to be taught a lesson in manners quickly," Archie said determinedly.

Rumple placed his hand on the front door of the Dutch Colonial and it glowed with a bright blue light. "I've strengthened the wards on the house. I don't trust the parents any more than that asshat they have for a son."

Belle sighed. "It seems that when the bridge between the worlds was opened, the ones that came over here after we did have forgotten how to behave like decent human beings."

"This world has more conveniences...and more temptations mo chroi," Rumple said.

"I feel bad for Hannah...her family's mean!" Adriana glared at the house next door. "Why can't she live with another family?"

"Believe me, Adriana...I'll be keeping an eye on that and if I see one sign that poor child is being abused, I'll file a petition to have her removed from that house so fast it'll make her parents' heads spin!" Archie assured her.

He was already concerned, as was Rumple based on the actions of the parents and the older sibling.

"We'll talk about it if we need to," Rumple said and they all went back into the house to finish their dinner.

The next afternoon a meeting was held in the den of the Golds' Victorian. The participants were the members of the True Love Mafia and the former Scorpions whom Adriana appointed her 'enforcers'.

Henry and Grace were also called in for the meeting at Adriana's request while their mothers were talking in the kitchen. Three of them were scheduled to see Doctor Jo to find out if Operation: Let's Make a Baby was a success. The children and the teenagers were plotting an operation of their own they called Operation: Push Out The Meanies.

The Phillips family and the Hopper families avoided each for the first three days after the move in but everyone knew something was up over at the other house.

"Why can't we just have Emma n' Jeff underarrest them?" demanded Ellie.

"'Cause we gotta have proof they's doin somethin bad," answered Maggie.

"And Adriana's right...Hannah oughta get a new daddy like I did and get rid of her bad one and her bad mommy!" spoke up Gisella, having successfully replaced one of her own bad parents with a better one.

"Ye want us to scout for ya, dearie?" asked Major Rumple.

Adriana nodded. "You gotta be careful, Major Rumple. That Sid kid's prolly torturin' toys like in Toy Story."

"Me n' Major Rumple can sneak outta there 'fore they can blink!" Major Bae said confidently, holding up a bungee cord. His human counterpart started laughing.

"Rumplette, did you make all the bears start acting like us?"

"If it's got your name, yeah."

"Not goin' without me," spoke up Major Wraith.

Andi giggled. "Who would've thought I'd have a bear named after me that does all the things I used to do."

"'Cept one thing...he's not my boyfriend," Major Wraith said, pointing at Major Bae.

"Not yet," Andi said and winked.

"Hey! I'm supposed to be your boyfriend!" protested Major Fire.

"Fight bout it later, dearies!" snapped Major Rumple. "We got work t'do!"

"Hey Driana...I gots a question...can ya make my minions come to life?" asked Neal.

"You got THE Minions?" asked Jason.

"Uh-huh. Daddy got me coupla Minions cause they was on sale."

"Didja get one of the purple ones?" Roland was curious.

"Nah, just Minions an' Doctor Nefario."

"Why ya wanna know if the Minions can come to life?" Maggie inquired of her uncle.

Before Adriana could answer, Major Gru stepped forward. "Because, I need my Minions to make all my tools, don't I, Neal?" the bear answered, sounding exactly like his fictional counterpart.

"This is hysterical!" Bobby chuckled.

Adriana frowned at him. "Not funny when Unca Archie an' Auntie Marie got frownie makers livin next door!" she scolded.

"Kay, so's we gotta get proof they's doin bad stuff so's Mommy an Daddy can underarrest them," Maggie reminded her.

"An we gotta try to play with Hannah so she doesn't have frownies," Adriana added.

"Daddy said she's 'llowed over at our house but her mommy an daddy don't let her come over an play," Jonny said sadly.

"Major Duke, Major Tom...that's your job," Adriana commanded the two bears.

"Ah, don't worry. We'll get her outta the house," Duke assured her sounding exactly like the legendary actor his master was named after.

"You'll scare her. Let me get her to come out," spoke up Tom. Gisella named him after Tom Piper, one of the main characters in a favorite cartoon of hers, Babes In Toyland and now he sounded like the character.

"What's OUR job, Don Rumplette?" Bae asked with a smirk.

"You gotta find out what Sid's mommy and daddy are doin bad...an since you like to play tricks..." His sister smiled deviously, having overheard her parents talking about a recent series of pranks he and his friends played on Miss Harridan and Merri Blue.

"We'll have to be careful, Adriana. We don't want to do something the Hoppers will get blamed for and if Papa catches us we know what we'll get." Bae said.

"So we're not gonna get caught…right?"

"If you say so." His sister even schemed like his father.

"'Sides...I got an idea that's gonna get me outta a spanking,"

Everyone in the room seemed dumbfounded. Getting the upper hand on Rumple was not easy to do.

"Do tell!" Shadow purred.

"Well...last time I was scared a somethin...I slept in Mama an Papa's bed...an' Papa talks in his sleep!"

"He does?"

"Uh-huh and he says he doesn't and it's really funny what he says."

"Are we going to do another room raid, Adriana?" inquired Major Archie.

"Sendin ya over to Unca Archie's house on meanie detail till we get those meanies outta that house next door."

"Okay, but it was hilarious when we taped Bae."

"And one of these days I'm finding it, Rumplette."

"Nope...got it well hidden."

"I'll still find it!"

"Sid's in some of our classes," said Henry. "And he's got a reputation for being a major bully at the school, doesn't he Gracie?"

"Yeah. He's worse to the girls though."

"Kay. You spy on him at school," Adriana instructed.

Henry grinned. It was like Operation Cobra all over again only this time he wasn't trying to help his mother break a decades long curse.

In the kitchen the mothers were having a similar discussion now.

"I'm afraid it's not just you and Archie that are having problems with people coming over from our world but you may have gotten one of the worst groups of them." Regina said to Marie.

"That's not very comforting, Mayor!"

"What's going on, Regina?" Belle asked.

"Emma, Jeff, and I have had at least sixty complaints come across our desks for trouble with neighbors. Loud music, loud animals, vandalism...physical altercations..."

"I've had to go to your house a time or two, Regina," Emma pointed out.

"That's because of the ones we have across the street...the man was part of a rival outlaw group and he's always trying to provoke Robin!"

"David thinks there's some in our apartment building selling or dealing drugs but every time Rumple goes over there to check it out he can't find anything," Snow spoke up.

"Which is odd in itself because my husband is not so easily fooled," added Belle.

"I don't know...but that Phillips man reminds me too much of Gaston." Marie shivered.

"He can't hurt you, Marie...those wards Rumple put on your house and the spells in your ring will blast him to Siberia if he tries...if your husband doesn't tear him to pieces first." Belle reassured her sister.

"Consider yourself lucky, Belle. You too, Emma. Neither of you have problem children on your street."

The Meanie meeting was already over when the mothers returned to the den to collect their children. Adriana informed her mother she wanted to make a play date with Neal the next day over at his house so that she could animate his Minions and Doctor Nefario to do their part in getting rid of the pests on the Hoppers' street and once Neal told the other toddler what he heard from his parents about some of his own neighbors, she agreed they all had to have Meanie protection details.

She knew she didn't need any...her papa would scare the pants off any meanies with his cane of doom or even the Look. She hated the Look because she knew it meant having to spend five minutes in a corner or a sore backside...depending on the offense.

School was cancelled the next day after a winter storm blew in dumping 12 inches of snow and ice on the town. The children were all excited, the adults dreaded having to shovel driveways if they didn't have snow blowers and scraping off the vehicles to go to work.

Rumple woke Bae up early to ask him to run the snow blower on the sidewalks in front of the Victorian while he scraped the ice and snow off the cars.

Adriana was disappointed that she would not be able to have her play date with Neal to animate his toys but she and her mama would have more fun making snowmen and angels.

Things were not so pleasant over at the Hopper house.

As soon as Archie stepped out the front door to retrieve the newspaper, a snowball came flying at him from next door and struck him in the chest.

Sid laughed menacingly. "Ha ha! Got you good!"

"You little brat!" the former cricket snarled. He wanted to go over there and give that boy a lesson he wouldn't forget, only he wasn't dressed for it in his pajamas.

Marie came out of the house, hearing her husband yelling. "Archie, what happened?"

"Hey babe! You wanna come over here?" Sid crooned. Marie scowled at him.

"Not in this lifetime or the next, jailbait! And if you throw one more snowball, your ass will be so sore you won't sit for a week!"

Sid rolled up another snowball and threw it over the yard. Archie swung the newspaper like a bat and demolished it.

"Nice try."

A snowball came flying from behind him and smacked Sid Phillips in the shoulder. He turned around to see his son behind held up by a full sized Major Archie smirking with satisfaction.

"Ha ha...got YOU good...jerk!" Jonny taunted.

Hannah peeked her head out of the upstairs window. "Sid! You're bothering the neighbors! I'm te-e-lling!"

"Awww go play tea with Missus Nesbit an shuddup!"

"M-O-M! Sid's starting with the Hoppers again and he told me to shut up!"

"She's lying!" Sid yelled fearfully and raced back into the house.

"Sick little creep!" Marie muttered.

They could hear yelling in the house next door as the mother scolded her son.

Jonny and Gisella looked up at the open window. "Hannah? You wanna come down an play?' Jonny asked.

"Yeah! Mom, I'm gonna go out and play in the snow!" she called and then raced outside before her mother could say anything, in her pink hat and mittens. "Hey, Jonny! Ya wanna build a snowman?"

"Sure!"

"There's plenty of snow in the yard," his father said with a laugh and went back in the house to change.

"Heyyyy, Sella! C'mon! We're makin Frosty!" Jonny hollered to his sister.

"I'm comin!"

"Maybe we can make a whole family!" Hannah yelled.

"That's a wonderful idea. I'll bring some of our old gloves and hats out for you," Marie offered.

"Don't forget the scarves, Mommy!" Gisella reminded her.

"An' the buttons and carrots!" Hannah called.

"Hey Hannah, you meet Major Archie and Tom yet? They's part of the Happy Army," Jonny said, introducing the two bears.

"Hi!" she smiled shyly.

"Archie sounds like my daddy 'cause he's sposta an Tom...who's he sound like Sella?"

"Tom Piper...you ever see Babes In Toyland?"

"Made me watch it a hundred times now," Jonny griped.

Hannah nodded. "Yeah I seen that! You seen The Year Without A Santa Claus?

"Not yet but we want to," Gisella answered.

"Oooh you gotta see it! The Miser brothers are so cool! Specially when their mom yells at 'em for bein' bad!" Hannah giggled. She began rolling some snow for a baby snowman.

"I think we have everything you need...hats, gloves, scarves, buttons and some carrots," Archie said, setting a box down in front of the children.

Jonny rolled another ball of snow to make the head. Majors Archie and Duke started rolling more snow to make an adult snowman.

"Is the miser like Barnaby in Babes in Toyland?" Gisella asked.

"Nah. They're brothers with magic powers-one's got ice an' snow powers an' the other's got fire."

"Our uncle can make fire an so can our friend Ellie, right, Sella?"

"Uh-huh. And so can Regina."

"What are you talking about?" Marie asked them.

"There's this movie Hannah says we gotta watch: The Year Without Santa Claus!" Jonny told her.

"Maybe we can watch it today! Do you have it, Hannah?"

"Yeah! It's in my room!" the little girl said. Then she looked worriedly towards the house. "But if I go back inside right now . . .Sid might catch me."

"Is everything all right over there, Hannah?" Archie asked softly.

Hannah sighed. "Well, Sid's always been a meanie to me. He breaks all my toys n' takes 'em hostage to do 'speriments on, and mom has a fit, but Dad says he's just bein' a boy. I wish he'd go off to camp or something!"

"If at any time you need to talk to someone about it, you can always come over here, okay?"

"Yeah cause that's what Daddy does. He talks to people an makes em feel better," Jonny said with a smile.

"Okay, Mr. Hopper," Hannah said, and then she put two buttons for eyes on the baby snowman's head.

"What're we gonna call it?"

"Umm . . .Icicle?" Hannah suggested.

"Kay. Now we gotta make a Mommy an Daddy."

Next door, Sid and his father came out of the house, jumped into the General Lee car and drove off down the street.

With Jonny's parents' help and the two bears, they rolled enough snow to make two adult and two more child snowmen.

"My mommy's havin two more babies," Jonny said to Hannah. "Why don'cha ask your mommy for 'nother sister or brother so's ya have one to play with when ya can't come over here?"

The thought of having a baby with that pervert that was Hannah's father made Marie's skin crawl.

"She can't have no more kids. Something happened when she was havin' me an' the doctor gave her an operation," Hannah said.

"Oh, I'm so sorry honey," Marie said softly.

"You could adopt. I'm adopted, aren't I, Daddy?" Gisella asked her father.

"Adopted, yes, Gisella but you're still my daughter no matter what."

"An' Sid was mad cause he said now all he has is a dumb sister."

"You're not dumb and he's a jerk!" Jonny said angrily.

"Well you gots us to play with, right Daddy?"

"Anytime she wants to."

Marie and Archie wondered why the girl's mother wasn't outside checking on her daughter.

"Next time I'll bring Janie. She's in my room. Sid won't touch her since I tol' him if he does she's gonna come alive and attack him one night and Mr. Gold's gonna come and beat him with his cane."

"Yup! The cane a doom. He's got one an so's Adriana."

"We can have teatime in my room," Gisella offered.

"Cool! With real tea n' everything? I usta have a tea set till Sid played Word War III with it and blew it up."

"Yep. Daddy even makes me little cakes for us to eat, don't you, Daddy?"

"Oh, that reminds me...I have to thaw those mini cake rolls out for you. Sorry Princess. But your uncle sent over plenty of his Golden Delights you can have."

"Why'd that jerk blow a tea set up! Stupid kid!" Jonny hissed.

"Hannah...does he have...explosives in the house?" Archie inquired, not liking the sound of that at all.

"Umm . . .he has fireworks. He got 'em from my daddy's brother, Uncle Al."

"Ewwww not the creep from Al's Toy Barn!" Jonny made a face.

The man actually did dress in a chicken suit like in the movies and clucked like a chicken on his commercials. The toddler always made his father change the channel when they came on.

"Yeah, he's kinda like that," Hannah groaned. "I never wanna stay there when we visit."

"Don't blame you there. You think it's weird you had a movie made 'bout ya an it's nothing like the real thing?"

"Yeah. But I guess that's what ya call imagination," Hannah said. "An' they got Sid right."

"They kinda missed a few things about my daddy."

"Yeah the best parts about how he's a better daddy than my bad one," Gisella spoke up.

"All right you guys, stand in front of your snowmen so Daddy can get a picture," Marie instructed.

"You had a bad daddy?" Hannah asked, wrapping a scarf about the mommy snowman named Crystal.

"Uh-huh. He hurt Mommy a lot and acted like I never existed and I have a bad brother...Eti the Yeti. Jonny here can be a pain in butt sometimes but he's better than the Yeti any day."

"Yeah well you can be a pain in my butt too, Sella," her brother said and stuck his tongue out.

"Do we want dates with the corners you two?" Marie asked her children.

"No..."

"Then be nice."

"Sid's never nice to me . . .even when Mom yells at him," Hannah said. "And Daddy just says boys will be boys and lets him get away with stuff. Sometimes . . .sometimes I wish somebody like Mr. Gold would magic my brother away. Or at least give him a good spanking."

"They could send him to juvie like Eti after he almost burned down the school."

Hannah's eyes grew wide. "He almost burned down your school? That sounds like something Sid woulda done. Mom's always saying if he doesn't quit playing with fire one day he's gonna burn our house down."

"Yeah that was 'fore I was born but Sella said they was smokin pot stuff and threw it somewhere and it burned up," Jonny replied.

"Once Sid stole some of Daddy's cigarettes an' tried 'em. He's crazy. They're nasty!" Hannah made a face.

"You used to go nuts when Arista smoked around us, didn't you, Mommy?"

"Yes."

"My mom calls 'em cancer sticks an' says Daddy's gonna regret smokin' someday when he can't breathe an' stuff."

"I'm a bit surprised she hasn't come out to check on you, Hannah," Archie said. "Surely she knows you're over here now."

"She's prolly lying down with one of her headaches. She gets 'em after she's been arguin' with Sid and Daddy."

"Hopefully she doesn't get upset with you for being here. She was reluctant to let you over here the day you moved in," Marie added.

Hannah shrugged. "She's always weird like that if she doesn't know you. And she was afraid of Mr. Gold-till I told her he was nice to me an' not scary."

"That's good...well you tell her if she wants to come over and visit too she's more than welcome."

"I will." Hannah promised.

Marie showed the children the pictures of them posing with their snowmen.

"Next time we gotta see if Driana can bring em to life like Frosty!"

"Could she really do that?"

"Yep. S'how we gots Major Archie, Duke an Tom!"

"Wow! I wish I had magic," Hannah said wistfully. "Do ya gots to be born with it? Or can you learn it?"

"Ummm...both...see I can't make stuff come ta life like Driana...but I can talk to animals an bugs an they talk to me up here." Jonny pointed to his head. "And I'm like that cause my daddy used to be Jiminy Cricket."

"And you were born of true love too, Jonny," Gisella reminded him.

"An you gotta 'member all magic has a price...least that's what Unca Rumple always says."

"Like you gotta pay for stuff when you buy it?" Hannah clarified.

"Yup...an if it's bad magic you use...something bad can happen to you."

"I don't wanna do that . . . I wanna help people, like my mom an' stuff."

"What's your mom do?"

"Uh, she used to work for some big theater company till she got really bad headaches and the company went broke an' now she stays home . . .where she belongs, least that's what Daddy says."

"Was she an actress?" Marie asked curiously. "Or did she work backstage? A woman doesn't need to stay at home all day. I work with my husband."

"She made all the costumes n' she acted some too."

Marie pulled her husband aside. "Maybe we should ask Rumple to have a look at her. Having headaches all the time is not a good sign."

"Surely she's gone to a doctor over it, Marie."

"She strikes me as the type who doesn't want to."

"Hannah, has your mother seen a doctor about her headaches?" Archie asked the child.

"Uh . . . she was gonna see someone back in our old land . . .but Daddy said he wasn't gonna waste good money on some quack wise woman an' her cures . . .then we came here an' mom was too busy fixin' up the house to go to see one here."

Marie gave her husband an I-Told-You-So-Look. "I'll be right back."

She went into the house and put in a call to the Gold mansion. Rumple was outside with Adriana building a snowman when Belle came out of the house.

"Rumple, Marie's on the phone."

"Is something wrong, dearie?" he asked, putting a broom in the snowman's hand.

"You'd better talk to her." She handed the cordless to her husband.

"Marie? Has something happened with Archie? The kids?"

He rubbed snow crystals off his nose while he talked.

"No, we're fine...Rumple Archie and I are bit concerned about Hannah and Mrs. Phillips. Hannah said Mrs. Philips has severe headaches all the time and that crazy son and father don't seem to give a damn about either one of them. Hannah is over here with us right now...but...I'd feel terrible if her mother was seriously ill and we've done nothing. She hasn't even seen a doctor!"

"How long has she been having these episodes, do you know?"

"Hannah said it started before they came here. She worked in a theater company."

Rumple shook his head gravely. "That doesn't sound good, Marie. Headaches can be caused by a variety of things . . .but ones that are persistent and reoccurring . . ."

"I know...and I hate to bother you but..."

"You want me to see if I can heal her?" Rumple queried.

"Would you please?" she begged.

"I'll try . . if she'll allow me . . .I won't force anyone to accept my magic, dearie . . .healing magic must be consented to . . .unless the patient is at death's door."

"Thank you." Marie said softly. "We'll see you in a bit."

Rumple handed the phone to Belle. "I'll be back in a bit, dearie. Gonna go over to Archie's and see what's up with Mrs. Phillips. Wish me luck."

"I know you can work an early Christmas miracle, Rumple," she said confidently and kissed him.

He kissed her back. "You always have more faith in me than I deserve."

"When are you going to stop doubting yourself so?"

"Ah . . .you know me dearie. Old habits die hard."

He threw his scarf over his shoulder. "Behave for your mama, mo astor! I'll be back as soon as I can to finish up Mr. Chilly."

"Kay, Papa!"

Then he got in his newly fixed Cadillac and drove off to Archie's house, not wanting to use magic to transport there because he didn't know how much would be required to heal Mrs. Phillips.

"I hope he can do something, Archie," Marie confessed to her husband.

"So do I, Marie. Come on...we'll keep Hannah occupied until he's finished so she isn't worried."

Rumple arrived at the Hopper residence and then walked over to the Phillips house. He knocked on the door, but got no response.

Concerned, he used his magic to open it and went inside.

Archie and Marie took the children into the house for a snack.

Over at the Phillips house, Lenore Phillips lay unconscious on the living room floor.

Rumple spotted her as he entered the house, calling, "Hello? Is anyone here?" He ran to her and knelt beside her. "Oh, dearie, you're in a bad way, dammit all!"

He put a hand on her heart and another on her head. He could feel the awful tension in her head from stress, anxiety, and continual depression had caused her to get fluctuating cluster migraines . . .and the pain had caused her to pass out. She also had a small heart murmur and her blood pressure was sky high.

Cradling her head in his lap, Rumple allowed his healing magic to flow through her, mending what was wrong in slow careful pulses, harnessing his power so it didn't work too fast and overwhelm her system.

Gradually he brought her blood pressure down, fixed her murmur and reduced the pressure in her head and numbed the pain. "There now, dearie. Can you open your eyes for me?"

Lenore's eyes fluttered open. "W-what? Mr . . .Gold?" she cried, her tongue thick.

"Easy, dearie. Marie called me because your little girl said you were ill with a headache and when I came over I found you on the floor, passed out. How do you feel now?"

"My headache...it's gone!"

"That's because I healed it . . .as well as few other things." He explained what else he had done. "How long have you been stressed like this?"

She frowned. "Months...years...I've tried so hard to keep it under control but with Sid being the way he is and my husband being...well…useless..."

Rumple looked at her sympathetically. "I've been there, dearie, with my first wife." His long fingers massaged her neck gently. "Relax . . . you've got a knot the size of a rock here, probably one reason why you got a headache this bad."

"What...do I owe you...?" She knew his magic came at a price. "I don't have much..."

"My price is a simple one . . .you take better care of yourself . . .starting with taking a few of my potions . . .and seeing Dr. Hopper for your anxiety and depression. That's probably another reason why you've developed these." As he spoke his hands continued rubbing, working the knot in her neck out with expert fingers.

"I'll do that...I just wish that husband and son of mine would straighten out."

"Would you like me to have a talk with them?" He frowned. "Where are they anyway? Why did they leave you alone if you weren't feeling well?"

"They went to his brother's house, probably to watch football and...Bill never notices anything."

Not about me anyway, she thought.

"Idiot!" muttered the sorcerer angrily. "Can ye stand, dearie? I think ye should be lying on the couch."

She tried to stand on her own and stumbled a bit, falling against him. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I have you," he crooned, holding her with one arm. "Come on, we'll put one foot in front of the other . . ." he helped her over to the green couch.

"Rumple, is everything all right?" Archie asked from the doorway.

"Now it is," his brother-in-law answered. "I found her passed out on the floor."

"Oh my gods!"

Rumple tucked a soft mint green and blue afghan about her. "She'll be all right now that I've reduced the swelling in her head and massaged away the knot in her neck."

Archie breathed a sigh of relief. "What was wrong with her?"

Rumple told him. He propped Lenore's head up on a pillow. "There, is that better?"

"Much better."

"Lenore, I'm going to be seeing most of my patients at the house until after my twins are born so we'll have your sessions there...or here if you prefer," Archie suggested.

"I don't know how to thank either of you..." Lenore was close to tears.

Rumple summoned a small case with several potions in it. "You need to take these every day, dearie. And if that son or husband of yours gives you a problem, you tell them they're gonna deal with ME! And I have no qualms about teaching them some manners." He shook his cane pointedly.

She chuckled. "I owe my daughter a debt for making me realize I was wrong about you. Is she all right, Doctor Hopper?"

"She's over at the house with my kids watching a movie."

"Let me make you some tea," Rumple said. "Chamomile and kava."

"Won't your family be upset if you're gone so long?"

"She has a lot to learn about our family, doesn't she, Rumple?"

"My wife knows where I am. And in fact she told me to come to you."

"Not many women would do that."

"Ours would," Archie said softly.

"Yes. They can be very generous and kind. And fierce as dragons when they're defending their family," Rumple chuckled.

Lenore laughed. "Is it true they used to beat people up with brooms and you got into some kind of mud fight near Avonlea?"

"All true!" Rumple giggled, putting the kettle on with a gesture.

"Sometimes I think ours was better than the movie!" Archie laughed.

"Most assuredly, dearie!" Rumple smirked.

"Next time though I'm wearing something to make me stand out so my wife doesn't stick me with a damned hat pin again!"

"Well, at least she didn't take the broom to your backside!"

"No she just jabbed it and it hurt like hell! She had too much fun playing Katie McLintock that day!"

"And why did ye not come to me and ask me to heal you?"

He smirked. "Because...she had to make it up to me."

Rumple smirked. "And that was better medicine than any of my magic, aye?"

"Of course."

"Would your wives rent you out to me for a day?" Lenore asked

"If ye ask them nicely." Rumple replied.

"Oh my...that accent..."

"Belle says she finds it . . .charming, among other things."

"She's lucky. Very lucky. Dammit!"

"My first wife wouldna have agreed with ye. She used to wish I'd died, the hussy!"

"Ohhh the stories I've heard about her would curl hair better than a perm. In fact...I think she and that pirate she was shacked up with may have paid a visit to our theater once or twice.

"I hope they didna wreck it. Milah was never that appreciative of the finer arts."

"No...they'd been in Neverland...and I think the pirate was having a side fling with our leading lady...she took off a week later before the opening of our biggest show!"

"Figures!" Rumple snorted. "That one never did know how t'keep his pants zipped."

Lenore sipped her tea slowly; feeling so much more relaxed than she had in years. She just wished it would stay like this even after her husband and troublesome son were home.

"I can send over more tea," Rumple said softly. "That's a blend I use myself when I'm stressed . . . I drank a lot of it during my cases here in Storybrooke, when I was persecuting Gaston and defending Regina."

"Gaston Devereaux? What did he do?"

"Excuse me a minute..." Archie panted and ran into the kitchen.

"Tis a rather sore subject with him," Rumple murmured. Then he told Lenore exactly what Gaston had done to Marie.

"Oh my God!"

In the kitchen Archie counted to ten and did his breathing exercises to stave off an anxiety attack.

"Thankfully the scumbag is now dead-killed in prison," Rumple said. He glanced towards the kitchen. "Drink some of my tea, Archie."

"I'll...be fine...just...need a few minutes..."

"The two of them are as close as I am with Belle," Rumple explained.

"Oh...is it true when your wives are pregnant you feel what WE do?"

"Aye, dearie. We do. Me because I'm bonded to Belle and Archie because he's almost the same."

She grinned. "Bout damned time. Now...if the gods had an even better sense of humor and made you HAVE the baby...well...women everywhere would throw a party."

Rumple winced. "I thank them everyday for small mercies."

"Hannah was my last...and my joy. Sid was already starting to become difficult when she came along"

"Were ye no allowed to discipline the lad?" queried Rumple. He knew that such was often the case if a woman was married to a domineering husband.

"No. Never."

"And I take it yer husband probably thought half of what he did was funny or excusable?"

"Yes...because that's how he was...we grew up together, you see and I was a bit like that too but...I wanted to settle down."

"He dinna do him any favors," Rumple sighed. "Sometimes our children inherit the best of us an' sometimes the worst, and if so, ye have to work hard an' correct it if ye can. So the lad doesna repeat the same mistakes."

"If I did the things my son does, my papa would have tanned my hide...and he almost did...when he found out I was with child before we were wed."

"But ye have grown up . . .it would seem yer husband didn't . . .unless I'm misreading the situation."

"No, he didn't...and I only did that crap with the car because I thought it would get better..."

"No wonder ye're stressed, dearie-ye've got three kids to take care of and be responsible for."

"I never thought of it that way before but I suppose you're right."

Archie came out of the kitchen more relaxed.

"Tis how Milah behaved at times too. Like a big baby," Rumple sneered.

"It's worse when he and Sid get sick." Lenore grimaced. She exhausted herself many times waiting on them hand and foot.

"I can imagine. And when ye're sick ye're expected to grin and bear it." Rumple said knowingly. Lenore's situation was painfully familiar to him, since he had lived it with Milah.

Lenore's cell phone rang. She looked at the display and frowned. "Hold on a moment please," she said and picked it up. "Hello Bill...no Hannah and I don't want to go over there and watch the game. What do you mean what am I doing? I'm sitting here talking to you!" She rolled her eyes as she listened. "No...you don't need to come home right now. I'm fine. In fact...why don't you and Sid just stay there tonight?"

They could hear her husband yelling at the TV set. "Thank you Bill...I'm deaf now!"

Archie shook his head, still not understanding how some of their friends had such tirades over sports events.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow...bye!" Lenore tossed the phone aside. "That what your conversations with Milah sounded like, Mr. Gold?"

"Close, only it was usually, ye need to come home now, ye've got responsibilities when I'd find her tossing dice and drunk down at the bar, and she'd left Bae alone again while I was at the market selling my thread."

"I can't count how many times I've had to haul Bill out of taverns."

"And she always made me feel guilty, sayin' it was cause o'me an' my coward rep that she was there at all. It took me years to realize the truth-it wasn't my fault, it was hers for choosing to scorn me and my simple life."

"I love Bill...I really do but...it's like he's not even trying anymore..."

"Perhaps he needs a wake up call."

"A kick in the ass maybe?"

"Most likely."

"We'll talk about that in our session, Lenore," Archie said.

She nodded.

"I'll be fine now, Mr. Gold, if you want to go home...I'm sure Belle has things for you to do..."

Rumple wrote down a number and handed it to her. "Here. Call me if you need me."

"I will."

"Thanks again, Rumple. I'll probably see you sometime this weekend, unless the kids want a play date sooner."

"Right. And I'll be back here in a day or two to check on you, Lenore. To see how my drafts are working and if you have any side effects."

"Thank you again, Mr. Gold. Maybe sometime I'll see if Hannah wants to play with your daughter. She doesn't have many friends..."

"Adriana would like that," Gold reassured her.

Archie walked his brother-in-law out to his car. "Thank God...had we not done something..."

"I know . . .she woulda died . . ."

The thought of that sweet little girl losing her mother and before the holidays was horrifying.

Archie went back into the house. "I'll keep Hannah with us for the rest of the afternoon while you rest."

"I don't want to be a burden…"

"You're not. In fact, why don't you both have dinner with us tonight since your husband is staying at his brother's?"

"You don't have to do all that extra work….I can order from Granny's."

"It's no trouble at all. You're going to find out I love cooking and so does Rumple and we have a tendency to make enough food for an army."

Lenore giggled. "All right. What time?"

"We eat around five-thirty."

"I'll see you then."

Marie was waiting for her husband in the kitchen over at their house anxiously for news on Hannah's mother, so many scenarios playing themselves out in her mind and none of them pleasant. She heard the patio door slide open and Archie walked in.

"How is she? Is she all right?"

He nodded. "Thank the gods! You were right to be worried Marie." He then proceeded to tell her everything he and Rumple learned from Lenore after the sorcerer treated her. "Lenore being aloof with us that first day she moved in is her defense mechanism," he explained. "She's been dealing with her issues alone for so long…"

"Not anymore," Marie said determinedly. "That husband of hers needs to wake up and start paying attention to her or he's going to wake up one day and find out she's left him…which is probably what it will take." She sighed. "Hopefully you can help them work it out."

"If I can't, then she can try to find someone who can appreciate her."

She smiled. "I think my sister and I took the last two good men in this town." She stood up and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him softly. Knowing how unhappy their neighbor was with her marriage made them appreciate how happy theirs was all the more.

Lenore knocked on the door shortly after five and hugged her daughter as soon as she saw her in the Hoppers living room.

"My headaches are all gone honey."

"They are, Mom? Really gone? For good?"

"Yes. Mr. Gold made me all better."

Little Hannah was relieved. Her mother often told her not to discuss family business with strangers but she saw her mother's condition getting worse and didn't know what else to do and she knew her neighbors would.

"See Mom, I told you he wasn't bad."

"No...and now we've made new friends..."

"Dinner's ready!" Archie called out from the kitchen.

Lenore took her daughter's hand and walked into the dining room. She couldn't remember the last time her own family had a nice, quiet dinner.

"I'm starving!" Hannah declared.

"Daddy makes 'nough stuff to feed an army," Jonny told her.

"An' you almost have one with the bears. Do they eat too?"

"Do now."

"Eat me out of house and home is more like it!" Archie laughed.

"Hey! That's Duke, not us!" protested Major Tom, indicating himself and Major Archie.

Lenore sat down where Marie indicated next to her. She found she would take animated talking bears any day over her husband's continual talk about sports and hunting and her son's rude comments about anything and everything and teasing his sister.

"Oh and ya gotta meet Zach and Mickey too!" Jonny reminded Hannah.

"Who're they?"

"Zach's my pet snake an Mickey's a cricket like my Daddy usta be."

"Neat! I'd like to see them."

"After dinner, Jonny," his mother advised.

Pongo trotted into the room and sat beside Hannah's chair.

"This looks delicious," Lenore said, taking some of the Greek macaroni and beef bake Archie had learned the recipe for in Greece.

"Hey, Pongo!" Hannah petted him. "Be good an' I'll give you a treat after."

"Woof!"

"He's makin sure you an Lenore are okay," Jonny told her.

"Archie took me to Greece for our honeymoon and he learned how to make this while we were there," Marie said softly.

"You've been to other places besides here?" Lenore said. "I would love to visit some other countries . . .but Bill has no interest in seeing anything except deer in his sights and the next football game." She ate some of her dinner and sighed in bliss.

"We spent a month in Greece and then we went to Rome. It was wonderful...except for a few culinary accidents and a bad sunburn," Marie chuckled.

"Hopefully we can work on changing his mind about that," Archie said to Lenore.

"Football's boring," muttered Gisella.

"Uh huh. Don't know why Daddy n' Sid think it's so great." Hannah rolled her eyes. "And Sid likes to make creepy toys too. He took my doll Suzie's head and put it on his robot spider and now it's Spider Baby."

"Ewww!" Gisella screeched. "That's gross!"

"My son has some strange notions about playing . . .he must get it from Bill's side of the family." Lenore sighed.

"My brother thinks he's Sheriff Woody or the Duke," Gisella teased.

"Well I am an don'cha forget it, Sella!" Jonny huffed.

"Sid thinks he's the Chop n'Shop. He has a toy graveyard with all the parts from other toys he broke an' then he makes scary new ones. Like a mad scientist."

Marie cringed. Archie frowned, thinking if the boy had talent, he needed a more positive direction for it. "Maybe it would be better if he invented something that wasn't so...disturbing."

"I've tried to get him to do that but . . .he just tells me I don't know what I'm talking about, and Bill encourages him by telling him about how he and his brother Al used to take their cousin Maevis's dolls and play witch burning and heretic with them."

Marie dropped her fork. "They called that entertainment? I was a bit...wild as a girl but nothing like that."

"And that, darling is why I have the fire department here a few times a month when I can't get our son out of the tree."

"Yours climbs trees?" laughed Lenore. "Hannah always hid in places I couldn't find her and made me crazy looking for her. And I've told my son multiple times to quit playing with fire or else one day we were all going to burn up."

"I was hiding cause that way the monsters couldn't find me," Hannah said.

"Maybe if he saw the damage caused by one he would learn his lesson," Archie suggested. "I know we had to teach our son a good one when he and his cousin staged a pet escape at the mall in Portland, didn't we Jonny?"

Jonny lowered his head in shame. "Yeah, Daddy..."

"Maybe you're right." Lenore said. "What pet escape?"

"Oh it was all over the news a while back. All the fathers took the kids to the mall while we did some Christmas shopping and Adriana and Jonny found the pets in the shop there were being mistreated so they let them out..."

"And they wrecked the place!" Gisella laughed.

"Oh gods! Did you have to pay for the damages?" Lenore groaned.

"Yes."

Lenore winced. "Was anyone hurt?"

"A few people but not seriously."

"That's good." Lenore said. "If I had done something like that, my papa would have tanned my behind. The worst thing I ever did as a child was dress up in a scary costume and scare my grandma."

"These kids know if they get out of line they get dates with the corner, a sore butt or soap if we hear potty mouths, don't you?" Marie asked her children.

"Yes Mommy," they chorused.

"That's how my papa disciplined me," Lenore recalled. "And how I try and discipline my kids . . .except Bill is always interfering with me with Sid, saying I need to cut him some slack since he's a boy and boys do those things . . ."

"That's ridiculous! If he gets out of line with you, it's your right to correct him and undermining you on it will only make things worse!" Marie cried.

"That's not how my husband sees it. He thinks he's the one with the final say on how HIS son is disciplined . . .and he ignores Hannah for the most part."

"But I try an' be good 'cause Sid gives Mommy headaches and acts like he was born in a barn."

"That's not the case here. We sometimes take turns correcting our children and even as busy as Archie's practice is, we always make time for family."

"That's how it should be . . . but Bill always says she's a girl, so you do the girly things with her and I'll raise my son as I see fit! He forgets, he's MY son too and I don't want to raise a delinquent!" Lenore said angrily. "He also thinks his papa should have been more easygoing when it came to his and his brother's pranks."

"He keeps being a bad daddy, she's gonna wanna replace him like I did with mine," Gisella said.

Lenore looked puzzled. "But your daddy seems like a wonderful man. Why would you want to replace him?"

"Mean Gaston..."

"Oh that's right!" Lenore said. "Because you're adopted."

"Yeah but Daddy's the only daddy I want."

"Can't say I blame you, sweetie. I keep hoping Bill will start behaving more like an adult and less like his son's best friend soon because I'm getting tired of it."

"And it's not helping the situation either, Lenore. I'd like to set up a session with just the two of you...if he's willing." Archie said though he doubted the other man would be cooperative.

"I'd have to see." She hoped he could be persuaded.

After dinner Jonny took Hannah and Gisella up to his room to meet Zach and Mickey while their parents sat in the den.

Hannah happily held the garter snake and said, "He's really soft! And he's pretty!"

"Uh-huh. He kinda scared Mommy when he first moved in but she got used to him." Mickey was perched on his shoulder.

"And you can talk to them, right? I wish I could do that."

"Yup...Zach says he wants you to come over lots, right Zach?"

Zach hissed.

"I will . . .cause here Sid can't scare me or nothin'."

Mickey hopped over from Jonny's shoulder to Hannah's and chirped happily in her ear.

The little girl smiled. "Wish I had a big brother like Bae. He's not mean to his little sister." She looked at Jonny. "What's he saying?"

"He says he wants to have a sleepover sometimes like we does with the True Love Mafia, huh, Sella?"

"Yep...and we gotta tell Adriana to make Hannah a member."

"I can do that. I have to go home and report anyway," offered Major Archie.

"Kay but you tell her Lenore an Hannah are cool."

"Will do." The bear saluted and vanished.

The Phillips girls were having a wonderful time with their new neighbors that they hated to go home but they knew they had to.

Bill was less than pleased the next day when she told him how she spent her evening and even less enthusiastic when she suggested he go talk to Doctor Hopper with her.

"I don't need to see a shrink!" he barked.

He stormed out of the house, jumped into the car and drove down to the Rabbit Hole. Lenore sat down on the sofa and buried her face in her hands.

Rumple called to tell Lenore he was coming over right after work to examine her and make sure his potions weren't having any bad effects on her.

Since the weather was still bad, the kids were still home from school.

"Oooo look, Janie's sick!" Sid singsonged and grabbed his sister's favorite doll off her bed. "Looks like she needs...a DOCTOR!"

He raced down the hall and locked himself in his room while Hannah trailed after him screaming for her mother.

"Sid! Knock it off and quit teasing your sister!" Lenore yelled as Hannah came running to her sobbing about Sid hurting Janie.

She could feel the beginnings of another headache start as she stomped down the hall and banged on her son's door. "Sidney Gerald Phillips, you give that doll back this instant!"

"Doctor she's gonna need a head transplant..." Sid was saying while he duct taped the doll to his worktable and pulled out his toolbox.

"Nooo!" Hannah was hysterical when she heard that.

The teen laughed menacingly and grabbed a pterodactyl head out of the box where he kept his spare parts.

Lenore was furious. "Sidney open this door now! Before I get the screwdrivers."

"Oooh no...the infection is spreading Doctor...she'll need a leg transplant too!" Sid was saying.

His mother would never get in...not after he'd installed the deadbolt that morning so that no one would interrupt him at work.

"Mommy, he's gonna make Janie into a mutant!" Hannah wailed, kicking the door. "I HATE you, Sid!"

Sid laid his instruments out on the table like a surgeon in an operating room and donned a mask.

"Not to worry...you'll be good as new in no time!"

Lenore managed unscrew the door

"Mooooommmm I'm workin...get out!"

"Get out? This is MY house, young man!" she felt her head throb.

"It's Dad's house!" he retorted.

She tried to remove the door only to find it was stuck. "What the hell? I can't . . .what did you do?"

"Deadbolt, Mom! Try and break that!" He laughed again.

Just then the doorbell rang.

He turned back to his latest patient. "Time to operate..."

Hannah ran downstairs to get the door. She threw it open and saw Rumple on the other side. "Mr. Gold! Mr. Gold! Ya gotta help us! Sid took Janie an' he's gonna cut off her head n' he locked Mommy an' me outta his room an' we can't get in!"

"He WHAT?" Rumple exclaimed.

His eyes flashed. "Don't worry, dearie. No locks in the world can keep ME out!"

He teleported upstairs to where he saw Lenore tugging futilely on the door, a screwdriver with some screws at her feet. "Allow me, dearie."

He put a hand on the door and the door vanished. "Young man, what the HELL do you think you're doing, getting your mother all upset like this?" he demanded angrily.

Sid turned around with a pair of forceps in his hands. "Get out you nosy old crip!"

He threw them at the sorcerer.

"Excuse me?" Rumple growled. he gestured and they were turned into a pair of flowers, which fell harmlessly to the ground. Another gesture and the cherished doll was removed from the workstation and appeared in Hannah's arms.

"Boy, ye need a serious attitude adjustment!" he snapped. "Do ye not care yer mama's sick and ye're making her worse?"

"Ahhh she's just being whiny like always!"

Rumple's eyebrows climbed into his hair. "Whiny? She was passed out on the floor a day ago an' needed me to heal her. She needs rest and peace and quiet, not you pulling shenanigans, ye little hooligan!" He shook his finger at the boy.

"Probably just Aunt Flow visitin! And I'm doin serious work here so fuck off!"

"Sidney!" Lenore gasped. "Mr. Gold, I'm so sorry . . .you're grounded, mister! You don't talk like that to anyone, especially a guest."

Sid smirked. If she thought that was a punishment, she could think again. It gave him more time to do his experiments.

"That's right, lad. An' anyone who talks that way to me gets to eat Ivory," Rumple said, catching the smirk. he conjured a bar of soap.

"Oooooo I'm real scared..." Sid mocked.

"Ye should be," Rumple purred, then he sent the bar of soap into the little brat's mouth. "An' if ye were my child, ye'd be getting a sore backside as well!"

Hannah cheered. "Yay, Mr. Gold!"

"Can't touch me...have you arrested old man..." Sid sputtered.

"Maybe you oughta be turned into a freaky toy and see how YOU like it!" yelled Hannah.

Rumple's eyes gleamed. "Not a bad idea, dearie."

Hannah grinned at her brother. "Not gonna do your 'sperminents on Janie again, are ya?"

"Mr Gold...I'll stop...don't turn me into a toy," he pleaded.

"Will you now, lad?" he demanded harshly. "Or are ye just sayin' that so I'll go easy on ye?"

The boy truly was terrified, remembering stories he'd heard of what happened to people who crossed the Dark One.

"I promise I'll stop!"

"Shall I make a deal wi' ye then? You will make an effort-a real one mind ye-to behave and not torment yer sister or be disobedient to yer mother for the rest of the year and I'll not turn you into a toy worm with a talking head and a slit in its belly where you can rip its guts out. You will also make an effort to be respectful to yer mama and not sass her and help around the house-it's disgraceful how you treat her and your home! I've seen pigstys that are cleaner than this room!"

"I will, I will!"

Rumple's eyes narrowed. "Just remember-no one breaks deals with me, dearie! But if you do-be prepared to take the consequences!"

"Yes sir!"

"Now-you owe your mama and sister an apology for your behavior and if I were you I'd start cleaning this mess before I start vanishing it all because you shouldn't have to live in a trash heap."

"I'm sorry Mom...Hannah..." he said remorsefully.

"I hope so, Sid. Learn your lesson . . .otherwise you'll regret it sooner or later." Lenore said. "Now do as Mr. Gold said and clean this place up! Before we get roaches!"

Sid took some trash bags out of his dresser drawer and started throwing away all the garbage on the floor and put his dirty clothes in the hamper to be washed.

Gold conjured some furniture polish and a cloth and some disinfectant wipes plus a vacuum and said, "Clean it good, and thank your lucky stars I'm not inspecting it . . .with my white glove test."

While Sid cleaned his room, Lenore went downstairs to make tea for herself and Rumple and allowed Hannah to go over to the Hopper house to play with Jonny and Gisella.

"How have ye been feelin', Lenore?" he queried solicitously. "Ye look a wee bit peaked."

"Dealing with him...I was much better last night...I had wonderful time over at your brother-in-law's house."

"Yes, Archie said you did. How are my cordials reacting with you? Any side effects. Fatigue, nausea, dizziness, diarrhea?"

She sighed. "No. I tried to talk to Bill about our...issues and that we should see Doctor Hopper but he refuses."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps he might change his mind?"

"I don't know. He's stubborn like that."

She had no idea just how stubborn her husband was and how vindictive he could be but she would find out soon enough.

"Would ye like me to talk to him, dearie?" Rumple offered. He figured he could put the fear of the Dark One into the man.

"No, it's all right. You've done so much already."

"Well, hopefully that boy of yours shapes up now. But if not . . .remind him about our deal."

"I will."

He patted her arm. "Get some rest, ye look tired. And fretting about what cannae be changed will only make it worse. Believe me, I know."

"Thank you again, Mr. Gold."

"No problem, dearie. You call me if you need more potions, or if anything changes." He finished his tea and stood up. "Oh and my Adriana wants to know if Hannah would like to come over and bake cookies with us tomorrow?"

"She certainly can."

"Good, I'll have Belle come and pick her up."

"That's fine. Marie wants to take me to lunch."

"Then we'll both have fun." Rumple giggled.

Her husband and son were missing out on having a wonderful time with such a wonderful group of people.

Rumple bid her goodbye after leaving her with a plate of his Golden Delights and some gingerbread cookies.

A loud explosion shook the walls of the Dutch Colonial and woke Archie and Marie out of a deep sleep later that night.

"What the hell was that!?" Marie exclaimed. The couple jumped out of bed and ran to their childrens' rooms to make certain they were all right. Marie found Gisella sitting on her windowsill peeking through her curtains at the yard next door when Archie walked in holding a terrified Jonny cuddling Duke in his arms.

"Daddy, that crazy Sid kid and his dad's got fireworks!" Gisella drew the curtain back and pointed over to the neighbors' yard where Sid and Bill were indeed setting off fireworks, many of them illegal, including large rockets.

"Gisella, come away from the window," her father instructed. Jonny ran to his mother.

"Daddy, he's pointin' a rocket at the window!" screamed Gisella.

"WHAT!? Gisella, get down!"

"Archie, we have to call Emma and Jeff!" Marie cried.

"Take them to our room!" Archie commanded. Their room was on the opposite side of the house.

Marie picked up Jonny and they ran into the couple's bedroom while Archie called Jeff on his cellphone.

"Jeff, get the hell over here now! That crazy neighbor of mine is launching fireworks at my house!" Archie screamed into the phone.

"Rumple's got a ward on it, doesn't he?"

"Yes but it's scaring the daylights out of my family!"

"I'll take care of it! Just sit tight!"

"Just hurry up!"

The rocket flew toward the window and was deflected by the ward Rumple placed on the house, making the walls vibrate again.

"HIT EM AGAIN, DAD!" screamed Sid.

Jonny dived under the comforter on his parents' bed.

"You okay in there, Jonny?" Gisella asked him when she lifted it up.

"Hate that stupid kid!" he muttered. Gisella crawled under the comforter with him.

"Yeah I hate him too."

"Why can't Daddy make him leave…or Uncle Rumple make him leave?"

"I dunno."

Jonny poked his head out from the other end of the comforter. "You wanna come in, Mommy? We got the room."

Marie crawled under the comforter with her children. Duke, reacting to his master's emotions was now animated and Major Archie, sensing them as well was teleported in from the Gold house.

"Lemme go take care of it, Jonny," Duke pleaded. "I'll go bite him good!"

"You not 'llowed Duke. 'Member how mad Daddy got the last time ya tried to bite someone?"

"Yeah well when you have frownies m'sposta take care of it," the bear reminded him.

"I heard that, Duke and the answer is no! You're not going over there!" Archie said firmly when he pulled the comforter up. "Jeff's on his way Marie."

"Good! I hope they take that brat to juvenile hall…or a boot camp and spare Lenore the agony of living with him and that monster she married! I….ohhhh! Dammit, Zach! How the hell did you get out of your cage again?" Marie demanded when she saw her son's garter snake slithering by her feet. It hissed a reply to Jonny.

"Ummm….I was playin' with him when that boom scared me," Jonny replied. Moments later Mickey flew into the room and hopped onto the bed. "Mommy, don't wanna go back to my room! Wanna sleep with you and Daddy!"

"Can I sleep with you too?" Gisella asked.

"All right, come on," Archie said thanking the gods the bed was large enough for the four of them. They all climbed into bed. Marie scowled when she saw Pongo, Zach, Mickey, Tom. Major Archie and Duke getting ready to go up on the bed with them.

"Oh, no you don't! Out!" She pointed to the door.

"But Mommy!" Jonny wailed.

"I will share my bed with my children but not living stuffed bears, a dog, a snake and a cricket!" Duke growled, Zach hissed and Mickey started chirping in protest.

"You already have a cricket in your bed," her husband joked. Marie glared at him.

"Would you like a date with the couch tonight, Archibald Hopper?" she threatened.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No!"

"Mommy, I want them to sleep in here too. Please….." Her son gave her the puppy dog look.

And when those blue eyes, so much like his father's, looked into hers, Marie found it impossible to resist him. "All right Jonny…just for tonight…and you are NOT sleeping on the bed, so you can just get that thought out of your heads right now!" she informed his pets. Mickey made the bookshelf his perch, Zach curled up under the bed and Duke, Major Archie and Tom opened one of the dresser drawers to sleep in it. Pongo blocked the door with his body. No one would harm his humans as long as he was around.

Jeff called while they were watching Babes In Toyland, all of them too on edge to sleep.

"Everything okay over there?"

"Yes….the kids are still shaken up but we're fine."

"We have both of them in custody."

"Where are Lenore and Hannah? Are they all right?"

"Sons of bitches locked them both in their rooms but we got them out."

"Why the hell did they do this?"

"Apparently that Bill is pissed because he thinks you and Rumple are meddling in his business and...well since you live next door..."

"I was a convenient target," Archie grumbled.

"Poor Lenore," Marie said softly. "She didn't need this..."

"Now Hannah can get rid of that bad daddy and brother!" Gisella hissed.

As if on cue, the telephone beside the bed rang and a frantic Lenore was on the line apologizing for her husband and son's behavior and asking if everyone was all right.

"Lenore...Lenore...relax honey. We're all fine," Marie assured her.

"That bastard is going to find his clothes out in the yard when he gets out of jail!" snarled Lenore.

And she knew her son was going to be in more trouble when Mr. Gold found out what he did.

Lenore was waiting outside with Marie when Belle arrived to pick up Hannah the next day.

The little girl could barely contain her excitement that she was going to spend the day with Mr. Gold and Adriana making cookies.

"Hello Lenore, Marie, are you all right? You look tired." Belle observed.

"You can blame my husband and son for that...they tried to launch rockets at the Hoppers' house last night!"

"What!" Belle cried.

"Rumple's wards stopped it, Belle, but it scared my children half to death!"

Belle was furious and her husband was going to hear about when they got to her house. Those Phillips boys needed to be taught a good lesson!

Adriana was also excited to have a new helper in the kitchen while she baked cookies with her papa and she planned on giving Hannah one of her majors so that the bear could protect her like they protected her cousins and the rest of her friends.

"You ready to bake cookies with me an Papa, Hannah?" Adriana asked her.

"Uh-huh!"

"Rumple, I need to talk to you alone for a bit. Adriana, Hannah, you stay here in the den for a few minutes," Belle said.

"Kay, Mama!"

Belle pulled her husband into the kitchen and shut the door behind her. "Do you know what went on at my sister's house last night?"

Belle recounted the terrifying incident at the Hopper house the night before, the Phillips boys trying to start a fire or injure someone by launching fireworks into the windows that thankfully Rumple's wards protected the family from.

"And they locked Hannah and Lenore in their rooms so they couldn't stop them or even call the police!" she cried.

"I'll be making sure both of them stay where they belong...in jail!" he vowed.

"Good! My sister lived in fear enough when Gaston was alive and I don't want her to go through that again...not when she finally has a peaceful life with Archie and the kids!"

Adriana came into the kitchen with Hannah in tow. "We wanna bake cookies now, Mama!"

"All right, sweetie. Make me some chocolate chip ones." She winked at her daughter. The child knew chocolate chip was her mother's second favorite cookie.

"Come on, dearie, let's make some cookies and then we can have them with some ice cold milk and ham sandwiches, how's that sound?"

And afterwards he'd be paying a visit to a certain boy who had broken his deal, and remind him that NO ONE broke deals with Rumplestiltskin, even if he was no longer the Dark One.

For there was no such thing as a mage-light or dark-who could not deliver a damned good ass kicking when warranted.

The manner might differ and the target might be left alive rather than dead, but they would know they had been given a damned good beatdown, as Bae would have put it.

"Hannah, m'gonna give you one of my majors to take home with you to keep meanies like Sid away from you," Adriana said.

"Really? Ooh that's so nice of you!"

"Her name's Major Fury and she can kick butt when she wants to."

The toddler smirked. "All the Happy Army can kick butt, right, Papa?"

"Yes, they can, dearie. After all, they're Marine soldier bears and everyone knows a Marine can kick ten people's butts before breakfast, beat up another four while eating his cereal, and then go back out and nail a whole platoon of enemy soldiers without batting an eyelash."

"Major Fury! Front n' center!" commanded Adriana.

The female bear appeared in the kitchen and saluted.

"You're gonna live with Hannah now."

"Don't you worry. I'll make sure she's safe," said the bear in voice like her former Scorpion counterpart.

"An' will you protect my mom too?" Hannah asked, slightly awed.

"Yep. It's what I do, right Adriana?"

"Yep...and you can call for the others if you need em."

"Okay!" Hannah said. Then she looked at her new bear. "Ya like cookies?"

"Yeah but I really gotta cut back on the chocolate...makes me hyper," the bear giggled.

"Kay, you can only have a little," Hannah said.

After they had made some chocolate chips and Rumple's Golden Delights, they all sat down in the kitchen and had a snack together with Belle.

Once they had finished, Rumple murmured, "Belle, take the girls into the den and have them watch a movie, I think Hannah brought The Year Without A Santa Claus over. I'm going to go over to the station and have a talk with the Phillips boys." He looked grim as death.

"All right," Belle said, trusting her husband to teach the two a lesson they'd never forget without going overboard. "Girls, why don't we watch a movie?"

Rumple smiled as he headed outside and got into his car.

When he arrived at the station, he found Officer Pendragon on duty, as Jeff was on break and he had met Emma down at the diner for some lunch. Arthur took one look at Gold's face and said, "You hav the look of someone who wants to kick ass and take names, Mr. Gold."

"That's because I'm going to, Arthur. Someone in that cell broke a deal with me and you know no one breaks deals with me, dearie."

The temperature in the room suddenly plummeted about twenty degrees as Rumple's temper roused.

Arthur shivered. He knew better than to stand in the way of the Master of Light and Dark when he was about to dispense his own form of justice. "Okay, Mr. Gold. But if you're planning on killing someone, I know nothing about it."

"No killing, dearie. I have something much more . . .satisfying in mind," the ancient wizard replied. "Killing someone is so yesterday, Pendragon. There's better ways to get my point across and still have them suffer till they mend their ways."

"You're going to beat them with the cane of doom?"

"No . . .though that would have been my second choice," Rumple chuckled. "You'll see. In about fifteen minutes."

Arthur unlocked the door to the cell block, they had enlarged the jail a few years ago. He knew it was either cooperate or have one very pissed off magician break the door down.

Rumple entered to find Sid and his father occupying the same cell, dressed in typical orange prison garb.

Sid's jaw hit the floor when he saw who had come. "Mr. Gold?"

"That's right, laddie," Gold said, his tone almost conversational . . .except for the hint of icy rage.

Sid began trembling. "Don't hurt me, please! I . . .I didn't mean to! He made me!" he pointed at his father.

Gold wagged a finger at him. "Now, now, don't lie, dearie. It'll only get you in worse trouble. Tell the truth—you broke your deal because you couldn't resist temptation, didn't you? In spite of my warning, you thought you could pull one over on me, because after all, I'm no longer the Dark One, and that means I must be stupid, right?"

Sid shook his head frantically. "No! No, Mr. Gold!"

"You really think we're supposed to be scared of you?" sneered Bill, trying to act tough. But the squeak at the end of his voice gave the lie to his act. "You're nothing but a crippled old coward now . . . same as you were before."

Gold laughed softly. "Think so, dearie? I may still have a bum leg, but I'm no coward. And you know something, Phillips? I never was. All of you thought that, but you were wrong. I never left the battle because I was afraid to fight or to die—I left to save my child, and prevent him from growing up without a man around, and it's a good thing I did, because knowing what my wife turned out like, she'd have abandoned him on a doorstep and run off with her scurvy pirate to sail the seven seas! And lest you forget, dearie, it wasn't the duke, for all his posturing and his bully boys, and his grand scheme who ended the Ogre Wars—it was me. I walked out there and brought the children he'd thrown in the path of monsters home again, where they belonged. And I ended the bloodiest war in our history, the endless war no one could win . . . but I won it . . .by using my brain and making a deal . . .if I was a coward all I would have cared about was saving my own hide."

Then he fixed Bill and Sid with a terrible Look.

"Now, Sid knows the reason I'm here, and you should too, William Phillips. I'm here because your son broke his deal with me and you allowed him to do so . . .as well as doing harm to members of my family."

"We—we didn't intend to hurt anyone—" babbled Bill.

Rumple leaned in close to the bars and spat, "Don't lie to me, Phillips! You shot a rocket at the Hopper residence! If it hit it would have shattered a window, caught something on fire, at the very least you terrified my small niece and nephew! You have children, Phillips! How dare you endanger another person's child! Over your own lazy ass pride!"

Bill cringed, afraid now, but still running off at the mouth.

"You—you stuck your nose in my business! Making my wife go to therapy . . .giving my daughter a doll . . ."

"Oh, how terrible!" mocked Rumple. "I saved your wife's life when she could have died from a bleed on her brain! I comforted your daughter because she was hysterical and frightened because your son was terrorizing her! And apparently, dearie, you let him get away with it! What the hell kind of example is that? A piss poor one! And now you both pay the price for your idiocy!"

"Please! Mercy!" begged Mr. Phillips, only now realizing just what kind of sleeping giant he'd awakened.

Rumple's eyes narrowed. "Mercy? For someone who seems to take delight in terrorizing children? For acting more like a child than an adult? I shall show you the same mercy you did to your family . . .and to your neighbors, whom you thought you could bully with impunity! Back in our old realm, peope knew not to cross the Dark One. Well, dearie, now you're going to learn a new lesson—don't cross Mr. Gold!"

He pointed a finger at Bill.

Then the man suddenly morphed into a wind-up pig-faced toy with bat wings that ran around the cell squealing and grunting.

Sid was horrified. "I'll be good! Please, Mr. Gold! Don't!"

The sorcerer shook his head. "Sorry, dearie. You made a deal and then you broke it. Now you pay the price."

"Nooo! I don't wanna become a toy!" wailed the boy.

"And as a father I don't like punishing my children, yet I do it so they learn better. Learn from this, lad. Or else you're going to end up like him," he pointed to the bat-winged freakish pig running about on the floor.

"I have!"

"No . . .you haven't," Rumple said sadly. "But after this maybe you shall."

Then he gestured, and Sid became a wriggly worm toy with a slit in its belly and as the worm squirmed on the floor bits and pieces of its toy insides came out.

Rumple tapped his foot on the floor. "How does it feel to be one of your experiments?"

The worm Sid waggled its head and looked horrified.

"Remember what I said," Gold intoned. "Shape up . . .or else next time will be worse."

Then he turned and limped out of the room.

Arthur looked up from the Sudoku puzzle he'd been doing. "Seems pretty quiet in there."

"I muffled their screams with a scarf, dearie," Rumple joked. "Take a look and you'll see what I've done to them."

Arthur rose and went to take a look. When he came out he whistled and said, "How long will they be like that?"

"Oh, no more than eight hours. Then they'll be their normal pain-in-the-ass selves . . .hopefully with a better attitude. And facing several charges from my brother-in-law. Now, I must be going. I don't like leaving Belle alone for very long in her condition, especially with two wee ones to watch also."

"Bye, Mr. Gold!" Arthur waved as the sorcerer left the station.

As Gold limped through the door, the deputy muttered, "When he kicks somebody's ass, he does it with style!" He would have a new story to tell Gwen and his kids when he got home tonight, and the legend of Mr. Gold had now grown once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all liked! Here we showed you a glimpse of what the Phillips family (from Toy Story) might have been like on the show and how even a redeemed white mage Rumple can still kick everybody's ass.


	5. The Drunk and Disorderly Army and Decorating Mayhem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Happy Army gets drunk and disorderly and a decorating contest gets out of hand thanks to Robin and Jeff!

5

~ The Drunk and Disorderly Army and Decorating Mayhem ~

"Happy Army! Front n' center!" Adriana shouted from the den. All of the bears teleported in from various locations, most of them from her house. They stood at attention and saluted their 'commanding officer'. "At ease."

They lowered their hands and relaxed their postures while she paced in front of them with her hands behind her back just like a commanding officer of an army.

"Kay, Bae's takin' you out tonight an you know what you're 'sposta do. Go house to house, sing to people, hug the kids, give em some of Papa's cookies an make sure they have NO frownies! You gotta be in 'fore ten cause that's when Papa goes to bed an he's gonna get a frownie if you come in late an wake him up. And those of ya who live in other houses, don't be crawlin in late wakin em up an causin frownies or m'gonna have to court martial ya. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am!" they chorused.

"Hey BAE! They's ready!" she shouted upstairs.

"I cannot believe I'm frickin doing this," her brother grumbled upstairs.

But he made a deal with his little sister and like with his father, there would be hell to pay if he broke it.

He came downstairs to find them all waiting for him dressed in Santa Claus suits holding tins filled with his father's cookies.

"You gotta have em back 'fore ten, Bae or Papa's gonna get mad an you know what he'll make you do..."

"Yeah I know...crack o' dawn cleanin' t'house," he said, mimicking his father's country accent.

"You're lucky he didn't hear that, Bae, or you'd be gettin' your butt beat."

"You better not tell him, Rumplette!"

"I won't...IF ya don't mess up tonight," she said with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes. "God, when are you gonna make it legal to sell your little sister?"

"When he makes it legal for me to sell ya on Ebay!" Adriana retorted.

"Okay, c'mon you guys...let's go spread some Christmas cheer," he said sarcastically to the bears.

I am NOT doing this again! he thought as he walked down the street with the bears behind him. They started singing.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..."

"Nah...sing this one! Jingle bells Batman smells

Robin laid an egg

The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away!" Bae corrected.

Majors Rumple, Tom and Archie frowned. "That's not right, Bae," Major Rumple scolded, shaking his paw in the teenager's face.

"Live a little, will ya? Sheesh, you're just like my papa!"

"I'm supposed to be, dearie!"

"Well, I'm not singing that," Major Archie said firmly.

Bae rolled his eyes. "And you are too much like my uncle it's scary."

"Ummm...weren't you listening when Major Rumple said I'm supposed to be, Bae?"

"Jingle bells Batman smells

Robin laid an egg

The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away!" sang Majors Bae, Fire, Fury, Wraith, Andi, Shadow, Ewan and Bobby.

Bae smirked. "At least THEY know how to live a little!"

"No, they're just smart asses like ye when ye wanna be!" snapped Major Rumple.

"Ooooh you swore! We're telling!" taunted Major Bae.

"Yeah and we won't mention where I GOT my smart attitude from, now will we?" Bae asked the bear with a grin.

"Yer mother!" argued Major Rumple.

"Okay guys no fighting!" said Major Belle.

"I'm gonna go over to that house first. Anybody wanna go with me?" asked Major Gabby. Since he was named after Rumple's enchanted hassock puppy he was more childlike than the others.

Majors Belle, Marie, Tom, Rumple and Archie followed him to the front porch of the house and knocked on the door.

"Merry Christmas!" they greeted Mrs. Allen and handed her the tin of cookies.

"Barbara, lass...it's Adriana's bears comin' t' wish us Merry Christmas!"

"Coming Grandma..." she said and shuffled over to the door. She was six months pregnant with her first child and her husband's third. She never thought she'd want to date after what happened with Keith Nottingham but after she backed her car into a pole and took it to Tillman's Garage, her meeting with the shop's owner changed her mind. They married a year ago and she loved being a stepmother to his children.

The bears smiled at the pregnant woman and started singing O Holy Night.

"Look Nicky! It's the Happy Army!" exclaimed Ava. The bears smiled when they finished their song and hugged the expectant mother and her stepchildren.

"Thank you...and tell your little mistress and her parents we said Merry Christmas too," Barbara said to the bears. They saluted and walked back to the others.

"This is boring!" complained Major Duke.

"No kiddin," grumbled Major Hatter. "I'm happier kickin butts than singing since I can't sing worth a crap!"

"I wanna go bust people," whined Major Dora.

"I'd rather be at home watching Maleficent with Ellie," grumbled Major May.

"And I'd rather be working in my lab with Doctor Nefario and the minions on my next diabolical plan," laughed Major Gru.

"Adriana's gonna get mad if we don't sing and make people happy," said Major Kermit.

"You wanna sing, you go sing. We're bored," snapped Major Duke.

Bae was laughing. "You guys plannin a mutiny or what?"

"Nah, we're not plannin a mutiny but I can't sing," grumbled Major Duke.

Most of the bears were having a wonderful time singing and giving their baked gifts to everyone they met. Bae wasn't surprised now that some of them were not enjoying it as they would have a year or two ago. His little sister apparently didn't realize that when she enchanted the bears to take on the personalities of their human counterparts, they would want to pursue their own interests.

The second group, that he called the Confederate Bears was made up of his former Scorpion friends, the two that were like him, Major Hatter, Major Rob, Major Gru, Major Dora and Major May and Major Duke.

"Hey! Let's go in there and sing!" crowed Major Hatter, pointing at the Rabbit Hole.

"That's a bar, dearie an I'm no' singing in a bar," said Major Rumple.

"Adriana said...we gotta sing to EVERYBODY so they don't have frownies," Major Bae reminded him with a smirk.

"Yeah, c'mon! We're just gonna do what we're told."

"Guys, I'm not allowed in there since I'm underage," Bae reminded them.

"We'll just go in for a bit..."

"Hey Bae!" Andi called out and waved.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked when he approached her. She glanced back at the group of bears and grinned.

"So she made you do it, huh?"

"Yeah...she's like my papa...can't break a deal with her, y'know."

While he wasn't looking the Confederate Bears went into the Rabbit Hole with the rest of them in pursuit.

"We're not 'sposed to be in t'bar, now come on ye lot! We got work t'do!" Major Rumple scolded.

"We're just gonna be in here for a little bit...c'mon let's sing!" Major Jeff cried and the bears started singing Deck The Halls.

Some of the patrons started laughing. "You guys sure know how to have a good time!"

Major Rumple shook his head. "C'mon...we gotta get movin...almost time for bed," he said to the others. He, Major Archie, Major Belle, Major Gabby, Major Tom, Major Marie and Major Kermit headed down the street to continue caroling.

Major Moe was not with them. His human counterpart often borrowed him to work as a teddy gram and he enjoyed it. They passed him while he was on his way to Lenore Phillips' house.

"Who're ye goin to see?" Major Rumple asked him.

"Gotta deliver a teddy gram from Sneezy to Missus Phillips."

The other bears smiled.

They'd heard their humans talking about how the pharmacy owner had a secret crush on the Hoppers' recently separated neighbor.

"We'll see ye back at t'house."

Bae strolled along with Andi, completely unaware that his sister's bears were now split off into different groups, one doing what they were supposed to do, the other doing what they shouldn't.

"Hey, you guys want a drink?" asked August.

"Ummm...I don't think we should be servin em beer, August," argued Mike.

"Aww c'mon, it's Christmas! Show a little Christmas spirit, would ya!"

Several men in the bar purchased a round of drafts for the bears. They all sat down at the tables.

"This stuff is GOOD!" exclaimed Major Duke, slamming his mug down. "I want another one!"

"Gimme one too!" cried Major Hatter.

The bartender, thinking there was no harm in it, poured the bears another round of drinks...and another...and another.

After six beers Major Fury jumped up on one of the tables. "Put on some Leppard! I wanna dance!" she yelled.

"Comin right up!" Major Ewan ran over to the jukebox. "Anybody gotta quarter?"

August tossed him one. "Knock yourself out," he called out and laughed.

"Ooops...we gotta sing you guys...!" Major Duke slurred.

"Deck...t'...hic...halls...with...hic..."

"Yo! Need more beer over here!" shouted Major Fire.

"Oh my God...this is better'n watchin America's Funniest Home Videos!" exclaimed Leroy, recording the bears' drunken antics on his phone.

"Hey, barkeep! Where's t'whiskey?" demanded Major Duke.

"Ummm...maybe you should...hey, gimme that back you stuffed lush!" Mike growled, chasing after the drunken bear when he grabbed several bottles of liquor off the bar and tossed them out to his cohorts.

"Awwwright you got the good stuff!" Major Hatter yelled and chugged a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Soooo bring me two pina coladas...hic..gotta have one for each hand..." sang Major Rob.

"Let's set sail with Cap'n Morgan...an never leave dry land..." sang Major May.

"Troubles...I forget em...I buried 'er in t'sand..." added Major Dora.

Major Gru jumped on the table next. "Hey Kiltie...get my song on!" he shouted over at Major Ewan.

The other bear smirked, dropped another quarter in the jukebox and the Bee Gees You Should Be Dancin' started to play.

"Next time...m'bringin Nefario an t'minions an we're gonna have a REAL party!" he slurred while he disco danced.

"That's it! You get your stuffed, drunk asses outta my bar or I'm throwin ya out!" Mike shouted.

"Oh yeah? You'n what army?" demanded Major Duke.

"I'll give you an army, smartass! I'm callin the cops!"

"Better call Gold instead, Mike," suggested Happy.

"Are kiddin me! I don't want hung by my shoelaces from the ceiling, do you?"

"No..."

"Then let Emma n'Jeff deal with it!"

"Hey guys...he's callin the cops! We gotta make like the wind and blow!" called out Major Fire.

Major Duke ducked out the back door before Mike locked it. "The only place the rest of you are goin is the drunk tank!" threatened Mike.

He pushed a button behind the counter that was installed by Rumple a few years ago preventing teleportation by a magical creature if they started trouble in the bar. There were devices like it in businesses all over town.

Emma, Jeff and Deputy Pendragon were getting ready to leave for the night when the phone rang at the Sheriff's station.

"You guys go on….I'll handle this," Arthur offered. "Hello? Sheriff's office…"

He burst into laughter. "They did what? Why didn't you call Mr. Gold? Oh…yeah he would…o…okay we'll come down and haul em in!" He hung up the phone. "Oh my God….you guys are NOT gonna believe this!"

"What's so funny Art?" demanded Jeff.

"T…The….Happy Army is down at…the Rabbit Hole…drunk!" he exclaimed and laughed again.

"What?!" Emma cried. "Are you pulling my leg, Pendragon?"

"No! I'm dead serious! That was Mike on the phone. They're drinking him outta business and wrecking the place."

Emma sighed. "Looks like we're finally gonna have a use for that old SWAT truck we bought after all. C'mon Jeff, let's go haul em in!"

Major Duke staggered down the lane to the Hoppers' Dutch Colonial and started pounding on the door. Archie and Marie were downstairs watching A Christmas Carol and wondered who on earth was making such a racket at this time of night. Archie grabbed his umbrella and went to the door with Marie at his heels holding the broom in case it was some lunatic from The Rabbit Hole or the lunatic Phillips boys.

"Deck…'t…halls…with….boughs of…holly…" Duke slurred when they opened the door.

"Oh my God!" Marie exclaimed. "Archie, our son's bear is…"

"Drunk," he mumbled. "Umm….Duke….maybe you'd better come in and ah…..sleep it off."

"C'mon! You gotta…siiiing!" the bear exclaimed.

"Duke, we'll sing some other time. Right now we have to get you to bed."

"But you…have frownies an…Driana said…not supposed to so you gotta SIIINNNG!"

"Duke…shhhhh! The kids are asleep!" Marie begged.

"Start singing!" bellowed the bear.

"Ummm…deck the halls with boughs of holly…fa la la la…" Archie sang. Marie elbowed him in the ribs.

"Are you insane?" she demanded.

"Humor him until we get him into bed," pleaded her husband.

"Oh all right…'tis the season to be jolly…" she sang, wanting to whack the drunken bear and her husband with the broom. Archie put the bear's paw around his shoulders and started walking up the steps, both of them singing in a low voice so they wouldn't wake the children.

"I don't feel so good," Duke whined.

"Oh gods…don't you dare!" Archie growled.

The bear doubled over and vomited on the steps. Archie had to hold his breath before he started feeling nauseated too, not easy to do when he was having Couvade Syndrome from Marie's pregnancy. Marie held her nose…and her temper, determined to find out who the idiot was that served the damned thing alcohol.

Archie helped the bear sit down on the steps while he ran downstairs to the kitchen to get a bucket of soapy water and the scrub brush.

"Whoever….served that bear alcohol…is going to get the daylights whacked out of them with my umbrella…dammit!" he grouched while he tried to scrub the mess out of the carpet.

"My tummy hurts!" Duke complained.

"I know it does and so will your head in the morning. Now how did you get a hold of alcohol?" Marie asked it.

"Ummm….we were goin out singin….and Bae saw his girlfriend….so he told the guy at the Rabbit Hole to watch us till he got back but he forgot. We were thirsty and they…gave us a drink….then a few more…and we started feeling GOOD!" the bear laughed.

"Adriana is going to kill him!" Marie mumbled and went into the kitchen to fill up a bucket of water.

"Not if Rumple gets to him first," said her husband. "All right Duke, do you think you can stand up?"

"Think so…." he grumbled.

They started up the steps. Duke stumbled and fell backwards, bringing Archie tumbling down the steps with him.

"What happened!" Marie cried when she came out into the hall and found her husband at the foot of the steps with a drunk bear on top of him.

"Now…Marie….you gonna believe what you see…or what I tell ya?" Duke asked with a smirk.

"Get...him...off...me...!" Archie mumbled.

"You...you...crazy drunken..." Marie grumbled, grabbing the bear's arm and yanking him to his feet.

"Wait a minute till I catch my breath and I'll get ya up those stairs as sure as my name is...Duuukkke!" the bear slurred and doubled over vomiting again.

"Oh gods...he's quoting McLintock and I'd be laughing if I wasn't so damned mad right now!" Archie cried.

He helped the bear to his feet again and put its paw around his shoulders. They started climbing the stairs.

"Archie, watch out...oh not again!" Marie cried when her husband and the bear tumbled down the steps a second time.

"Archie...Marie...I am sleepin' in the den..." Duke mumbled.

"You're lucky I don't make you sleep outside, you lush!" Archie yelled.

"I gotta go to Jonny's room…"

"Not like this! You are sleeping in the den."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do! You are not sleeping in my son's room smelling like a brewery and having a hangover!"

"Okay…" the bear sighed and allowed Archie to help him up for the last time. Marie scrubbed the floor and dumped out the bucket and filled it with water. They would have to keep it beside the sofa in case the bear had to vomit again and filled a bottle with water for him to drink so that he wouldn't dehydrate. Once he was on the sofa, the bear shrunk down to its normal size and fell asleep.

"Maybe we'd better call Rumple and warn him the Happy Army is going to be staggering in any minute now," Marie said.

"And we still have Tom roaming about!" Archie cried. "All right, I'll call him."

Little did he know someone else was already making a phone call to the Victorian. After Jeff locked all the bears in a holding cell he dialed Rumple's number from his cellphone, bracing himself for the sorcerer's wrath.

"Deck…t'halls with…hi…boughs of..hic holly…

Fa…hic…la…hic…la….la la!" they were all singing.

"Oh my God Emma, please make them SHUT UP! If I hear Deck The Halls one more time I am going to check myself into the psych ward!" Jeff groaned.

"I'm trying, dammit!" she grouched.

"Try harder! If I ever get this annoying when I'm drunk, just shoot me!"

"I shoulda shot you a coupla times then Hatter!"

Finally Jeff heard Rumple pick up the phone. "Rumple, it's Hatter…"

"Hatter, do you know what time it is?" Rumple demanded sleepily.

"I know Rumple…ummm…I'm gonna need you to come down to the station."

"At this time of night? It better be a matter of life or death."

"Well ahh….we had to arrest some of the Happy Army."

Rumple sat up, wondering if his ears were playing tricks on him. "Would you repeat that, dearie?"

"They were down at the Rabbit Hole getting drunk."

"They WHAT?!"

"Rumple….what's wrong…?" Belle groaned.

"Adriana's bears are in jail! Jail! For being drunk!"

Belle sat up. "Drunk? But Bae was supposed to be watching them!"

"Okay Hatter I'll be down to collect them in a bit." Rumple grumbled. "Except yours. Dora's your responsibility and the ones belonging to the Hoods and your in-laws."

"Oh God, don't remind me! I better call the others to come and pick theirs up."

Rumple's cellphone rang on the nightstand while he was talking to Hatter. Seeing it was the Hoppers' house number, he handed it to Belle to answer.

"Hello?"

"Belle…ummm….I don't know how to tell you this but…" Marie began.

Belle sighed. "We already know. Jeff called and asked Rumple to go down to the station and bail most of the Happy Army out of jail. What I want to know is how they got drunk in the first place when my son was supposed to be watching them."

"Oh I can answer that. Duke told us he went off somewhere with Andi and left them in the Rabbit Hole. I don't know how that bear managed to avoid getting arrested but I'm sure Tom is down at the jail with the others. I sent Archie to fetch him."

"Oh my God….a houseful of drunk stuffed animals…..Marie….I'm going to go insane!" Belle moaned.

"I'm glad I only have two of them. You and Regina are going to have the worst time since she has three of them and you have what…ten?"

"I lost count!"

Rumple was grabbing his overcoat out of the closet when Majors Rumple, Archie, Marie, Belle, Moe and Gabby walked in.

"Goin t'bed now," Major Rumple said. "G'night."

"Ye hold it right there!" Rumple barked and sniffed the air. "Ye don't look an smell drunk."

"Drunk? Why would we be drunk?" asked Major Belle.

"Ye weren't at t'Rabbit Hole?" he interrogated.

"No, we did what we were told, we went house to house, sang to people and gave them cookies," spoke up Major Archie.

"Musta been t'others down at t'Rabbit Hole," grumbled Major Rumple. "were complainin 'bout bein bored."

"Ahhh all right, go on to bed," Rumple groaned.

Jeff wanted to slam his head into a wall. No matter what spells Emma tried, she couldn't put one strong enough on the holding cell to drown out the bears' off key singing and several of them vomited.

Thankfully his daughter's bear was passed out. He had Emma take her home and out her to bed and when Archie arrived to pick up Tom he was surprised to learn he wasn't with the others.

"Guess I'm going to be driving around town looking for him...dammit!" he grouched and stormed out of the police station.

Rumple, David and Robin showed up at the police station at the same time.

"I can't believe this...my kids' bears in jail...drunker than damned skunks!" Robin complained. "Thank God I only have two of them to haul home and David has one...you have the rest, Rumple."

"Don't remind me!" the sorcerer snapped.

"Okay, Gru, party's over!" David called out to his son's bear.

"Okay..." Gru limped out of the cell, clutching his belly. "Feel like I gotta...ugghhh!"

"There he blows!" David and Robin jumped back before the bear vomited all over them.

"They're worse than I am when I get drunk!" Robin shook his head. "C'mon May...Rob...you're going home to sleep it off!"

Rumple glared at the remaining bears in the cell. "All right ye lot...march outta that cell!"

"We don't feel good!" Major Bae complained.

"Of course ye don't! Ye nearly drunk out half t'Rabbit Hole!" He waved his hand and all the bears were shrunk back down to their original size and he conjured a large box to put them in. "And that boy of mine is going to have some explaining to do when HE gets home!"

Belle was waiting up for her husband when he limped into the Victorian carrying the rest of the Happy Army in a large box.

"What are you going to do...spank them?" she wondered.

"Oh they're being punished enough with the hangovers they're going to have in the morning."

"Who has a hangover?" Bae asked.

"Yer sister's bears that's who! What were ye doin while they were down at the Rabbit Hole causin a ruckus?" Rumple demanded.

"Ummmm...I was talking to Andi and..."

"And ye left them down there! Bae, how many times do I have to keep harpin on ye about responsibility?"

"BAAAEEEE you jerk!" yelled Adriana from the steps. "You were supposed to take the Happy Army out to make sure people didn't have frownies, not make em mad!"

Oh am I in for it now, the teenager thought as his sister and father gave him identical Looks.

"I wasn't gone that long!" he protested.

"You were gone long enough!" Belle snapped. "I hope your hands are well rested, young man because you have a fifty page essay to write with examples on how destructive drinking can be!"

"An I'd like to whack ya with Mama's broom AN the cane a doom!" yelled his sister.

"And I don't think I need to tell you what you'll be doing for me, do I Baelfire?" his father asked icily.

"No," he sighed.

"You'd better get some sleep...this weekend you'll be getting up early."

He went upstairs, his sister following him glaring daggers at him.

The following morning Adriana went downstairs and stood in front of the sleeping bears, a scowl on her face.

They bowed their heads when they woke up and saw her.

"Next time you do this m'dischargin' you for conduct unbecomin' a Happy Army bear! You understand me?" she demanded in a voice as cold as her father's when she was angry.

"Yes mistress..." they groaned.

"I would court martial ya but you're all sick...so you're grounded, dearies! No goin outside or playin with the other Happy Army bears for a week!"

Rumple beamed with pride. His astor was becoming more and more like him every day.

Belle put her arms around his shoulders. "She certainly is a chip off the old teacups, isn't she, Rumple?"

"She certainly is," he agreed.

The next day several videos of the "Drunk and Disorderly Army" aired on Good Morning Storybrooke.

Things calmed down a bit after the "Drunk and Disorderly Army" incident but Storybrooke was a town where there was always some kind of hijinks going on and the next series of incidents started out innocently enough.

One Saturday night while the couples were out to dinner before they split up for the evening Robin set his glass down on the table.

"I challenge you to a decorating contest...the best two houses that win get to have date night while the losers stay home for a month."

"Who judges?" asked Rumple.

"The whole town...and NO magic from you!" Jeff said.

"Fine, I won't magic the lights or anything, but I will use some to put them up, since I have a disadvantage with my leg," Rumple argued.

"No magic at all...dearie!" Robin said with a grin. "You have a son who can help you."

"Bae? He's almost like no help with the way he tangles himself up in things!" Rumple groaned.

"Too bad...them's the rules...no magic whatsoever."

"Since we're family, we're entering as a team," Archie spoke up.

"Oh no you're not Hopper!"

"Why do I get the feeling this is going to get ugly real fast," Emma groaned.

Jeff and Robin smirked at the sorcerer. "Have fun sitting at home for a month, Rumple!"

"No, that'll be you, dearie! I have the creativity gene in this bunch," he retorted. "So better start looking over your Disney movies on Netflix."

"And you're forgetting something else, boys...family helps family so whether you like or not...the Golds and Hoppers are a united front! Have fun competing against each other because you'll be sitting in your house for a month while we get to enjoy our date nights." Archie sat back with a smirk on his face.

"You seem to forget...we've sabotaged your little schemes before, haven't we, baby?" Marie asked her husband.

Belle smiled at her husband. "We'll beat them without magic!"

"Of course we will, mo chroi. Since brains is all we need."

"And they're going to be in short supply over there," Archie whispered to his brother-in-law.

"You said it," Rumple winked at him. His busy mind was already planning several themes and how to arrange them.

"Guys...if we're gonna beat those two, we have to stick together..." David said to Jeff and Robin.

"Boys will be boys," Snow sighed.

"I'm washing my hands of it," Regina grumbled.

"You're not helping us?" the men asked their wives.

"Nope. You're on your own!" Emma said firmly.

Over at the other end of the table Belle and Marie were grinning.

"Rumple, do you have any idea what you want to do?" Archie asked him when they met at the Victorian for dinner the next day.

"I have a few themes in mind. One could be a gingerbread house theme and considering my daughter's bears are all over, they could dress up like toy soldiers. Or we could do a frost palace theme, with lots of icicles and snow themed items. What have you come up with?"

"Well...that's the problem...Gisella wants a Babes in Toyland theme and Jonny wants a Toy Story one."

"Wait a minute! Babes In Toyland had toy soldiers in it!" Marie exclaimed.

"All those ideas sound wonderful to me, Rumple," Belle said softly.

"So why don't we combine them all somehow?" Marie suggested. "What do you think, Rumple?"

"Why don't we do a toy store theme?" he suggested.

"See! Cooperation! We'll leave those boys in the dust!" Belle exclaimed.

"You won't have to worry about getting up on ladders to put the lights up, Rumple...we'll rent a lift," Archie said.

Marie giggled. "The fire department's used to bringing it to our house anyway!"

They all agreed that they would decorate the Gold house first then the Hopper house.

They started work on the house right after dinner.

Belle and Marie were regulated to light decorating duties despite their protests that they could help with many things even while pregnant.

Adriana was used to helping her papa decorate and so were Jonny and Gisella. Bae avoided the lights like the plague, having, as his father said, gotten tangled up in them too many times to count.

Rumple had Bae bring up all the boxes of lights he'd used in previous years to decorate the Victorian.

"Papa, what you want me to do?" asked Adriana.

"You can wind this velvet ribbon around the porch railing," he gave her a long length of ribbon and showed her how to wrap it like a candy cane.

He used Major Rumple to hang a sign that said Gold's Toy Shop above the door of the house.

Belle and Marie started setting up some lighted figurines in the yard.

Gisella and Jonny put large plastic candy canes along the walk leading to the house.

Archie was up on the ladder putting up strands of lights. "Bae, can you hand me up that next set please?"

"Sure," Bae handed him the end of the string. "Here ya go."

"Be careful up there, Archie!" Marie called up.

"Rumple, look what I found in the attic!" Belle exclaimed. "This old set of singing bells you bought the first year we were married!"

Bae groaned. He'd hidden them while he was cleaning the attic because he got tired of listening to them all the time when she did put them up.

"I'm hanging them in the den window!" Belle cried happily. Bae facepalmed himself.

"Mama, come on! I don't wanna listen to them all the time!"

Rumple sprinkled quick drying fake snow on all the bushes near the house and draped the lights artistically over them to form blinking colored happy faces.

Adriana jumped up and down and clapped. "You made happy bushes!"

"Just for ye, mo astor!" her papa grinned.

She hugged him. "We're gonna have the happiest houses in Storybrooke, right Unca Archie?"

"You bet we will, Adriana!' her uncle agreed. "Okay Bae, now I'm ready for the snowflakes!"

Bae then handed him strings of snowflakes and also candy lights, shaped like gumdrops that dangled off the roof.

Archie used several strands of the multicolored lights to spell out Merry Christmas on one side of the house.

Major Bae afixed a lighted Santa going down the chimney and a reindeer atop the roof tree.

Rumple put an antique sleigh in the yard with a small elf driving and a half open sack of toys in it, the toys were odds and ends from his shop that no one had claimed.

"Kinda like the Island of Misfit Toys, huh, Unca Rumple?" asked Johnny.

"Yes, only here they're not misfits," Rumple nodded. "Here they're valuable decorations."

"Ready to light it up, Rumple?" Archie asked.

"Yes, dearie." Rumple pressed the switch on his remote and the house and yard lit up in a gorgeous display.

"It's beautiful! Bae, go get the camera!" Belle cried.

The teenager raced into the house and brought the camera out.

"All right everyone, let's get a picture of you," Mary Poppins said and another snapshot was added to the family album.

"It looks great, Rumple," Archie said to his brother-in-law.

"Well, I couldn't have done it without you," he smiled.

"Yay! Now we can make our house light up!" Jonny exclaimed.

"We'll start tomorrow Jonny."

Later that night after Hoppers went home and the Golds were asleep, Robin, Jeff and a few of the Merry Men dressed all in black were making their way to the Victorian to do a little bit of sabotage.

Little John and Robin were laughing while they set up an old toilet with mannequin legs dressed in Santa Claus boots and pants sticking out of it.

Jeff climbed up on the ladder and took down the strands of lights saying Merry Christmas and put up a set they made that said Centuries Old Fart.

They had a second set ready to put up at the Dutch Colonial along with a mannequin with cricket legs to put in the toilet they would use on that lawn.

The final piece they put up was a sign that said Older Than Dirt...Fossilized.

The men ran off down the street, ready to record when the pawnbroker woke up in the morning to see their handwork.

Rumple woke up at his usual time of six o'clock and went to let Major out to do his business. As the shepherd trotted across the lawn, Rumple decided to go out and admire his house.

It was then he saw the toilet with the Santa legs sticking out of it. "What the HELL?"

He turned about and saw the sign next-Older Than Dirt . . . Fossilzed! "Why that-that-" he sputtered becoming very red in the face.

One of the dwarves was walking past the house and started laughing. "Hello...Centuries Old Fart!"

"Hey! How dare you!" Rumple growled. "Just what d'ye mean by that?"

"It says so up there!" Happy pointed to the set of lights on the side of the house.

"It says Merry Christmas! Can't you read?"

"Yeah I'm readin it and it says: Centuries Old Fart."

"WHAT?" Rumple bellowed and ran around the side of the house to look. Sure enough that's what it said.

"You spreadin a little Christmas humor this year? Good ones."

Rumple just shook his head. "Just wait till I get my hands on those jokers who switched my lights," he grumbled.

Happy was still laughing as he continued down the street.

"Rumple, what are you yelling about...oh my GOD. Is that a...toilet?" Belle asked from the porch.

Major barked and paused beside the sign.

"And just look at what these lights say!" her husband snapped. "People already think I'm too old for ye wi'out spelling it out!"

"Who's responsible for this?"

"Who do ye think, dearie?" he snapped testily.

"Papa, what's all the commotion out-oh my God! Santa fell in the crapper!" Bae cried, smothering a giggle.

Then he came out and saw the lights. He couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing.

"Well...if those idiots want to play dirty...we'll play dirty!" Belle snarled.

"Bae!" Rumple smacked him on the back of the head.

"Oww! Okay, I'm sorry!"

"Papa, they ruined our decorations! Ruined 'em!" Adriana said angrily.

"We'll fix them, Adriana," Rumple growled.

Belle went into the house to call her sister and tell her what happened.

"They did WHAT?!" Marie screeched.

"Marie...who is it?" Archie asked sleepily.

"Belle...someone ruined our decorations, Archie?"

He sat up. "What do you mean?"

"Here, let Rumple tell you!"

"Rumple, what is she talking about?"

Both women had handed the phones to their spouses while they devised their own schemes of revenge against those they knew were responsible for destroying all their hard work.

" . . .and now I have a toilet in my front yard and my lights say Centuries Old Fart!"

"Well we both know where THAT came from since those smartasses pulled that Old Fart gag on me for my birthday the year I got married!"

"And the sign that says Older Than Dirt, Fossilized!"

"We'll fix the house back up and then...we're going to fix them." Archie vowed.

And his way of fixing them was winning the contest and making THEM sit at home for a month.

They may have thought putting those signs up was funny but not when Rumple still had some self-confidence issues, especially when it came to being married to a woman younger than him.

The kids were now back at school but when Bae told his fellow Scorpion friends what had been done to his father's decorations, the others were ready to pull one of their lesson teaching pranks.

"Hood and Hatter better watch their asses or they'll get em beat with the cane of doom!" said Bobby. "Really? They can't try to win a contest fair. They gotta cheat?"

"They know Papa and Archie will beat em hands down that's why."

"Yep, Mr. Gold can kick ass on his own and so can the doc if you make him mad enough but put 'em together and you better run and hide!" Ewan chuckled.

"They beat the pants off everybody in every cooking contest so Hood should have known not to challenge them to a decorating contest," spoke up Kat.

"He gives us the green light Fire and we'll sting those assholes good!" vowed Andi.

"Hell, we'll incinerate em!" vowed Becky.

"I think Papa's planning some kind of payback but I'm not sure what."

Over at the Nolan house Snow changed her mind about not helping her husband decorate and the theme they chose was of course Despicable Me at the request of their son.

He trimmed several of the bushes into the shapes of Minion bodies and dressed them in overhauls with one eye in the center and illuminated them with strands of white lights.

Snow made door covers of Minions dressed in Santa Hats and Major Gru and Doctor Nefario helped David turn the parts of his old car into a small version of the Gru Mobile that he put in the yard with lit up figures of Gru and Doctor Nefario standing beside it.

Neal wanted them to paint the house black but his father put his foot down.

"No, we are not painting the house black!"

"Daaaa-ddyyy!"

"No. It won't look right. We can make it look Minion Christmasy without painting the house black. I've got at least dozen strands of those Minion lights and I can make more of them out of yellow ones."

He handed his son several boxes of Despicable Me ornaments. "You and Mommy can hang these on the trees outside."

"We gotta put Missus Gru an the kids up too!" Neal reminded his father.

"Which Missus Gru?"

"Both!"

"Okay, I'll bring em out."

Snow took a picture of father and son standing in front of the Gru family and minions on her phone then she and David switched placed and mother and son posed for a picture.

David enjoyed this bonding time he had with his wife and son so much that he wasn't even thinking about the contest.

The only dark spot in their lives at the moment was the lack of success in their efforts to conceive. They both knew the chances of it happening that date night were slim but they didn't care. It was a wonderful night for both of them and they still tried as often as they could.

Part of wanted to him believe Snow already was expecting though there were no signs of it. There was also a chance he would have the dreaded Couvade Syndrome again and he would handle it a lot better now that he knew what to expect.

He kept suggesting Snow make an appointment with Dr. Jo but she refused, not wanting to be disappointed.

Neal spotted Rumple's Cadillac driving past the house and he ran out to the sidewalk and waved. Rumple brought the car to a stop and rolled down the window to talk to the toddler.

"Hello Neal."

"Hey Mister Rumple...lookit! We's havin a 'Spicable Christmas!" Neal exclaimed.

Rumple laughed. "That would sound a bit sad dearie were it not for that movie. You, Mommy and Daddy did a good job."

Neal beamed. "An didja see Daddy, Major Gru an Doctor Nefario made the Gru Mobile outta parts from Daddy's old hunka junk?"

"I see it, Neal."

"My house is becoming a mad scientist's lab thanks to those two," David said pointing at Major Gru and Doctor Nefario. "Thank God they're only creating harmless things."

"It's your son's influence, David. When Adriana animated those toys, they had some of the personality traits of the people they're supposed to be but also who they serve. Except when my son lets them run loose in a bar, that is."

"Gru won't be doing that again, will you Gru?"

"No...I do not want another hangover."

"So how is your decorating going, Rumple?"

"It was fine...until that son-in-law of yours and his outlaw cohort decided to play a little prank on me," Rumple muttered.

"Oh God! What did they do?"

Rumple told him.

"Well they'd better not do anything to my house or they'll regret it!" the former prince growled.

"I think I'll go give my daughter a call," Snow said with a smirk and went back into the house.

Neal started laughing. "Ha ha! Mommy's gonna get Jeff in troooubbbleeee."

He certainly deserves it, Rumple thought bitterly, thinking of all the hard work his family put into making their house a wonderful sight. He knew some people in town would accuse him of using magic to do it but they were in the minority and many people had stopped to watch them work the night before. They just didn't disturb them.

He grinned impishly as he imagined the punishments awaiting the two pranksters when their wives found out.

"...JEFFERSON MELVILLE HATTER YOU COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Emma shouted.

Jeff cringed inside the shower stall. He knew he had to look for a spot to dig his grave when his wife shouted like that but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what he'd done to provoke her wrath this time.

He quickly got dressed and ran into the bedroom to retrieve his teleporting hat when his daughter snatched it up and raced out of the room with it.

"Heyyyy Mommy, he's tryin to 'scape!"

"Et tu, Mags et tu?" he asked sadly.

"Boy are you gonna get it now, Dad. What did you do this time?" demanded Grace, her hands on her hips.

"I don't know!" he cried.

Grace snorted and left the room. Jeff opened the bedroom window and was about to climb out when a puff of white smoke appeared in the room revealing his very furious wife.

She gestured and the window slammed shut.

"Nice try, Hatter." She gestured again and all the windows in the house now had bars over them.

"Em...ummm...what did I do...?"

"I cannot believe you're so stupid that you actually have to ask!"

His daughters came back into the bedroom and now all three females were giving him looks that could kill.

"You're BUSTED, Daddy!" yelled Maggie. "Git up 'gainst the wall an spread 'em!"

"Ummm...ummmm if this is about that little side trip to Jersey...I didn't lose that much..."

"Ohhhhh so THAT's where you were, eh? That wasn't what I want to beat your ass for...BUT...I'll add it to the list."

"Dad! You went gambling again and lied about it?" Grace cried.

"Little John wanted to..."

"Hand it over, Hatter!"

"What? Em..."

"Hand it over...don't make me go find it! Every damned cent you spent OUR money trying to win."

He pulled his cache of money out of a shoebox on his side of the closet and handed it to her.

"Thank you. You just made your contribution to a noble cause. Now...the reason why I want to deck you is for the little stunt you pulled at Rumple's last night!"

"It was a joke!" he protested.

"One that upset him and the rest of the family because it ruined all their hard work, you idiot!"

She glanced up at the ceiling fan and smirked.

"Em...don't you daaaaaree...!" Jeff screeched. He was now hanging from the ceiling fan by his shoelaces.

"You know...I could just let you drop on the floor instead of the bed and maybe it will knock some sense into you but after you hang up there for an hour or so you might regain some anyway...at least I HOPE so!"

She took her phone out and snapped a picture.

She sent it to Rumple along with a note. First time doing this. How do you like it?

Rumple had just finished with a customer when his phone buzzed. He unlocked it to see a message from Emma. When he opened the message and saw the picture attached he leaned against the counter and started laughing hysterically.

Perfect, dearie! Perfect! he texted back and forwarded the message to the rest of his family to give them a good laugh.

Back at the Hatter house Emma made a phone call to the Hood house to make certain a certain outlaw got HIS just desserts too. The money she took from her husband was going to a noble cause...the month's worth of girls nights she and Regina would have because they had NO intentions of helping their cheating husbands win the decorating contest.

Regina was on her way to a meeting when Emma called. Her husband was outside with Roland, Jason, Ellie, Henry, their bears and the Merry Men decorating the mansion with a forest them.

"Oh...so that's where he was last night...well...now...I think I'm going to let the Evil Queen out to play," Regina purred deviously.

Emma chuckled on the other end of the line. "Send me pictures."

"I'll do one better dear...a video to post on YouTube."

"Gracie got one of me hanging her dad from the fan."

"I'll be looking forward to that."

"Have fun, Gina!"

"Ohhhh I will..."

Regina gestured and she was dressed in one of her lavish Evil Queen gowns.

Everyone looked at her, mouths agape.

"Ummm...Mom...why are you dressed like that?' Henry inquired.

His phone buzzed and he looked down to see a note from Grace explaining what happened followed by a series of pictures. He grinned. "Robin...you're on your own!"

"What...what did I...yeeeaaaahhhhh...Regina!" he howled when a tree branch pulled the back of his underwear out of his pants and lifted him into the air.

"Oh my God...Mommy hung Daddy by his undies!" Roland exclaimed.

"What'd he do, Mommy?" Ellie inquired.

"He messed up the Christmas decorations at the Gold house that they and the Hoppers worked so hard on!" she answered.

"It was a joke!"

"Yes, well, it made people laugh at him and he's sensitive enough about what people in this town think of him! And...instead of trying to win the contest fairly, you and Jeff decided to play dirty. So...you're going to stay up there for a bit until you learn your lesson and you're not winning anything because I'm not helping you." She gave him her best Evil Queen smile. "And while you boys are stuck at home for a month of Saturdays...Emma and I will be having girls night."

"Dammit Rumple...gets his knickers in a wad over a joke!"

"You'd be upset too if you spent all that time on your house only to have people more interested in the cheap pranks you pulled!" his wife reminded him. "The branch will let you down...when I give it permission."

Robin groaned. His wife was in one of THOSE moods. He would be hanging for a while.

"Henry, would you give Rumple my regards," Regina said to her son.

He snickered. "Will do, Mom!" He forwarded the video and pictures he shot to Rumple's phone. Regina sent her own message first.

You are given permission to open this gift before Christmas: Sincerely...the Evil Queen.

More hysterical laughter was heard inside the pawnshop.

Later on that afternoon, the Golds and the Hoppers removed the joke items and corrected the lights to say Merry Christmas then they all drove over to the Dutch Colonial to transform it into its own winter wonderland.

They hung a sign above the front door saying: Hopper Toy Factory and medium sized toy soldiers that looked like the ones on the cartoon were lined up on each side of the sidewalk. Figures of Tom Piper and Mary Lamb were placed on the porch on each side of the door along with Jack and Jill and in the middle of the yard they put up a small clock tower Geppetto made them that counted down the days until Christmas with a small Humpty Dumpty sitting on top of it.

Belle and Marie strung lights around the bushes and hung Toy Story ornaments on them. Archie got up on the lift and strung sets of snowflake and icicle lights along the roof and multicolored lights around their bedroom patio railing.

Bae, Gisella, Major Tom and Major Duke set up the Toy Story figures in the yard while Jonny, Rumple and Adriana set up another toy sled with more leftovers from the pawnshop and toys they no longer played with. After Christmas they were going to donate them.

Rumple was surprised when Archie brought out a lighted display of a ship.

"What's that for, dearie?"

"Our Greek friends the Palakas family sent it to us," he explained.

"What does it mean?"

"Alessandro said it's an old custom...a lot of Greeks worked as sailors and their wives would make small boats and decorate them as gifts to welcome their husbands home," Archie explained.

"That's lovely Archie!" Belle said softly.

"Papa, can we have a boat at our house too?" Adriana asked.

"We certainly can, dearie."

"How do you say Merry Christmas in Greek?" Belle asked.

"Kala Christougenna," Marie answered.

"Okay...everyone ready...let's light it up!"

Mary flipped the switch inside the house and the two families gazed in wonder at another beautiful display they made together.

She took several pictures of them posing in front of the house to add to the family album.

Emma and Regina used their magic and decorated their houses simply, placing wards on them preventing their husbands from changing anything to teach them a lesson. The boys, however, were still smarting from their punishments and decided a little payback was still in order for the lack of a sense of humor in a certain sorcerer and they still wanted to pull their prank at the Hopper residence.

Once again they dressed in black and raced to the Hopper house first, setting up the toilet in the front yard with a pair of cricket legs sticking out. Then they put out a sign reading An Old Fart Lives Here. Robin climbed onto the second floor patio and wrote Old Fart Cricket in green letters on the sliding glass door.

They were laughing as they drove over to the Gold house to create the piece de resistance.

They set up another toilet on Gold's lawn, this one had mannequin legs wearing Armani pants and Gucci loafers sticking out of them and a sign in front of it read Humorless Old Fart Lives Here, Proceed At Your Own Risk!

Early the next morning Archie stood in the front of his yard with his hands on his hips glaring down at the two new decorations in it.

"Keep it up boys and you're going to remember why you shouldn't underestimate this 'Old Fart Cricket'," he muttered.

Marie was out on the patio trying to scrub the writing off the door wanting to take the Bordreaux broom to the backsides of the jokers.

"I hope Regina and Emma hang them longer this time!" she snarled.

She knew her husband was as sensitive about his age as her brother in law and it hadn't helped that one of the dwarves had made a comment about Archie losing his hair when he saw the sign in the yard.

They called the Gold house to warn them the pranksters were at again while Majors Tom and Duke removed the toilet and sign from the yard.

While her father magicked the toilet and sign away, Adriana was determined not to let this second attempt to make her papa have frownies stand.

"Happy Army! Front n'center!" she shouted.

The bears teleported into her bedroom. "M'sick an tired of Mister Jeff an Mister Robin causin frownies so you go teach em a good lesson, kay?"

They saluted.

"How would ye like em taken care of, dearie?" inquired Major Rumple.

The little girl paced the floor of her bedroom as she thought.

Then she smiled a smile reminiscent of her father's when he was plotting something devious.

"Major Belle and Major Marie...yous gotta give em a nice reminder with the brooms!"

The two bears laughed. "Ohh don't worry honey. We can certainly do that!" exclaimed Major Belle.

"Kay, here's what I want you to do..." She pulled the bears into a huddle and whispered in their ears. They giggled, saluted their mistress and teleported out.

Major Belle reappeared in the den. "Belle, may I borrow the broom, please?"

"Which one?"

"The Bordreaux Broom, dear."

Belle smirked. "Do me proud."

She went into the kitchen and handed the bear the wicker instrument of terror to idiots everywhere. The bear took it, saluted and teleported out again.

Marie was surprised when her stuffed counterpart appeared in front of her desk outside her husband's home office.

"Marie, I will need to borrow your broom for a little while."

"Umm...okay...hold on a second." She went into the kitchen and brought back a regular broom. The bear shook her head. "I need the other one, hon."

Marie grinned. "I'll be right back!" she sang and ran into the kitchen to retrieve her own wicker instrument of terror. "Have fun!"

"Oh, I will."

Major Marie saluted and teleported out.

Rumple came downstairs from taking a shower to see his daughter, wife and son all sitting at the breakfast table looking like cats that ate the canaries.

"What's going on, dearies?"

"Jeff and Robin are gonna get the Bordreaux brooms to their butts courtesy of Majors Belle and Marie," Bae announced.

Rumple had just taken a sip of his tea and spit it out as he laughed.

"I'm going to watch!" He teleported out.

He reappeared inside Archie's office, startling the therapist. Papers went flying everywhere.

"Dammit Rumple, I hate it when you do that!" Archie cried.

"You want to see the bear counterparts of our wives give a little payback with the Bordreaux brooms?" the sorcerer asked.

"I certainly would!"

Rumple had his phone ready to record the event for posterity.

Jeff was walking out to his squad car when he saw two of Adriana's bears standing in front of it, the dreaded Bordreaux brooms in their hands.

"Em!"

"Rumple sends his regards!" Major Belle said and swung the broom.

"OWWWW! Em, help!"

"Give him a few whacks for me, ladies!" she instructed.

"And this is from Archie!" said Major Marie as she swung her broom.

"Hopper...Gold...you...OWWWW...assholes...OWWWW!"

"Better get some salve for your ass, dearie! You'll need it!" Rumple taunted.

Archie was laughing so hard he was in tears and could barely stand up.

The bears chased him up and down the street, not missing once when they aimed their brooms at his backside.

Jeff limped back to the Sheriff's station so sore he couldn't sit.

"Em...my ass...hurts..."

"Good!"

"But..."

"No buts Hatter and for the next month you're going to be kissing MY ass first for that little sneak trip to Jersey and second for being an ass! Do I make myself clear or do I need to give you a few whacks with MY broom!"

"No..."

She tossed him a jar of ointment.

"You're lucky I love you Hatter."

He reminded himself of that every time he did something to anger her, knowing how miserable his life would be if she left him.

The bears marched down to Mifflin Street with Rumple's Caddy inching behind them.

Regina waited for them on the sidewalk with her husband being restrained by the branches of the tree.

"Ladies...he's all yours."

"Regina, please...yeeeeeoooouch! Have m...OWWWW!"

"You think I have a sense of humor NOW, dearie?" Rumple giggled from the open windows of the Caddy.

"OWWWWW OOOOHHHH...OWWWW" screamed the former outlaw.

"You're going to be a sore fart when they get done with you, Hood," laughed Archie.

"And maybe this time you'll learn your lesson," Regina said coldly to her spouse.

"I will, I will...just please call them off!" he cried to Rumple.

"Come on, dearies."

"You do this again...and we'll be back!" Major Belle threatened, waving the broom in Robin's face.

Two days later pictures of the decorated houses lit up at night appeared in the Mirror for everyone to vote and when the final results were in there was a three way tie between the Golds, Hoppers, and Nolans. The three couples with Emma and Regina celebrated their victory that Saturday at Ratatouille while Robin and Jeff stayed at home having to deal with cranky kids…and sore behinds.


	6. Tis The Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An essay Bae writes gets recognition in a state magazine, bae and Rumple reminisce about Christmases past and Bae takes Andi on a date.

6

~ 'Tis the Season ~

Bae told Andi all about Rumplette's Revenge the next day at school and they all had a good laugh over it at lunch. Afterwards was English and to Bae's shock his teacher, Mrs. Grimm, relative of the legendary authors of Grimm's Fairy Tales, had an announcement to make about an essay he'd written for an assignment.

"Some of you may not know this, but this last assignment I gave you I submitted as entries for a contest in a local magazine The Maine Record. I didn't know what to expect, but I just go the results back and they've chosen your essay, Bae, to publish in their December issue! Congratulations, Mr. Gold!"

Everyone clapped while Bae sat stunned in his chair.

My essay won? He felt dazed, like he'd hit his head.

Andi was grinning from ear to ear. "Way to go, Fire!"

Bobby clapped and whistled.

"Yeah, Bae!" Ewan high fived him. "My main man!"

Becky laughed. "You been watchin' Rain Man again?"

"So?" her boyfriend grinned. "S' a good show."

Shadow smiled. "When you get a copy of that issue, Bae, I want one signed."

"Stop!" he blushed.

Mrs. Grimm was beaming, very satisfied that her student had won the contest, especially since Bae had been a troubled student when he first came to school, with dyslexia and also with a bad rep for being in the Scorpions. "Actually, Bae, I have an advanced copy here for you to take home to your parents."

Bae came up to take the copy from her hands. "Thanks, Mrs. Grimm."

"Let me see, Fire," Andi said as soon as he sat back down next to her.

Wordlessly, he passed the magazine to her after he located the page his essay was on.

It was titled: What Christmas Means To Me by Bae Gold

A lot of people may think that Christmas is the season of getting—getting presents, a promotion, that new car you've been wanting, ect. But for me Christmas isn't just about material things, but about getting something I'd lost back. My family. When I was fourteen I joined a gang and did everything my papa taught me not to do—I stole, drank, got into fights with other gangs, the only things I never did were drugs and beat up or rape anyone. At the time, I thought the gang was my family, and my real one didn't give a damn about me. But I was wrong.

My family still cared about me, still loved me, in spite of all the bad things I'd done to myself and others. I'd even stolen from my own father's shop! But he forgave me, and so did my mama, because that's what real families do—they forgive you your mistakes and give you a second chance to do things right. Christmas to me isn't about presents, but the feeling you have inside of you, the feeling of knowing you're loved no matter how much you've screwed up, gotten into trouble, and made your papa's hair turn white overnight. It's knowing your mama will always hug you and say "I love you" even though you just ripped off her car stereo. It's having a home and food on the table without having to con someone out of their wallet, and knowing that when you go to sleep at night, you can do so without worrying if you'll wake up frozen solid because the pipes are broken in the abandoned warehouse you lived in. It's also seeing the smile on your baby's sister's face when she opens the gift you made her on Christmas morning, and playing with your rescued police dog Major in the snow as it drifts from the sky.

The true meaning of Christmas doesn't come from a store, all wrapped up in shiny paper, with bows and ribbons, the true meaning of Christmas comes from the heart—and giving the gift of fellowship, family, and forgiveness—to all who wish a second chance—and are willing to work hard to redeem themselves. Because all redemption comes with a price. But a long time ago, a baby in a manger paid most of that price for us . . .and on Christmas we all ought to remember that, and remember that if you have a home, a family, and someone who loves you, you can have a truly merry Christmas, wherever you are. Or make someone's Christmas merry by giving them a smile, a kind word, or hope. It may mean a lot more than just donating money, though that helps too! Christmas is the season of giving, and if you give someone you love a second chance, you've given them the best present in the world—hope for the future. Because when you find something worth fighting for you never give up, for love is hope.

After that there was a sentence that said I would like to thank my parents, Rum and Belle Gold, for never giving up on me, for loving me, and for giving me back what I had thought I had lost forever. And also my baby sister, Adriana, for bringing me joy . . .even when I wanna sell you on eBay!

Andi wiped her eyes after she read it, saying softly, "Bae, that was incredible! You're amazing!"

He coughed uncomfortably. "Aww, it was just an essay. And the truth."

She grinned at him and reached out to take his hand. "I'm so lucky to have you, Baelfire Gold. You want to celebrate Christmas early? We could go out to dinner?"

"Sure, Andi. Where to?"

"How about The Golden Goose?" she suggested.

The Golden Goose was a new restaurant that had opened up in the town just next to Storybrooke and featured the best ever golden crispy fried chicken, homemade melt-in-your mouth biscuits, crunchy fries, sweet tea, and delectable honey caramel brownies in New England. Bae had gone there with Rumple one day back when he was learning how to drive and they were both starving and had found it to be incredible, the food was great, as good as anything Rumple or Archie cooked, and it had that down home feel while not being pricey.

"How'd you know I love that place?" he teased.

"Because I love you, Bae," she chuckled, her blue eyes glowing. Then she handed him the essay back. "Tonight at six?"

"The deal is struck, babe," he took the magazine back, giving her a heartwarming grin as he did so. "Text me later, okay?"

"Will do," she said, then she took out her notebook, since unlike other classes, Mrs. Grimm insisted they actually write notes.

Bae also took out his notebook, but he barely remembered what he wrote down about The Rose Bride that day since his head was full of anticipation of the date with Andi that night, and his heart beating a mile a minute. He also wondered how his parents would like the early Christmas gift he would give them when he showed them his newly published essay.

Belle called the pawnshop from the school explaining she was going to be a bit late getting home because she was going to help with rehearsals for A Christmas Carol.

"Okay, you just take your time, dearie. I'll figure something out for dinner. How's shepherd's pie sound?" Rumple said. That was something quick and easy and everyone in the family liked it with his homemade biscuits.

"Perfect...Henry may be stopping by some day to talk to you about how accurately he's portraying Scrooge with his limp."

Gold chuckled. "That's fine, I'll give him some pointers."

"He admitted he was a bit...reluctant to do so...didn't want to offend you but I assured him you wouldn't be."

"I won't. It's not like he's making fun of me." Rumple said, though there had been plenty of children who had back when he was just a spinner in their village.

"No, not at all."

"Well, you tell him to come by tomorrow, since that's not one of my shipment days, and I'll coach him," her husband said, his eyes sparkling.

"Papa!" Bae called out.

"See you later, sweetheart." Rumple said. Then he hung up the phone.

The teenager made himself comfortable in one of the chairs in the backroom while he waited for his father to join him.

"Hey, how was school?" Rumple greeted him.

He held the copy of The Maine Record in his hand, still unable to believe that HE was now a published writer. "It was good, Papa. Ummm...there's something in this magazine I want you to read. Will you read it?"

"Of course," Rumple took it. "What's in here, another advertisement for that car you've been begging me for?" he teased.

"Ummm. . . not really," he said nervously, handing his father the magazine. He'd marked the place where his essay was located with a Post-It note.

Rumple sat down in his chair behind his desk, leaning his cane against the wall and opened the magazine to where Bae had indicated. As he read, Rumple felt his eyes grow misty with tears of joy and pride. "Bae . . . YOU wrote this? Son, that's . . .that's brilliant!"

"You really like it?"

He stared down at the magazine. "It's beautiful! You're a published author, Bae! Wait till your mama sees this! She's gonna be so proud of you! Just like I am." He came around the desk and hugged his son.

There was so much more he could have included from the centuries he and his papa spent together alone in the Enchanted Forest, first as the spinner and his son and then as the Dark One and his son.

"Guess all that essay writing you make me do paid off, huh?" Bae quipped, almost in tears himself. He was always trying to be the son his papa would be proud of.

"Oh it did, and I'm glad you didn't hate me for all the times I made you write them."

"I never could...just got bored doing them though..."

Bae held his father tightly. "There was so much more I could've said Papa...how you always made sure I enjoyed Christmas...even when we had nothing..."

"I tried, Bae. Do you remember the first Christmas we had after . . .after Milah left us? How cold it was and windy? And I kept wrapping you up when you wanted to go out to play and you kept unwinding your scarf and leaving it all over?"

Bae laughed as he recalled that day. "You said...and I quote: "Lad, stop doing that! Ye wanna catch yer death o'cold and leave yer papa all alone?"

Rumple smirked, "And then ye made me chase you all over the yard, ye scamp! And me who could barely walk was hobbling through the snow! Oh the neighbors must've had a fine sight then! The snow was almost up to my knees, I think."

"It was, Papa, and you got stuck!"

"Will ye never forget that?" his father laughed, chagrined. "And there I was, stuck in t' damned snowdrift, an' ye were goin' on about leavin' a trail o'breadcrumbs for the birds while I was freezing!"

"And one landed on your head...and pooped on it!"

"Stupid birds!" Rumple grumbled. "And ye almost fell over laughing, ye wretch!"

"It was funny! Your hair was almost white!"

"That was the first time ye turned my hair white," his papa giggled. "Do you remember how we used to decorate the trees by our house with strung berries and paper ornaments because I couldn't afford to pay a woodcutter to bring me a tree indoors? And you decided to become a squirrel and climbed up that fir tree? I nearly passed out!"

"I wanted to put a wishing star on it," Bae reminded him.

"Aye and I remember wishing for ye to come down in one piece. Ye scared the life outta me. I was afraid ye were gonna fall and bust yer head open," Rumple recalled, recalling that Christmas when Bae was six and he'd become an intrepid climber. "Ye were as bad as yer cousin Jonny!"

It was a tradition in their old world that if you placed a star on the top of your tree and made a wish on Christmas Eve, it would come true eventually.

Bae smirked. "He gets it from me and Aunt Marie."

"Poor Archie! And poor me too! Oh, but I wanted to tan ye good when ye came down, but then I dinna have the heart to since it was Christmas."

"No...we just put a star on one of the smaller ones and made our wish together."

"And do ye remember what we wished for?"

"We got it, Papa. I wanted a new mama...and you wanted someone who would love you for the man you were not the village coward everyone called you...and some brothers or sisters for me."

"We did . . .it just came about a bit unexpectedly," he agreed. "What about when ye were eight and wanted to see how St. Nick came down t'chimney and YOU got stuck in it!"

"I didn't think I would...I mean...I was small and skinny..."

"But ye forgot how there was that twist at the end . . ." Rumple reminded him. "And I almost went insane tryin' t'get ye out! And I remember when I asked ye why ye do such a thing, ye said, "I wanted t'make sure he'd fit!"

"If I couldn't fit, there was no way in heck he would!"

"And I told ye it was magic, an ye dinna listen, ye stubborn thing!" Rumple ruffled his hair. "And when I finally did get ye out, ye were all grungy and I made ye take a bath."

"And you know how I was about baths...Jonny gets that from me too," the teenager chuckled.

"Oh aye, I almost had t' hold ye down t'get ye to stay in the tub, and you whined about how hard I was scrubbin'! Ye were like a coal hod, all black an' covered with ashes and soot."

"St Nick...aka Rumplestiltskin still came to our house though."

Many of the village kids used to taunt Bae, telling him that St Nick would never visit the home of a coward and every year the boy proved them wrong with the gifts his father either made himself or spent his last coin to purchase.

"Aye an' that was the year I gave ye yer first sketch pad and ye drew my wheel and me that morning."

Christmases after it was Bae's artwork that decorated their small cottage along with some other odds and ends the spinner and his son would find.

Rumple still had the picture in a box in his closet. It was so old he'd cast a preserving charm on it to keep it from becoming dust. "D'ye remember the Christmas soup?"

"Was it the one that had a bit of everything in it?"

That was the soup that was made from odds and ends of vegetables and a single hambone Rumple bartered for. It had been the only Christmas feast they could afford, since Rumple saved all his money for a single gift for Bae and firewood so they didn't freeze, and boots from the shoemaker.

Bae loved it so much that he asked for it for dinner every year from that moment on.

"And ye wanted to help that year and ye ended up adding too much pepper to the soup and I couldn't eat it! So I ended up eating bread with butter an' I dinna know how you didn't end up with a stomach ache!"

"My stomach is stronger than yours," he teased. "And I want that soup for Christmas dinner this year...we haven't had it the last couple...but you're gonna have to make a big pot since we're having a big dinner!"

'You really want that soup? Bae, that's like the starvation soup!" Rumple protested.

"It reminds us all to appreciate what we have more. Just feel like...revisiting the past a bit this Christmas..."

"All right, and I think we need to make the shortbread stars too."

"We gonna have the big dinner here or at Belle Reve?"

Those were his favorite cookies to make along with gingerbread.

"Remember the red mittens I made you one year, and the injured deer you found and brought home? You thought it was a Christmas reindeer . . .and how it wrecked our cottage?"

"Yeah! You went nuts because it tore up a few shawls you made to sell!"

"Not just that, dearie, it ate everything in sight but you weren't worried as long as you got your soup."

"I better get it this Christmas, Papa."

"All right lad, ye will. I'll make a big pot of it for our dinner at Belle Reve along with our shortbread stars."

"Rumplette won't make them come alive and cake bomb me if we eat 'em."

"Or try to turn me into a dartboard!" Rumple exclaimed.

Rumple conjured a large frame and placed the copy of his son's essay inside it. He then made a second frame with another copy of the essay and hung it on the wall behind the display counter. There were at least a dozen of Bae's sketches on those walls as well. Others hung on the walls of his study at the Victorian and the boy had his own art gallery at Belle Reve.

"Your mama's going to be a bit late but no matter. She'll be over the moon when she she sees this, Bae. We'll show her before dinner. I'm making Shepherd's pie tonight with my biscuits."

"Ummm...Papa...Andi and I made plans to go to The Golden Goose to ahhh...celebrate."

"Oh did ye now?"

"Yes...but you'll save me some of that pie...right?" Bae asked hopefully. Shepherd's pie and the Christmas soup were two of his favorite meals around the holidays and his father knew it.

"Yes, I'll save you some of my pie and biscuits."

Belle texted him again telling him that she would pick up Adriana at the Hoppers' house. Their housekeeper Mary Poppins looked after the 'True Love Mafia' while their parents were at work.

"When we get home, we're going through your closet to find something suitable to wear on this date, Baelfire."

Bae groaned. "Not again!"

"Aye, again. This is a date, lad, and ye want to look yer best."

"Papa, we're going to The Golden Goose, not Ratatouille!" Bae argued.

"A date is a date, Bae, no matter where it is and ye'll have a beautiful girl on your arm so you will still dress neatly," Rumple insisted.

Most of the garments in Bae's closet were t-shirts and jeans, the only clothes he felt comfortable wearing while he was still a Scorpion but after he moved back in with Rumple his father had taken him shopping and made certain he had dress clothes as well and Bae trusted his father's judgment when it came to choosing an outfit for a special occasion.

They chose a midnight blue dress shirt and black slacks as his outfit along with a pair of Gucci loafers.

"Papa, do you think tonight would be a good time to give Andi a gift or wait till Christmas?"

"You could give her one tonight and one at Christmas," his father suggested.

Rumple had an idea what one of those gifts was: a sketch Bae made based on a family portrait Andi had of her parents that Rumple found in his inventory at the pawnshop. Another was a sketch he made of the two of them dancing at his mama's childhood castle when they first returned to the Enchanted Forest years ago.

He decided he would give her the sketch of them dancing during their date and save the presentation of her family's sketch for Christmas.

Belle and Adriana returned home shortly before dinner was ready.

"Our son has something to show you, sweetheart," Rumple said to his wife.

"Oh?"

Bae handed his mother the edition of the Main Record. She flipped to the page with the Post-It note and gasped when she read the title of the article…and the name of the author.

"Rumple! Our son…..our son….he's been published!" she cried.

"He certainly has, dearie."

She threw her arms around the teenager. "This is wonderful, Bae! Wonderful! Why didn't you tell us you were trying to be published?"

"I wasn't, Mama. Mrs. Grimm entered it as part of a contest…it was an assignment we had to do but I got to thinking about how much I love Christmastime and…."

"You gonna be rich n'famous like that Harry Potter lady?" his sister asked.

"Nah. It's just a small magazine." Bae answered modestly.

"You're still published, Bae." Belle went into the kitchen and returned with the bottle of grape juice. "And we need to celebrate!"

As they celebrated, his parents thought back to the many hours they spent with their son, having him read to them until the words no longer jumbled on the page and he could even write them correctly. The essays they made him write when he was in trouble were not just to teach him lessons, they also gave him the practice he needed to write well. Though art was his true passion, he had a promising career ahead of him as a writer if he wanted it.

Bae hurried up and took a shower and got dressed, glad that he had finally managed to tame his insane curly hair with some special hair gel that Rapunzel, who owned a hair salon, had made.

He had wrapped Andi's gift in some pretty blue and white snowflake paper that glittered, and put a large white and silver bow on it.

He borrowed some of Rumple's cologne to put on and then hurried downstairs. Mark would be dropping Andi off soon and it was then Bae realized he needed a car to drive over to The Golden Goose. He looked at Belle, who smiled when she saw him. "Mama, uh . . ."

"Bae, you look so handsome!" she praised him.

"Thanks . . err . . ." he opened up his mouth to ask if he could borrow her Mini.

When Rumple turned from setting the Shepherd's pie in to bake and said, "Baelfire, in honor of you winning that contest, I'm gonna give ye something special . . .but ye better promise to bring her back in one piece."

He held out the keys to his Fleetwood.

Bae gaped at him. "Papa! You're . . .letting me drive your car?"

He knew how much Rumple loved his elegant Cadillac. He never let anyone drive it, not even Belle.

"Aye, just for tonight. And ye better not wreck her, or else, dearie!" Rumple shook his finger at his son.

"Yeah, or else Papa's gonna make you spend the rest of your life cleanin' the house!" Adriana put in.

"Aww, you hush, Rumplette!" Bae snorted. "I'll be careful, Papa. I promise."

He would too. He loved the Fleetwood as much as his father did, regarding it as an elegant classy car. He was honored Rumple trusted him to drive it.

Andi was shocked when she drove up, waved goodbye to her brother, and then was escorted to Rumple's Cadillac by Bae. "Is your papa driving us there, then?"

"No. I am," he replied. He'd put the present in the backseat.

"You are? What'd you do, boost his keys?"

"Nah. Even I'm not that crazy. He gave me permission to drive it."

"Wow!" Andi whistled. Then she teased, "Are you only allowd to go slow on the driveway?"

"Aww, hush, Wraith!" Bae giggled at the second Rain Man reference that day. Then he carefully backed the car down the driveway and into the street.

It took them approximately ten minutes to get to the restaurant, and Bae played funny Christmas carols off of his Twisted Christmas album while he drove. The Cadillac was now in top form again and he loved listening to the purr of the engine above the music. He carefully pulled into a prime parking spot and got out, then opened the door for Andi as he'd been taught.

Then they walked into the restaurant, and as they passed another young couple, Bae held open the door for Andi, who was wearing a simple ice blue top with heart shaped sleeves and a ruffled white skirt that fell to her knees with snowflake spangled tights, and a winter white shawl with a snowflake clasp on it.

The girl behind them nudged her boyfriend and muttered, "Now why can't you do that, Mitch?"

Mitch coughed. "Didn't know you liked that kind of thing."

"Shows how much you know!" she snorted. "Now act like a gentleman and open the door!"

Flushing, the boy did so, muttering audibly about pain-in-the-ass dates.

Bae and Andi were shown to a nice table in the middle of the floor, the tables were covered with pretty blue and white or red and white checked tablecloths, and the cutlery was simple. The condiments were in a small wicker basket, and real cloth napkins accompanied the place settings.

Bae's mouth was watering at the smells emerging from the buffet style table, where heaps of freshly fried honey chicken, piping hot biscuits drizzled with melted butter, mashed potatoes, gravy, and special green beans with cranberries were sitting. There were also honey carrots and rice pilaf for those who didn't want potatoes.

Another table held desserts. The famed honey caramel brownies were there, as well as ice cream and slices of watermelon and pineapples, as well as chocolate and vanilla puddings.

Bae asked for a pitcher of sweet tea and lemon to be brought to the table, then he and Andi went up to the buffet to get their food. It was all you could eat for fifteen dollars, and they happily piled their plates with the delicious fare.

"Mmm! This so good, I could eat the plate," Bae declared, barely refraining from licking his fingers after he'd finished off a leg, thigh, and a wing.

"Me too," Andi agreed. "I love the coating and the chicken is so tender you could eat it with a fork."

"It's as good as my papa's fried chicken," Bae agreed. "And even he said so last time we came here."

After they had thoroughly enjoyed plates of food, and Bae had asked to have some to go for lunch tomorrow, along with some mashed potatoes and biscuits, they drank their tea and had dessert, the honey caramel brownies topped with buttery French vanilla ice cream.

Andi ate hers slowly, savoring every bite, and smiling at her boyfriend across the table. "This dessert is as sinfully rich as you are, Fire."

Bae laughed and ate another spoonful. "No, it's as sweet and satisfying as you are, Andi."

"If we weren't in public, I'd kiss you for that comment, Bae," she said, her brilliant blue eyes glittering like pieces of the sky fallen from the heavens.

"Guess I'll have to wait till I get home, huh?" he said.

"You do . . .but good things come to those who wait."

"You ever use that line on Mark when you got home late?" Bae smirked.

"All the time, and he used to glare at me for it," Andi admitted. "Did I ever tell you about the time right after we got our memories back, he wasn't gonna let me see you again—tried to say the son of the Dark One was a bad influence on me or something equally dumb like that, and I told him that if you were a bad influence on me, then I was also on you, since we were both Scorpions together and what did he imagine I'd done with the gang—polished my nails?"

Bae almost snorted iced tea out of his nose. "More like broke them climbing walls and roofs. What'd he say to that?

"The usual. I was his baby sister and he just wanted to protecte me and my reputation. And then I told him that my reputation was ruined since I was a known Scorpion and how you saved me from Pete and he shut up after that. Said I was free to do what I chose, and as long as I maintained my honor, that was good enough for him."

"He's not a bad brother."

"No. Just sometimes annoying as hell and overprotective," Andi agreed. "Then again, I'm sure Adriana will say the same about you when she's old enough to date."

"She won't ever be old enough," Bae objected. "And when she is, Papa's locking her in a tower or something."

Andi laughed. "Poor thing! Between you, him, and all her boy cousins, that poor girl's gonna have to run away in order to even meet a guy, much less go out with him."

"That's how it's supposed to be," Bae said, and reached for his wallet.

"Bae, no. It's your celebration, I'm paying," she said firmly, and got her purse.

"Andi, Papa would string me up and whip me if I let you—"

"But he's not here, and I'm paying. My treat, Bae," she repated firmly. "Besides, you never argue with a lady in public."

He shook his head. "You are something else, MacLeod. Okay. But next time, I'm paying."

She smirked. "That's next time."

After they had paid, Bae withdrew the present he'd kept tucked under his chair. "This is for you. An early Christmas gift."

"Oh God! Bae, I'm gonna kill you!" she cried. "I told you—"

"You know I hardly ever listen to you," he crooned. "Now quit grousing and open it. You can kill me later."

She undid the paper carefully, saving the pretty bow. When she saw the beautiful sketch he'd done of them dancing in the ballroom of Belle Reve, framed and matted in a lovely white oak with carved leaves frame, she gasped.

"Oh! This is . . .incredible!"

"You still wanna kill me?"

"Yes . . .so then I can kiss you back to life a million times!" she retorted. "I think this is one of your best pieces," she said admiringly.

"Maybe," he hedged, wondering what she would think of his other sketch.

Andi came around the table and hugged him.

Bae felt about ten feet tall. "Merry Christmas, milady."

Beaming, Andi pulled him to his feet. "C'mon, Bae, let's go home. Before I forget all the manners my mama taught me and I kiss you right in front of whoever's watching."

He thought he wouldn't mind at all, then he followed her out the door.

They made it into the car before they began kissing each other like there was no tomorrow.

Bae kissed her gently at first, then more passionately, finding she was like ambrosia to him, and he wanted to devour her.

Andi wound her fingers in his hair and thought how he smelled so irresistible, like spice and cinnamon and he tasted even better, like devil's food cake and sweet cream.

"I love you, Bae," she whispered into his ear.

"I love you too," he answered. "And this is the best present ever."

They kissed once more before they reined in their desire and Andi let Bae drive her home. As she got out of the car, her present clutched under one arm, she turned and said, "See ya around, lover boy!"

Then she skipped up the walk, a lady who could kiss you breathless and scale a wall to break into a second story window quieter than the wind, and Bae thought he had never met anyone more perfect in his life.

Bae drove back home with a smile plastered all over his face, and when he walked in with his bag from The Golden Goose in his hand, he was walking on air, and humming "'tis the season to be jolly".

Belle and Rumple were waiting up in the den.

"Did you have a good time, sweetie?" she asked her son.

"The best, Mama. The food was wonderful and so was Andi."

"Did she like your present?"

"Oh yeah."

"How's my car?" Rumple demanded.

Belle elbowed him. "Rumple! That's all your concerned about?"

"What? It's a fair question," he objected.

Bae pulled the keys out of his pocket. "You wanna check it out?"

"Bae! What did you do?"

"Err . . ."

Rumple looked like he was about to pass out. "What? Did you get a flat tire? Run out of gas?"

"Papa, how could I run out of gas?" Bae laughed.

"What happened?"

"Nothing! The car's fine, Papa."

"Are you sure, dearie?"

"Uh huh." His son smirked. "I had you going there for awhile, didn't I?"

Belle started laughing.

Rumple mock-scowled. "Scamp!"

"Yeah, but you love me anyhow." His son tossed him his keys.

"Always, Baelfire," Rumple said sincerely. "Now go to bed, you've got school tomorrow, dearie."

"Aww, can't I skip it? For once?"

"NO!" both his parents chorused.

Bae rolled his eyes. "Parents!"

Rumple rolled his back. "Smartass teenagers!"

Then they both laughed and Bae said, "Okay, okay. Night!" Then he put his bag in the fridge and climbed the stairs two at a time.

Belle exchanged glances with her husband. "He's growing up so fast, Rumple."

"Aye, dearie. It seems like only yesterday he was blowing up my lab and I was having the Talk with him about this girl he just met in the village . . .and now he's driving my Cadillac out on dates with her. Time flies, Belle, and it's past time he grew up." He smiled, a little sadly. "But I miss my little boy sometimes. Still, he deserves a chance to fall in love, and all of that. After all, who wants to never grow up?"

"Peter Pan."

Rumple chuckled. "You're hilarious, Belle."

"Are you making fun of me, Rumplestiltskin?"

"Would I do that?" he asked, acting innocent.

"Yes!" she cried, then she tickled him in the ribs, making him giggle uncontrollably.

"Be-elle! Stop that!"

"Why?' she said mischievously. "I like my Tickle Me Rumple."

"You're incorrigible!"

"Ha! That's the pot calling the kettle black!"

Rumple simply smirked. Then he pulled his wife to him and kissed her. With a teenager, a magical toddler, and three more on the way, his life would never be dull or boring, that was for sure! But he would have it no other way.


	7. Memories of Christmases Past and Baby Mania

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina, Emma, and Snow pay a visit to Doctor Jo in hopes that they are expecting their own bundles of joy and everyone takes a trip down memory lane to Christmases of the past.

7  
~ Memories of Christmases Past and Baby Mania ~

The day Belle and Marie invited the rest of their friends over to tell them the good news they tried to convince them they needed to schedule their own appointments with Doctor Jo in case Operation: Let’s Make a Baby was a complete success. The other women were not as confident since they hadn’t been given a fertility blessing by one of the most powerful faes in all the realms. Belle believed there was still a possibility all five women were pregnant just hadn’t conceived on ‘date night’ as she and her sister did. 

The three women finally scheduled their appointments with the others attending to show moral support and thankfully Doctor Jo was able to see all of them on the same day. Word spread quickly throughout the town that there was probably going to be another baby boom in Storybrooke, this time some of the mothers would have multiple babies. Regina’s appointment was the first of the day and she was trying to brace herself for the news that she would have to keep trying. 

“Just relax dear,” Doctor Jo said softly to the former queen. 

“I can’t help it. I do want to have another baby but I had such difficulty conceiving before Ellie…I know part of it was due to the curse but….I think the other part was me…maybe I wasn’t ready to have another child when Henry was my whole life for so long…” 

“You don’t have to worry about that now, honey. It was part of the second curse but now that it’s broken your little miracles should occur when they’re ready to.” 

“I’m ready now,” Regina admitted. 

Dr. Jo finished her exam and smiled at her patient. “Well Regina, it looks like you’ll have some happy news for Robin. Congratulations!” 

The former queen was ecstatic when she joined her friends in the hallway. They took one look at her bright, smiling face and knew her part in Operation: Let’s Make a Baby had been successful as well.

“I’m not as far along as you two are but I am pregnant….and I’m probably only going to have one but I don’t care. Robin’s been waiting to hear this since I first told him I wanted to have another baby. You’re next, Snow!”

“I should make a practice exclusively for you five,” Dr. Jo joked when she finished examining Snow White. “You’re expecting too, dear and you’re only a month later than Marie and Belle.” 

The former princess embraced her. “Thank you! Thank you so much!” she sobbed joyfully. 

“You should thank yourself dear…and your husband.” 

Snow giggled mischievously. “Is he going to have Couvade Syndrome again?” 

Jo smirked. “He might. My husband’s had it with my kids and we already know Rumple and Archie are going through it again.” 

Snow scowled. “Well I hope David’s is a bit…easier this time. He acted like HE was doing all the work when I had Neal and I was so tempted to smack him with Belle’s broom. And my daughter did smack her husband because he passed out during the birth.” 

The doctor laughed. “Oh I have no doubt something amusing will occur if all five men have Couvade Syndrome again…but it’s not the same every time.” 

Snow hugged her again and left the examination room to rejoin her friends. 

“Well?” Regina demanded. 

“Tell your son he’s going to have another uncle…or aunt…and you Emma, are having another brother or sister.” 

“That’s great, Mom!” Emma cried, throwing her arms around her mother. 

“Now you get in there and find out if you’re giving me another grandchild!” Snow ordered. 

Emma mock saluted her mother and followed the nurse back to the examination room, her nerves on edge while she waited for the doctor to conclude her examination. She wanted another baby and so did Jeff but she wasn’t going to tolerate his gambling again…or pranks that sometimes got out of hand. He finally learned his lesson after having his backside blistered by bears wielding Bordreaux brooms and Emma locking him out of their bedroom for a week. Regina had given Robin the same punishment for his part.

“Emma? Are you all right, honey?” Dr. Jo asked worriedly. 

“Hmm…what?” 

“You drifted off there for a moment.” 

“Sorry about that. A lot on my mind.” 

“Hopefully this news will brighten your day. You’re pregnant too…a few weeks.” 

“I am?” 

“You are, honey.” 

“Hopefully having another kid on the way will bring my husband kicking and screaming back into reality,” Emma mumbled. 

“Is everything all right?” Jo inquired. 

“Yeah….I was just thinking about that decorating crapfest. When Jeff and Robin get it in their heads to cause mischief, they really go all out and don’t think much about the consequences.” 

“Oh I heard about that….and how they were punished for it.” 

"There was something else that made me mad...been an issue with us for a while and I really don't wanna have to drag his butt to Archie over it but he told me a dozen times he wasn't going to do that anymore and then I find out he lied to me and did it...again!"

“Whatever it is, Emma, I hope you work it out because you don’t need the stress while you’re pregnant.” 

"I know...it's not like I'm going to kick him to the curb....don't want to do that....we've already been there and done that...miserable the whole time."

"I know that dear but he needs to understand that he's upsetting you with whatever he's doing wrong....maybe you should talk to Doctor Hopper."

Emma laughed. "As mad as Archie was over the little stunt he pulled at his house, Jeff is likely to get his ass whacked with the umbrella."

"It's something to think about, Emma."

She nodded. "Thanks Doc."

"Anytime, honey."

"...Well?" Snow demanded when her daughter returned to the waiting room. "Am I going to have another grandchild to spoil or not?"

"You are, Mom."

“Well, ladies, it looks like we’re going to be doing some more celebrating. Where would you like to go?” Belle asked. 

“I don’t care as long as there’s food!” cried Emma. 

“But first, we have to tell our husbands.” Regina reminded them. 

“All right…then we’ll all meet up at Ratatouille for dinner tonight. I’ll see if Bae can watch the kids again.” 

“Hopefully he does a better job than last time!” Snow giggled. 

“Oh, I think he will.” 

The five women split up, three of them going to locate their husbands to share their good news. Regina found her husband with Little John at Granny’s Diner trying to fix a sewer backup. Both men were ready to vomit from the disgusting mess they found themselves in. 

“We go from robbin’ the rich to feed the poor to our knees deep in shit!” Little John moaned. 

“You gonna stand there and gripe all day or are you gonna help me clear this line out?” Robin demanded. 

“Robin, you have a visitor!” Ruby called out. 

“Hey, you’re not leavin’ me down here by myself, you jackass!” 

Robin was grateful for the reprieve from the stench for a while. He could see his wife waiting for him in the dining room and ran next door to wash up and change. Regina ordered lunch for both of them while she waited and Ruby was bringing their drinks when Robin walked in. 

“Having a rough day?” Regina inquired softly. 

“Going to need to have a talk with Granny about what people flush down the toilets in this place,” he muttered. 

“I have some news that might cheer you up,” she murmured. 

“You’re going to perform a little magic and fix that sewer line so we can go home early?” 

“I’d like to honey…but you’re trying to build up your reputation as a plumber and me doing magic won’t help you. No…my news is a bit more….personal…” 

“Oh?” 

She reached across the table and took his hand in hers. Remember a while back….we went back to the forest…went on a little moonlight ride….swam in the lake….and made a promise to do something special…?” 

“Regina! Are we going to…?!” Robin exclaimed. 

She nodded. “We didn’t succeed on that date night….but we did on that one we had two weeks ago,” Regina smiled. 

He wanted to jump out of his seat, sweep his wife off her feet and give her a dozen kisses for making his dream of having another child come true. He wanted another daughter this time but he wouldn’t mind if there was another boy in the house. They already had three. The only downside was the possibility that he would have Couvade Syndrome again but like all five fathers who suffered through it, it was worth it when they held their new baby for the first time. 

He jumped out of his seat, not caring how foolish he looked and picked his wife up out of her seat and spun her around. “I’m going to be a father again!” he shouted. 

“Congratulations! Lunch is on the house today!” Granny called out from the counter. 

“And we’re going to celebrate…properly…when we get home…” he whispered in her ear. 

She was looking forward to it. Later on they wouldn’t have many moments like those. 

Snow and Emma called their husbands before lunch and asked them to meet at the Nolan house. Both men were tired of eating takeout that week and were looking forward to having something home cooked. Emma was still trying to learn how to cook simple meals but most of the time she bought something she could heat up in the microwave or the oven. Snow decided to make tacos using the recipe Rumple had given her along with chili cheese fries. She couldn’t tolerate spicy food when she was pregnant with Neal or even with Emma but this new child it appeared would have an iron stomach. 

Emma opened the refrigerator and scowled. “Mom, you don’t have any sauerkraut!” she complained. 

“I only get that for New Years and when we eat pork. Don’t tell me you’re having cravings for it!” 

“You don’t eat it on your hot dogs?” 

“No.” 

“The blasphemy!” Emma exclaimed. 

“You eat your hot dogs your way and I’ll eat mine my way,” Snow joked. 

As soon as Jeff saw the tacos he started laughing. “Now this is really making tacos and not a euphemism for something my kid should neither see nor hear,” he teased his in-laws. 

Snow threw a piece of lettuce at him. 

“Keep it up, Hatter and you get nothing!” Emma said with a smirk. 

“Cruel honey, cruel…starving a man to death.” 

“Oh, just sit down, will ya!” 

The two women decided to let their husbands eat their lunch first before they delivered their news. Snow was a bit surprised when David didn’t acknowledge the fact that she was eating extremely spicy food when she could barely tolerate it any other time. Finally he lowered his fork after he finished his chili cheese fries and smiled at her. 

“You have something to tell me?” he asked hopefully. 

“I’m pregnant again David,” she said softly. 

He got out of his chair and rushed over to hers and hugged her. “You don’t know how glad I am to finally hear you say that!” he cried. 

“As glad as I am,” she murmured. 

“Say that now….but you’ll be cursing up a storm when you puke your guts out for the next nine months among other things,” Jeff said smugly. 

“Wipe that smirk off your face ‘cause you’ll be puking right along with him,” Emma announced. 

“Huh?” the deputy gasped. 

“You heard me or do you need a hearing aid, Hatter? We’re having another kid too,” Emma said. “That was the purpose of that date night we had a while back. You…You’re not happy, are you?” she asked worriedly. Her parents glared at their son-in-law.

“Well…say something!” David snapped. 

“I’m glad we’re having another kid, Em! It was what we wanted but we’ve been trying since then and it’s been a false alarm every time. Are you sure?” 

“Dr. Jo told me it’s certain, Jeff.” 

Jeff got out of his own chair and embraced his wife. “I’m gonna straighten out before this kid’s born, Em. No more sneaking off and gambling.” 

“I want you to set up an appointment with Archie to talk about it, Jeff. You’ve told me you’d quit before and you still keep doing it, even lying to me about it and I don’t like that. You know I don’t.” 

“Hopper’s gonna whack my ass with his umbrella!” Jeff cried.  
“You’re lucky I don’t whack your ass!” David barked. “I warned you before what would happen if you made my daughter unhappy didn’t I?” 

“Yeah, you did.” 

“So before our latest grandchild is born I strongly suggest you get your act together or else,” Snow threatened. 

“I will,” Jeff vowed. He’d forgotten the harsh lessons he learned the first time his gambling addiction had gotten out of control. He still looked over his shoulder at times expecting someone from one of the bookies he used to owe money to pay him a visit and put him in the hospital a week as they did to others who couldn’t pay up. While he was working vice in Miami, he almost wrecked a six month undercover operation because one of his former associates from Portland showed up in town. Had the man gone to the group he was investigating his cover would have been blown and he would have faced a hearing with Internal Affairs or been killed. Two other officers in the operation were in prison because they’d given in to temptation and became narcotics dealers. 

He was grateful he was now a small town sheriff’s deputy that no longer had to run undercover operations or he would have no time for his family at all and being undercover sometimes changed a person….not for the better. He’d seen several of his fellow detectives crack under the pressure. 

“I don’t want to kick you to the curb again. I mean it, Hatter. It was hell the first time!” Emma cried. She hugged him tighter. 

“I know honey….and I don’t want to put you, the kids or myself through that.” 

“For now, we have a lot to celebrate and we’re all invited to Ratatouille tonight for dinner.” Snow beamed. 

“Who’s going to watch the kids?” David inquired. 

Snow checked her phone. There was a message from Belle saying that Bae agreed to watch all the kids for the night but his friends would be helping him out this time. “Bae,” she answered. 

“Ummm…Snow….remember the last time he watched the kids? It was pandemonium!” David exclaimed. 

“Belle assured me there’ll be no problems this time.” 

“That’s impossible with our kids!” Jeff muttered. 

“Because they’re chips off the old block, right?” Emma asked. 

Later that evening everyone met up at the Golds’ Victorian. All of the children were excited about having new siblings. Ellie and Maggie both wanted sisters. Neal wanted another brother. Adriana didn’t mind if she got all brothers, all sisters or a mix of both as did Henry and Grace. Jonny and Gisella wanted one of each or Jonny was going to stake out the stork’s place until they got one of each. 

Bae wasn’t as nervous about babysitting the toddlers this time as he was before because his friends decided to come over and give him a hand. He also wanted to do a better job so that he wouldn’t be put on cleaning detail again.  
Rumple pulled several twenties out of his wallet and handed them to his son. He waved them away. “Bae, the kids need to eat!” 

“Yeah well the only other person you’d allow in your kitchen besides Archie wants to cook tonight,” Bae said with a smile. Kat stepped out into the hallway waving her cooking spoon that she now considered her good luck charm. 

“I promise I’ll leave your kitchen as spic an span as you do Mr. Gold,” the teen promised. 

“Oh I’m sure you will, dearie. What are you planning on making for these little imps and the rest of you scamps?” 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out. I’ll save ya some,” Kat smirked. 

Rumple was impressed with the girl’s culinary skills and the two of them would cook together when the former Scorpions were invited over to the house to stay and do homework together or just have dinner. Being with his friends was important to Bae and Rumple made sure he had as much time with them as possible though he always had to wonder what kind of mischief they got up to. Their pranks were now the stuff of legends around town especially the Halloween pranks they pulled on Miss Blue and Miss Harridan, exposing both for the hypocritical frauds they were. 

Belle chuckled. “At least he’s confident you won’t make the stove fly away or nearly burn the house down when you burn a tray of cookies.” 

Storybrooke, 2011

It was their first Christmas together in Storybrooke and Belle wanted to surprise her husband by trying her hand at cooking, or rather baking. Even her cursed self couldn’t cook; she got all her meals at Granny’s. It was expensive but after burning a pan trying to boil water, she didn’t dare risk cooking again and Ruby sometimes brought over free food. 

She bought a package of Toll House chocolate chip cookies and put them in the oven to bake while she was reading Alison Weir's The Six Wives of Henry VIII. She was so engrossed in the chapter about Katherine of Aragon that she'd forgotten to set the timer for the oven and soon smoke filled the kitchen.

"Oh no!" she cried. The smoke reached the sensor for the smoke detector and it started buzzing loudly while she raced around trying to remember where Rumple kept his oven mitts.

She finally found them and put them on, the smoke emitting from the oven so thick she could barely see and started coughing as it filled her lungs.

"Belle! My gods! The house is on fire!" Rumple exclaimed from the hallway.

"Rumple...I'm...in...here!" she coughed.

Rumple stepped into the kitchen, his brown eyes wide with shock when he spotted his wife near the oven. He gestured and the smoke cleared leaving Belle standing in front of the stove with a tray of burned cookies in her hands.

"Belle....what....what have you done...?" he sputtered.

"I...ahhhh....was trying to make you some cookies..." she said sheepishly.

"How did ye manage t' almost burn our house down?" he asked.

"Umm....I was sitting here reading and...."

Rumple walked over to the oven. "Dearie, ye had the oven set to 500 degrees!"

"And I ahh....forgot to set the timer..."

He sighed. "Sweetheart, it says on the package how long they should bake, at what temperature and ye shoulda been watchin em not have yer nose stuck in a book!"

"I know Rumple..."

"Why did ye try t'bake when it didn't work out well the last time?"

"Ummm...I wanted to do something special for you for Christmas."

He grinned. "Well I can think of a dozen things that don't involve you being near a kitchen."

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

He chuckled. "I could be persuaded to forget it. If..."

"Oh? So you want to make a deal, Rumplestiltskin?"

"No more cooking or baking for you."

"In exchange for what...?"

He summoned the package he wrapped earlier from the living room and floated it over to her.

She tore off the blue foil wrapping and inside the box was her restored golden gown.

"Rumple! I thought this was back in our world!" she cried.

"So did I but I found it when I was doing inventory this afternoon."

"You want me to wear this and you'll forget I almost wrecked your kitchen again?"

"That...and.....a dance....out on the patio....tonight."

"It'll be cold, Rumple," she reminded him.

"Not for us," he assured her.

She held out her hand. "The deal is struck, Mr. Gold."

Later on that night after their son went to sleep the couple went out onto the patio for a dance under the stars, their bodies protected from the cold by a shield he'd conjured. She could barely take her eyes off her husband, looking so elegant in his blue satin coat, silver vest and white silk shirt with black leather pants and boots.

"You will always wear leather when we dance if possible," she commanded softly.

"And if it isn't?” 

"Then you'd better find a way to make it possible."

He giggled. "Twouldn't be wise to disappoint ye then, would it, mo chori?"

"You never do so I won't need to worry about it."

She would still do something special for her husband but she was staying out of the kitchen! For now she was content to dance with him under the stars. 

“….Well you got a dance out of it at least,” Kat reminded her. “So what did you do for him for Christmas that year?” 

“Well….I made him a scarf….knitting is one thing I do know how to do well but his little surprises for me weren’t over. On Christmas Eve I got the best one…” 

They’d just finished wrapping all the gifts when Rumple pulled a silk scarf out of his coat pocket and tied it around her eyes. 

“Rumple…what?” 

“No peeking!” he singsonged and helped to her feet. She was so familiar with the Victorian now that she could walk it blindfolded. He led her down the hall to door of one of the empty rooms. They’d had several discussions about what to do with it; she thought he should move his home workshop from the basement to the first floor and he couldn’t wait to see her reaction to what it would now be. He waved his hand over her face to be certain she wasn’t peeking and opened the door. “All right, sweetheart, now you can look!”

“Rumple!” she gasped. The entire room had been converted into a library. Thousands of books lined the shelves on the walls and the only items of furniture in the room were a cerulean velvet chaise, a love seat and a desk with a lamp and a chair. 

The marble floor was an exact replica of the mosaic in his spa room, the image of their final dance in what had once been the Dark Castle while their beloved son and enchanted objects watched. The Beauty and her Beast were living the tale as old as time every day for the rest of their lives and beyond. 

“It…it’s beautiful…” she sobbed and threw herself into his arms. 

 

"You like it?" he asked nervously.

"How can you doubt it? No one else would ever think of such a perfect gift for me! No one else knows me like you do!"

And no one knew HIM like she did...or their son. Every time his ocean of insecurities threatened to drown him, they were his lifelines....his ships, bringing him safely back to shore again.

"Merry Christmas, mo chroi."

She raised her head and kissed him softly. "Since it is Christmas....will you read to me?"

He smiled. "As you wish."

He sat down on the love seat and she lay with her head in his lap while he read the first chapter of a Christmas Carol in his soft voice. "Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail...."

"I love how your voice changes when you read..." she murmured.

That Christmas they began a tradition. Every Christmas Eve they would end the night in her library with him reading A Christmas Carol to her until they were both too tired to keep their eyes open.

“….Thank God sleeping is all I caught you doing when I came downstairs in the morning. Otherwise I would’ve been scarred for life!” Bae cried. 

“Smartass!” Rumple coughed. “Well, sweetheart, shall we get going?” 

“Yes.” 

They joined the other couples in the living room while they were saying goodbye to their children and making them promise to behave for Bae and his friends. 

“You guys gonna be home late?” Henry asked Emma. 

“Maybe but you can conk out here till we get back,” Jeff said. 

Rumple had plenty of air mattresses on hand for that very purpose and made sure Bae inflated all of them before the little ones came over. 

After all the adults left Kat excused herself to go into the kitchen to start dinner. She was making macaroni and cheese with garlic bread for dinner and peanut Butter and chocolate brownies with Reeses ice cream for dessert. As soon as the scent of garlic reached her nose, Adriana jumped off the sofa and ran into the kitchen. 

“Can I help cook, Kat?” 

“Your papa doesn’t want you near the stove Adriana,” the young chef reminded her. 

“Won’t go near the stove. I can do other stuff. Please?” the toddler begged. 

“Okay. You can help me make the garlic bread and the brownies. Do you know how?” 

“Is my nickname Rumplette, dearie?” Adriana asked, imitating her father. 

Kat burst into laughter. “You’d think I would know better!” 

She opened the closet door and found several aprons, one of them that said Daddy’s Little Chef and handed it Adriana. The little girl put it on over her sweatshirt and Kat helped her up onto a chair so that she could reach the counter to work. Kat smiled wistfully, remembering all the years she spent cooking at the warehouse with her helpers, Ace and Swifty. Both of her friends had been killed in the final war between the Scorpions and their rivals the Black Dogs and she, Bobby, Ewan, Fury and Andi had been lucky to escape the carnage alive. 

Bae and Andi came into the kitchen to get drinks for the kids. 

“Kinda reminds you of the old hideout, eh Fire?” Andi asked softly. He put his arm around her shoulders. 

“Yeah….you guys used to make us a big feast over Christmas, didn’t ya Kat?” 

“Our best one was the Christmas before the curse broke…” 

Storybrooke, 2010

The gang always did their Christmas ‘shopping’ two days before Christmas after the stores were closed and everyone went home. They split up into teams and each team was given a list of stores to ‘shop’ in at the mall while Dickie and Swifty waited at the rear entrance with the vans they’d stolen to haul their loot back to the warehouse. What they didn’t use they would fence through Louie for cash. The upside to living in a small, sleepy town like Storybrooke was that they could pull a heist that large without getting caught because Sheriff Humbert was occupied in the mayor’s bed and his two night shift deputies were too busy trying to chase the skirts at Granny’s Diner. 

They broke into the security office first and Fury and Ewan overrode the camera security system, replacing the footage with old Three Stooges episodes while Bae and Bobby hacked the Muzak system to make it play Christmas parodies, laughing hysterically when they turned it on and heard their favorite songs from Bob Rivers’ Christmas albums and other songs they found on the internet, and clips from the Bob and Tom Show. 

“…Please just say no to crack  
When you spot butt crack, attack  
You can see a trucker change a tire  
Or a cable worker fix a wire  
Let him know his bottom line is looking out  
Somehow you don't admire it…” 

“People are gonna pee themselves laughing when they hear this stuff!” Bae chuckled. 

“I’m tryin not to pee myself Fire!” Bobby exclaimed. “C’mon, let’s get goin!” 

The girls met them outside the security office with empty shopping carts and they raced from store to store, tossing everything they wanted into the carts and when those were filled up, they grabbed more. 

Bae grabbed one of the empty carts. “Hey guys, wanna race?” he asked Bobby and Ewan. 

Andi glared at him. “Fire! We don’t have time for you to be screwin around!” 

“Just one race, Wraith!” 

“All right. One race. One!” 

“Whooo hoooo…..eat my dust!” he sang to the other boys. 

The girls shook their heads. "Boys will be boys."

Dickie pulled up to the rear entrance two hours later to find a line of at least forty shopping carts ready to be unloaded. 

“Holy shit! We’re probably gonna have to make two trips!” 

"We'd never get this lucky in the city, eh, Dickie?"

"Oh hell no but this is gonna be the best Christmas ever. Good job guys! We'll unload this stuff then you can go with Kat for the groceries."

As they had at the mall, the gang members formed an assembly line with the shopping carts, going down each aisle and throwing in what they needed along with plenty of junk food.

"Hey Bobby, get those carts over here....Kat...we got the turkey jackpot here!" Bae announced.

"Load em up," she instructed.

"Jesus these frickin things are heavy!" Ewan complained.

"Awww shuddup! We're gonna be eatin' turkey once a week now!” 

They loaded the food into the vans and raced back to the hideout. The other Scorpions already had the warehouse decorated and Mikey was playing Christmas parodies and regular music from his new state of the art stereo system they’d stolen. 

The gang sat on the floor in front of their Christmas tree, stolen from Mr. Frost’s Winter Wonderland Emporium, a store that sold live Christmas trees and decorations. They managed to clean the man known as Jack Frost out of half of his Christmas stock. What they didn’t use that year, they would the following year. 

Back in the present the former Scorpions laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” Kat asked. 

“Oh, the turkey jackpot.” 

She laughed. “Yeah but you guys got sick of it after a while though.” 

At Ratatouille the five couple raised their glasses of grape juice and toasted each other. “Here’s to many more babies…and our happily ever after. We fought long and we fought hard but we won….together!” Rumple announced. 

As he glanced over at his wife, he remembered one Christmas years before where she wasn’t his ‘least favorite pain in the ass’ but a voice on the line that made the holiday less painful until Cora’s curse fogged their memories and made them forget they were adversaries….

Storybrooke, 2004 

His depression over the loss of his beloved Lacey and Neal always returned with a vengeance over Christmas and he found no reason to enjoy the holiday any longer. He refused to decorate his shop, responded with a snort when people wished him a Merry Christmas and became irritated when people used the holiday to try to get out paying their rent on time. 

He lay awake at 5:45 AM on Christmas Eve, having neither the desire nor the energy to get out of bed and go about his business. He thought about trying to go back to sleep but it was pointless when the phone would ring at precisely 6AM and his least favorite pain the ass would be on the other line with another of her laundry list of complaints about her apartment and him in general. 

Fifteen minutes later the phone rang. “Well if it isn’t my least favorite pain in the ass,” Rumple greeted as he always did. “What can I do for you Miss French?” 

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge!” Belle replied cheerfully. 

He snorted. “What? No complaints about your heat, air conditioning….the shower door….?” 

“It’s Christmas.” 

“So? Just another day, dearie.” 

“You don’t enjoy Christmas, do you?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” 

“Why? It’s a wonderful time. Spending time with family, opening gifts, having big dinners…” 

“That may be true for you but not me, Miss French. If you don’t mind I have a very busy schedule…” 

“Oh I’m so sorry! You lost someone over the holidays…didn’t you? That’s why you don’t enjoy Christmas.” Belle said softly. 

“That’s none of your business!” he snapped. 

“Maybe you wouldn’t be so lonely…or grouchy if you had someone to talk to.” 

“Miss French, I know where Doctor Hopper’s office is if I need to talk to someone but I don’t!” 

“All I’m asking is that you give me an hour of your time…you’ll feel better. I promise,” she vowed. 

“I doubt that, dearie but very well. Do your best,” he challenged. 

“Whom did you spend the holidays with?” 

“My son….Neal and my fiancée…Lacey.” 

“You were engaged and you had a son?” 

“It was a long time ago….but I lost them…in a car accident.” He lowered the phone and brushed tears from his eyes, not knowing why he shared something so private with a complete stranger, especially one who irritated him. 

“I’m so sorry,” she was saying when he raised the receiver to his ear again. “Instead of making you feel better, I’ve just made you feel worse.” 

“Lacey and Neal loved Christmastime. I did all of the holiday baking and cooking. Lacey…..let’s just say she did not do well in a kitchen.” 

Belle laughed. “Oh, neither do I. I burn water. Water!” 

“So could Lacey and Neal…I couldn’t get him anywhere near Christmas lights…got tangled up in them but for the most part, we decorated the house together. What about your family, Miss French?” 

“My mother passed away when I was very young….and my father…we’re estranged,” Belle confessed sadly. “He’s not Moe French. We have the same last name but not related. He thinks of me as a daughter.” 

“I see and did you do anything special for Christmas with your family?”

“Not that I can remember,” Belle confessed. 

“Lacey used to love to read A Christmas Carol with me and Twas The Night Before Christmas to Neal.” 

“It sounds like a wonderful tradition.” 

“It was.” 

“What do you like to bake for the holidays, Mr. Gold?” 

“Cookies, mostly. I make the dough early, freeze it then unthaw it before Christmas so that I can bake it. I leave some of them sitting out in my shop in case anyone wants to try them.” 

“I think I would like to try them.” 

Rumple was stunned. “You aren’t afraid I’d poison them, dearie?” 

“No and I think there’s more to you than you allow people to see. We all have layers Mr. Gold, some of them we only show to people we trust completely. I know it isn’t easy for you to confide in me about your personal life but I’m glad you did so. Everyone needs someone to listen to, especially over the holidays.” 

“Do you miss your parents, Miss French?” 

“My mum more than my papa. I know I should try to get in touch with him but...I’m afraid.” 

“Afraid he’ll reject you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then it would be his loss. I’d give anything to have my son back.” 

He set the phone down again. Belle waited on the other line for the pawnbroker to regain his composure. She was no therapist like Doctor Hopper but her friends Ruby and Marie told her often enough that she always helped them feel better when they talked their issues out with her. 

“I’m sorry Miss French.” 

“Belle,” she corrected. “You can call me Belle. After telling me so much about your personal life, I feel we’re at the point where we can use first names.” 

“All right...Belle. If you’ll call me Robert.” 

He took the phone with him into the kitchen and put her on speaker while he got everything ready to cook his breakfast. He decided he was going to keep the pawnshop closed for the day and stay at home. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with idiots anyway. 

An hour passed and he realized he was feeling much better thanks to his ‘least favorite pain in the ass’ only he didn’t think of her that way at the moment. They spent most of the morning talking about their favorite Christmas traditions and Christmas movies, discovering that they had a lot in common much to their surprise. 

“I’ll tell you what….I don’t have any plans for Christmas. Would you mind if I came over to see you, Robert?” she inquired boldly. 

“Why would you want to do that?” 

“Before you start saying I’m only doing this out of pity, I’m not. I’m doing this because I want to…and I think it could be the start of a friendship.” 

Rumple giggled. “Don’t think it’ll get me to lower your rent, dearie.” 

“Oh I know you won’t and I doubt you’ll have those things I want fixed done right away but I’ll let it slide for a while,” Belle teased. 

Just friends….nothing more, he told himself. He didn’t want to love again, he could never love anyone as much as he loved Lacey. 

“When should I expect you?” 

“Is noon too early?” 

“No, that’ll be fine.” 

“I’ll see you then….Robert. Merry Christmas.” 

“Until tomorrow Belle….and Merry Christmas.” 

For the first time in years, Robert Gold was looking forward to not spending Christmas alone. 

When they both awoke on Christmas morning, the memory of the previous day’s conversation was gone and they were back to being adversaries….until Emma Swan came to town years later but for one day they acted the way they used to when they did remember who they were to each other. 

Archie turned to his goddess, remembering how one of his Christmases had been less lonely due to a voice on the phone but as with Rumple, his memory of her would be erased before they had the chance to reunite. 

Storybrooke, 2005

It was Christmas Eve and there were only two people working the overnight shift at Duchess Messaging, Marie and Arista. Marie had been called to fill in for someone who called off though she wanted to be at home with her daughter and working two jobs kept her away from Gisella more than she cared to be. Her only consolation was that she was working with her best friend. 

“Doctor Doolittle’s Office, this is Arista speaking. How may I help you?” Arista greeted through her headset. 

“Merry Christmas, Arista.” Archie said softly. 

The former mermaid pounded on the cubical beside her. “You’re up late, Doctor Hopper. Is something wrong with Pongo?” 

“Oh, no. I always call in to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but you’re not who I usually speak to overnight. Did they make you stay late?” 

“No, both girls who were supposed to be in tonight called off and since we’re considered an emergency service we don’t shut down.”  
“You’re not there alone, I hope.” 

Arista muted her headset. “Marie! You awake over there or what? Doctor Sexy Voice is on the line!” 

Marie sat at her own cubicle reading Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Seize the Night to pass the time between calls but she could barely concentrate on it when she wanted to be at home with Sella. 

“What did you say?” 

“I said Doctor Sexy Voice is on the line!” Arista giggled. “I’ll tell him you’re here and park him over since I know you’re dying to talk to him!” 

“Knock it off!” Marie cried, blushing. Doctor Hopper wasn’t the type she would go for but she enjoyed talking to him on Doctor Doolittle’s line when he called in to schedule appointments or talk to the vet about his dog Pongo. All the women at the answering service loved listening to his voice but he wasn’t the type they went for either. 

Arista giggled and released the mute button. “Marie’s here with me,” she said. 

“She is?” 

Archie was smiling on the other end of the line. Marie was Doctor Doolittle’s scheduler and dispatched his messages after hours. He enjoyed talking with her ever since that night he called in when Pongo accidently got into some chocolate. The therapist was near hysteria knowing the candy was toxic to his Dalmatian but she managed to calm him down while she paged Doctor Doolittle. 

“Hang on…I’ll park you over to her.” 

Arista tapped several keys on her keyboard and sent the call to Marie’s terminal. 

“Merry Christmas, Marie.” 

“Merry Christmas, Doctor Hopper.” 

“Arista told me you’re covering the overnight shift because of call offs. Didn’t you tell me you have a little girl at home?” 

“Sella. My other friend is watching her.” 

And if I didn’t need the holiday pay I wouldn’t be here at all, she thought. 

“Oh. Will you get to spend tomorrow with her or do you have to work?” 

“No, because I’m covering tonight.” 

He usually stopped by the answering service to deliver his gift basket later in the morning but there was going to be a slight change in plans. He glanced down at the box of chocolates he brought that day, telling himself he was out of his mind. He only knew her from the telephone but when he spoke to Marco about it his friend suggested he take a chance and try to ask her out. He was terrified. His dates with women never went well and he knew she was probably as beautiful as her voice, not one to look at a man as plain as he thought himself to be. 

“That’s good.” 

“How is Pongo, Doctor? Is he staying out of the chocolate?” 

“Yes, thank God. I still don’t know how he managed to get into that bowl of Hershey kisses I set out for my patients when I keep them up high enough that he shouldn’t be able to reach them.” 

“Hopefully he won’t do it again.” 

“No. He scared ten years off me the last time!” 

Arista stood up in her cubical smirking at her friend. Marie waved her away and continued to talk to him. She could hear his television in the background and asked him what he was watching. 

“Oh…ummm…Robin Hood with Errol Flynn,” he said. 

“I’ve seen that one. It’s good, actually.” 

Several messages came across Marie’s terminal from other accounts to be dispatched. Arista sent them to her own terminal and made the necessary calls and pages and held the non-important messages for faxing the following morning. They knew the general manager would probably throw a fit because they were spending too much time on one account’s line but they didn’t care and neither did Doctor Doolittle. 

“I’d better get going…I’m holding you up from your work. Goodnight, Marie…and Merry Christmas again.” 

“Merry Christmas Doctor Hopper.” Marie said softly. 

“Merry Christmas Doc!” Arista yelled. 

Marie muted her headset again and picked up her book to try to keep reading until the next calls and messages came in.  
The next day when Archie awoke, he delivered the gift basket to the answering service….while a box of chocolates that he had no idea who he bought them for stayed on his desk until he threw them out a week later. Marie walked out the door of the answering service earlier that morning glad she would at least have part of her night free to spend with her daughter again since that night had been her last at Duchess Messaging. She never imagined that years later that they’d both missed the opportunity of a lifetime, one that wasn‘t missed the second time around. 

Regina’s thoughts were on her mother and how she’d destroyed one of her chances at happiness but found the other where she least expected it though it would take years to achieve it. A simple act of kindness done years before but forgotten had been the start. 

Storybrooke, 2010

A loud crash woke Regina out of a deep sleep. She threw on her robe and raced downstairs to see a man rifling through her purse. She grabbed the fire poker. 

“Stay right where you are!” she commanded coldly, holding the poker like a baseball bat. The thief turned around. 

“Mayor Mills?” 

“Well well…Robin Lockwood! I knew you’d show up here sooner or later!” 

Robin wasn’t one to grovel but the prospect of leaving his son without a father, especially over Christmas terrified him. He went to the mayor’s house to steal a few items to sell so that he could give his son a better Christmas than he’d had before thinking she wouldn’t be home. Her Mercedes was parked in the back of the house instead of the front. She did that because the car never got stuck in the rear driveway. 

“Put whatever you took from my purse and anything else back where you found it…and then you’re going to spending the rest of the holiday in a jail cell!” she threatened. 

“I can’t….my son! I’m all he has,” Robin cried, not caring if he sounded pathetic to the Ice Queen as he called her or not. He was a proud man but any good father would set his pride aside for his child as he did many times. 

“You should have thought of that before you tried to rob me!” 

“Madam Mayor, were I able to find a decent job in this town, robbing you would be the LAST thing I would do but I have to support my son the only way I can right now. You would do the same if you were in my position!” 

Regina lowered the fire poker, letting his words sink in, unable to deny the truth in them. She was willing to do anything for her son, including make others miserable so that they never learned the truth about who they were…who SHE was. She was a thief herself…she’d stolen all their happy endings to get her own but she still felt she hadn’t found it yet and doubted she ever would. 

She also understood how difficult it could be to raise a child alone. She grabbed her purse and took out her wallet, handing him the stack of bills inside it. “Go. Get whatever you need for your son,” she said. 

“You’re not going to…?” 

“No. Go before I change my mind.” she insisted. 

Robin concealed the bills inside his coat pocket and fled the house before the mayor made good on her threat to call the police. Christmas Eve Robin took the thousand dollars the mayor had given him to buy groceries for the apartment and several gifts to put under the small tree for Roland. They were shocked when a package was delivered to their apartment with more gifts for Roland and five hundred more dollars in cash in an envelope. On Christmas Day the only thing Robin knew was that someone had been kind enough to think of a struggling single father over the holidays while Regina had no idea why she was suddenly missing two thousand dollars from her checking account and neither did anyone at the bank. 

Robin’s luck suddenly began to change for the better. A plumber by trade, he and several of his friends decided to try their hand at opening a plumbing and heating business together and Merry Plumbing and Heating was born. From that year on, Robin never had to worry about not having food on the table or presents under the tree again for his son. 

At the other end of the table Snow and David thought back to their final Christmas in the Enchanted Forest and their final attempt to spread some cheer even though everything they knew, everyone they loved would be taken away from them soon enough. 

The Enchanted Forest  
Years ago….

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Snow?” David asked. 

“We all need to be happy again, just for a little while longer.” 

She also wanted to send a message to Regina and the Queen Mother that they had not broken her with their threats. They could cast however many curses they wanted to, but she still believed with all her heart that good would win in the end. 

David was apprehensive but he rode out to spread the news of the party to their friends and they all agreed with Snow, they couldn’t let the queen see them broken. 

Later on that evening the couple waited in the grand ballroom for their guests to arrive. Blue hovered over them, shaking her head in disapproval. 

“There is nothing to celebrate here, Snow.” 

“Yes there is!” Snow protested. “There’s friendship…there’s love…and there’s family! I am not going to let those Miller harpies make whatever time we have left here miserable for us! They can gloat all they want but their curses will be broken and we’ll be together again because LOVE is stronger than their dark magic!” 

“Love!” they heard a slurred voice snort from one of the tables. Snow was stunned to see Jiminy sitting on one of the plates. “Nothin….but pain….” 

“Jiminy….what happened to you?” Snow asked worriedly. “We haven’t heard from you for weeks…” 

He tried to fly over to her and crashed to the table. “Infinite Forest….shoulda stayed there….better’n sittin here thinkin ‘bout her! Not gonna be anything to her but a cricket…NO THANKS TO YOU!” he yelled at Blue and passed out. 

“Drunken fool! Go wallow in your self-pity somewhere else!” She waved her wand and banished the cricket back to the Infinite Forest. 

“Bring him back now, Blue!” David demanded. The fairy rolled her eyes and waved her wand again. Jiminy appeared on the table again sleeping. Snow scooped him up and carried him back to his old quarters and when she returned everyone else arrived. 

Snow wasn't going to allow Blue to ruin her party with her pessimism and she was grateful her advisor was passed out though she understood well the reasons for his demeanor as of late.

Part of her did wonder what was going to happen to all of them in the new land and if it would be the same as theirs. She also couldn't shake the feeling that she should've just kept her mouth shut about Daniel all those years ago.

“Hey Snow? Want to dance?” Grumpy asked. 

“Of course but not long….” 

“Okay boys! You heard the princess. Let’s dance!” 

On this night the miners traded their pickaxes for musical instruments, singing and playing silly songs as each one danced with their princess while David danced with Red, all of them imagining the fury of the Miller women when they spied on them through mirrors. It was nothing less than what they deserved. 

Snow patted her belly. Their only hope now was in the child she carried, their precious Emma. They would go to the new land together and there was nothing Regina or Cora could do to prevent that. As if little Emma sensed her mother was talking about her, the baby delivered a sharp kick to Snow’s abdomen. 

“Now Emma, easy sweetheart. You don’t want to hurt Mama, do you?” 

“How are my two favorite girls?” David inquired softly when he sat down on the loveseat beside them with a plate in his hands while their friends continued to dance and enjoy themselves. Snow placed his hand on her belly and Emma greeted her father with another sharp kick. 

“She’s going to be as wild as her mama,” he joked. 

“Good. That means any smartass shepherd princes won’t have an easy time catching her.” Snow retorted. 

“We always find each other Snow,” he reminded her seriously. 

She placed her hand over his. “She’s going to be the one to bring us back to each other.” 

The party went on until early morning and Snow, not having the heart to toss people out in a storm let everyone sleep in the castle though the staff was shocked to see some of them making the floors their beds, never imagining it was what they were used to. She had so many friends across the social classes and for one day, all of them came together to have a few hours of peace and happiness. It was the grandest Winter Solstice celebration ever held in her kingdom. Her father would’ve been proud. 

Emma and Jeff were grinning at each other as they recalled their ‘crazy Christmas’. 

Maryland, 2002 

Though they usually broke into hotel rooms, once in a while Emma and Jeff would find an all year round campground to hide out in but someone always caught onto them and they had to get back on the road again. Late one night they drove into a campground called the Crow’s Nest. They went up and down the lanes, checking mobile home and RV lots for any signs of occupation and found one of the mobile homes deserted. 

Emma waited beside the car, wrapping her scarf around her face and tucking her hands in her coat pockets to protect them from the cold while Jeff picked the lock on the front door. 

“Coast’s clear hon!” he whispered to her and the two of them went inside. Not wanting to draw attention to themselves, they used candles for light and the only heat they had were the two kerosene heaters at the front and rear of the mobile home. The only cash they had on hand was what they’d gotten from fencing some jewelry they’d stolen from a motel in Atlantic City. Their only consolation was that the stove was gas powered so that they could at least try to cook themselves some decent meals though neither of them was very good at. 

Emma was relieved they were spending Christmas far enough away from the casinos that Jeff wouldn’t try to spend all of their money in the hopes of getting that ‘big win’ he always talked about and she tried to avoid them going to stores that sold instant lottery tickets as well. He’d just started playing them and as he did with the slot machines, he kept playing, thinking the next one he bought would be the one to end all their financial worries. 

They stayed out of the mobile home during the day, driving around town stocking up on supplies either by stealing them or using the money they had left. While they were at the mall, they each used a small portion of their money to buy each other Christmas gifts. 

Jeff was enjoying every day he spent with her but he knew being on the run wasn’t the kind of life the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming deserved and she had a destiny to fulfill. He also didn’t know that one of the bookies he owed money to was from a very powerful Milwaukee crime family and they sent some of their top soldiers out to bring him in to pay back what he owed them….dead or alive. 

When they returned to the mobile home that night they had a small plastic Christmas tree that they bought at a Dollar Store along with some ornaments that they decorated together. While Emma was baking a frozen Mrs. Fields pie, Jeff grabbed some of his empty beer cans, a few pieces of Christmas ribbon and tied them together. 

“Wanna put this on the tree?” he asked her. 

“Beer can tinsel? Really Jeff?” she laughed. “Okay, I’m game.” 

They took down the ornaments they bought and redecorated the Christmas tree with beer and soda cans they had in the back of the car to trade in for cash at a transfer station and Jeff also made a makeshift wind chime out of the rest. They used Jeff’s hat for the star since it no longer worked. Emma often asked him where he got the curious looking top hat and he told her it was a leftover prop from his time in the theatre. He didn’t dare claim he’d been on Broadway, she would have known that was a boldfaced lie. 

“This is about as close to a redneck Christmas as you can get,” Emma giggled. “No electricity, little heat, holes in our socks and a Coors Light Christmas tree!” She pulled the blanket she was draped in more tightly around her. 

Jeff reached under his blanket and handed her small package. “I got you a little something.” 

“I got you something too!” she said excitedly and handed him her gift. 

They shredded the wrapping paper to pieces, delighted when they saw each other’s gift. Jeff bought Emma a pendant with a swan in the center and she bought him a pair of gloves to replace the old pair that now had holes in them from overuse. 

“Merry Christmas, Em.” 

“Merry Christmas Jeff.” 

They spent the rest of Christmas Day huddled under blankets in front of the Christmas tree listening to their battery operated radio eating cans of Dinty Moore stew, a bag of Doritos and Lays chips as their Christmas dinner. 

To Emma, it was the best Christmas she'd ever had. 

Two days later they were on the run again and a month later they were separated. 

“A penny for all your thoughts?” Regina teased, bringing them all back to the present. 

“Oh, I’m sure we were all doing the same thing dearie, revisiting Christmases past,” Rumple said. 

“And missed opportunities for some of us…” Archie said. 

“I think I want to have a redneck Christmas again,” Emma chuckled. 

“And a party…this time where we don’t have to worry about something bad happening later on,” Snow added. “A redneck Christmas, Emma?” 

“Yep with a beer can tree and everything.” 

Snow facepalmed herself. “Jeff, what have you done to my daughter!?” 

“We had a good time, Snow.” 

“Sounds like something we would have done, honey,” David reminded his wife. 

“Probably,” Snow agreed. 

“We will have a Winter Solstice celebration at Belle Reve,” Rumple promised. 

The couples decided to go back to the house to pick up their children hoping a royal mess didn’t await them like the last time. 

The children were getting sleepy and crawled onto the air mattresses holding their Happy Army bears. 

“Tell us a story, Bae ‘bout you n’Papa,” Adriana pleaded. 

“Rumplette, I suck at them.” 

“C’mon!” 

“I can tell you one,” Henry offered. 

“Bout what, Henry?” demanded Maggie. 

“Well….it involves Rumple. Adriana said she wanted a Christmas story about her papa…” 

“Oooh I wanna hear it!” Adriana cried. 

“Well…I always liked spending time with your dad even when he was cursed and felt bad because he was always alone over the holidays so the Christmas before my mom Emma came to Storybrooke I decided I was going to go over to his house….” 

“Did my mama go with ya?” asked Ellie. 

“Nah. I went after I was supposed to be asleep.” 

Bae and his friends laughed. “That’s something we’d do!” Bae exclaimed. 

“Tell us Henry. Papa said he usta have frownies over Christmas,” Adriana pleaded. 

“He didn’t that year.” 

Storybrooke, 2011 

There were only a few adults in town that Henry enjoyed being around; his teachers Mary Margaret and Belle French who in truth were Snow White and Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Doctor Hopper, who was Jiminy Cricket and Mr. Gold, the famed Rumplestiltskin himself. He knew Mr. Gold was alone over the holidays having to cope with cursed memories that made him believe Belle and his son were dead. Henry decided this was going to be one Christmas he wouldn’t spend alone. 

After Regina went upstairs to her room, Henry packed what was left over of their Christmas dinner into containers and walked down to Gold’s Victorian. The pawnbroker was shocked when he saw the mayor’s son on his doorstep. 

“Henry! What are you doing here, lad?” 

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Gold. I brought you some of our dinner.” 

“You….you didn’t have to do that!” Rumple cried, touched by the boy’s generosity. 

“I wanted to. Here.” He handed the pawnbroker the set of containers holding turkey, gray, mashed potatoes, corn, peas, stuffing, cranberries and gravy. Rumple smiled and started heating them up in the microwave. He rarely used it, preferring to cook everything on his state of the art stove unless he had a difficult day. 

“Your mum’s not going to be happy with you for sneaking out, lad.” 

“I know but I just didn’t want you to be alone on Christmas,” Henry insisted. 

“I’m all right, lad but I do appreciate your concern.” He gestured to the food. “Now that you’re here, perhaps you could help me eat some of this dinner,” Rumple suggested with a smile. 

Henry reminded him so much of his Neal; clever and imaginative and spending an hour or two with him in the shop several days a week helped ease some of his loneliness. He poured Henry a glass of milk and gave him a plate of his gingerbread cookies to dunk while they ate their dinner. 

“You should be getting home, lad. Your mother will be worried.” 

“Can we watch a movie, first?” 

“What would you like to watch?” 

“A Christmas Carol.”  
Rumple made himself some tea and Henry some hot cocoa with cinnamon, knowing it was his favorite drink on cold days and the two of them sat down to watch the movie together. He wondered if the boy considered him a “Mr. Scrooge” as Miss French did or looked past the cold exterior and saw the lonely, broken man beneath. He didn’t like to think of himself as broken but he lost so much in his life that he doubted there would ever be light in it again. 

Seeing Mr. Gold so lonely on Christmas made Henry more determined than ever to locate the savior and break the curse. The site that allowed him to find an adoptive parent required a credit card to use and Regina never left her purse or her wallet out of her sight. He didn’t dare ask to borrow Mr. Gold’s card. Mr. Gold would be able to see through any lie he came up with and Doctor Hopper would never give him his credit card. The only option left was Miss Blanchard. 

Transportation would not be a problem. He was certain some of his comic books would pay for it. Mr. Gold always gave him the fairest prices when he brought them in to trade. The only other worry he had was being able to get out of the house without Regina catching him or catching on to his plan. 

“Mr. Scrooge wasn’t all bad…just lonely,” Henry said after the movie was over. “I know some people call you that but you’re not, Mr. Gold.” 

“You may be in the minority, Henry.” 

“They don’t see you all the time and most of them only come to you when they want something and probably don’t even thank you.” 

That was an understatement. Also when things didn't go their way they screamed his ears off, threatened to sue him ect...

“You’re right about that,” Rumple confessed. “Still…I’ve gotten used to it…used to this.” He glanced up at the clock. “You’d better get going lad before your mum sends the sheriff out looking for you but I do thank you for coming over.” 

Rumple followed him out to the sidewalk. Henry turned around and smiled. “You’re not gonna be alone next Christmas Mr. Gold,” he said determinedly.  
“I can count on you visiting then?” 

“I’ll still visit but it’s not going to be me you’ll be spending all your Christmas with.” 

“What do you mean, lad?” 

“You’ll see.” Henry winked at him and started walking down the street. 

Rumple wished he was as optimistic as young Henry Mills. He was….once. 

“….And I was right, Adriana. The following Christmas your mama and Bae were back with Mr. Gold….everyone was back together,” Henry told the toddler. 

All the children cheered and clapped. 

“Kay Bae, your turn now. You gotta tell us how you made Papa get stuck in the snow an the bird pooped on him,” Adriana informed her brother. 

“Gross!” Grace groaned. 

“When a bird poops on your head it’s supposed to be good luck,” Jonny spoke up. 

“Eww, it is not!” Ellie exclaimed. 

“Yuck! I don’t want bird poop in my head!” Maggie made a face. 

“A bird pooped on Daddy once. He was so mad,” said Neal. 

“One tried ta peck Daddy’s eye out when he got stuck in that tree by his undies,” Roland giggled. 

“I wish a bird woulda pooped bad luck on my bad mommy,” Jason grumbled. 

“Jonny’s right. Daddy said some people do believe a bird pooping on you is goold luck,” Giselle told the others. 

“That’s nasty!” Adriana stuck out her tongue and several of the Happy bears looked ill. 

Bae sat down. “Okay, I’m gonna try to tell the story like Papa does.” 

“You better do voices Bae.” 

“I said I’m gonna try, Rumplette.” 

She beamed. 

The Enchanted Forest  
Many years ago…

 

“Papa, I wanna go outside n’play!” Bae whined from his pallet. 

Rumple paused in his spinning. “Bae, it’s too cold out there.” 

“Please, Papa!” he begged. “M’not gonna be out long…” 

Rumple sighed heavily. “All right, but you are not going out there alone and you need to be dressed properly. Come on.” He dressed the boy in his warmest clothing and wrapped a thick wool scarf around him then dressed himself in his own warm clothing. “We’re going to stay close to the shack…all right, lad?” 

“I will, Papa.” He unwrapped some of his scarf as he trekked through the snow. 

“Bae! Ye keep that scarf wrapped up!” Rumple cried. 

“Papa! M’warm!” Bae ran through the yard but the snow was getting deeper the further out he went. Rumple hobbled after him hoping the boy would want to go inside soon. 

“Ye feel t’chill in the air, son? S’enough to freeze ye to yer bones. Now come over here an let me wrap ye back up!” Rumple cried. 

“Aww!” Bae groaned and sulked back to his father. Rumple wound the scarf around him, hoping he would stay near the front of the shack where the snow wasn’t so deep but he’d forgotten his boy was the adventurous type. “Papa! I see a bird!” 

“What? Don’t be silly lad. This cold is not fit for man nor beast an…Lad, stop doing that! Ye wanna catch yer death o’cold an leave yer papa all alone!?” Rumple demanded when he saw the scarf unraveled once again and trailing after his son while he frolicked in the yard. Bae ran into the shack for a few minutes then came out with some breadcrumbs. 

“Now what’re ye doing?” 

“M’gonna leave these for the birds.” 

“Birds don’t…what in the seven hells…?” Rumple was now in a large snowdrift, the cold making his leg throb with pain. “I’m stuck! Stuck, dammit all!” 

He put all of his weight on his walking stick, praying to every god he knew that it would get him out of the snowdrift but it was no use. His lame leg was not cooperating. 

“C’mon birdies….food for ya!” Bae announced. 

“Baelfire! Ye come over here!” Rumple shouted through his chattering teeth. He wrapped his own scarf tighter around him to try to chase out the chill from his upper body and cold, melting snow was seeping into his boots and pants. 

“Papa…look! There’s the bird!” Bae pointed to the sky above his father’s head. Rumple was too cold to even try to move though he did feel something land on his head…followed by something wet!

His son started laughing. 

“What’s so funny ye scamp?” Rumple demanded. 

“T…The..bird…he….he…put dung on your head an it’s making your hair…white!” the little boy giggled. 

“What? Stupid bird!” Rumple waved his hand above his head. “Shoo, ye cretin! Dung on someone else and Bae…ye’ve been out her long ‘nough. Now help yer papa outta this damned snowdrift ‘fore I freeze!”

“How’d ya get stuck?” 

His father scowled. “Ye know tis not easy for me t’be walkin in snow with my leg. Next time lad you’re staying close t’ the shack. Understood?” 

“Yes Papa.” Bae started digging in the snow with his father’s walking stick to clear a path for him to walk out of and handed it back. Rumple leaned heavily on his cane during the short walk back to the shack. Once they were inside they changed out of their wet clothing and he washed the dung out of his hair. 

“Stupid bird,” he grumbled, wondering what bird in its right mind would be flying about in weather as cold as this. Later father and son sat in front of the fire wrapped in heavy wool blankets Rumple made eating porridge.

“Papa, they said Saint Nick’s not gonna come here now.” 

“They’re wrong, Bae. The only children St. Nick doesn’t go to see are the ones on his Naughty List. Ye may be a scamp sometimes but ye’re not on the Naughty List.” 

“M’not?” 

“No, ye’re not…and ye’ll see on Christmas Day, lad.”  
“Hope so. Don’t wanna be on the Naughty List.” 

Rumple hugged him. “Ye’ll never be on the Naughty List, Bae. I won’t let you be so when those children tell you those lies, you just show them what St. Nick brings you.” 

“I will, Papa.” Bae hugged him back. “I love you Papa…more n’anything in the world.” 

“You know you’re my whole world, Bae,” Rumple said softly. 

They didn’t have much, but they had each other and that was worth far more than diamonds or gold. 

“Wish me n’mama coulda been there…then you woulda been really happy,” Adriana said sleepily. 

“Well, we have you now Rumplette and that’s all that matters.” Bae said and picked up his small sister, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “You drive me nuts sometimes and make me wanna sell ya on Ebay, but I still love ya.”  
“Love you too Bae even when I wanna sell you on Ebay too…” she said and drifted off to sleep with her head on his shoulder. 

The couples returned home two hours later to find all their children fast asleep. Rumple and Belle smiled softly and quietly snapped a picture of their son and daughter on the couch asleep, Adriana resting her head on her brother’s shoulder. 

“We didn’t have the heart to wake them. They look so cute,” whispered Andi. 

“The house is in one piece so I’m assuming all went well,” Rumple joked. 

“Yep. We had it under control, Mr. Gold,” Kat assured him. 

The other parents woke their children up and took them home. Belle was about to wake Bae up when Rumple put a hand on her arm. “They’ll be fine down here, dearie.” He waved his hand and a heavy wool blanket draped itself over them and a fluffy pillow appeared under Bae’s head. He leaned down and kissed first his son’s forehead then his daughter’s and Belle did the same. He knew Bae would have a fit if he was awake but he didn’t care. Seeing the two of them that way reminded him of the many nights he would fall asleep holding Bae when he was Adriana’s age. It was a prelude to how his son would be with his own children; he had no doubt of that. They turned off the light and walked arm in arm up the stairs to their own room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you liked the trips down memory lane for our Storybrooke families and it made you think of Christmases past with your own families and there’ll be more in later chapters. Please drop us a line and let us know how you liked this latest installment.


	8. Dirty Snowmen and An Enchanting Christmas Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bae and his friends build a snowman who is nothing like Frosty sparking a war between snowmen and the Happy Army. The families have early Christmas celebrations in the Enchanted Forest and Storybrooke.

8  
~ Dirty Snowmen and An Enchanting Christmas Celebration ~

 

The Winter Solstice was celebrated earlier than Christmas in the Enchanted Forest and lasted twelve days. The five families would celebrate the holiday at Belle Reve since it was the largest of the castles the group owned. Everyone would return in time for the Storybrooke Prep Christmas celebration that was going to be held before Christmas Eve and celebrate the rest of the holiday at home. The families packed up and drove out to the bridge with the Scorpions accompanying them. 

As soon as they reached the castle, Rumple released the enchantment spell that awoke everyone inside from their slumber again. They could hear Gabby excitedly. 

"He's back, he's back! The master is back!" the hassock shouted. Cogsworth and Lumiere raced down the steps to greet the family. 

"Welcome back Master!" Cogsworth greeted. "I see you brought your friends back too and Master Archie and Lady Marie.” 

“Yes we have and we’re going to have a winter solstice celebration. Make the announcement so that the staff can get ready,” Rumple instructed the clock. 

“Right away, Master!” the clock raced off to carry Rumple’s message to the rest of the household while everyone found their rooms in the castle. 

“You’re back!” Cosettle said excitedly to Belle when she and Adriana walked into Belle’s old suite, now her daughter’s. 

“Hi Cosette!” Adriana greeted. “Mama tell you we’re gonna stay here an have a big Christmas party ‘fore we go back home?” 

“No, she didn’t but I love parties and your mama and papa hold the grandest ones.” 

“You gonna come down and dance?” 

“I sure will,” Cosette winked at the little girl. 

“Come on, sweetie, let’s get you unpacked.” Belle said. 

Downstairs the kitchen was having a celebration of its own when it learned its two favorite chefs were back. 

“You got anything new for us to try Master Rumple? Huh? Do ya?” Tobias the shaker jumped up and down in Rumple’s hand enthusiastically. His brother Wesley jumped from the table into Archie’s hand. 

“You got anything new, Master Archie?” he asked hopefully. 

Both men chuckled. “Calm down lads,” Rumple said and set his shaker back down on the table. 

“Least when you’re here we don’t havta do all the work like when some of your friends visit here without ya,” Wesley grumbled. 

“Now lad, be nice,” Rumple scolded gently. 

“It’s true. They don’t cook good or not at all!” Tobias protested. 

“You’ll still be nice. They are our friends and family,” Rumple reminded them. 

“Speaking of family, Rumple, would you be able to make up some of your tonic for me….damned arthritis,” Moe complained when he limped into the kitchen. He had hip replacement surgery a few years earlier but now he was having pain in his legs especially when the weather was cold and Rumple always made him the same tonic he took when his leg bothered him. 

“I’ll have it ready in a few minutes, Moe,” Rumple assured him and excused himself to go to his lab to make the tonic. 

The kids were getting bored and wanted to go outside to build snowmen while the parents wanted to wrap up the gifts they planned to give each other and the kids after the party at the end of the week. Bae and his friends offered to watch them. 

“C’mon! I know the best place to build our snowman!” Adriana cried and led her cousins and friends outside. They started rolling snow to make two adult and two child snowmen, dressing them in some old scarves and hats her parents gave them. 

At the other end of the grounds, the former Scorpions were making their own snowman using one of Hatter’s old hats, some old buttons for the eyes, a carrot for the nose, one of Rumple’s old scarves and propped his old cane up beside it. As the final touch they put a thimble…right between where its legs would be, all of them laughing and singing. They did it before at their old hideout. 

 

“You boys been talkin to your mama. I got your Christmas present right here you little bastard; it’s a hickory stick. I’m gonna beat your ass!” Bae recited from the ending he heard of a naughty snowman song from the Bob and Tom Show. 

“You better hope your dad doesn’t see this, Bae or we’re gonna get our asses beat…with the cane of doom!” Bobby warned. 

“Ah, he’ll think it’s a belly button so no worries there.” 

“Now if we woulda stuck the carrot there it woulda been obvious!” Becky giggled. 

"What'cha doing?" asked Adriana as she approached them with her cousins and friends in tow.

"Umm...nothing!" Bae said jumping in front of the snowman so his little sister couldn't see it.

"You makin Frosty! I wanna see!" cried Jonny.

"Yeah Bae we wanna see so move your butt!" ordered Adriana.

"C'mon, Bae move!" Gisella demanded.

"Umm...guys...really....you don't need to see this one....why don't ya go make your own Frosty?"

"WE WANNA SEE FROSTY!" yelled Ellie, looking very much like her mother when she was angry.

"Make him come 'live Driana." said Roland.

"NO!" cried the Scorpions.

"Okay...you come alive now Frosty," Adriana said, magic sparks emitting from her fingertips.

"We are....dead..." groaned Ewan.

The snowman suddenly opened his eyes and looked around, the children waiting for him to say Happy Birthday like he said in the show. Instead they heard this: "Are you kidding me? A thimble! You give me a thimble for THAT? You are a bunch of assholes!"

A group of small children stood there with their mouths agape.

He stepped out from behind Bae and glared at them. "What're you trying to do, give me a Lorena Bobbit special? You use a ball bat, not a damned thimble, make it look like I actually have a package you idiots!" He demanded, pointing between his legs. “You pricks castrated me!” 

"Oooh Frosty swore....he's gonna get the Ivory!" Adriana sang.

"How do ya give a snowman Ivory?" asked Ellie, puzzled.

"Ya shove it in its dirty mouth," Jonny answered. He glared at up at the snowman. “You’re not ‘sposed to be pointin’ there around kids! It’s ‘gusting!” 

“Shut your trap, boy. You don’t even know how to use yours yet except to pee!” the snowman taunted. 

"You made Frosty the Pervert! I'm telling! DADDY, UNCLE RUMPLE!" Gisella screamed and raced into the castle.

“You stop bein’ gross or you’re gonna get your butt kicked!” Adriana threatened. 

"By you and what army, brat?" demanded the snowman. 

"You quit bein mean n'nasty or our daddies are gonna beat ya to a pulp!" shouted Neal. 

"Yeah and my mommy can beat ya too!" threw in Maggie.

"Can't we just throw hot water on him so's he melts?" asked Jason. 

"Why don't I throw hot water on you, small fry!"

"Least we don't look like a 'frigerator reject!" retorted Maggie.

"Okay guys, time to put this smartass down," Bae said and approached the snowman.

It stomped its foot and they fell on the ground and rolled up a large snowball and trapped them in it then froze it. 

"How you like THAT beatdown...bugs!" the snowman laughed. 

Meanwhile Gisella found her uncle and father in the kitchen. "Daddy, Uncle Rumple, Bae and his friends made a mean dirty snowman and you gotta get rid of it!"

"A what? Princess, what on earth are you talking about?” Archie asked his daughter.

"They made a snowman with a weenie on it...Driana didn't know an she brought it to life but it's MEAN...an it says bad words."

"WHAT?!" Archie shouted. "Rumplestiltskin, you get that filthy thing out of here...NOW!"

Outside the little ones were hiding behind trees as the snowman threw snowballs at them. Henry and Grace came around the side of the house and conjured a fort. 

“Guys….back here…quick!” Henry called out. The children ran for cover behind the fort. 

Grace rolled up a snowball and threw it at the snowman, knocking its hat off. 

“I’ll fix you bitch!” it yelled and threw one back at her, knocking her to the ground. 

“You okay, Gracie?” Henry asked. 

“Yeah….frozen jerk….someone oughta make a snowcone out of him. Can’t you do something?” 

“I’m trying but Adriana’s spell is more powerful than mine!” he cried and he was draining out quickly. “We need her dad!” 

"No fair...more of you than me...I'll fix that." Now there were a dozen snowmen launching snowballs at them. Henry threw up a shield that quickly disintegrated as exhaustion overtook him. 

Ellie conjured a fireball and threw it at the snowman. He ducked. 

“Missed me!” He turned around and mooned her. She conjured another one and it burned out. She sank to the ground beside Henry. “M’getting sleepy…” 

“Sorry…guys….still learning…” Henry said weakly. 

“It’s okay Henry. We’ll whip their butts without magic…owww!” Grace screamed as another snowball hit her on the side the head. 

"Driana, we need the Majors!" cried Neal. "GRU! C'mere!"

"Hey Duke...need ya to kick Frosty butt!" shouted Johnny. 

"Theys comin," promised Adriana. Sensing the childrens’ distress, the bears of the Happy Army were immediately animated and marched out of the house. 

"They better hurry up or this meanie’s gonna make us snowballs! " screamed Maggie.

“May’s gonna make that jerk a snowcone!” snarled Ellie. 

"Bae, we gotta get the heck outta this thing!" Andi reminded him as she struggled to free herself from their frozen trap. "Where the heck is your dad!"

"I don't know!"

"You need to be hung from a tree by your undies!" yelled Roland.

"Do you see any on me, moron?" retorted one of the snowmen and mooned the toddler. Maggie threw a snowball that struck it in the backside.

"Hah...take that wedgie, meanie!"

The next thing they saw was a volley of snowballs being thrown and an army of bears marching out to meet the snowmen.

“How ya like this, ya frozen goofballs!” snorted Duke. 

"You kick their butts!" Adriana commanded them.

“Happy to oblige ye, dearie!” said Major Rumple and he winked at her. 

Rumple and Archie came out of the house and directly into the firing range of the snowmen. Archie fended off the missiles with his umbrella while the Happy Army returned fire. 

“You get the children out of here. I’LL deal with this!” snarled Rumple. 

“Daddy, I hate Frosty now!” complained Jonny as his father picked him up. 

“It’s okay….come on, follow me into the kitchen,” Archie instructed the others. They hurried after him, Henry leaning on Grace for support. 

“As for YOU, dearies….try this on for size!” Rumple growled and conjured a set of fireballs. He threw them at the snowmen. 

“Ye need any help?” asked Major Rumple.

“I can handle it dearie. You go on in the house with t’ wee ones.” 

The bear saluted him. 

“C’mon lads, ye heard ‘im…in t’house with t’ wee ones!” The other bears saluted the sorcerer as they marched passed him 

“We’re melting!” the snowmen screamed. “Melting!” 

“Who would’ve thought an old man like me could destroy your beautiful wickedness,” Rumple mocked. “Ohhh look out…look out…they’re going…” 

Moments later there was a puddle of water that froze over where a dozen snowmen once stood.

Rumple then waved his hand and released the teenagers from their trap. "Now YOU have a LOT of explaining to do!"

“Papa, it was a joke…that got a little out of hand…” 

“A LITTLE out of hand! Ye know better than t’ expose the wee ones to that garbage. I oughta wallop the daylights out of ye but instead…” 

“I know…crack of dawn…cleaning.” Bae grumbled. 

“Oh aye ye’ll all be cleanin’ an I don’t want ye cutting corners or askin’ Adriana’s bears to help. Then ye’re all gonna be writin’ an essay…ten pages with examples about what happens when ye expose wee ones to things they shouldn’t be seeing. I’m sure yer parents will have their own punishments when ye get home. I’m going a bit easy on ye since it’s the holiday but no tryin’ t’get outta it. ” 

Most of the time the parents of the other gang members felt what Rumple gave them was punishment enough. 

“Now march yerselves into the castle and get changed! Damn kids,” he muttered under his breath and followed them. 

“What was going on out there?” Belle demanded when she saw Archie herding the group of cold, upset children into the kitchen where Gisella waited and sat them down at the table while he made them all hot cocoa to warm them up. Marie, Regina, Emma and Snow followed him. 

“Bae made Frosty the Pervert an I didn’t know so’s I brought him to life an he was sayin bad words. Then he started throwin’ snowballs at us an we threw em back. We was winnin till he made more of em so’s we hadta call the majors to kick their butts till Papa an Unca Archie came out.” Adriana explained. 

“What do you mean he made Frosty the Pervert?” Belle asked angrily. 

“They put something on it they shouldn’t have and let’s just leave it at that,” grumbled Archie. 

“It was a weenie!” Gisella blurted. 

“What? I ought to take my broom to that lot!” Belle cried. 

“You’d better get some numbers ready because they’re mine when you’re done!” hissed Marie. 

“I don’t think we need to worry about it ladies. Rumple will punish them enough,” Robin said.

The stuffed army marched into the kitchen and grabbed mugs out of the cupboard, waving them in Archie’s face. 

“Okay, okay….I’m hurrying!” He laughed. 

He whipped up another batch of cocoa and served it to the bears. A short time later Rumple limped into the castle with six ashamed teenagers in tow. “No need ta be getting’ the brooms ready, Belle. I gave them all a talking to,” he said. “And ye all better up at t’crack of dawn ready t’ be cleanin’ or I’ll be waking ye with ice water!” 

“Yessir…” they mumbled and went upstairs to change. 

“Damn kids,” he grouched again and poured himself a cup of coffee. 

“That boy’s as much of scamp now as he was before,” remarked Adelaide. 

“Ye’re not tellin me nothing I don’t already know, dearie. But I think they learned their lesson this time.” 

The mothers took the younger children upstairs to help them change their clothes. 

“Never a dull moment around here, eh Rumple?” Jeff asked. 

“No, not with that lot around.” 

Immediately after dinner, Bae and his friends were sent to the library to work on their essay, all of them missing the modern technology that would have made the task so much simpler and faster to complete. Though Bae hated the cleaning and sometimes the essay writing, he still had that piece in The Maine Record to be proud of. 

Still, the group preferred being in a nice warm library writing an essay than back at their old hideout stealing to get by. They had fun most of the time but there were moments when they all missed their families. Two hours later Rumple asked them to return to the living room where the rest of the family was gathered. Adriana crawled onto her brother’s lap and sat there holding Major Rumple. The Winter Solstice celebration was similar to the Twelve Days of Christmas and they all had twelve gifts from each other but would only open one per night. The rest of the family gifts would be opened in Storybrooke on Christmas day. 

Bae opened his gifts first, starting with one from his father. When he looked inside the box, he felt tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. “My….my old blanket…” he whispered, holding up an old, frayed wool blanket. “How did you find it, Papa?” 

“I’ve been finding a lot of things I thought I lost when the curse struck when I’m going through my shop’s inventory,” his father answered softly. “I’ve placed a preservation spell on it so that it stays in that condition…or I can repair it if you want.” 

Bae shook his head, holding it up to show where a section of it was torn. “One day while we were coming home from the market we got caught in a rainstorm because Papa’s leg was aching something terrible. We knew we’d never make it home before dark so we found a cave to sleep in. I loved this blanket and I carried it with me all the time. Papa was trying to break me of the habit but when we had to sleep in that cave this blanket kept us warm all night. He never let me leave the house without it after that.” He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. 

Belle handed him her gift next. “When your papa told me he found your old blanket, I made this to go with it.” 

Bae unwrapped the package and found a pair of socks his mother knitted for him. “Now you’ll have plenty of things to keep you warm if you’re stuck outside again.” 

“Thanks guys,” Bae threw his arms around his parents. 

“Open mine next…s’from me n’ the Happy Army!” Adriana said cheerfully. Bae unwrapped a photo frame with a picture of him and his sister posing with his counterpart Happy Bears that Rumple took on his last birthday with the words: Best Brother In The World that Adriana tried to write herself. 

“That’s really good, Rumplette!” Bae exclaimed and hugged her. 

“M’practicing so I can write real fancy like Mama an Papa.” 

Robin, Regina, Emma and Jeff were grinning when they handed him their gift. 

“Whooo boy I can only imagine what this can be!” Bae chuckled and opened the box to find a sweater inside. He held it up and started laughing. It had candy canes on it along with the word SUCKER. 

“Our theme this year is ugly Christmas sweaters….and I think we all know where we got the inspiration for that!” Jeff announced, glancing over at Archie. 

“Ha ha…very funny Hatter!” Archie grumbled. 

“He does have a point,” Rumple giggled. “Especially the one made out of used carpets.” 

Archie rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

“Put it on, Bae! We’re taking a picture!” Emma announced, holding up an old Polaroid camera. Bae yanked the sweater over his head and Emma snapped a picture. They could hear several of the enchanted objects laughing too. 

“Zat is hideous!” exclaimed Lumiere. 

“I wouldn’t be caught dead with that in my drawers!” agreed Cosette. 

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in that period!” cried Cogsworth. 

“That is ugly!” barked Gabby, Pongo and Major growled in agreement. 

Bae took it off and put it back in the box. He could hardly wait to see what his father’s looked like. 

“This gift is from all of us, Bae,” said Archie, setting a large box down in front of the teenager. He opened it to find an easel inside to replace his old one in the castle.

“Awesome!” he cried. He couldn’t wait to set it up in his room. 

The Nolans’ gift was a new set of riding clothes. 

Adriana was next. Her father’s gift was a new doll he made himself as he had for Gisella years before. No one was shocked when she named it Rumplette, dressed it in an Armani suit and gave it its own cane….and a broom. 

Andi giggled. “Now she really does have a mini me with its own cane of doom and Bordreaux Broom!” 

“Uh-huh an if any meanies try to mess with this Rumplette she’ll git em with her cane a doom an Mama’s broom.” 

Belle’s gift was a collection of fairy tale books that she could read to her at night. Adriana was eager to learn how to read and write on her own. 

Bae handed her his package. “Because you never can have enough of them.” 

The toddler tore open the box and squealed with delight when she found another stuffed bear in it. “You got me another Major! What can we call it?” 

“Ummm….I dunno.” 

The little girl thought for a moment. “Granpappy, what was Gramma’s name?” 

“Collette, honey,” Moe said softly. 

“Kay. Your name is Major Collette,” she said and waved her hand over the snow white bear. It blinked its eyes and smiled. 

“Hello,” it greeted softly. Belle looked over at her father, and choked back a sob. The bear sounded exactly like her late mother. The bear crawled out of its box and walked over to where Major Moe was sitting. It smiled at her and patted the empty space beside it. 

“Rumplette, you playing matchmaker with your bears now?” her brother teased. 

“The Happy Army hasta have families too, don’cha?” All the bears nodded their heads in agreement. 

“Thank the gods they can’t literally have cubs!” Rumple muttered. 

“Our turn now!” Jonny exclaimed and his father set a large box down in front of her. “We all got ya this, Driana.” 

She opened the box and found a collection of outfits and accessories for her Happy Army bears. The bears were as excited as their mistress to be getting new clothes for Christmas. 

The Hatters and Hoods never gave the younger children gag gifts. The Hatters bought the little girl some custom made t-shirts with pictures of Majors Rumple, Belle and Bae that read: Make Every Day a No Frownie Day. The Hoods bought her a Power Wheels with happy faces painted on it in different colors. 

Neal and his father handed her the Nolans’ gift. “You’re gonna really like it, Driana,” Neal vowed. 

She opened the box and found a black and white kitten inside. 

“Papa! They got me a KITTY!” she cried. 

“Oh, it’s adorable!” Belle cooed. 

“He’s a boy, he has all his vaccinations and everything Adriana,” David said. 

“An I talked to him so’s he’s not scared a Major n’ Pongo,” Jonny assured her. 

“Wha’cha gonna name him Driana?” Neal asked her. 

“Ummm….Socks…cause he looks like he has socks on his feet.” She pointed to the cat’s paws. The backs of his legs were black but his paws were white. “You like that, Mama?” 

“I think it’s a good name, sweetie.” 

"And now....." Jeff said dramatically and handed Rumple and Belle the boxes with their ugly Christmas sweaters. Rumple opened his up and held it up. 

"Oh my God!" Bae gasped and fell over laughing. 

"Now zat has got to be the most hideous garment I have ever seen!" exclaimed Lumiere. 

"F....Fruitcake!" gasped Cogsworth. 

"My used carpet sweater wasn't that bad!" chuckled Archie. 

Belle's sweater had Santa Clauses on it. She was having difficulty controlling her own laughter when Rumple put the sweater on to pose for their picture. 

Snow handed them their gifts. They gave Rumple a gift card for Armani and Belle one for Barnes and Noble, unable to decide what else to give the couple. 

“We’ll definitely put these to good use,” Belle assured them with a smile. 

“All right, now it’s your turn,” Rumple said to his brother-in-law. “We did get all of you your own gifts but you can open them later. This one is from all of us. Bae…go get it.” 

Bae left the room and returned a few minutes later with a female Dalmatian. He released the dog from its lead. 

“Daddy! They got Pongo a PERDY!” exclaimed Gisella. 

“We looked everywhere, Rumple! How did you find one?” Archie asked him. Pongo jumped out of his bed and ran over to the other Dalmatian, barking happily and sniffing her. 

“I came back here a week ago and found her wandering in the woods.” Rumple explained. 

“She might already have a name, Gisella,” Marie pointed out. 

The female Dalmatian started barking at Jonny while he listened. 

“She don’t have a name, Mommy. She says she wants to be called Perdy,” Jonny informed her. 

“Perdy it is then.” 

“Well boy, I told you we’d find you a mate, didn’t I?” Archie asked his old friend. 

“Woof!” 

“You n’ Pongo are gonna have lotsa puppies.” Jonny said with a grin. 

“Woof!” Perdy agreed. 

Marie giggled. “Ummm….don’t you think they should get to know each other first?” 

“They already like each other. Look!” Gisella was pointing to the two dogs. They were sitting together in in Pongo’s bed. 

“Mommy….I still wanna get a girl snake for Zach.” Jonny reminded her. 

“Oh God! Archie, our house is becoming a zoo!” Marie moaned once her son gave her the puppy dog look. 

“Well you DO have a Doctor Doolittle for a son,” Belle teased. 

“And we gotta find a Mary for Tom and a Katie bear for Duke,” Jonny added. 

Bae’s friends started laughing. “Bad enough we have parents making out all the time. Now we‘re gonna have stuffed bears, snakes and dogs doing it too!” Bobby smirked.

"Robert! Mouth! Or do ye want Ivory for a snack?" Rumple demanded.

"No, sir!"

Jeff and Emma were grinning like Cheshire cats when they handed Archie and Marie the boxes containing their ugly Christmas sweaters. Marie opened hers first. It had Christmas wreaths all over it and Archie's had a picture of a of Rudolph on it. The others started laughing when they posed for their picture in the family album. 

"I've seen you in worse, dearie!" Rumple chuckled. 

"Don't remind me!" Archie cried. 

"Okay, now these ones are for Jonny and Gisella," Henry announced. Gisella opened hers first and inside were the original 64 Nancy Drew books. The little girl wanted to read them after she heard her aunt Belle talk about them at the library. 

"Thanks Henry!" She hugged him, his parents and little Maggie. 

"Your mom and dad told us you liked them so we made sure we checked with them first before we bought them," Emma spoke up. 

Johnny opened his gift next and found some new cowboy outfits he could wear when he played Old West. "Cool! Thanks Aunt Emma, Unca Jeff!"

Regina handed gave them their gifts next. Marie and Archie were stunned when Gisella opened hers and found a beautiful silver tea service inside.

"Now you can have your tea times with style," the former queen said with a smile. 

"Thanks Aunt Gina, Uncle Robin! What'd you get, Johnny?"

"I got a new west Lego set!" he cried. "Thanks Auntie Gina, Unca Robin!"

"You're welcome honey."

Neal handed out the Nolans' gifts. "These are from Gru, Doctor Nefario an the Minions too!" he piped up. 

Archie opened his first. It was a gold pen and paperweight set engraved with the phrase 'Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide'.   
He smiled at his friends who never forgot the advice he gave them during his tenure as their advisor. 

Marie opened her gift and found lotion and body sprays from Victoria's Secret. She started laughing. "I know you went to get these yourself Snow because David wouldn't be caught dead in that store."

"You have that right!" David said firmly. 

Gisella's gift was a new set of teacups to replace her old ones and Jonny's was a new hat and boots to go with the outfits Regina and Robin bought him. 

“Is it our turn now, Mommy?” asked Ellie. 

“Yes it is, honey.” 

Emma and Jeff gave them their ugly Christmas sweaters first. Regina’s was red and had ‘Tis The Season written on it and Robin’s had a snowman on it.   
“On you two, those really look ugly!” Emma teased. Regina threw a piece of popcorn at her. 

Rumple grabbed the Polaroid camera. “Smile for the camera, dearies!” he giggled. He snapped a picture and Belle added it to the pile. “Now then…this gift is for all of you from all of us.” He handed Regina a small box. She opened it to find a key inside. 

“What is it to, Rumple?” 

“You said you wanted to have your own cabin in the woods so we’re giving you one. It’s further down the lake from ours but you’ll enjoy it Regina. Plenty of grounds to ride your horse through.” 

“It’s perfect! Thank you…all of you!” Regina said happily. 

Rumple handed Robin a photograph of a beautiful log cabin. 

“How long have you been planning this?” the former outlaw asked.   
“A while,” the sorcerer said evasively. 

“Cool! Hey Roland, we’s gonna have our own log house!” Jason exclaimed. 

“Yay! I’m gonna learn how to swim in the lake now!” Ellie clapped her hands. 

He bought cabins for all of them but the others would find the keys to theirs in a package under their Christmas trees back in Storybrooke. 

The Golds’ gift to the Nolans was a trip to Universal Studios in Orlando so that Neal could see the Despicable Me attractions the park provided. The toddler began dancing around the room. “M’gonna see some Minions, Gru n’ Doctor Nefario!” he cried. 

“Thank you so much, Rumple, Belle. It’s perfect!” Snow said softly. 

“I have to admit I’m a bit nervous about travelling outside the town line,” David admitted. 

“There’s a whole world out there waiting to be seen, David. We’ve only been to Italy and Greece but we loved it,” Archie said. 

“I’m excited,” Snow declared. 

Rumple was smirking when he handed Jeff his gift. Jeff unwrapped it and found a collection of ‘Old Fart’ items inside including a top hat, slippers and a shirt. Archie nearly choked on his wine laughing. 

“A little payback for those ‘Old Fart’ items you put at my house Hatter,” Rumple said. He gestured and the slippers appeared n Jeff’s feet and enchanted them so that the whoopee cushions couldn’t be cut out. 

“Good one, Rum. Good one,” Jeff praised. 

Emma and Henry opened theirs and found spellbooks inside them Rumple duplicated from his own library. “You never stop learning magic and these books will help but I will warn you many of these spells can be rough on your system…so use them wisely.” 

“Thanks Rumple!” Henry said with a smile. There was a personal inscription inside Henry’s that read: To Henry, who brought us all our happy endings…no matter what troubles come your way, always hold onto to your belief. 

Everyone in the room could agree with that statement. Though it had been Emma and Regina that broke the Dark Curse and Archie the Curse of the Broken hearted, Henry set those events in motion by returning Emma to Storybrooke. 

The family’s gift to Grace was the costume she would wear when she played the Ghost of Christmas Past in the school’s version of A Christmas Story. 

“Rumple, it’s beautiful. She’s going to look like an angel!” Emma whispered.   
“I love it! Thank you guys!” 

Adriana stepped up to Maggie and handed her a gift. “We made this ourselves,” she said. 

The little girl unwrapped her gift and squealed in delight. “Oooh ya made me a line up poster so’s I can line up my suspects ‘fore I ‘rest them!” 

“An it’s got stuff on it so ya can stick it anywhere,” Adriana explained. 

“Cool!” 

Belle and Marie presented their families’ gifts to their father together. He unwrapped two portraits. One was of his late wife, Collette, the other was of Marie’s mother, Jeanette. 

“How did you…?” he gapsed. 

“Rumple helped a bit with that. He showed Bae images from our memories of what our mamas looked like and he painted them from what he saw,” Belle answered. 

Moe embraced both of his daughters with tears in his eyes. “I love them both in my own way…and I got two beautiful girls from it…” he murmured and kissed their cheeks. 

Adriana waved her hand and another female bear appeared beside Majors Moe and Collette. “There Granpappy. Now you gots your own Happy Army! Say hi to Major Jeannie.” 

Moe laughed softly. “That’s what I called her.” 

“Your turn, you lot!” Rumple said to the former gang members and everyone gave them their gifts. Most of Kat’s gifts from the families were cooking items because they all knew she loved to cook. Most of Ewan and Bobby’s were Scottish themed because like Rumple, their curse memories had them believe they’d once lived in Scotland. Becky’s gifts were computer and mobile related and Andi received a set of law books from everyone after Rumple informed them she wanted to be an attorney. Bae would give her his gift in private on Christmas Eve. 

At the end of the week Rumple hosted his Winter Solstice gala. He didn’t expect a high turnout thinking people still saw him as the Dark One, forgetting that a gala long ago at Moe’s castle changed peoples’ minds on that subject. Like Snow had before the curse was cast, he invited peoples of all social classes and they mingled freely. The children had the best time playing with the members of the True Love Mafia and the Happy Army. Rumple even magicked the Polaroid camera to have infinite film so that the parents could have pictures of their children taken with the bears. 

Later on in the evening, the adults danced while the castle’s enchanted musical instruments played, Belle smiling as she recalled her final dance in the castle before the curse took them away. 

“Who needs an animated movie when I live it,” she murmured, resting her head on Rumple’s shoulder. 

“I know our lives aren’t always a fairytale sweetheart but I try,” her husband said sheepishly. 

“Real life is better than the fairy tale darling.” 

And in her fairy tale, the prince of her dreams, the sorcerer who tried to hide in the shadows and he always would be. 

Storybrooke Prep was devoting two days to celebrating Christmas first with the productions of A Christmas Carol and How The Grinch Stole Christmas and then a musical extravaganza being put on by the Golds, Hoppers and their friends. Belle wanted to do a mini version of Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas because her daughter loved it. Father and daughter would also do a duet to the song ‘Christmas Shoes’. 

Bae and his Scorpion friends would bring the laughter with their performances of Bob Rivers Christmas parodies “The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen’ and ‘Wreck The Malls’ and the little ones would sing ‘I Ain’t Getting Nuttin For Christmas and ‘All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth’. 

Rumple and Archie would sing together on Amy Grant’s ‘Grown Up Christmas List’ with their wives and friends joining them for the final verses. 

Snow would perform ‘My Favorite Things’ from The Sound of Music. It wasn’t considered a traditional Christmas song but stations were starting to play it during the season and she was inspired to have her scene look like the video featuring country music star Lorrie Morgan and she would dance with David. He preferred dancing over singing since they both knew he couldn’t carry a tune. 

Everyone except Snow, Robin and Henry were shocked when Regina announced that she would sing Walking In The Air from an old cartoon named “The Snowman” that only aired on British television but Regina watched it with Henry while he was growing up. He was looking forward to hearing her sing it again. 

For the grand finale they would all do their parody of the 12 Days of Christmas. 

Belle walked out onto the stage, designed like the attic in Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas while she wore her old chatelaine’s dress. Though she wished their castle’s true enchanted objects were with them, their friends and family stepped in to play the roles for them. 

“But it’s Christmas,” Belle was saying to Marie who was playing the role of Angelique, the castle decorator and treetop angel. 

“Christmas!” Marie huffed. “I refuse to hope for it anymore. I will not be disappointed again!” 

“But this is to be the greatest celebration ever!” Archie protested in his role as Lumiere, taking Marie’s hands in his. “We cannot do it without you!” 

“But of course you cannot. Christmas takes planning and organization. No, no! I won’t do it! It won’t change anything!” Marie turned her back to them and crossed her arms over her breasts. 

“I believe it will,” Belle said softly and began to sing. As Long As There’s Christmas. 

“There is more to this time of year  
Than sleigh bells and holly  
Mistletoe and snow  
Those things come and go  
Much deeper than snow  
Stronger than the strongest love we'll know  
We'll ever know

As long as there's Christmas I truly believe  
That hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll recieve  
As long as there's Christmas we'll all be just fine  
A star shines above us lighting your  
Way and mine…” 

Rumple stalked past them in his beast costume. Belle, Archie and the others moved to the next set which was a dining room. 

Bae, in his role as Cogsworth was carrying a tray of goblets. 

“Just as long as there's Christmas  
There will be Christmas pudding  
Tons of turkey...”

“And cranb'ry sauce  
And mince pies if we're good…” sang Mary Poppins in her role as Mrs. Potts. 

“Lots of logs on the fire…” Archie sang and tossed a pile of logs into the fireplace. 

“Lots of gifts on the tree   
All wrapped up in red ribbons…” sang Snow and Ruby. 

“Wonder if there’s one for me…” Adriana asked in her role as Chip. 

“We are due for a party  
Where on earth do we start?” pondered Bae.

“I may wear my tiara  
You bought me in Monmartre!” Regina said as the feather duster Fi Fi, sashaying past Robin who was acting as a toy soldier. She was resting her voice as much as she could before her solo. 

“All the silver will sparkle…” sang Bae.

“And the china will gleam…” sang Mary Poppins.

“And we'll all be as shiny  
As a brand-new centime…” sang Archie.

“After dinner we'll play games,” Adriana was smiling, holding up her Candyland game. 

“'Till the morning breaks through,” added Mary. 

“Then we'll meet in the garden  
This is what we shall do…” Archie sang, spinning a grouchy Marie around and winking at her. She snorted and shoved him away. 

“We will build us a snowman  
That will reach up to the sky!” exclaimed Adriana. 

Belle danced around the decorated room for the final verses of the song while a stack of dishes formed a makeshift Christmas tree.

“It will stay up until July  
As long as there's Christmas I truly believe  
That hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll receive  
As long as our guiding star shines above  
As long as there's Christmas we'll all be just fine  
There'll always be Christmas  
So there always will be a time  
When the world is filled with peace and love….” 

Rumple waved his hand from backstage and the dish tree turned into a real Christmas tree as the curtain fell. When it rose again he was onstage in his old Dark One clothes standing in front of Belle in a dungeon. 

“You said you’d never leave!” he said angrily in his role as the beast. 

“I wasn’t trying to leave. I just wanted to make you happy,” Belle whispered. 

“You broke your word and for that you will rot in this dungeon forever!” he snarled and slammed the door behind him. 

“I should’ve known you’d never be anything but a beast,” she wept.

The next scene showed Belle still sitting on the floor wrapped in a blanket, seemingly without hope with the children playing the enchanted objects surrounding her. Then Marie came back out on stage dressed as Angelique while their husbands stood backstage and watched with pride. 

“I told you nothing would change! I told you the master would not allow this. I told you Christmas was nothing but a hopeless folly! But….I was wrong…” Marie said softly and pirouetted into the center of the stage as she started to sing the reprise of ‘As Long As There’s Christmas’ to re-inspire Belle. 

“When I was lost and lonely   
Not a dream in my head   
Your words lifted my spirits high   
Remember what you said  
As long as there’s Christmas  
I truly believe…

Belle smiled and rose to her feet, dancing beside her sister as they sang the rest of the song together, their soprano voices in perfect harmony. 

“That hope is the greatest of the gifts we’ll receive  
As long as our guiding star shines above….” 

Marie pirouetted away from Belle to sing the next verse alone; her hands raised high in the air, her lips curved into a hopeful smile. 

“There’ll always be Christmas…..”

Belle walked over to Marie as they sang the final verse together. 

“So there always will be a time   
When the world is filled with peace and love…” 

“Yay Mama! Yay Auntie Marie! You makes everybody happy!” cheered Adriana. The Happy Army stood up in their seats and whistled along with the other children. 

“That was beautiful, mo chori!” Rumple murmured and embraced his wife. 

“You were wonderful out there my goddess,” Archie praised his wife and both men pulled their wives to them for a kiss of congratulations. The two women barely heard the thunderous applause from the audience; they were too lost in the arms of the men they loved. 

“Guess it’s our turn now to make ‘em all laugh. Ready guys?” Bae asked his fellow Scorpions. Kat and Becky were dressed as nuns and Andi a nurse. They walked out onto the stage that was set up like a womens’ restroom with a sign taped over it that said ‘Gentlemen’. 

The three boys stood outside the door and began to sing ‘The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen’ a parody of ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’. 

“The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside,  
I took two steps and realized I've been taken for a ride.  
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied,  
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.  
What could be worse?  
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse….” 

The people in the audience started laughing as Andi, Becky and Kat came out of the stalls and charged the men with purses swinging. Andi held a can of silly string that was supposed to be mace. 

“The restroom door said gentleman it must have been a gag,  
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag.  
She sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with her bag,  
I could tell this wouldn't be my day.  
What can I say?  
It just wasn't turning out to be my day….” 

Becky and Kat beat at Ewan and Bobby with their purses while Andi attacked Bae with the silly string. Backstage their parents were nearly doubled over laughing. 

“The restroom door said gentleman and I would like to find,  
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the signs.  
'Cause I got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind,  
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy.  
Boy oh boy.  
Now I'll never sit with comfort and joy!” 

As the girls chased them out of the bathroom, Andi threw one of her high heels and it smacked Bae in the backside, a little magic spell by Rumple causing it to stick there along with the black eyes on the boys’ faces.

The younger children made faces from their seats. “They not ‘sposta go in the girls’ potty. That’s bad!” Ellie scolded. 

“They didn’t know was the girls’ potty Ellie cause some meanie put the wrong sign up as a joke,” Roland explained. 

“Yeah well, if I catch any of ya in the potty while I’s in there, I’m gonna kick your butts too!” Maggie informed the boys. 

“Boy’d you get in trouble when you did to me, didn’cha Jonny?” Gisella teased her brother. 

“I hadta pee. You was takin too long!” he complained. 

“What’d your mommy an daddy do?” asked Jason. 

“Ummm…Daddy gave me lecture bout how girls need their privacy but HE goes in the potty while Mommy’s in there all the time an I tole him so!” 

“Yeah but he’s ‘llowed. They’s married,” said Neal. “An that’s what my mommy said when I asked why I not ‘llowed to go in the potty while you girls is in there.” 

“Yeah Papa says that to Bae an then Bae complains me an mama take too long in there an I tole him we gots another potty so’s he oughta go down there.” Adriana giggled. 

Henry and Grace were practically falling off their seats laughing as they listened to their siblings and uncle discussing bathroom privacy issues. 

Rumple picked up his guitar and turned to Archie. “Ready?” 

The stage was now decorated to resemble Rumple’s living room, their families pretending to be sleeping on air mattresses on the floor. Both men sat beside their sleeping wives and children and Rumple glanced out into the audience as he softly sang the first portion of Grown Up Christmas List while playing his guitar. 

“Do you remember me?  
I sat upon your knee  
I wrote to you  
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown-up now  
And still need help somehow.  
I'm not a child  
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish  
My grown-up Christmas list  
Not for myself  
But for a world in need…” 

Now Archie looked up at the audience and started to sing the second part. They chose the song because it fit everyone in the town, especially them and their circle of friends. 

“No more lives torn apart  
That wars would never start,  
And time would heal all hearts  
And everyone would have a friend  
And right would always win  
And love would never end  
This is my grown-up Christmas list

As children we believed  
The grandest sight to see  
Was something lovely  
Wrapped beneath our tree  
Well heaven surely knows  
That packages and bows  
Can never heal   
A hurting human soul…” 

They rose to their feet and sang the next part together. 

“No more lives torn apart  
That wars would never start  
And time would heal all hearts  
And everyone would have a friend  
And right would always win  
And love would never end  
This is my grown-up Christmas list…” 

“What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?” Rumple sang. 

“Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth…” sang Archie. 

Their families pretended to wake from their slumber and with their arms around each other; the husbands and wives sang the final verses together along with the other adults. 

“No more lives torn apart  
That wars would never start  
And time would heal all hearts  
And everyone would have a friend  
And right would always win  
And love would never end, oh  
This is my grown-up Christmas list  
This is my only lifelong wish  
This is my grown-up Christmas list….”

As soon as they finished, everyone in the audience rose to their feet, clapping and cheering. 

The curtains closed while they set up the next scene, still the living room in Rumple’s house. The little children were all sitting on the floor while their parents gave them Disappointed Looks. The room was a mess with blue paw prints everywhere and things knocked over. 

“M’getting nuttin for Christmas   
Mommy an Daddy are mad  
M’getting nuttin for Christmas   
Cause I ain’t been nuttin but bad…” they sang together. 

Their parents helped them come up with original lyrics for the next verses. Adriana was up first. She held a mini version of her mother’s broom in her hands and a half eaten gingerbread cookie. 

“I smacked Papa with Mama’s broom  
Somebody snitched on me!” 

Jonny stood up with Zach around curled around his wrist. 

“Zach got inta Mommy’s bathroom  
Somebody snitched on me!” 

“I yelled loud bout busted Mister Rumple’s head  
Somebody snitched on me!” sang Ellie. 

“I spilled green paint over my bed   
Somebody snitched on me!” sang Jason, holding a bed sheet with green paint all over it. 

“M’getting nuttin for Christmas   
Mommy an Daddy are mad  
M’getting nuttin for Christmas   
Cause I ain’t been nuttin but bad…” they all sang. 

“I put Blue’s Clues on the wall  
Somebody snitched on me!” sang Maggie as she pointed at the walls. 

“I left my toys on the floor in the hall  
Somebody snitched on me!” sang Neal, pointing at the toys scattered all over the floor. 

“I threw Mommy’s grilled cheese and called it roadkill   
Somebody snitched on me!” Gisella held up a grilled cheese sandwich. 

“I buried Daddy’s stinky shoes up on the hill  
Somebody snitched on me!” Roland had a clothespin on his nose while he held a pair of worn boots. 

“M’getting nuttin for Christmas   
Mommy an Daddy are mad  
M’getting nuttin for Christmas   
Cause I ain’t been nuttin but bad…”

“So you better be good, whatever you do  
Cause if you’re bad, we’re warning you  
You’ll get nuttin for Christmas!” sang their parents, shaking their fingers at them.

The stage was now set up to look like a shopping mall as the six Scorpions strutted onto the stage for their rendition of Wreck The Malls, a parody of Deck The Halls. 

Wreck the malls this Christmas season   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la   
Blow your cash for no good reason   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la   
Push your charge card to the limit   
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la   
Checkbook now has nothing in it   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la! 

The girls started grabbing things off the shelves and stuffed them in bags and even inside their clothing. 

Wreck the malls with my friend Charlie   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la   
Drive to K-Mart on his Harley   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la   
Tamper with their muzak system   
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la   
Trade something for Twisted Sister   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la 

Bae used his bungee cord to climb to the top of the set to pretend he was tampering with a Muzak system while the other boys raided the shelves, stealing CDs, DVDs, Blu Rays and throwing them in bags. 

“Wreck the pet store, do some damage   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la   
Send the beagles on a rampage   
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la   
Acting in an uncouth manner   
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la   
Drop your pants, and moon at Santa  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!” 

They went to the pet store scene and left Pongo, Perdy and Major out of cages. The dogs started running around, jumping all over everything and making a mess. Jeff came in wearing a Santa suit. The gang bent over and showed him their backsides. He chased them off the set. 

Rumple facepalmed himself. “Damn kids! Did they have to act like they were robbing the place blind and remind us how our wee ones did wreck the malls and they did too? Thank the gods they didn’t moon you Jeff or I would’ve turned the lot of ‘em over my knee!” 

Belle wiped tears from her eyes. “That’s our son for you…” 

“Oh aye….he’s more of a smartass than I am!” 

Regina stepped out onto the stage wearing a red satin gown. Henry smiled at her from backstage and gestured, turning the stage into a meadow. Roland was costumed as a snowman and Jason and Ellie were wearing their Enchanted Forest clothes. 

"We're walking in the air  
We're floating in the moonlit sky  
The people far below are sleeping as we fly..." she began while her friends all except for Snow and Robin stood with their mouths agape, unable to believe that the former Evil Queen had the singing voice of an opera diva. 

"Holy crow! She sounds better'n Tarja Turunen!" exclaimed Becky, referring to a Finnish metal singer who also had an operatic voice. 

Henry concentrated and Roland, Jason and Ellie began flying above them. Rumple and Emma stood beside him, helping him hold the spell. 

"I’m holding very tight   
I'm riding in the midnight blue   
I'm finding I can fly so high above with you..."

"With a voice like that she should've been an opera singer," Archie said. Marie nodded in agreement. 

"Her mother only made her take singing lessons so that she could attract royalty. She hated it but everyone loved hearing her sing at Father’s Winter Solstice galas,” Snow explained.

“Far across the world  
The villages go by like trees  
The rivers and the hills  
The forest and the streams…” Regina continued to sing as her children flew above her. Robin watched from backstage, beaming with pride. He knew she was nervous about performing in front of a large audience for the first time in years but she was singing beautifully.

Henry felt tears come to his eyes as he remembered the many times in his childhood when Regina sang the song to him to help him go to sleep over the holidays. Back then she wasn’t the Evil Queen. She was his mom. It wasn’t until she learned of the existence of the Once Upon a Time Book that paranoia set in and they became estranged but she buried the Evil Queen forever when she broke the Dark Curse with Emma. 

“Children gaze open mouthed  
Taken by surprise  
Nobody down below believes their eyes

We're surfing in the air  
We're swimming in the frozen sky  
We're drifting over icy mountains floating by….” 

The three mages wriggled their fingers and part of the stage turned into an ocean scene where a blue dragon poked its head out from under the water, smiled at them and went back to sleep. 

“Suddenly swooping low on an ocean deep  
Arousing of a mighty monster from its sleep

We're walking in the air  
We're floating in the midnight sky  
And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly…”

Regina fought back her own tears as she received a standing ovation for her performance from the audience. Henry released the spell on his siblings and gently lowered them back to the ground and ran out on stage to embrace his mother. 

“You were awesome, Mom! Just like I remembered!” 

“Thank you my little prince,” she sobbed. “Come on….it’s time for your grandma’s big number now.” She put her arm around her eldest son and walked backstage with him while her little ones trailed behind them. Robin handed his wife a dozen roses and kissed her. 

Snow stepped out onto the stage now transformed into a replica of her castle’s ballroom while she was dressed in rags. 

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens  
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens  
Brown paper packages tied up with strings  
These are a few of my favorite things…” 

Emma smiled, ready to perform her own little magic at the proper time while David waited to make his grand entrance in his tuxedo. 

“Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels  
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles  
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings  
These are a few of my favorite things….” Snow sang as she spun in a circle in the center of the room. 

“Get ready Dad,” Emma whispered and waved her hand. Sparkles of white magic surrounded her mother, changing her clothing into a strapless white gown with gloves. 

“Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes  
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes….”

“You’re on, Dad!” 

David smiled and walked out to his wife, taking her in his arms and waltzing with her across the floor as she continued to sing. 

“Silver white winters that melt into springs  
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites  
When the bee stings  
When I'm feeling sad  
I simply remember my favorite things  
And then I don't feel so bad…” 

“They look great out there,” Jeff murmured. 

“They always do,” Emma sniffled. Her parents were gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes as David lifted her gracefully then set her back down on her feet. 

“Brown paper packages tied up with strings  
These are a few of my favorite things…

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings  
These are a few of my favorite things  
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes  
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes  
Silver white winters that melt into springs  
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites  
When the bee stings  
When I'm feeling sad  
I simply remember my favorite things  
And then I don't feel so bad…”

David began to dance away from her and she sank to the floor, her white gown turning back into rags. David came back onto the stage wearing a security guard’s uniform. He tapped her shoulder gently. “Come along.”   
Snow rose to her feet and followed him offstage while the crowd cheered. 

The curtain fell and Rumple changed the set to look like a shoe shop. He was dressed in one of his Armani suits while Adriana stood in front of him dressed like a boy in ragged clothes. 

“It was almost Christmas time  
And there I stood in another line  
Trying to buy that last gift or two  
Not really in the Christmas mood   
And standin right in front of me was a   
Little boy waiting anxiously  
Pacin around like little boys do   
And in his hands he held  
A pair of shoes

And his clothes were worn and old  
He was dirty from head to toe   
And when it came his time to pay  
I couldn't believe what I heard him say…” Rumple sang. 

“Sir I wanna buy these shoes  
For my mama please  
It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size  
Could you hurry sir  
Daddy says there's not much time  
You see,  
She's been sick for quite a while   
And I know these shoes will make her smile   
And I want her to look beautiful  
If mama meets Jesus tonight…” Adriana sang sadly. 

Bae stood at the counter in his role as the cashier while Adriana took a bag full of pennies out of her pocket and set it on the counter. 

“They counted pennies for what seemed like years   
Then the Cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here."  
He searched his pockets frantically   
Then he turned and he looked at me and he said  
"Mama made Christmas good at our house though  
Most years she just did without  
Tell me sir,  
What am I gonna do?  
Somehow I gotta buy her these Christmas shoes,” Rumple sang. 

The audience was moved to tears seeing Adriana in her role as the little boy looking up at her father, her eyes pleading with him to help her. Rumple reached into his pocket, took his wallet out and handed her a stack of play money. 

“So I laid the money down  
I just had to help him out  
And I'll never forget the look on his face when he said,  
"Mama's gonna look so great,” Rumple sang. 

“Sir I wanna buy these shoes  
For my mama, please  
It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size  
Could you hurry sir  
Daddy says there's not much time  
You see,  
She's been sick for quite a while   
And I know these shoes will make her smile   
And I want her to look beautiful  
If mama meets Jesus tonight…” Adriana sang, joy now in her voice though there were still tears in her eyes. 

“I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love as he thanked me and ran out  
I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about!” Rumple sang and picked up his daughter, holding her tightly while they sang the end of the song together. When they were finished, Belle and Bae ran over and hugged them. 

“Thank you everyone….now we’d like to leave you with a little bit of laughter as we give you our Twelve Days of Christmas!” Snow announced. 

The scene changed into a miniature version of the Hoppers’ backyard with Jonny sitting up in a tree with an agitated Archie standing underneath it trying to climb up the ladder and Marie standing off in the distance watching. 

“On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a cowboy stuck in a tree!” Archie sang. 

Marie walked over to him and placed his hand on her abdomen. 

“On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…two Baby Hoppers….and a cowboy stuck in a tree!” 

The scenes would switch due to the combined powers of the mages. Rumple gestured and the scene transformed into his den. He was standing with Belle, his arm around her shoulders while Bae and Adriana sat on the sofa. 

“On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me….three Baby Golds!” Rumple sang happily. The scene switched back to the Hopper yard for Archie to sing his part. 

“Two Baby Hoppers…and a cowboy stuck in a tree!” 

Now the scene was Rumple’s kitchen and he was trying to duck as gingerbread threw pots and pans at him. 

“On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…four Gingys rebelling!

Three baby Golds…” 

“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree!” Archie sang when the scene switched back to his backyard. “Johnny, you come down here…right now!” he yelled up at his son.   
“No!” the little boy said defiantly. 

Emma gestured and the scene changed to a mall. Neal was knocking over displays, Ellie was making smoke come out of a trash can and Pongo, Perdy and Major ran everywhere. David facepalmed himself as he spoke the next verse. 

“On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…five kids wrecking the malls!” 

“Four Gingys rebelling!” Rumple cried from his messy kitchen. “Adriana, they’re COOKIES!” he yelled at his daughter who was glaring at him. 

“Three Baby Golds….” 

“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree!” Archie sighed at his wife. “Better call the fire department Marie!” 

Marie pretended to dial a number on her phone while the scene changed to Belle Reve’s lawn where Rumple was scolding the former Scorpions. 

“On the sixth day of Chrismas my true love gave to me…six smart aleck teenagers!” Rumple sang in an irritated voice. 

“Five kids wrecking the malls! Neal, I’m not made of money!” David was scolding his son who stood in front of a display of broken dishes. 

“Four Gingys rebelling! Quit being a drama queen dearie….OWWW!” Rumple screamed when the Bordreaux broom flew onto the stage and smacked him on the backside. “Three baby Golds…” 

“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! John Wayne Hopper, I am not kidding around! Down here! NOW!” Archie ordered. He tried to climb up the ladder and slipped. 

“I wanna tree house!” Jonny shouted back.   
Now the scene was the outside of Rumple’s house where Robin was hanging up a set of blinking lights saying ‘Centuries Old Fart’. 

“On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me….seven lights a blinking…” the outlaw laughed. 

“Six smart aleck teenagers! Robin, you idiot! Bae, you’re grounded for a month!” Rumple was yelling at Robin and Bae. 

“Five kids wrecking the malls! No, Neal, watch where you're....ahhh nooo...!” David groaned when Neal knocked over a display of pots and pans this time. 

“Four Gingys rebelling!” Rumple grabbed the broom and waved it in front of Adriana, giving her a Look. “You don’t hit your papa! Three Baby Golds…” 

“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! You come down from there or you're grounded for the next century!” Archie threatened his son. Jonny shook his head.   
Rumple now stood in a smoke filled kitchen shaking his head while Belle stood in front of him holding a tray of burned cookies. “On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…eight cookies burning! Dearie, ye had t’ oven up to five hundred degrees!” 

“I….got distracted…” Belle said sheepishly. 

“Seven lights a blinking!” Robin was laughing. I win the decorating contest!”

“It's not over yet, dearie! Six smartaleck teenagers! Bae, you put that picture on Facebook and ye'll be cleaning the castle for a year!” Rumple yelled at Bae who was waving a picture of Rumple wearing the fruitcake sweater and grinning. 

“Five kids wrecking the malls! Jeff, make my granddaughter STOP scaring her uncle!” David screamed at jeff. 

 

“Four Gingys rebelling! Look at the mess ye've made o' my house, Adriana! Three Baby Golds…” 

“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! Quit that laughing and just get him down!” Archie snapped at two of the Merry Men who were costumed as firemen. 

“On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Nine months of Couvade Syndrome!” the men sang and ran offstage to vomit while the women smirked with satisfaction. Then they returned to the stage. 

“Eight cookies burning! Belle, ye’re supposed to be watching the oven not havin your nose stuck in a book!” 

“Seven lights a blinking. Hey look at what your lights say now Rumple: Humorless Old Fart!” Robin taunted. 

“Wanna be a snail Robin!? Six smart aleck teenagers! Bae, crack o'dawn boy and I'll be doing the white glove test!” Rumple shook a glove at Bae.   
“Five kids wrecking the malls! Now they've left all the pets out of the store!” David groaned, pointing at the dogs. 

“Four Gingys rebelling! This is a disaster! Three baby Golds…” Rumple sank into a chair and shook his head. 

“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy in a tree! He gets it from YOUR side of the family!” Archie grumbled at his wife. 

“On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Ten ugly Christmas sweaters!” Jeff laughed, holding up the Fruitcake sweater. 

“Nine months of Couvade Syndrome!” The men now raced to the bathroom. 

“Eight cookies burning! Belle, dearie, ye are banned from my kitchen for life!” Rumple snapped. 

“Seven lights a blinking! How old is that tree Rumple? A few hundred more than you?” Robin pointed at a tree and laughed.   
“Keep it up Hood and ye'll be hanging from it by yer boxers. Six smart aleck teenagers! Dinna think ye can sweep the dirt under the rug, Bae. I'll find it!” 

“Five kids wrecking the malls! Oh my God, Ellie's gonna torch the place!” David backed away from the smoking trashcan. 

“Four Gingys rebelling! Ye don't tell me what t'eat and what not t'eat in my own house! Three Baby Golds!” Rumple shook a half eaten cookie at Adriana. 

“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy in a tree! No more climbing trees, period, John Wayne Hopper!” 

“On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Eleven bears a drinking!” Jeff groaned in a setup of the police station where the Happy Army was staggering and singing off key.

“Ten ugly Christmas sweaters....Rumple's gonna have a conniption when he sees his!” Jeff went on, laughing.   
“Nine months of Couvade syndrome!” The men took off their shoes and put on slippers. Everyone laughed when Jeff’s made fart noises. 

“Eight cookies burning! I mean it Belle. No more cooking for you…ever!” 

“Seven lights a blinking! Wait til he sees this one!” Robin chuckled, holding up the ‘Older Than Dirt…Fossilized’ sign. 

“What does that say...? Hood, ye better run an hope it's a good place to hide! Six smart aleck teenagers! Ye do that again Bae and you can forget about going out of the house for a year!” 

“Five kids wrecking the malls! They are never gonna let us near here again!” David sat in a chair with a glass in his hand and what looked like Alka Seltzer tablets.

“Four Gingys rebelling! Ye dinna have t' mess up my kitchen 'cause ye're havin'a tantrum! Three Baby Golds.”   
“Two Baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! When I get up there you are coming down or else, young man!” Archie snapped at his son. 

“On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Twelve dirty snowmen!” Rumple and Archie sang together with some snowmen standing behind them sticking their tongues out.  
“Rumplestiltskin, you get that filthy thing out of here...NOW!” Archie yelled at him. 

“Who would’ve thought an old man like me could destroy your beautiful wickedness! “Oooh look out…look out…they’re going…!” Rumple mocked while he melted them. 

“Eleven bears a drinking! Oh my God Emma, please make them SHUT UP! If I hear Deck The Halls one more time I am going to check myself into the psych ward!” Jeff complained while the bears sang. “Ten ugly Christmas sweaters! I'm gonna post all the pictures on Facebook!” 

“Nine months of Couvade Syndrome!” The men ran offstage to the bathroom again and came back to hearing the women laughing at them. 

“Eight cookies burning! Next time I’m doing the baking, Belle. No ifs ands or buts!” Belle laughed. 

 

“Seven lights a blinking! Oh my God....that one's gonna be on the front page of the Mirror!” Robin laughed as he and Little John brought out the toilet with the Armani suit with legs sticking out.

“Hood, you wait....when I get done your house is gonna look like a Christmas decoration nightmare! Six smart aleck teenagers! Damn kids!” Rumple limped behind Bae and his friends who all had their heads bowed. 

“Five kids wrecking the malls! Next time YOU can take him shopping!” David barked at Snow. 

“Four Gingys rebelling! Now ye're in serious trouble! Three Baby Golds…” Rumple led his daughter offstage. 

“Two baby Hoppers and a cowboy stuck in a tree! All right, my goddess, next time YOU can go get him down!” Archie snapped at Marie as he walked past her holding their son. She smirked and followed them offstage. 

The audience was on its feet again when everyone came out to take their bows. The group of friends and family smiled at each other, happy that they were able to bring joy and laughter to their fellow townspeople for one evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed a glimpse into early Christmas festivities with our favorite families. Just one more chapter to go where it is Christmas at their houses filled with wonderful memories and we hope your Christmas is filled with wonderful memories.


	9. These Are The Special Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve with plenty of gifts, romance, memories and laughter as Adriana's cat wrecks the Christmas tree, Bae and Adriana tape their father babbling in his sleep, Rumple tries to learn how skate, Belle serenades Rumple, Archie and Marie serenade each other and a flight through Storybrooke in a rocket sleigh made by little Neal Nolan's Despicable Me gang!

9  
~ These Are The Special Times ~

 

These are the special times  
Times we'll remember  
These are the precious times  
The tender times we'll hold in our hearts forever  
These are the sweetest times  
These times together  
And through it all, one thing will always be true  
The special times are the times I share with you…

Celine Dion – These Are The Special Times 

Gold Victorian - Christmas Eve 2014

Socks stared at up at the Christmas tree with all the strange looking glowing things on it and colored balls. He wanted one to play with.

What're you doing? he heard the dog asked him.

Those colored balls. I want one.

Well you can't have one. They're decorations.

What's decorations?

They're what humans put on trees to make them look nice. Now go play with that silly candy cane.

I'm bored with that. I want one of those balls and I'm gonna get one!

You go up that tree cat and you're gonna be up to your fur in trouble.

You're not my boss! I want a ball and I'm getting it. Go back to sleep, you old bone bag.

Old bone bag? I was a police dog if you must know. What do you do? Lay around all day that’s what!

The cat ignored him and jumped into the tree, knocking ornaments off the branches as he climbed.

Cats! Major sighed. You have to learn everything the hard way.

See, look Bone Bag. Betcha can't climb this high! Socks taunted.

Why would I WANT to? snorted the shepherd. Get down before you knock it over!

This is fun! wait...wait a minute.....why's it bending funny!?

The cat screeched and jumped out of the tree. It crashed to the floor behind him, scattering ornaments everywhere.

The dog surveyed the mess with dismay, whining. Good one, Cat-Tastrophe! Now there's broken glass and things everywhere! He backed away, then turned and trotted back to his rawhide chew in the foyer.

Hey, where you going! Need some help here!

You're on your own. You broke it, now you pay the price for it. Major lay down.

Thanks a LOT Bone Bag! Socks growled.

He didn't understand what all the fuss was about. They were just balls hanging on a tree anyway and he was bored again. He sauntered over to the sofa and started scratching at the side of it. Oooh this fun!

The cat was like a kid in a candy store, always looking for a new novelty to satisfy him.

There was now a large hole in the corner of the sofa with some of the stuffing poking out.

Hey Bone Bag, this is more fun than that stupid tree anyhow.

Major looked up and woofed. You dumb walking furball! The master's gonna skin you alive! That's his antique sofa! Whatever that meant, Major thought, only knowing it was something he wasn't supposed to touch.

You're bluffing!

At the very least he'll send you back to that cage in the shelter! Cats! Always think they know everything! Major huffed.

Don't wanna go back in the cage! It's scary.

Well, you've stepped in it this time and don't know what the master will say.

Socks meowed fearfully and ran to hide under the love seat. Then they both could hear footsteps in the hall.

Who is it, Major? Who is it?

The cat was too terrified now to look.

Then it saw a familiar pair of loafers.

Ones he tried to chew on and got in trouble for.

"What in the seven hells happened in here!" Rumple cried. "My Christmas tree!"

It was a disaster. Many of the ornaments were broken, the tinsel was shredded and pieces of it all over the place.

"Which one o'ye crazy animals wrecked my tree!?" he demanded, glancing back and forth between the cat and the dog. Major shook his head and continued chewing on the rawhide. Rumple stalked over to the love seat then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the hole in his sofa.

"Ye mangy cat! My sofa! Tis no' ye're damned scratchin post! Look at this mess! Oughta send ye back to the shelter, that's what!"

He knew he sounded silly talking to the cat like he was talking to a child but he was so enraged he couldn't think straight.

A frightened Socks poked his head out from underneath the love seat. "Rowl?"

"Dinna play innocent with me, cat. Yer claw marks are all over my sofa and Major doesn't mess with the tree...he knows better!"

I hate to say I told you so, cat but I told you so, Major huffed.

Shut up, Bone Bag!

"Ye come out of there!"

"Rumple what are you yelling about.....oh my God! Our tree!" Belle cried in horror.

"That crazy cat knocked over t'tree and he tore up my sofa. My antique sofa!"

"Socks! Bad kitty!" Belle scolded.

"Bad kitty? Bad kitty? That's all ye're goin t' say?"

"Well...he is still a baby..." she began.

"Belle, we can't have him wreckin' t'house!"

"Rumple, darling, I know you're upset but think of how unhappy our daughter will be if you send him back to the shelter," she pleaded. "We just have to give him time....he'll learn...if we teach him properly..." Her eyes locked with his.

"Belle....."

"It’s Christmas! If we send him back...he might not get adopted again or if he does and they don't want him....."

She was close to tears now. His wife loved animals as much as he did and though he didn't want to send the cat back either, he had his doubts it could be tamed.

"....And you can fix everything he did...." she went on.

Oh, you are getting too good at this, dearie, he thought.

He sighed heavily. "All right. You can stay Socks but ye'll no' be knocking my tree over again or using my furniture for yer scratchin post!"

The cat circled around him and rubbed its back against his legs.

"He's sorry....aren't you, sweetie?" Belle asked softly.

"Meow!" the cat cried.

Major snorted.

"Cats!" Rumple threw his hands up in defeat.

Women, Major thought. His friend Pongo was learning it wasn't easy having a mate in the house.

If Adriana had her way, he'd have a mate too soon enough. He decided he would enjoy his bachelorhood for as long as he could.

Rumple repaired the wrecked Christmas tree and sofa with his magic and placed special cat proof charms on the rest of his valuable antiques, not wanting a repeat performance. When he sat down on the sofa, Socks hopped onto his lap. 

“Look Rumple. He wants to tell you he’s sorry,” Belle murmured, gently stroking the cat’s back. 

“Rooowllll…” the cat purred in agreement. 

“Okay Socks. You’re forgiven dearie.” The cat rolled over and offered his belly for the sorcerer to scratch. “You like that too, don’t you?” 

“Meow!” 

He felt his eyelids growing heavy and drifted off to sleep. Belle wrapped a blanket around husband and cat and made herself comfortable beside him until it was time to wake the kids up.

Bae paced the living room while he waited for Andi to arrive. Rumple kept telling him to sit down before he walked a hole in the floor only it did no good. His portrait of her family before King George’s attack was one of his most ambitious art projects and done from the heart. he knew Andi and Mark missed their parents so much and wished there had been a way to save them only there wasn’t. Time travel wasn’t possible and even if it was, like magic, it came at a price. Even if one attempted to do it with good intentions, they ran the risk of altering the lives of others and not for the better.

This was his father’s philosophy on the subject when they talked about it shortly after the first curse was broken. “It’s called the ripple effect, Bae. If you change something in the past, everything else in your future and the futures of those around you become blank pages in a book where anything can happen...and it may not be good. There were a few desperate souls back in our land who wanted me to do just that...send them back in time to change their lives and didn’t believe me when I said I couldn’t. Time travel just isn’t possible because it violates one of the oldest laws of magic….you cannot change the past.”

He heard a car door close and ran to the window to see Andi getting out of her brother’s car. He gulped. 

“Bae, you’re not gonna puke, are ya?” asked Adriana. 

“No…” 

“Son, sit down and relax,” Rumple advised. 

“Gonna go let her in,” the nervous teenager said and walked out into the hall with Major trailing after him, the Shepherd sensing his young master’s anxiety and hoped his presence would calm Bae a bit. 

“Hey Fire!” Andi greeted him with a smile and gave him a kiss as soon as he opened the door. 

“Hey Wraith…” He found it easier to slip back into their gang talk when he was so nervous and if she sensed it, she was polite enough not to point it out. “Ummm…everybody’s in the living room.” 

She grinned. “We better go in before your dad sends the Happy Army after us.” 

“Hello Andi!” Belle greeted warmly. “That’s a lovely coat. Was it one of your Christmas gifts? The former duchess was wearing a sky blue velvet coat with white faux fur lined cuffs.

“No, I bought it a while ago with the money I had saved up from working at Granny’s,” she replied. She’d just started at the diner and Granny was surprised by how well the former gang member was doing as a waitress. She built up a rapport with some of the regular customers and many of them left her large tips. 

“I’ve been hearing some good reports about that Andi,” Rumple praised. Bae was working in his father’s shop until he got responses from some of the applications he filled out. He was having a more difficult time finding a job since everyone in town knew of his struggles with dyslexia and there were still some who believed, even after so many years had passed, he would rob them blind. He loved working with his father but he wanted to earn his money on his own. Rumple was proud of his son for taking the initiative to try to earn a living in his own right. In a year he would be eighteen and there was also college to consider. 

“It can be hectic and some people can be rude but it’s a stepping stone.” 

“Of course dearie. Even people with humble beginnings can rise to greatness.” 

“Andi, I wanna see you open your gift from Bae!” Adriana cried excitedly. 

“Cool it, Rumplette! She just walked in the door,” Bae laughed. 

“Now I’m curious. Just what did you get me, Baelfire?” 

“Ummm….it’s just a little something…” 

He got up and retrieved it from its hiding place behind the entertainment center and placed it in her lap. “It’s…nothing fancy but…” 

She opened the card first and saw a personal message along with the one provided with the card that he spent hours trying to make just right. 

You’re the wind that makes me fly to the heavens.  
Love always, Bae 

“Cheesy…I know…” he mumbled. 

Andi smacked his shoulder playfully. “Aww cut it out! A girl needs to hear stuff like that once in a while y’know. You’d think your papa would’ve taught you better!” 

Rumple cleared his throat. “I did, Baelfire.” 

“Sorry, Papa!” 

“Romantic men are in short supply in this town…and this world…so we take them where we can find them,” Belle murmured, snuggling close to her husband. 

Andi tucked the card into her purse. She would put it with the others he’d given her over the years in her keepsake box and unwrapped her gift. She gazed down at the painting, her eyes filled with tears. The original painting of her family, done before King George’s attack on their castle had been destroyed when his men set it ablaze. She ran her hands gently over the images of her parents, wishing she could see them again, just once. 

“If you don’t….oooof!” Bae nearly fell off the sofa when she threw herself at him and covered his face with kisses. 

“This…is….the…best…Christmas…present…you could have ever given me Baelfire Gold!” 

"I know it's not...the one you had..."

"I don't care.....I didn’t have any pictures of my parents here....or anywhere.....but now I do!"

She had her memories but it wasn't enough for her and Mark. Now when they walked into the house every day they would see their parents smiling down on them again.

Belle snapped a picture of the couple embracing to add to the family album and hoped when they got a little older; the next pictures she would be adding were wedding photographs. She couldn’t have asked for a better companion for her son. 

Andi’s gift for him was a fine gold chain with a scorpion medallion. No matter how much better their lives were now, neither of them wanted to forget where they came from. She took it out of the box and put it around his neck, giving him another kiss. 

“Midas’s son made it for me,” she said. 

“I love it Wraith!” 

“Turn it over.” 

On the back was the symbol of a butterfly with flaming wings…their symbol and the words: FireWraith Forever engraved beneath it. 

Teenage lovers often spoke of staying together forever but few rarely did in this world and theirs but not them. The bond they formed back in their old world carried over into this one and they were determined to make it last forever, no matter what it took. 

"Your dad made the chain."

Bae smiled. He knew that immediately by its intricate design.

“That’s beautiful, Andi!” Belle whispered. 

“So that was what you were spending all those hours in the workroom on, eh, Papa?” 

“Among other things,” the sorcerer said evasively. 

“Open our gift now Andi!” Adriana pleaded. 

“Okay, okay….hold your horses Rumplette!” Andi chuckled. Rumple handed her another large box. Inside she found a blue satin comforter with smiling golden butterflies woven into it. “Oh my God…you made this?” she gasped. There was also a matching set of pillowcases. 

“Mama an Papa did mosta the work an Papa taught me how to make smilies so’s you had happy butterflies,” the toddler answered. 

“It’s beautiful! Thank you!” She was going to put it on her bed as soon as she got home.

Like Bae, Andi bought Adriana another Happy Army bear that she named Major Andi so that Major Bae and Major Fire didn’t fight over Major Wraith anymore. 

Everyone laughed. 

“S’getting bad. Hadta court martial ‘em twice,” Adriana said and animated her new bear. It sat beside Major Bae and started talking to him. 

 

“I’m never sure what to get you two…so I got you gift cards for Barnes and Noble,” she said to Rumple and Belle. 

“Well we can always use those, dearie. Belle is determined to have the largest in home library in all of Storybrooke,” Rumple assured her with a smile. 

The evening was winding down and Belle was looking forward to when the kids went to bed and she could finally unwrap the nightgown her husband bought her for their private Christmas Eve celebration. Little did she know that he’d already seen one of the gifts she was going to give him that night when they did their exchange. He had to hold up his end of the bargain that Bae was excused from castle cleaning duty or Belle was going to hear him talking about finding it in his sleep…thanks to those imps he called his children. He never thought he’d see the day when someone would finally best him in the game of wits and he should’ve known it would be his own offspring to do it. 

Adriana woke her brother shortly after midnight one night with Major Rumple and Major Bae at her side and a recorder in her hand. 

“You help me do this an I’ll give ya the snore tape. Deal, dearie?” she asked him, holding out her hand.

“Deal! C’mon, let’s go!” 

They crept down the hall to their parents’ bedroom and opened the door. 

“You’re listenin’ to station B.A.B.B.L.E!” Adriana whispered into the microphone while Bae tried not to laugh. He picked her up and carried her into the room and she held the recorder above her father’s head. As she said, he was talking in his sleep. 

“Shoulda put a sign up today….Pull Up Your Pants and Crack Kills!” Rumple mumbled. 

His two children and the bears were desperately fighting the urge not to laugh. 

“Really dearies, do you have to go wandering about with your pants about to fall off. I don’t want to see your underwear…or your arse. Ye wanna give me nightmares?” 

He turned over. “I believe in miracles….where you from…you sexy thing…you sexy thing you…” 

Oh my God….he even sings in his sleep! Bae thought with a smirk. 

He didn’t know how she managed it, but his sister kept a straight face as she continued to record. Majors Rumple and Bae had to leave the room several times to laugh. 

"You can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man..."

Disco? Disco, Papa? Really?

He was going to get out of castle cleaning for a year with this goldmine.

"How's about some hot stuff baby this evenin...."

Papa! What the heck are you dreaming about...or don't I wanna know!

"I was a highschool loser never made it with a lady  
Till the boys told me somethin' I miss  
Then my next door neighbor  
Had a daughter, had a favor  
And I gave the girl a little kiss, like this!” 

Bae nearly lost it when his father started making kissing noises. 

“Belle, dearie, you need to learn to hide the gifts better,” Rumple went on. “Now I gotta put on a good show when I open the cookware set!” 

Brother and sister looked at each other. Adriana switched off the recorder and motioned for Bae to take her back to their room. 

“We got him goooood!” she laughed, clapping her hands. 

“Oh yeah. He’ll never be able to live any of THAT down.” 

“Kay….tomorrow we tell him an you gotta make copies of it. ‘Surance policy. Then you have to hide it or he’ll find it.” 

“Oh, don’t you worry, Rumplette. I’ve got it covered.” 

To say that Rumplestiltskin Gold was speechless when he heard what he was up to at night while he slept was an understatement. In fact, he was downright horrified. He wanted to crawl into the mines and hide for the next century while his children were grinning like Cheshire cats. Oh, they’d gotten him good all right! 

“Well, dearies, you’re chips off this old block all right,” he muttered. 

“Well Papa, we gotta deal…..or are we giving Mama that tape so’s she can git ya with the broom?” Adriana demanded. She was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table rubbing her hands together gleefully just like her father used to do when he was about to make a good deal while Bae stood behind her trying not to laugh. 

“Ye know ye do, ye wee imp!” he cried. “Dammit all, bested by my own children! An there’s no sense in me tryin t’destroy that recording because I know ye made copies of it!” 

“Yep,” Bae affirmed. “You gotta admit, Papa, you’re the funniest person in your sleep.”

“Oh aye. Hilarious. I’m almost afraid to find out what I’ve said before.” 

“You mostly ‘plain about the meanies who come in the shop an how you wanna toss them out on their butts or git them with the cane a doom,” said Adriana. “Then you sing prolly cause you’re havin a dream ‘bout Mama.” 

Bae was taking a drink of orange juice when she said that and spit it out laughing. Adriana scowled at him and handed him a towel to wipe it up while Rumple was going to speak to Mina Harker and Jack Seward about his sleep talking issue in case it was linked to another medical issue. It could’ve been harmless but he wasn’t taking any chances. He had an appointment scheduled for after the first of the year. 

Around eight PM Belle and Rumple sent their children to bed. Bae was the most reluctant to go, protesting that at seventeen he should be allowed to stay up later. 

“You’d better get your sleep Bae because I will be coming up the steps at the crack of dawn waking you up,” Belle reminded him. 

“Yeah, I know Mama! C’mon Rumplette. Santa’s coming and you have to be asleep before he gets here or you’ll get coal in your stocking.” 

“Don’t wanna get coal!” she cried. Bae picked her up. “I’ll tuck her in…know you guys have some work to do.” he added to his parents and winked. Nowadays Adriana didn’t care who tucked her in as long as someone did. He waited in the chair beside her bed while she was in the bathroom changing into her nightgown and brushing her teeth. She ran back into the room in her Belle pajamas and hopped into bed, holding Major Rumple and Rumplette in her arms. 

“’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse….” Bae read. When he looked up from the book after finishing the last line his little sister was asleep. He kissed her cheek and returned to his own room to get some sleep. 

Downstairs Rumple and Belle were sitting on the loveseat, each with a gift in their hands. Belle suspected hers was the beautiful nightgown Marie told her Rumple bought her for their private Christmas Eve celebration and she was going to have to do her best to act surprised. She allowed him to open his gift first, the same T-Fal cookware set he had his eye on for weeks. 

"I've been looking at this for weeks, too afraid to buy it in case you did. Thank you mo choroi," he murmured and kissed her softly. 

"I can't wait to see what's in here," she confessed. 

She opened the box and pulled out the nightgown, even more beautiful than her sister described it. "Rumple, this is beautiful. I'm going to go put it on right now! "She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and ran upstairs. The nightgown was shorter than some of the other ones she’d worn before but she didn’t mind. She couldn’t wait to see the look on her husband’s face when he saw her wearing it. 

In the living room, Rumple was getting everything ready for their perfect evening. He threw several more logs onto the fire and brought an extra set of pillows out of the hall closet along with a new blanket he made during the summer along with the comforter for Andi only he added far more personal touches to this one….roses, spinning wheels and chipped cups, all their personal symbols and the chipped cup constellation would reappear in the sky as it did on special occasions. 

“How do I look?” Belle asked seductively from the doorway. 

The glass Rumple was holding almost slipped out of his hands when he caught sight of his beauty in roses, satin and Chantilly lace. She was always beautiful to him no matter what she wore….and didn’t and even after almost four years of marriage, he still found himself asking why she chose him over any other man. 

“You look……wonderful, dearie,” he whispered and moved over so that she could sit beside him and handed her a glass of cranberry juice. She took a small sip and reached for one of the crackers on the tray, dipped it in cheese sauce and held it out to him. 

“That stomach of yours has a nasty habit of telling me it wants fed at inopportune moments,” she said with a smile. “Just getting a head start.” 

He chuckled. “We can’t have that…can we?” He dipped another cracker in the sauce and held it out to her. As she took a bite, some of the cheddar sauce dripped onto her chin. He reached out and gently wiped it away with his fingertip and their eyes met for a few moments. There was no need for words….there never had been. Over the years they learned to communicate well enough without them. 

Rumplestiltskin was the most powerful sorcerer in all the realms, capable of great magical feats but the magic Belle loved the most was the kind they created together. The first time, their wedding night, it had formed a special bond between them that grew stronger over the years, had given them a beautiful, special little girl and now there were three more equally special little ones on the way. Other times, it was another way for them to express the deep love they had for each other. She knew Rumple still had his confidence issues and that breaking him of them was not going to be easy but she would never give up on him. She knew going into their relationship all those years ago that loving him presented challenges that other women hadn’t been able to live up to. Not Belle Bordreaux. She learned long ago that when you truly loved someone, you loved all of them, even the troubled parts and you never, ever gave up on them. 

This world didn’t teach that lesson well enough in her opinion and she was bound and determined that her children would not follow that example. There was someone like her Rumple out there for all of them and if their true loves did have issues that made the challenge of loving them a bit more difficult, her children would be well prepared to face the challenge and succeed. 

Years ago, even when he was a poor crippled, spinner Rumplestiltskin never believed that a beautiful woman like Belle would ever notice him, not when she had princes and nobles aplenty to choose from and even when he came to her castle to procure her as a caretaker for his son and his castle, he thought that was all she would ever be. It suited him for a while. Now he didn’t even want to think about how empty his life would be without her as his lifelong mate. 

The fairy tales books in this land taught that the happily ever after came only at the end of the book. The truth was that you lived it every day and if some days were not as perfect as others, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that you faced the challenge that knocked you down, dusted yourself off and carried on together and tried to make every day a holiday. 

And sharing a problem often made it easier to overcome and to conquer, whereas trying to solve it alone often proved too difficult or impossible.

They dressed in their warmest clothing and went out to the garden. He put his arm around her shoulders and she rested her head on his. 

“I have another gift for you Rumple,” she said softly. 

“Oh?” His eyes lit up. “Do ye have it hidden, mo chroi?” 

“Not exactly. It’s not something that needed wrapped.” 

He waited patiently. 

“I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree.  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas  
Is you…” she sang passionately, her eyes meeting his. 

They both loved the song and many times he pictured her in place of Mariah Carey in the video for it. He gestured and her clothes were transformed into a warm Santa suit, minus the beard and white hair. 

He smiled at her lovingly. Even after all these years as husband and wife, she always managed to surprise him with her thoughtfulness and insight and compassion. He counted everyday he spent with her as a gift, the way he did spending time with his children.

“You’ve serenaded me many times, darling…now it’s my turn!” she declared and jumped off the bench. 

“I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
And I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree.  
I don't need to hang my stocking  
There upon the fireplace  
Santa Claus won't make me happy  
With a toy on Christmas Day.  
I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you baby…” 

His eyes grew misty with tears, for the song always made him emotional, and he was even more so because of his Couvade Syndrome now.

There was nothing that pleased Belle more than to see her husband smile, to know that he was never afraid to show his softer side to her. She didn't understand why so many men thought that weak when all it did was make them more human.

He was the kind of man every women should have but she wasn't willing to share. The only other person in her opinion who had one that came close was her sister.

“Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas  
I won't even wish for snow  
And I'm just gonna keep on waiting  
Underneath the mistletoe….” 

She pulled a strand of mistletoe out of her pocket and held it over her head as she sang the finale.

“…Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you baby…”

Rumple took two steps forward and pulled her into his embrace, kissing her with such fervor he felt as if he were going to spontaneously combust right there. As he did so, he felt the bond between them flare into white hot incandescence.

"Shall we retire to our room for the encore...?" she purred.

"Aye, mo chroi. Before we scandalize our nosy neighbors and scar our children for life," he giggled wickedly. Then he swept her into his arms and transported her away in a shimmer of golden sparkles.

Belle Reve, Christmas Eve 2013

Rumple had just finished putting the last of the gifts under the tree and decided to go outside for a bit of fresh air and saw Belle in the pond he had built the previous year wearing strange looking boots and gliding across the ice as if she were dancing.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing?"

"Skating!"

"Like those people on TV who wear the silly costumes?"

“I don’t do all the fancy jumps and spins but yes. It’s fun. Do you want to try it?” 

“Belle, I can’t….” He pointed to his leg. “You go on ahead. I’ll just sit and watch.” 

 

“Come on, Rumple. Give it a try. I won’t let you fall. I promise. Come out with me,” she pleaded. 

“I’m not dressed properly.”

“Just for a little bit and then you can sit down…” 

“All right but I am not wearing one of those silly costumes.” He waved his hand and a pair of black skates appeared on his feet and he cast a special charm on his leg to strengthen it long enough to take a few spins across the ice. It was already aching due to the cold weather but he wouldn’t dare tell her that. She held out her hand and he stepped into the pond with her, a bit unsteady as he tried to adjust to having the skates on his feet. 

He felt himself slipping and Belle reached out and grabbed his arms to pull him up, draping them over her shoulders. 

“I’m going to move a few steps back and you’re going to move a few steps forward…like this….” she instructed. “Hold on tight, darling….” 

“I’m going to drag you down with me…” he said sadly. 

“Stand or fall…we do it together…always.” 

You’re the most powerful sorcerer in all the realms, Rumplestiltskin! Surely you can manage to stay on your feet in these crazy looking boots for a few minutes to skate with your wife!

She put her arms around his waist and moved them backwards across the ice. “Small steps, Rumple…remember?” 

He smiled, recalling how she used to say that to him years ago in the castle when they were just learning to love each other only this time he wasn’t as afraid to move forward, not when she was there to catch him when he fell. He would do the same for her in a heartbeat. 

“I think I’ve got it!” he said confidently. 

“Okay….now I’m just going to hold your hand and we’re going to try to make a circle around the pond. Are you ready?” 

"I . . .think so."

"Small steps, Rumple. It'll be just like we're dancing.” 

He gave her a wry smirk. "Except I'm more likely to fall on my ass."

"And I'll be right there with you."

She couldn't count how many times she'd fallen while she was trying to learn to skate." Marie and I fell plenty of times while we were learning…and she is a dancer."

"Then I'll be in good company then. At least if I fall I won't be like that lady in the commercial--unable to get up."

"We might slip a few times until we get our balance back but we'll get there."

The afternoon sun peeked out from behind the clouds to cast a warm glow on them as they moved a few steps forward on the ice.

His legs shook and for a few seconds he was afraid he would fall but he kept going, her beautiful smile all the encouragement he needed.

He decided he was going to have a second pond built at the Victorian so she could enjoy her skating there as well.

They were halfway across the pond when his leg started to ache again but he didn't dare tell her to stop. He was determined to get to the other end of the pond without falling.

"Are you all right, Rumple?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, sweetheart, just fine," he assured her.

"We can stop if you..."

"No, no...we're almost there."

"Don't push yourself on my account..."

"I'm not."

They were a few feet away from the edge of the pond when his leg gave out and they fell on the ice.

"Belle, are you all right?"

"Are you?"

"I'm more worried about you at the moment." She'd spun them around just before they fell to the ice, cushioning his fall with her own body.

"I've done this plenty of times," she said though there was some pain in her back and bottom.

He helped her sit up and moved his hand down her back, healing the pain her fall had caused, pain she hadn't hidden from him as much as she thought.

"You pushed yourself. Why did you do that?” she asked sadly.

"Ummm..." he looked away guiltily.

She cupped his chin in her hand and turned his head around so that they were gazing into each other's eyes. "Don't try to make yourself perfect for me Rumplestiltskin. If I wanted perfection I would have married that monster my father picked out for me and we both know how that marriage would've been."

Gaston Devereaux was what some referred to as perfection....good looks and charm but under those was a true monster.

Slowly they rose to their feet and back to the bench where they took off their skates and put their boots back on. While they were walking back to the house Belle kneeled down and picked up some snow, rolling it into a snowball.

Rumple was about to open the door when he felt something cold strike him in the back.

"What the....?"

He spun around and saw his wife giggling.

"Two can play this game, dearie!" he singsonged and picked up another patch of snow. He was just about to throw it when she hit him with another snowball.

"Need to be faster darling!" she cooed.

"Ohhh ye just wait....ye'll be covered in it when I catch ye!"

"Have to catch me first!"

The pain in his leg was quickly forgotten as he raced around the courtyard in search of his wife.

Belle poked her head out from behind a tree and clobbered him with another snowball.

"Three to nothing Rumple!" she laughed.

Following her voice he discovered her crouched behind a rose bush ready to launch her next attack. He picked up a pile of snow and dumped it on her.

"Oooh....you...you!"

She threw herself at him and they fell in a snowbank.

"Let's make snow angels Rumple!"

"How do we do that?"

"Like this!" she demonstrated, waving her arms and legs. "You use your arms for the wings and your legs for her skirt."

He got up and looked at his. It wasn't as elegant as Belle's but she was staring at it as if it were a work of art.

"I could get used to enjoying Christmas again with you around," he quipped.

"You're going to enjoy every day with me around Rumplestiltskin so you might as well get used to it."

He could live with that.

 

Hoppers Dutch Colonial - Christmas Eve 2014

Archie found few reasons to enjoy the holiday while he was still living with his parents since they pulled some of their worst cons during that time of year. Their favorite was claiming their son was dying from a fatal disease and they would travel from house to house tricking people into giving them lodgings for the night and while the family slept, they would steal all their coins and other items that suited their fancy.

His cursed self's childhood memories were even less enjoyable but he loved Christmas as an adult. He spent Christmas Eve with Geppetto and he and Pongo spent Christmas Day alone watching his favorite Christmas movies but everything changed the year the curse was broken. He smiled softly as he recalled his first Christmas as the man he longed for years to be...a husband and father.

Christmas Eve, 2011

They were all sitting on the sofa watching Babes In Toyland. Archie hadn't seen it before, he never watched cartoons until Marie and Gisella were back in his life. After that they would watch Annie. He identified with Tom Piper, though he had a more difficult time winning Marie's heart than singing to her on top of a clock tower and truth be told, he felt the song 'It's You' fit them as much as 'their' song 'You're The Inspiration' did. He was the dreamer, she was the realist, odd considering his occupation and she was his dream come true from the moment they saw each other again at the Foxtrot. He could even picture himself singing it to her and she did tell him on their honeymoon that one day she wanted him to serenade her properly on her bedroom balcony at the castle in Avonlea but they rarely visited that castle, preferring to spend most of their time in the Forest at Belle Reve. It was, after all, where they first met. In Gisella he had the child he wanted, his princess and it wouldn't be long before Marie gave birth to their own child. As Belle said to him in the hospital after Marie was assaulted by Gaston, what made a true parent was how much you loved them and he loved Gisella more than anything. She was worried once her parents had a baby of their own that they would love her less but that was settled on their trip to Greece and underneath the tree was a special gift that would leave no more room for doubt. He couldn't wait until she opened it.

Gissella felt like she was Jill in the movie, forced to deal with a father she didn't want and an unhappy mother until Archie came along and made both of their lives brighter. She also felt like Annie and he was her Daddy Warbucks and the song 'I Don't Need Anything But You' was how she felt about him and her mother. She was even looking forward to having a brother or sister.

After both movies were over Archie turned off the TV. "Okay Princess you can open two presents tonight but the rest have to wait until tomorrow."

She smiled. "Okay, Daddy!"

Her parents smiled at each other when they handed her the special gift. She tore off the wrapping paper excited to find out what was inside. She opened the box and found a birth certificate and it first she didn't understand why they'd given her that until she looked at it closely. Instead of Gaston Devereaux written in the space where it asked for the father's name, the name Archibald Hopper was there in its place. 

"You're my daughter Princess and I don't want you to ever forget it," Archie murmured.

Gisella threw her arms around him. "I love you, Daddy!"

The little things you do, that's what makes me love you Archie, Marie thought as she watched him with their daughter. 

She opened her second gift. It was a set of new outfits for Rose they bought while they were still in Rome. She'd been admiring them while they were in the store and Marie distracted her while Archie bought them and gave them to Mary to hide in her enchanted bag until they were wrapped for Christmas.

"Time for bed sweetie," Marie said to her after they cleaned up all the torn wrapping paper and put the gifts back under the tree. Archie picked Gisella up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom, tucking Rose under her arm and Major Tom on the pillow above her head. 

"Goodnight Princess," Archie whispered to her and kissed her forehead. Marie kissed her cheek and pulled the comforter up to her chin and the couple went back downstairs. 

"There's nothing I want to do more than cuddle with you but we barely fit on the couch together anymore," Marie complained. 

Archie smiled and grabbed the cushions off the sofa and made them a makeshift bed on the floor in front of the Christmas tree. "Will this do, darling?" he inquired softly. 

"It's perfect," Marie whispered and she lay down while he curled up beside her, placing his hand on her abdomen. "Oh....Archie, did you feel that?" she asked when she felt the baby give her a light kick.

"I guess that means he's awake now," Archie chuckled. He was convinced they were having a boy but like Rumple and Belle, they wanted to wait until the baby was born find out the sex. Marie wanted a son too, with his father's hair, dazzling blue eyes and a heart as big as the Grand Canyon. Marie covered his hand with hers. Though they'd both been miserable in the days leading up to Christmas with pregnancy symptoms, it would all be worth it once the baby was born. 

She smiled when she glanced up at the ceiling and saw a strand of mistletoe hanging on the light above them and cupped his face in her hands, kissing him softly. "I love you Archie...."

"You know I love you, my goddess," he whispered. 

At that moment she thought she couldn't have asked for a more perfect Christmas Eve, the two of them lying on the floor in front of the Christmas tree on a bed made from their sofa cushions sharing passionate kisses and holding each other close. There was little else they could do because of her pregnancy but it didn't matter. She would learn that her husband had his ways of making every Christmas Eve they'd have together memorable. 

Belle Reve, Christmas Eve, 2012

Marie was stunned when Archie told her they were going to be spending Christmas Eve at Belle Reve. When she asked him why all he would say was that she would find out, making her think he had something special planned. She could hardly wait to find out what it was. While Marie was packing the childrens' things, Archie searched through their closet until he found the beautiful red satin evening gown and the tuxedo they wore when they went to the opera in Rome during their honeymoon. He carefully packed them in one of Mary's bags and joined the rest of his family downstairs. Jonny was cranky from being woken too early from his nap and Marie was trying to quiet him down but having a difficult time of it. 

"Jonny, sweetheart, you can go back to sleep once we get to the big castle," Marie soothingly. 

Her son scowled and blew a raspberry. Gisella started laughing. 

"Guess that's what he thinks of that, Mommy!"

Archie took his son from his wife's arms. "Now, Jonny don't be screaming Mommy's ears off. We're just going on a little trip and you don't want to spend the whole time sleeping, do you? Everyone there wants to meet you."

The baby quieted down and smiled at his father. Most of the time when Jonny was having one of his tantrums it was usually his father who could quiet him down just by talking to him. When he awoke in the middle of the night Marie had more luck quieting him down and getting him back to sleep since she was used to doing it while Archie was still learning. 

"The 'chanted objects are gonna be shocked to see us," said Gisella. 

They drove out to the bridge and crossed over, arriving at the front doors of the grand castle. Archie pressed his palm on the knocker. “You have guests,” he said softly, using the code Rumple had given him to awaken the enchanted objects from their slumber, unaware that they had already been awakened by their master upon his arrival that morning. 

Gabby raced to the door. “Master, Master, we have guests!” he barked. 

“I wonder who it could be,” Rumple said from the kitchen. Belle was in the family room reading a story to Adriana when she heard Gabby barking and got up, following her husband down the hall. He opened the door to find his brother-in-law waiting outside with his family. 

“Archie! Marie! Merry Christmas!” 

“Merry Christmas, Rumple!” 

“What brings you here?” Rumple asked him. Archie pulled him aside. 

“Are you going to be using the ballroom tonight?” 

“No. I take it you will be for something special with Marie?” 

“Yes.” 

The sorcerer grinned. “Then Belle and I will be happy to entertain the wee ones for the evening. Come on. Everyone will be excited to meet your boy.” 

“He’s cranky at the moment.” 

“Hi Master Archie….hey, that’s a baby!” Gabby cried, sniffing at Jonny. 

“Yes, this is our son, John Wayne Hopper.” 

“A baby? Who has a baby?” demanded Lumiere when he and Cogsworth raced down the stairs to greet their guests. “Ah, Master Archie, that’s a fine lad you have there.” 

Jonny reached out and grabbed one of Gabby’s tassels. “Jonny, you can’t have that!” Archie scolded gently. 

He started wailing. 

“Good gods, he’s as loud as Adriana when she’s in a snit!” Rumple exclaimed. 

“Oh you have no idea,” Marie giggled. “Our son has the Bordreaux temper all right.” 

Jonny was still crying when Archie took him into the living room. Adriana looked up waved her hand, making Major Duke appear in his arms. 

“There Major Duke….you take the frownie off Jonny’s face. No frownies here.” 

Jonny cuddled the cowboy bear he had since he was born and smiled. 

Later on that evening Archie returned to the couple’s suite and changed into his tuxedo. He was standing in front of the mirror fixing his tie when Marie walked into the room. 

“Isn’t that a bit out of place here?” she asked softly. “Not that I mind it…” 

“It isn’t for my plans tonight,” he murmured. 

“Oh? Then I’m a bit….underdressed.” She gestured to her riding outfit.  
“Look in the wardrobe.” 

She opened it and found her red satin evening gown hanging up. 

“Are we going to the opera?” she asked hopefully. 

“Not quite.” 

She draped the dress over her arm, kissed his cheek and darted behind the changing screen. “I’ll just be a few minutes.” 

While he waited he opened her jewelry box and took out the heart pendant and ring he bought her in Athens on their honeymoon. She still wore them but only on their date nights because she was terrified of losing them. 

“I feel like we’re on our honeymoon again,” Marie said softly when she stepped out from behind the changing screen. “Promise me we’ll go back to Greece and Italy someday,” she pleaded. 

“When Jonny’s a little older. I’d actually like for the Golds to go with us next time. I know they’d love it as much as we did.” 

“Still….we can’t forget to make time for each other…” 

“We’ll always make time for each other, my goddess.” He linked his arm through hers and led her downstairs to the ballroom. His phone was in the docking station, powered by a charm Rumple placed on it and he stepped out into the middle of the floor, bowing gracefully. “May I have this dance, my goddess?” 

“Always, my Adonis, always,” she whispered and walked into his embrace, a small smile on her lips when she heard the opening notes to Nessun Dorma from Tourandot. 

“Nessun dorma!  
Nessun dorma!  
Tu pure, o Principessa,  
Nella tua fredda stanza guardi le stelle,  
Che tremano d'amore e di speranza!  
Though they both knew what the words meant in English, it was more romantic to hear them sung in the language they were composed in, their minds drifting back to that night in Rome when they were sitting in their box watching Turandot being performed live.

Ma il mio mistero è chiuso in me,  
Il nome mio nessun saprà!  
No, no, sulla tua bocca lo dirò,  
Quando la luce splenderà!

“We women certainly do make it hard for a good man to win our hearts,” she whispered and lay her head on his chest, speaking aloud exactly what she was thinking that night. 

“You had mine the day we met,” he said softly and picked her up, spinning her around and then setting her back on her feet again. 

Ed il mio bacio scioglierà.  
Il silenzio che ti fa mio!

Il nome suo nessun saprà!  
E noi dovrem ahimè morir, morir!

“Turandot was more of a bitch than I was….at least I hope so!”

“Darling, we had our problems like every couple does but we dealt with them together, didn’t we?” 

“Yes we did….even if they were enough to make most men want to run for the hills.” 

Dilegua o notte!  
Tramontate, stelle!  
Tramontate, stelle!  
All' alba vincerò!  
Vincerò! Vincerò!”

His victory celebration was the day they stood before the minister and became husband and wife, making every battle they fought before that day well worth it. Now nothing could come between them again. As the song ended, Archie spun his wife around into a graceful dip and kissed her. 

“I love you, my goddess.” 

“I love you, Archie.” 

He took her hand in his and led her back upstairs and out onto their bedroom balcony. “Now what surprise do you have in store for me?” she asked him. 

“I’m a bit overdressed for it but….I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile…and I did promise you…” 

She could hardly wait to find out what it was.  
“She’s very sensible and strong  
Someone I’m a friend to  
We never disagree for long  
Though we pretend to…” he sang softly. 

Marie’s eyes filled with tears as she started to sing the next verse. 

“He can be charming  
And he’s bold, a bit too clever  
Not good at doing what he’s told  
But he would never let me down….” 

It wasn’t the balcony of her childhood home and she was singing with him but she didn’t care. They were in the moonlight and it was the serenade he’d promised her on their honeymoon. 

“I have always tried to be  
Ready for my destiny  
It was right in front of me  
And now I know it’s you…” Archie sang and took her in his arms again. 

“So much I’ve been working for  
Love was easy to ignore  
Lately I’ve been wanting more  
And now I know it’s you…” Marie sang, thinking how fitting those words were for her not so long ago. 

“Just like the music of a simple childhood song  
Far too familiar to be heard…” they sang together. 

“Now my mind plays the melody my heart knew all along…” Marie wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck. 

“And I’m listening to every word…” 

“Looking deep into your eyes  
I begin to recognize…” they sang together.  
“A dream I’ve had my whole life through…” Archie sang. 

“The sweetest one I ever knew…”

“A kiss would make my dream come true  
Because now I know it’s you…” They kissed; unaware that their daughter had gotten out of bed when she heard them singing and was spying on them from behind the drapes. She snuck back to her room before they discovered her. 

“And with that, Archibald Hopper, you win the award for most romantic man in all the realms,” Marie said softly.

“I think Rumple has me beat,” he said modestly. 

“Not in my opinion,” she whispered and kissed him again. He swung her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. 

“Daddy, what’cha doin with all that stuff?” Jonny asked sleepily when he walked into the kitchen with Zach and Mickey on his shoulders. Pongo and Perdy lay under the kitchen table at Archie’s feet while he was packing some items in a large basket and tied a red satin bow around it. 

“I’m going to take this down to the answering service. You want to come with me, pardner? I’d ask Mommy but she’s still asleep.” 

“Kay.” Like his father, Jonny was starting to become an early riser while his mother and sister still had a habit of sleeping late. 

“All right, let me finish this up and then we’ll go.” 

“Pongo n’ Perdy wanna go too.” 

“Woof!” the dogs barked, their tails wagging excitedly. They ran over to the wall and grabbed their leads, depositing them at Archie’s feet. 

“Okay! It’s nice enough out for a walk but I want you bundled up Jonny or your mother will exile me to the couch if you get sick!” 

“Uh-huh an you hate the couch cause it makes your back hurt.” 

As they were about to leave, Gisella came downstairs. “Daddy, wait up! I wanna go with you!” 

“Okay Princess, just let Mommy know where you’re going so she doesn’t worry.” 

“We’re going with you,” said Marie, coming downstairs dressed. “Besides, you’ll have your hands full with that basket, Jonny and the dogs.” 

No one was surprised to see the whole family walking around town on Christmas Eve morning. They were all used to Archie doing it…he had for years before he was married. 

Over at Duchess Messaging, the operators were struggling to find ways to cure their boredom. They didn’t get very many calls on the holidays but some of the ones that did come in made them want to facepalm themselves, especially the ones asking if the offices were open when there were closed signs posted all over town. 

Janet the supervisor was sitting at her terminal sending messages to Arista. The former Foxtrot dancer returned to the answering service shortly after Marie quit and went to work for Archie. When she heard a knock on the door she got up to open it. The answering service was in a windowless room on the second floor of an old office building. Everyone wanted to move to a brighter location but the owner, a cold man named Edgar, wasn’t willing to spend the money to do so yet he was a Texas millionaire who bought the company before its late owner former Duchess Alexandra Lavalle passed away. She left most of her fortune to her cats named Thomas, Toulouse, Berlitoz and Marie. Her lands bordered Avonlea and she’d been a close friend of Belle’s mother. 

“Marie! Doctor Hopper!” she cried when she opened the door and found the family and pets waiting on the other side. Her boss Stacey would throw a royal fit if she found out Janet allowed animals into the office but Doctor Hopper was one of their clients and Stacey couldn’t afford to upset him by making his pets stay outside. 

“Hiya Janet. We brought ya goodies for Christmas!” Jonny piped up. 

“I hear a little cowboy cricket over there!” Arista cooed from her terminal. 

“Auntie Rista!” Jonny screeched and ran over to her. 

“Okay everybody…hit your off buttons! Let the Texas office take calls for a bit!” Janet instructed. 

Archie and Jim, one of the operators carried the break table out to the main floor and they set up a baked goods buffet for the staff to enjoy. They put some of it in the cupboards for the evening and overnight shifts when they came in. Though everyone was unhappy to be working the holiday the visit from the Hoppers lifted their spirits a bit which was what they intended. 

The phone was ringing when they got home. Gisella picked it up. 

“Hello?” 

“Kala Christougenna!” she heard three excited voices shout over the line. 

“Mommy, Daddy, it’s Sandro, Sophie and Kyria!” she cried. 

“Put it on speaker!” Marie ordered. “Kala Christougenna! What time is it over there?” she asked. 

“Almost five,” answered Alessandro. “We’ll be celebrating Christmas before you.” 

“You don’t have to work today, do you?” Archie asked. 

“No...that reminds me….when are you coming back to Greece?” 

“We were planning on it this summer but...ahhh...Marie’s expecting...twins this time if you can believe it and they will have just been born.” 

“You can still come. You have Mrs. Poppins to help take care of the children, don’t you and we’re looking forward to meeting that little cowboy of yours in person.” 

Jonny laughed. “Kay….but m’ I allowed to have Zach an Mickey in my room?” 

“Umm….Jonny, the hotel allows dogs, not snakes and crickets,” his father said. 

“I’m sure the new manager could bend the rules a bit,” Sophie spoke up. 

“I doubt that,” Archie said. “Who is it?” 

“You’re talking to him.” 

“Alessandro!? You’re managing the Bretagne? When did that happen!?” 

“Five months ago. So now you do have to come over and bring that brother-in-law you’re always talking about. Hell, you can bring all your friends if you want.” 

Marie laughed. “Some of them can be a bit rowdy.” 

“We’ve had our share and I’m sure they’ll be mild by comparison plus you’ll all be in our best suites.” 

“All right. We’ll be there. I can’t speak for the others but we’ll be there.” Archie promised. 

“It’ll be wonderful if we all could go,” Marie said dreamily. 

They talked to their Greek friends for another hour then started getting everything ready for their early dinner. They invited Lenore and Hannah Phillips over to spend Christmas Eve with them. Lenore’s husband was still in jail and Sid was at a detention center, his Christmas vacation with his family cancelled after he got in a fight with another boy that put the other boy in the infirmary. They weren’t surprised when Lenore brought Sneezy with her. During his counseling sessions with her, Archie advised Lenore to take things slow with the dwarf and she was trying to but he was everything her estranged husband wasn’t. Marie kept telling him they’d be going to another wedding very soon. 

Before the childrens’ bedtime, Archie and Marie allowed them to open one of each of their gifts. Gisella’s was a set of Nancy Drew games she could play on the family’s computer and Jonny’s was a set of wagons. The little cowboy jumped up and down and clapped. 

“Yay! Now I get to play wagon train an stick up!” he cheered. 

“And I suppose I have to be the robber?” his father teased. 

“Yup. Cause m’the sheriff an I gotta throw ya in jail.” 

“Guess I’ll have to get my girls to spring me.” 

“Nope. Sella’s my deputy now cause she’s learnin how to be a ‘tective like Nancy Drew, right, Sella?” 

“Uh-huh. We can do one of the stories in my books too Jonny.” 

“Does it got cowboys?” 

“It talks about them. It’s one called The Secret of Shadow Ranch where the horse of a dead cowboy robber goes around haunting people because he buried a treasure for his girlfriend there.” 

“Cool!” 

Archie unwrapped the Gold’s gift next, stunned when he saw a photograph and key to a cabin close to theirs out on the lake. 

“I have a feeling he bought one for all of us,” Marie said softly. “You know how he is…he loves to have his family close by.” 

“And it was the cabin I was thinking of buying myself,” Archie confessed. 

“Can I get a treehouse there?” Jonny asked hopefully. 

“Not until you’re older.” his father said firmly. “You can have a little log cabin on the ground but not a treehouse yet and if you even start trying to climb any of those trees you’ll be spending the summer indoors. Understand?” 

“Okay Daddy,” Jonny sighed. 

“Santa’s coming…so you two need to hurry up and get to bed before he misses our house,” Marie said. The children jumped up and raced upstairs. After both of their children were tucked in the couple retreated to their bedroom to have a private Christmas celebration. 

Nolan Household – Christmas Eve 

David enjoyed the sleigh ride he’d taken Snow on for their date night months earlier and since there was plenty of snow on the ground he wanted to take another one with his wife and son. The only problem was, he didn’t own a sleigh and he’d forgotten to ask Rumple to conjure him one. 

“Not a problem. We can make you one!” declared Doctor Nefario. He, Major Gru and the Minions were now animated all the time and they’d taken over part of the garage and basement for their workshops. 

“Ummm…nothing elaborate guys…please,” David pleaded. 

“Just relax. We’ll have the sleigh ready for you on Christmas Eve night.” 

“Ummm…okay.” 

Snow and Neal were in the kitchen getting the thermos of hot chocolate and cookies ready while David gathered up the warmest blankets they had. Gru asked the family to meet him outside at six PM and the Minions would bring the sleigh out. 

“You know what it looks like, Daddy?” Neal asked him. 

“No but I’ve been hearing a lot of sawing, hammering and blowtorching down in the basement so I can only imagine.” 

Every time he tried to go downstairs to look, some kind of alarm went off and a Minion shut the door in his face. “No peek!” they’d say. 

At five til six, they went outside in their warmest clothing to meet Major Gru. “Nefario! Bring it out!” the bear yelled through a walkie talkie. A group of Minions came out of the basement pulling a metal sleigh. Doctor Nefario was sitting up front. 

“You guys gonna be the reindeers?” Neal asked them. 

“No deers,” answered one of the Minions. 

“Hop aboard and I’ll show you how it works,” said Doctor Nefario. The family climbed into the front seat, shocked to see a steering wheel in it. 

“You mean I have to…drive it?!” David exclaimed. 

“Push the blue button there,” Doctor Nefario pointed to a button on the console. The sleigh rocked slightly. The Minions were giggling and pointing. 

“No deer. Rocket sleigh.” 

“Wh…what!?” Sure enough that was what it was. There were two rocket engines on the sides. 

“Now you steer it with the wheel here….this gauge is how much fuel you have. Got enough for a trip around Storybrooke and back. This pedal is your brake and that’s your accelerator. Don’t push that too hard or you’ll go into orbit. This is your music player…connected to XM and you can put your phone here.”  
Gru jumped on and pushed another button. “You can watch a movie too Neal.” He handed them a set of Bluetooth headsets. These hook up to the DVD player and the music player.” 

“Guys, I said nothing elaborate,” David moaned. 

“Deer sleigh boring. Rocket sleigh fun!” one of the Minions chuckled. 

“Daddy I wanna go for a ride!” Neal cried. 

“This last button is your additional seats.” Gru pushed another button and the sleigh extended out from the rear. “You can fit up to eight extra people.” 

“Oh my God,” Snow giggled. “I have a feeling this is going to be a very interesting ride. Better let me drive, honey.” 

“I’ve got it.” 

“Nefario, start it up!” Major Gru commanded. 

As soon as Doctor Nefario started the engines fire shot out of them and burned the bushes behind them.

"Uh oh!" a Minion screeched.

"You should've moved it away from the bushes!" scolded Gru.

David facepalmed himself.

“Daddy, c’mon, let’s GO!” Neal demanded impatiently. 

“Umm….let me get used to driving this thing first, okay?” 

“What’s this button do?” the toddler asked curiously. 

“Neal, don’t touch…oh my God....we’re lifting off the ground!” 

“Duh….rocket sleigh need to be in the air!” one of the Minions rolled its eye. 

Snow noticed the seatbelts and put one on her son and herself. 

"Better buckle up honey," she cautioned her husband.

"This thing better have a vomit bag....I'm gonna need it," he muttered. He tapped the accelerator gently and the sleigh started rising in the air until it was above all the houses on their street. 

“This is better n’ a old deer sleigh,” his son declared. 

Speak for yourself, David thought. 

Neal waved down to the Minions, Gru and Doctor Nefario. “See ya later!” 

They flew down their street in less than two minutes when it would have taken them fifteen in the car. David gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white, carefully steering them around houses and tall trees. Snow pushed a button on the console and Christmas carols blasted through the speakers. 

“Honey, you wanna turn that down?” David shouted. 

“I don’t know how!” 

“There has to be a damned volume button!” 

“Wait….I’ve got it.” 

“Daddy, let’s go fly over to Emma’s house n’pick ‘em up!” Neal suggested. 

“You’re not serious!” 

“Uh-huh!” 

“Oh, all right!” 

During the flight to Emma’s house, David started to relax a bit. It was similar to driving a vehicle only he had to watch his speed a bit more carefully because he was working with rocket fuel instead of gasoline and he didn’t want to know how the little toy inventors had gotten their hands on that! 

Snow was examining more of the buttons on the console. She pushed another and two cup holders came out, pouring hot chocolate into mugs. “Someone was watching The Santa Clause,” she joked. 

"Snow, quit pushing buttons! God only knows what they do!"

While they were flying over the streets of town some of the children who were still outside ran into their houses to get in bed before they got caught, thinking Santa’s sleigh arrived in Storybrooke early when the trackers their parents had claimed he was somewhere else while the parents were wondering who was taking the Santa Claus legend a bit too far. 

Hatter Household

The family had just finished dinner when they heard what sounded like a jet on their roof. 

“Mommy! Santa’s early!” screeched Maggie. She grabbed Major Dora and ran upstairs to her bedroom. Emma and Jeff went outside to investigate while Henry and Grace watched Maggie. 

“Oh my God! Em…there is a sleigh….right there!” He pointed up in the sky where a sleigh powered by two rocket engines was flying toward them. 

“Holy shi….is that my dad?!” she cried as it came closer and she was able to see its passengers. 

“Yep. Your mom, your dad and your little brother!”  
David eased his foot off the accelerator and brought the sleigh down a few feet from where Emma and Jeff were standing, their mouths agape. 

“Hi Emma! Lookit what Gru, Doctor Nefario an the Minions made us!” Neal called out. “You wanna go for a ride?” 

Emma burst into laughter. “Never thought I’d see you be Rocket Man, Dad!” she teased her father. 

"You comin’ or what?" Neal asked impatiently.

“Oh what the hell! We won’t all fit though.” 

“Yuh-huh….look!” Neal pushed the button to bring out the extra seats. “Gru says we can fit eight more!” 

“You want me to drive, David?” Jeff asked with a smirk. 

“Not a chance in hell, Hatter. I’m trained on this thing. You’re not!” 

“Oh suuuure if you call a crash course training!” his son in law taunted. 

“Shut up Hatter and get your butt in here!"

“Cool! Grandpa’s got a rocket sleigh!” Henry exclaimed when he and Grace came out of the house. Henry was holding Maggie in his arms. 

“Did Rumple make it for you, Grandpa?” Grace asked. 

“Nope. Doctor Nefario, Gru an the Minions!” Neal bragged. 

“Okay, Em, you Gracie and Maggie sit behind David, Snow and Neal and me and Henry will ride in the cart,” Jeff instructed. 

“Okay. I smell hot chocolate,” Emma said when the climbed aboard. Snow turned around and handed three cups to her daughter and granddaughters. 

“It’s a just the right temperature to drink it,” she informed them. Then she passed two more mugs back to Henry and Jeff. 

“It’s just the way we like it too Mom!” Henry crowed. 

“Everybody buckle up! We’re taking off!” David shouted. 

“Grandpa, let’s go over to the Hoods house and pick them up! We have room!” Henry begged. With six people in the front of the sleigh and only two people in the extension bay they did have enough room. 

“Okay….Nolan Express, here we go!” 

Hood Household

Regina was going insane. For the last hour her phones were ringing off the hook with reports of a rocket sleigh flying over Storybrooke though she hadn’t seen anything and the reporters from Good Evening Storybrooke hadn’t been able to catch the thing on camera yet. 

"What the hell are people in this town drinking...AND smoking!? A rocket sleigh?" she grouched to Robin. 

The phone rang again. "Oh God! Robin you answer it. I'm still trying to get a hold of Emma!"

She picked up her phone and sent another angry text to her sheriff along with a voice message. "Emma, this is the MAYOR...for the fifth time! Roll out from under your husband, get your clothes on and find out what the hell is going on in this damned town!"

Meanwhile Robin was trying to calm down a hysterical Mrs. Muffet.

"Mrs. Muffet, Mrs. Muffet I can assure you the ogres are NOT attacking!"

"Then what's that noise outside my house!" she screamed.

"We're looking into it now, just calm down and go back to watching Miracle on 34th Street."

"You don't find out what it is boy, there's gonna be a beating on Mifflin Street!" she threatened.

"And a Merry Christmas to you too, Mrs. Muffet.”

She slammed the phone down in his ear.

"Mommy make those phones shut up! I can't hear Maleficent!" Ellie complained.

"You seen it so many times you don't havta hear what it says!" Jason teased.

"They don't shut up m'gonna burn em up!" the toddler threatened.

"Oh I wish you would!" Robin groaned after having another phone slammed down in his ear by an angry Granny.

"Robin! dammit, don't encourage her!" Regina shouted. "Emma, where the HELL are you!"

"Daddy, that sounds like a jet plane!" Roland shouted when they heard noise outside. Robin dropped the phone.

The Hoods raced out to the lawn in time to see a rocket propelled sleigh approaching. Regina's eyes rolled back into her head and she fainted in her husband's arms.

"What's wrong with Mommy?" Ellie asked worriedly.

"She's....shocked!" Robin answered and so was he.

"Hi Ellie!" Neal waved from the sleigh. "Lookit the Nolan Express! You wanna go for a ride?"

"Oh my God! You gots a sleigh that flies with no reindeer! Cool!" Jason exclaimed.

"Daddy, I wanna go for a ride!" Roland begged his father while Robin was trying to revive Regina.

"Robin...what....am I going insane or is there a rocket sled on our lawn..." she murmured.

"It's the Nolan Express Auntie Gina! You wanna go for a ride?" Neal asked.

"This...this is what has been making my phone ring off the hook for the past hour? David Nolan where the HELL did you get a rocket sleigh?"

"Ummm....Neal's Despicable gang made it."

"And you've been flying all over town sending people into a frenzy!"

"Aww come on Mom! Don't be mad. We're having a good time!" Henry begged.

"An we wanna go for a ride!" yelled Ellie.

"Umm....I don't know..."

Her husband and children started giving her the puppy dog look.

She sighed wishing she'd built up an immunity to that look. "Oh all right. Give us a few minutes to get changed."

"Allll aboard!" David called out when the Hoods crawled into the expansion bay. Snow chuckled.

"Showing off a bit, aren't you honey?"

"No, not at all!" The truth was he was enjoying himself.

Snow started passing back cups of hot cocoa for the Hoods and more blankets for them to cover up.

"Okay Neal, where to next?" David asked his son.

"Wanna go see Driana, Jonny and Sella...an we gotta pick em up!"

"We're outta room and m'not gettin off!" Maggie said angrily.

"Me neither!" added Ellie crossing her arms over her breasts.

"Oh, this could be a problem," Snow sighed.

Regina grinned. "No it won't. Watch!"

Using her magic she expanded the sleigh again to make room for more passengers.

"It's the same thing Rumple would do."

David looked at the fuel gauge. "We better stop and fill back up before we head to that side of town just in case."

“We need to land by those reporters and let them know what’s going on so that everyone calms down first,” Regina reminded him. 

“Okay. Making a pit stop guys!” 

David landed the sleigh in front of Sidney Glass and a cameraman from Good Evening Storybrooke. David and Neal explained how the sleigh worked, who made it and gave several children standing outside a short ride before they flew back to the house where the Minions were waiting to refuel it.  
“You added more seats. Good job,” Major Gru praised. 

“Auntie Gina did it with magic,” Neal bragged. 

“Maybe we should’ve made it bigger to being with,” Doctor Nefario mused. 

“No, it’s fine. Everybody ready to take off again?” David called out. 

“Ready Daddy!” Neal yelled. 

“Okay….off to the Gold house!” David pressed down on the accelerator and the sleigh took flight again. 

When they arrived at the Golds’ Victorian all the lights were out. David debated leaving when Jeff stood up in the sleigh. 

“HEY GOLD WAKE UP!” he yelled. 

“What in the seven hells was that?” Rumple moaned. He crawled out of bed and pulled on his robe. Belle poked her head out from under the covers. 

“What is it Rumple?” she asked sleepily. 

Bae charged into the bedroom. “Papa, you are not gonna believe this but the Nolans are in a rocket sleigh!” he cried. Rumple thanked his lucky stars his son had walked in after they were already asleep and back in their pajamas or they would’ve scarred the teen for life.

“What?” Rumple gasped and limped over to the window, pulling back the drapes. He was stunned to see a rocket sleigh being driven by David Nolan hovering in his front lawn. When they all walked out into the hall Adriana was awake too. 

“You see the sleigh outside, Adriana?” Belle asked her daughter. 

“Uh-huh! Thought it was Santa then Neal yelled in to ask me if I wanna go for a ride. Can we, Papa?” 

“All right. Let’s get dressed.” 

David already had the sleigh on the ground when the Golds came out of the house dressed in their warmest clothing. Rumple and Belle were carrying several tins of cookies to take with them on the trip. 

“Where’s Jonny an Sella?” asked Adriana. 

“We’re gonna go pick em up next,” Neal answered. 

“Kay. Ooo you got hot chocolate too!” 

“Uh-huh an you don’t have to wait to drink it.” 

“Grab some and hop aboard,” Snow invited. The Golds climbed into the expansion bay behind the Hoods. Rumple summoned several blankets from the closet to wrap around them. 

“Everybody in and buckled up?” David asked. 

“We’re good back here, Nolan. Let’s go!” Rumple shouted. 

“Okay…off to the Hoppers we go!” 

“He’s enjoying this far too much,” Regina giggled to her husband. 

“I would too if I were the one driving,” Robin said. 

They arrived outside the second floor patio of the Hoppers’ Dutch Colonial twenty minutes later. Robin smirked and crawled onto it, pounding on the sliding glass door. 

“HEY CRICKET! GET YOUR ASS OUTTA BED AND COME SLEIGH RIDING!” he bellowed. 

“What the hell!?” Marie screeched and sat up in bed. “Archie, wake up! That goddam outlaw is out on our patio!” she cried, shaking his shoulder. He turned on the lamp and got out of bed, stalking over to the sliding glass door ready to give the former outlaw a piece of his mind. 

“Hood, what the hell’s the idea of….is that a rocket sleigh?” he gasped, blinking his eyes. 

“You wanna go for a ride Uncle Archie?” Adriana asked from her seat on the sleigh. 

“Ohhh cool! A rocket sleigh. Daddy, c’mon! Wanna go for a ride!” Jonny yelled, tugging on his father’s robe. He and Gisella had been woken up by Robin’s shouting too. 

“It sounds like fun,” Marie said softly. 

“Give us a few minutes to get dressed,” Archie said and closed the sliding glass door. The family emerged a few minutes later dressed in warm clothing and carrying blankets. They crawled into the expansion bay behind the Golds and mugs of hot cocoa were passed back to them. 

“Hey, there room for us?” called up Hannah from her own yard with her mother at her side. 

“Go change and we’ll swing down and pick you up!” David called down to them. 

“This is fantastic,” Lenore exclaimed as she took a seat behind Archie and Marie. Rumple handed mother and daughter two of the extra blankets he brought with him while Belle gave them some cookies and cups of hot cocoa were passed back. 

“Hey I gots an idea. Since we’re in a sleigh, how ‘bout we go round town droppin’ gifts on all the houses?” Neal suggested. 

“That’s a wonderful idea Neal!” Rumple praised. He gestured and magic bags appeared into all their hands. “We can drop packages down to each house with a note that says there’s something in them for everyone in the family, anything they want it to be.” 

“We can’t be out too late or we’re gonna be in trouble with Santa, Granpa,” Maggie reminded her grandfather. 

David winked at the other adults. “Oh, I think he’ll wait till we’re done, won’t he?” 

“That’s for sure!” Jeff snickered. Emma elbowed him in the ribs. 

“Hey David, can we make a few more stops before we go?” Bae asked. 

“Awww, what for? Wanna get goin!” Roland complained. 

Adriana glared at him. “We gotta pick up Bae’s buddies!” she snapped. 

“Kay, don’t bite my head off!” 

“Adriana, calm down, dearie,” Rumple scolded gently. 

“Sorry Papa.” 

“Five Scorpions coming right up. Hope they’re all awake.” David said and took off again. 

The five teenagers and their parents were not surprised when the rocket sleigh arrived at their houses. They’d been watching the reports about it on Good Evening Storybrooke and the former Scorpions were excited to ride in it. 

The families and friends inside the sleigh all felt this was the best Christmas they’d had so far. They were taking a moonlight flight over the town in a rocket sleigh sipping hot cocoas, wrapped in warm blankets, eating freshly baked cookies and singing Christmas carols while they tossed gifts down to the houses below. It was a most unexpected surprise for all of them this holiday season and a wonderful way for all of them to be together for those were the most precious times…ones spent with those you loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another episode in the Unexpected Saga has come to an end, dearies. We’ve been wanting to do the skating and snow scenes from Beauty and the Beast right from the start of writing this and Belle’s serenade to Rumple with All I Want For Christmas and Archie and Marie’s duet to It’s You from Babes in Toyland were prompts by our dear friend dustybook. We hope you enjoyed this latest installment of our Unexpected verse and be sure to check out some the other works on our profile pages. We are also on ff.ner under the names CJ Moliere and Snapegirlkmf Once again, thank you for reading and we hope you had a wonderful Christmas and have a great new year!
> 
> cjmoliere and GoldsJRZGirl

**Author's Note:**

> If you're new to the Unexpected verse here is a list of the stories in it, reading them first might be a good idea, if you haven't done so already. :D Unexpected series-This Doesn't Have to Be Love, Unexpected Surprise, True Love Conquers All (Archie and Marie's story), A Sweet Lovely Moment, Date Night, Bae's Babysitting Blues, Chills, Thrills, Tricks, and Treats. Please note only the first three are full length novels, the others are little one-shots. Happy reading and happy holidays! Please review, it's like getting presents for us!


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